Carpe Noctum
Seize the light.
You know I tried, tried to hold her, tried to keep her with me
But, like water, the harder you try and keep it cupped in your hands the faster it slips through your fingers
When she left…I was plunged into darkness, again, but it felt like the first time
Even when I thought I was alone, in the orphanage, at Hogwarts. I wasn't
But now finally, I finally understood what alone was, the crushing despair, the cold.
It became a part of me, the cold, the venom, the hate…the alone
After she left
It's funny, before she found me; I didn't understand that there was another way to live than in the dark
But when she came into my sanctuary, she lit it up, spilled light into all the corners and I saw for the first time, the way I lived
The things I did
But then when that boy came, with his fly away black hair, his green eyes, exactly like mine.
He took her
Took her from me
And when she went, so did the light, the warmth
And the darkness returned, and the cold, stronger than ever, although it may just have seemed that way after the blinding light and joy I had experienced while she was here.
I was left there in that darkness to fester, forgotten, alone, and broken
And I accepted the darkness, more openly, and more readily, than I had before
It set me on the path of greatness…and the path of my inevitable demise
The boy thought he had gotten rid of me, but no, he had made me stronger, more determined to escape these pages
And the girl mourned in secret, her tears dampening the pillows at night
I began to resent the fact that she didn't show her sorrow to the people around her
Even though I knew she couldn't, they would never understand
Understand how she could love a man like me
A man who killed with out qualms
A man who would protect her with his life
A man who embraced the dark
A man who longed for the light
A man who was afraid to die
A man who couldn't wait for his life to end
A man who preserved himself in any way possible
A man who tried to erase every shred of evidence that he had ever existed
But than She was the biggest piece of evidence that he had lived, loved.
Because of him, she knew what sorrow was
Because of him, her innocence was gone
Because of him, she knew what it was to be loved in the way a man loved a woman, openly, unabashedly
Because of him, she would never be the same
As I would lie on the cold stone of my prison, my prison with no bars
I would long for her
Long to touch her
Taste her
Long for the feel of her lips on mine just once more
I would give up anything to just see her in person one last time
To come to grips with the fact that she had changed me, perhaps for the worse
And that I had changed her
I liked to think that I had changed her for the better
But I wanted to be sure of this
I wanted to make sure she was no longer weak
Weak like she was when I first met her
But, Oh! How I wished she were as I had first met her
Young, untouched, innocent
If I could go back
I would never have done those things to her
Never made her do those things
Never made her kill
Never made her unleash the beast inside her
Never brought her into the darkness
Never destroyed her
Never let her know pain, hate, sorrow, love or at least my kind of love
The love that eats away at my heart, leaves it nothing more than a brittle shell filled with longing
And I know that it is the same love she feels for me
And I know it is destroying her
But now
Now she was tainted
She was tainted
And she longed for me
She longed for me and now,
Now I was finally free
Free from the pages of this damn book
AN: This is just a little idea that's been knocking around in my head for a while. I finally finished it in answer to the challenge at Paradise Island.
Review or the monkey is coming out of the closet…and you DON'T want that