She stared at the clock, watching the hands tick slowly,moving on as her hours and days blend to one.
How long had it been since she felt alive?
Long sleepless nights, her sickness eating at her sanity, bleeding of impending doom.
How long had it been since she felt alive?
Loneliness and despair approaching, her stomach dropping while no thoughts raced in her mind. There was nothing. Blank. Empty. Hollow. She couldn't feel anymore.
How long had it been since she felt alive?
His deep husky laugh ringing in her ears. If only she could hear it once more.
How long had it been since she felt alive?
The world moves on, keeps turning, as does time. But her world? He's gone now.
Their last memories together were at the bar, shoulders pressed against one another but no words were spoken. There never needed to be. A comfortable silence was fitting for them after going on invigorating missions. Screaming, gunfire, the dropping of bodies, destruction. It surrounded them, these few quiet moments were worth savoring. Alexsandr had many faces, stoic and focused when in missions, carefree and joyous when granted time off. A blunt man, always straight to the point. She loved that there was no guessing with him. His snarky comments always made her heart stop, maybe exhale out of her nose but never laugh. Never smile. She regretted holding back. Most of their goodbyes were silent and warm corners of his mouth lifting has she caught his eyes, a gentle squeeze of the shoulder, sometimes a tender kiss, but no words were ever spoken as they parted.
To be in Rainbow was a privilege. Hand picked from the best of the best how could she let anyone see she'd let her guard down. One of her many faces was being prideful. Always holding her head high, never giving someone a chance to look down upon her, stubborn and determined; In the end it didn't matter, Alexsandr could see straight through her. No matter how she tried, like the back of his hand he knew her heart. Their quiet companionship stemming from Leras' training with Maxim. When she joined rainbow they were both thrilled to see a familiar face. Though now it's a ghost of the past.
How long had it been since she felt alive?
Too long.