The Brat's Guide to Maddening
By: Lunarlullaby13
Disclaimer: I do not own TMM. And no matter how much I don't want it to be true, I do not own Ryou.
I give credit to Alice -Unrequited- authoress of 100 Ways to Get Kicked out of Hogwarts, for giving me this idea.
Ryou
1. I will not punch the spit out of Ryou to wake him up.
2. I will not shave him bald and say he needed a new look.
3. I will not sing the song that never ends while following Ryou around all day.
4. I will not create a giant wax model of Ryou, duck tape it to the floor in front of his bedroom doorway, and convince him he's crazy.
5. I will not go to the Police the same time Ryou is and shout out, 'Ryou, why'd you murder the entire West Avenue?!' It's not polite.
6. Guessing Ryou's age is not an appropriate sport.
7. Dying Ryou's hair white and sticking him in a cage with Black Haru from Fruits Basket isn't very bright, nor is it very entertaining when Black Haru grabs a metal chair. It's just a waste of time.
8. Asking Ryou, 'Could you answer a question?' over and over isn't smart as I've found out the hard way.
9. Remodeling Café Mew Mew as an emo paradise isn't the interior decorating that Ryou had in mind.
10. If Ryou smirks at you DO NOT punch him. It goes on, and on, and on…
11. Hiding a tape recorder in Ryou's ceiling that plays the theme song to A Pup Named Scooby Doo on a loop is very amusing, but wrong.
12. Hiding a another tape recorder in Ryou's ceiling that plays the theme to Barney and well as A Pup Named Scooby Doo is hold-your-sides hilarious, but is still very wrong.
13. Placing a stink bomb in Ryou's birthday cake is mean.
14. Hiding small cameras in Ryou's bathroom waiting for him to take a shower is considered stalking.
15. Hiding all of Ryou's pants in the open sign outside of Café Mew Mew kills him.
16. I shouldn't open a larger, better Café Mew Mew across the street offering 100 dollars an hour for Café Mew Mew's employees to work there.
17. Nor, should I rub said café in Ryou's face.
18. When I'm asked to wake up Ryou, I will not karate chop his stomach to do so.
19. I shouldn't bait Ryou to walk in to a room with a giant anvil waiting to fall on his head. He says it causes a migraine.
20. If Ryou needs new employees, I will not call my friends, dress up in multiple costumes, and demand the job…about 28 times in a row.
21. When Ryou is hungry or angry I will not 'sing' a beautiful song to make him better, nor can I kiss him to make it better. It actually hurts him.
22. If Ryou's stash is stolen by the aliens with no hope of ever getting it back, I will not persuade him to watch It's a Wonderful Life with me.
23. I will not send Ryou the same chain mail 50 billion times in a row, no matter how much I love to see his exhausted face.
24. If Ryou just watched/read The Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allen Poe, I will not attempt to pretend to kill him.
25. I will not suddenly play heavy metal when Café Mew Mew is dead bored. Even though, it's too funny! (ahem) B-but it's still very wrong.
That first chapter is done! Now, who should be next? R&R!