Songfic detailing Peter's internal struggle following the Fauxlivia debacle. Set to Mumford and Son's Little Lion Man. I find this song PERFECT for the situation so I had to write a songfic.
Set in between Marionette and 6B.
As usual, I didn't write this beautiful song, and I don't own Peter. Or Fringe.
Weep for yourself, my man,
You'll never be what is in your heart
He'd broken hearts before, but no, not like this.
It was past midnight, and despite the peaceful quiet of the Bishop household, the older resident snoozing gently on his pull-out couch, Peter lay on his lonely, twin sized bed, staring at the ceiling of his small bedroom. His mind was unquiet.
He'd broken hearts before, but no, never, never like this before. And never someone like Olivia. He stretched his arms above his head, allowing an aching sigh out of his chest. He'd never known someone like Olivia, never loved someone like he loved her.
There had been other women, of course. Tessa, the blonde vixen who coyly drew him into her web. Not that he wouldn't have entered willingly. They'd had a wonderful few months dancing around Big Eddie, on the edge of danger, always tipping just far enough.
There were the beautiful one-night stands in Europe. Girls with long hair he'd spent sweaty, virile hours tangled up in. The disappearing act he'd pulled on them. There was the wonderful French Cosette, with her patterned voice, honey sweet. He remembered the scent of her body in the night and shivered. He'd left her without a word.
Weep, little lion man,
You're not as brave as you were at the start
And of course, his first love. The brown haired, doe-eyed Bri. They were seventeen, and she had the brightest path ahead. He was a brick, pulling her slowly into his world of apathy and attitude. He'd left her, too, without ever saying goodbye or good luck. He'd wanted to give her the chances he didn't see for himself. He'd cut that chord before even finishing high school.
After Bri, it became easy to leave all the others, habit almost. He knew it was wrong, but he'd done it anyway. Before Olivia, he'd never cared for right or wrong. He'd been a brave-hearted fool, always running, never living up to the feelings in his heart.
Tremble for yourself, my man,
You know that you have seen this all before
In his bedroom, the air staunched and still, he was drawn back to the day he first met Olivia. Conning his way through a business deal in the morning, jaunting down the steps and then the blonde haired woman, eyes blue and bright, entrapping him, bringing him home.
At first he'd resented her, such a beautiful creature with such power over him. The day he found out she'd conned him, lied about the file to lure him back to Boston, well, he'd never seen a woman so sexy before. He was always the shyster, always the one who held the cards. He'd never felt so drawn to someone before, and even though every bone in his body had told him to run, to leave, he couldn't. The strange work they did together rooted him to Boston, but the enigmatic aroma of Olivia followed him wherever he went, trapping him there. He finally wanted to live up to the feelings in his heart.
He'd watched her pain for months, ached inside, when John Scott betrayed her. He'd felt frantic jealousy at the thought of what she'd done to save him, of the love she was capable of. He wondered if he'd ever be able to feel that. He wondered if he'd ever be good enough for her.
Tremble, little lion man,
You'll never settle any of your scores
He'd worked two years trying to prove to himself that he was worthy. He'd never wanted something more than he wanted her. He learned, she'd taught him, slowly but surely, what it meant to do good. To throw yourself into something selflessly and risk it all so that other's would be safe.
Olivia was so selfless. She'd had the worst childhood, and she could have been angry and bitter. No one deserved abuse, especially not an innocent child. She was a direct contrast to him because of that. He'd had father issues, but had turned out embittered and angry. She was so calm, so whole already.
She'd gone on to prove that the most beautiful things can grow from the darkest of places. He prayed that he could show that, too. That he could be selfless, that the sins of his past would be washed out.
Your grace is wasted in your face,
Your boldness stands alone among the wreck
His bedroom was too quiet, his mouth aching for the taste of something strong. Despite the hour, he got out of bed, and crept from the house to find the nearest bar.
He drank too much, he knew. But it helped soothe the pain inside. It drowned the guilty thumping of his heart. He'd never meant to break her heart.
For two entire months, he thought he'd had it all. He was convinced that despite the sins of his past, the sins of his father, somehow the universe had the kindness to give him the most wonderful woman.
He took another sip from his whiskey, placing the glass on the mahogany bar. His mind flashed back to the day he'd received that ominous phone call. He could still feel the dropping of his heart, the sweat on his palms. The guilt as he turned over to see the woman in his bed. The anger at her, for conning him, in the worst way. The manipulation of his heart. How scared he was for his Olivia.
But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
Another glass of whiskey. How could he have been so stupid, to believe that woman's lies. When he thought of the intimate moments he had shared with her, how they would forever taint him in Olivia's mind, his fists automatically tightened, his stomach lurched.
He'd never loved anyone like he loved Olivia. But he'd never deserved her either. Maybe this was just the other shoe dropping. He couldn't possibly be worthy of a woman who routinely saved the world, who'd crossed the very fabric of the universe to save him.
He felt guilty, immediately, when he thought of the way she got trapped over there. If he hadn't been so angry, so impulsive when Walternate contacted him. If he'd thought of her, instead of the betrayal he felt, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Olivia would have been able to resist the temptation to flee. But he couldn't, not with his anger. If only he'd thought of her.
It wasn't her fault. And she had crossed through worlds to save him. And gotten trapped. Because of him. She was tortured, brutalized and nearly murdered, because of him.
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
There was a moment that played over in his head, like a record on repeat. The garden outside Barrett's mansion. The words "I don't want to be with you." He'd expected them, he knew they were coming because how could they not? He had betrayed her in the most intrusive way possible.
They played on, those words, forever in his head. And he could still feel her lips, herreal lips from that one true kiss, in another world, where she told him he belonged with her. She was the only home he knew. The reason this world felt safe. He wanted to belong with her.
I really fucked it up this time
He downed the rest of his whiskey and left the bar. His car was in the parking lot, but he was too drunk to drive.
It was not your fault but mine
So he walked. Of course, his feet lead him to her house, to her doorstep where they would always lead him.
And it was your heart on the line
She would haunt him. Forever, because he could never make this up to her, never make this right.
I really fucked it up this time
He touched the gentle wood of her door. Wanted to knock. But he couldn't. That would be selfish. She didn't want him anymore.
I really fucked it up this time
He would never love anyone like he loved Olivia. She was his home, plain and simple. She'd given him purpose, redeemed his sins. Given him family. But he'd fucked it up, in the worst way possible. And he would never deserve her.
Didn't I, my dear?
A/N: Review, and I will love you forever!
Isn't this song great for them?