A/N: I feel so angsty right now.
Disclaimer:I do not own Bleach or any of the characters mentioned in this story.
Title: Body
Summary: Sometimes parts don`t make up a whole.
Spoilers: No, it`s actually kinda AU.
Characters: Ichigo Kurosaki, Isshin Kurosaki, Renji Abarai, Coyote Starrk, Grimmjow Jeagerjaquez, mentions of Rukia Kuchiki, Karin Kurosaki, Uryuu Ishida
Rating: T (+?)
1. Denial
'Hey, did you know that blue is the coldest colour on the palette?'
He raises his eyes from the painting he was working on and looks at me, looks at me as if I were stupid. I probably was. I probably am.
'Duh. I`m a fucking art major.'
'And do you know what colour`s its complementary?'
'Green.'
I laugh. Hard. But then I look at him, look at him and see he`s dead serious. I`m taken aback for a bit.
'Umm, no, it`s actually...'
'Shut the fuck up, Kurosaki.'
2. Bleach
My eyes burn. My throat is raw. My hands are shaking. I don`t want to be here. I don`t want to see this. Renji looks at me sympathetically and pats my shoulder. I push him away. I don`t want his pity.
I want bleach. I want to pluck my eyeballs out and dip them in bleach. I want to cleanse everything, to make everything right and pure and white again.
Renji sighs and asks me something unnecessary, and I don`t answer him because it`s a stupid question and he knows it. I know he knows and I know he understands.
'Ichi...'
'Shut up, Ren.'
On his computer screen is a live webcast of hardcore porn. His eyes beg me not to tell Rukia, and I won`t. I know how crazy she gets and I wish the love of my life were this jealous about me watching porn, too. But no, he`s too busy fucking a random chick so hard she`ll get whiplash and broadcasting it on the web.
'Ichi, I`m sorry, I...'
'Renji. I`m going home.'
.
He comes home after two hours or so, completely spent. I ask him what`s her name. He`s silent. His eyes are so dark now they`re almost ultramarine. Almost like Ishida`s. I grab a duffel bag and start packing. Before I open the door, I look back at him. His eyes are still dark. I want to pluck his eyeballs out and dip them in bleach, to make them Egyptian blue again. That shade I fell so in love with.
I leave him. I go back to my place.
.
The next day, Dad wakes me up. Gently, like never before.
'Ichigo...I don`t know what happened. An anonymous donation just came in. We can afford Karin`s spine surgery.'
He starts crying. Gently, like never before. His teardrops bleach my sheets.
'She`ll walk again. My baby girl`ll walk again. Maybe she`ll play football again, Ichi.'
My world goes blank and I cry with him.
3. Blood
A phone call wakes me up in the middle of the night. I don`t need to look at the caller ID to know it`s him, Yuzu or Karin or Renji or Rukia or even goat-face would`ve waited until morning. He probably wants sex. Well, if he wanted it so badly, he would`ve showed up without calling anyway.
It rings and rings.
I`m not in the mood for phone sex, either.
It rings and rings and it hits me. He`s never this insistent. So I pick up.
.
There`s so much blood. Red, red, red everywhere.
A stupid accident, they say. A chainsaw gone mad. One of his colleagues holds something scarlet in a napkin and I instantly go to the nearest trashcan and throw up my entire digestive system.
How was that even possible? It`s been less than two days that I`ve felt that over me, on me, in me.
It even surprises me that I manage to croak out something intelligible.
'W-why me? Why?'
His colleague – Hyena? Jackal? What was his name again? – shrugs and he seems old and tired. He`s fed up.
'He was delirious. He`d lost a lot of blood. He talked and talked and I picked up something about calling someone who`d love him with or without fingers. '
'All..All right, but why me?'
He gives me a lazy smile and I remember my mom.
'You were the only one on his contact list.'
4. Better times
He`s holding my hand for the third time in our lives. His voice is rough and raspy, as if he`s been crying his soul out.
'Ichigo, baby. Baby, hold on.'
It`s the second time he calls me by my given name. Usually, it`s either 'Kurosaki' or some endearment, like 'baby' or 'honey' or 'kitten'.
'Baby, don`t leave me, don`t give up, they`re on their way.'
I hear sirens and voices. Loudly and clearly. And shouting and crying and screaming and I realize it`s me.
'Shit. Baby, Ichi, please, please, please, don`t die on me. Don`t leave me now, please.'
The fourth time he`s ever said 'please'.
Strong hands put me on a stretcher and I`m beginning to feel sleepy. I still hear sounds, but now it`s more like background noise. He grabs my hand and I hear his voice for what I know`ll be the last time.
'Ichigo. Baby. I love you.'
It`s the first time.