I didn't dare move. Lilly still had her head resting against my chest, her eyes closed, her face peaceful, her breathing heavy. My arms were still locked around her waist, where they had been for a good two hours. They were going numb now, and I could feel the sharp prickling of pins and needles in my hands. But I didn't want to move and let go of this moment. And, most important of all, I didn't want to wake Lilly.
She confessed that she hadn't slept well for the past few days. Every month, she wrote to her wretched sister, Petunia. And every time all she would get in response were cruel replies. This one had been particularly sharp, the worst one yet. I always asked to read them, but Lilly always said no. She once let slip that I was often included in the replies. But I didn't mind being insulted; I'd put up with enough at home for years. Lilly didn't have to protect me from the petty words of a teenage girl. I always begged her to stop writing, too. But Lilly adored Petunia, and ignored me. Family. Something I'd never understand.
A gust of wind escaped a crack in one of the bricks we were leant against, and Lilly stirred. She had my cloak over her, and I tucked her in tighter. It was Christmas Eve, and the coldest winter Britain had seen in years. We were currently hidden in one of the secret passages that lead to Merlin knows where. During this time the teachers didn't usually mind where everyone hung out, since there were so little of us. But we had wanted some private time together, somewhere we wouldn't be intruded upon. I was usually always on my own during the Christmas period. I never went home on the holidays, what did I have to go back to? But Lilly did. However, this time she had decided to stay, to keep me company she said. I knew it was really because she didn't want to face Petunia.
I began to weave my fingers through her dark red hair. It was so thick, she usually had it in a plait. I liked it so much better when it hung loose and lovely around her shoulders.
I sighed.
I loved Lilly Evans so much. She knew that I did, but she thought it was only brotherly love. I let her believe it was, because I knew that's all she'd ever love me as. A surrogate brother. I couldn't tell her the truth because I couldn't bear the heartbreak. I knew for certain that she wasn't in love with me. I hoped that one day she would, a part of me knew that this wishful thinking was vain.
"Sev" Her voice was a whisper, like the wind.
"Yes?" I replied quietly.
Lilly rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, "What time is it?" She said sleepily.
"Lets see" I very carefully lifted my wrist up to my eyes, "Exactly midnight. Wow" I was surprised at how time had gone by.
"Midnight?" Lilly sat up, breaking our hold. She smiled at me, "Merry Christmas" She announced.
"Ah. Oh yes" I smiled back. I had forgotten.
"I didn't realise I'd fallen asleep. You should have woke me" Lilly said.
"It wasn't a problem" I assured her.
She yawned, "I think we had better go back to our dorms. I'll meet you back here at seven, alright? Bring your presents" She stood up, the cloak sliding down her legs and folding onto the floor.
"Alright" I nodded.
Lilly hugged me, and I discreetly breathed in her warm, flowery scent. She passed me my cloak and I offered her my hands to step on so that she could climb back up easier. Once she had pushed herself through the open trap door and scrambled out into the dimly lit corridor, I slipped my cloak on and followed her. We started to go our separate ways, when she called me again.
"Sev?"
"Yeah?" I turned around to face her.
"I love you" She said.
But not enough.
"I love you too, Lilly" I replied, my voice breaking.
More than you'll ever know.