Renewed faith

He sat by the side of the lake, celebrations going on behind him, staring into the water. The war was won, Voldemort dead. He was finally free, but instead of celebrating Harry sat there alone, mourning the dead and thinking back on the previous year.

It had been a whirlwind year. At the start of my seventh year at Hogwarts, I'd been called into Dumbledore's office and given a rigorous training schedule. I'd been studying under various members of the Order in combat, defense and anything they could think of to help me survive the war. I had soaked up more knowledge and skills than I thought possible. Even Snape, despite his best efforts, had been unable to find fault with my progress.

I had been forced to start up the DA again, due to overwhelming popularity. The current defense teacher was just as useless as the rest, with the obvious exception of Remus Lupin. Over the years the DA had expanded in numbers to the point where it was nearly unmanageable. All of the houses were represented (with the obvious exception of Slytherin) although I'd been forced to draw the line at 5th years and above.

It was just before Halloween that it had happened. During a regular meeting, the doors slammed open and in strolled half of the Slytherin 7th years and some other students Harry didn't recognize. At there head was one Draco Malfoy, with a smug grin on his face. The majority of the DA went for their wands, some remembering their 5th year and Umbridge's goon squad, some mistrustful of Slytherins in general.

"We're here to join!" Malfoy announced, like he gate crashed illicit student organizations run by his rival every day. Some of the Slytherins shuffled nervously behind him. Apparently having thirty odd wands in their faces was having an impact on them at least.

"You can't join!" Ron shouted, looking outraged at the thought. Hermione was looking thoughtful and had put her wand away.

Everyone was staring expectantly at me. I wasn't sure what to do. I'd always made a point of allowing anyone old enough to join, especially now there wasn't as much need for secrecy. Dumbledore knew what he was doing, even if he chose not to acknowledge it. But I was worried that Malfoy would find some way to sabotage us from the inside if I did. And I really, really didn't want to deal with Malfoy twice a week.

I looked up at him, expecting to see cool arrogance. What I didn't expect was to see him looking of all things nervous and a bit embarrassed. It was so out of character that I just stared.

"What? Have I got something on my face?" he retorted sarcastically.

"Fine. We're revising the patronus charm. Those of you who can produce a corporeal patronus, join Neville, those who can produce a non corporeal patronus with Hermione and the rest with me. Back to work guys."

And that was the start of it. Of course initially it was a disaster. I spent most of the first session separating people and stopping arguments. Eventually the cry of "Take that death eater scum," or "You mudblood fool", followed by the inevitable duel or fist fight got on even Ron's nerves and by Christmas people were getting along for the most part.

Of course that doesn't take into account Malfoy and I. From the start things were uncomfortable between us. Whether I liked it or not (and I really didn't like it) most of the students looked to me as a sort of de facto leader. Because I was encouraging them to get along with the Slytherins, I couldn't very well punch their leader, no matter how aggravated he made me. And so I had to at least maintain the façade that I was getting along with him. Even now I can't tell when it stopped being pretend. I just remember him helping me up one day after he had blasted me with a particularly effective expelliarmus and thinking that far from hating him, I was starting to like the sarky bastard.

It took me until after Christmas to realize in what way I liked him. I had realized after a disastrous attempt at a relationship with Ginny in my sixth year that I wasn't in the slightest bit interested in women. A bit of a shock to the system I can tell you. I kept it to myself for a good while, scared of other people's reaction. The Dursley's opinions on gays was not tolerant in the least and I was worried these opinions were more widespread. Eventually I caved and told Hermione and Ron. Hermione shrugged and said she already knew. Ron stuttered a bit, asked if I fancied him (as if!) and then confessed that Charlie was gay and told me he didn't have a problem with it. So life went on. My orientation was theoretical and I had never acted on it. I didn't meet anybody I fancied and I was kept busy enough I didn't think on it. Until Draco Bloody Malfoy stomped into my life as only a spoilt only child of a rich and powerful family can do.

I would never have acted on my thoughts. I could imagine too well how mortifying it would be to have him reject me. I couldn't imagine why he would want to be with me either. With my short stature and untidy hair I wasn't exactly Hogwart's most fanciable. And I didn't know if he was gay.

Turned out that I wasn't left wondering for too long. A botched kidnapping attempt in Hogsmeade and rumours that I had died, convinced Draco that life was too short to not take chances. He snuck into the hospital wing and sat with me all night. When I woke up in the middle of the night he berated me for getting into trouble again. Mid rant he stopped, grabbed the back of my head and gave me the best kiss of my life so far. It was aggressive, challenging and reckless and I loved every second of it. Eventually he pulled away and stared at me with some trepidation. I smiled slightly to reassure him and kissed him back. Whilst his kiss was a question, mine was the answer. And it was a resounding yes.

Six months we were together. Six months of sneaking in and out of each others dorms, in disused classrooms, the room of requirement. Anywhere we could be together and not have to pretend. I was desperate to keep him safe. If news got out that he was currently dating me, his life expectancy would have equaled mine. Ron and Hermione knew of course.

We made plans for a life together after the war. Both of us knew that we would be apart for the duration. Draco was going to join the death eaters and spy for us. I was being sequestered in Grimauld Place to finish my training and start to actively fight against Voldemort. No-one knew how long the war would last. We had only been together six months but I knew we would both wait. I really felt this was the person I would spend my life with. The night before graduation, I proposed. I wanted Draco to know I was always going to be his, no matter what. The next night we snuck out of Hogwarts and got married. It was a small registry office service with no reception but it was perfect. We were giddy with excitement and love and didn't care it wasn't a big ceremony. Three days later we performed the Heir Spell. A week later he left Hogwarts, and I never saw him again.

So now I'm sitting by the lake, thinking of nothing but Draco. The war is over, casualties had been light. No-one I knew well apart from Draco. There wasn't even a body to bury. He had been exposed as a spy hours before Voldemort was killed. The body was never found but Harry knew he was dead. He had conclusive proof and although the search teams had not stopped looking, Harry was mourning his dead husband.

It was dark, so dark. He didn't know where he was or why. Why won't someone help me? Where is everyone? He lay alone in the cold and dark, helpless and alone trying desperately to cling to life. The last thing he remembered was the fury on the Dark Lord's face, Bellatrix cackling with glee, his mother looking horrified. He remembered the pain too.

TBC.......