Bella is in a pub drinking sparkling water, being her usual self without any emotions.
Edward walks into the pub and says 'hello beautiful'.
Bella then says 'hey Edward oh my god your here' in a depressed tone. 'Look Edward I'm drinking white wine' she says.
oh my god you impressed me so much' he says, 'however there a hot chick there dancing her belly is slimy than yours' he says.
She gets upset but she doesn't have emotions. He walks to the hot chick. Bella then gets a bottle of sparkling water and puts it in her drink. So basically she was pretending to drink white wine but it was actually sparkling water. Lemon and lime, Asda price. But it was so sour so she added sugar in it and said. 'Oh shit! Chemical reaction!'
Edward walked up to the hot chick who was queen Elizabeth of England. The queen watched too much Doctor Who and used lazarus's experiment to turn young. Edward was stunned but she didn't know he was a vampire. She started moving weirdly. 'hey babe I know what you are' Edward said. 'say it' the queen said. 'fine i will out loud' Edward said. 'a vulture!' Edward said. 'your right' she said clutching her wings. 'coock cooock' the vulture said. Bella got scared and ran away. She ran to the cullen's house where esme and carlise were doing their bussiness (wink wink). 'oh my god get a room!' Bella said. 'well we are in a room the living room technically' esma retorted. She chucked esme's bra at her and it landed on where it's supposed to be. Carlise was embarrsed so he walked away without any dignity. Edward arrived with the queen. Jacob fell in love with the queen vulture. Edward and Jacob started fighting over the queen. Emmett and Rosalie were bored watching them fight since they always watch them fight over bella. The queen turned old and into a vulture and Jacob vomited all over rosalie's beautiful golden hair. Then alice called the police a.k.a Charlie. He arrived with his ex wife rene. 'mom what are you doing here' bella questioned. 'darling i have some news for you i am turning into a lesbian' she said. 'what !' bella screamed. 'well phil said he's ok with it but i still have to be married to him because were in love' she said. 'well that makes you bisexual though' jasper said. Rosalie told rene to clean her hair and rene was glad too because well she was turning into a lesbian and Rosalie was very pretty. 'i'm prettier than you' she said to bella. 'i don't care' bella said. 'edward loves me' she added. 'oh is that why he likes that old queen' Rosalie said. then the queen disappeared. Jacob went home. Charlie was happy that the queen disappeared and took the credit. Then everyone went home.
Bella started writing her diary.
I love my eddy more than anything in the world. I would even turn into a lesbian like my mom for him. But now i have to get into the shower all naked. I hope when we are married he likes my super size body and my belly too. But the thing is i wear a gel bra which makes my chest looks bigger so i'm worried that i have to get a transplant like katy price just for him. Mike tells me that my ones are already nice he is the only one that knows that I wear gel bra shhh diary don't tell Edward. Goodbye i'm going into the shower and clean my armpit since it smells like onion and i haven't shaved for two weeks. Can't wait to get out the shower because Edward will be here maybe i won't wear anything when i get out. Oh wait i have to wear something because I didn't get a transplant yet.
Bella went into the shower and started singing.
I'm loving this twilight I'm loving this twilight I'm loving this twi li li li li li li li twilight!
'oh no i forgot my soap' bella said without any emotion yet again typical Bella. She came out and watched Edward reading her diary. 'what are you doing!' she said. 'don't worry bella now i know you have small tits so you don't need a transplant' he said 'well now thats sorted' bella said. he watched her. She then realised she wasn't wearing anything. She ran into the bathroom and started crying.
Then Vitoria attacked bella. 'i got my boyfriend riley to beat you up naked bella' she said. 'bruv riley will never like you his too hunky for you i mean have you looked at your self lately you fat! Edward said. 'oh my god, you have a crush on riley?' Victoria asked. 'no i'm just judging him' Edward said. bella out. 'so you are turning gay for riley' she asked him. 'no ones turning gay for me' riley said. 'go away riley!' bella said. 'ok' riley said and went. Victoria and Bella had a fight in her bedroom. Charlie heard noises. 'bella is probably banging her self without the shower head again' he though to himself since it's a smart alloy. Bella won the fight and Victoria died. Her body was roting in bellas shower. Edward was happy that his girlfriend finally beat someone up. So he bit her on her neck. She had already marked where Edward should bite her on her neck saying. 'BITE ME HERE EDWARD'
'wow desperate much' Edward thought.
She died and turned into a vampire.
& then had a intimate moment with him and gave birth to renesme. Charlie heard noises of baby crying and kidnapped renesme.