Author's Note: This is my first attempt at writing a fanfic. I finished it last year before I knew about this website, so I am uploading all of it at once. I don't know what I was smoking when I decided to write it in script format, but I don't feel like restructuring the whole thing. As it stands, it represents a failure in my eyes. The script format sucks (and transferred poorly over to this site to boot), the story is far-fetched, Fry is too smart, Leela is too sappy and Bender is too well... helpful. However, I am my own worst critic and it is difficult for me to be objective about my work. Hopefully you will like it better than I do. This takes place sometime after "The Mutants Are Revolting." I would greatly appreciate any criticism offered. Thank you for reading!
The Stung
By Louiswuenator
ROLL OPENING TITLE CREDITS
Queue up a typical panning exterior shot of the Planet Express Building.
INT: PLANET EXPRESS CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
The professor Farnsworth enters through a door. He is carrying a blank brown box under one arm. The rest of the Planet Express crew is sitting in chairs at the conference table.
FARNSWORTH
Good news, everyone! Today we have a delivery to the planet Capella Seven.
AMY
Isn't that the planet where DOOP's Annual Intergalactic Captain's Convention is held?
HERMES
Yes, and it's ranked number four on the list of the most luxurious and beautiful planets in the whole galaxy.
BENDER
Luxurious, you say?
Bender laughs while tapping his fingers together in succession.
LEELA (dreamily)
Oh, how I've always wanted to go to that convention and share stories with all of the other space captains.
FARNSWORTH
Then today is your lucky day, Leela. You, Fry and Bender are going to deliver this package to the convention staff themselves. Also, out of the goodness of my faintly beating heart, I am going to let you stay there and attend the convention too.
Leela, Bender and Fry look at each other, then jump out of their seats and shout in joy. The others look dejected.
ZOIDBERG
What, the rest of us aren't good enough to go too?
BENDER
Shut up, Zoidberg! Listen to the old man!
FARNSWORTH
Oh, I have plenty of things for you all to do here. Now Leela, this package is very important for the convention, so make sure nothing happens to it.
FRY
What's inside it?
FARNSWORTH (irritably)
That's for me to know, and for you not to know. Now get going!
Leela, Fry and Bender get out of their chairs. Leela grabs the package and they walk toward the ship.
BENDER
See you when we get back, chumps!
Bender laughs at his remark as they board the ship and take off into the sky. The Planet Express ship cruises through outer space with a heading toward the Capella system.
INT: PLANET EXPRESS SHIP BRIDGE - OUTER SPACE
Leela and Fry are on the bridge at their usual stations. Bender is below decks watching over the package.
LEELA
Oh Fry, I'm so excited. I never thought that I would get to go a captain's convention! It's like a dream come true.
FRY (absent-mindedly)
Yeah, it sure is.
Fry turns in his chair to look at Leela, a smug expression on his face.
FRY (cont'd)
Say, seeing as how Bender is busy resisting the urge to open that package, how about making one of my dreams come true?
LEELA
Huh? What dream?
Fry raises his eyebrow up and down a few times.
FRY
Uhh, take a guess.
LEELA
Fry! We're on a mission!
Fry leans back in his chair and crosses his arms.
FRY
Well, that was actually part of the dream, so...
Leela mulls this over for a moment or two.
LEELA
Well, we're still twenty minutes away from Capella - why not?
Leela proceeds to walk over to Fry, swings her leg over the chair and straddles him. They look at each other for a while before moving. Just as they begin to kiss, Bender enters through the door, holding a shiny metallic object in his hand.
BENDER
Hey losers, guess what - Hey! What's going on here, and why didn't you invite Bender?
FRY
Bender! Can't you see were busy?
Bender shrugs off Fry's protest with a wave of his hand and walks over.
BENDER (insolently)
Whatever. This way more important that what you were doing. I found out what's inside the package that we weren't supposed to open!
LEELA
Bender!
BENDER
Aw, come on. I know you guys want to know what's inside too, so I just saved you the effort. Take a look at this beauty.
Leela dismounts from Fry's chair, grabs his hand and walks him over. Bender holds out a small, polished statue of a space ship on a pedestal. On the base of the statue is an inscription that reads: This Decennial Captain of Outstanding Influence Award, the DOOP's most prestigious honor, is given to: _.
FRY
Dang, they must decide who the winner is after it gets there.
LEELA (angrily)
Like it matters. Zapp Brannigan won this award last time, and I'll bet my bottom dollar that he's got the judges in his pocket this time around too. Pig.
BENDER
Uh-huh. So, seeing as how this is probably worth a lot more without a name on it, I was thinking that we should-
LEELA
Bender! As much as I loathe the idea of Zapp receiving this award, we can't fail this mission.
Leela holds out her arm, and scans the award using her wristmajig.
LEELA (cont'd)
Besides, this thing is made from recycled spaceship hull metal anyways. You wouldn't get much for it.
Bender looks at the statue with newfound disgust.
BENDER
Crap, what is this galaxy coming to! These days an honest to goodness-
Bender storms out of the door, taking the award with him and leaving Leela alone with Fry. A few awkward moments pass.
FRY
So, getting back to-
At that moment, the ship's computer chimes, interrupting Fry. Leela walks over and checks the computer screen.
LEELA (excitedly)
We're fifteen minutes out from Capella. Time for me to change into something sexy! Go find Bender and make sure that award is safely in its box, and then meet me back here. Oh, and wear something slick. I've got to look good for all of the other captains.
Leela rushes off to her quarters, leaving Fry alone, grumbling to himself.
EXT: CAPELLA SEVEN - DAY
The Planet Express ship cruises down through the atmosphere and makes a majestic sweep through a beautiful city. The ship crashes through a billboard advertising the convention, and proceeds to weave in-between skyscrapers.
INT: PLANET EXPRESS SHIP BRIDGE - DAY
Leela, Fry and Bender are at their usual stations. Bender is holding the package with his gyroscopically stable arms. They are ogling the city through the view port.
LEELA (awestruck)
Wow, it's even more beautiful than New New York.
BENDER
Look, even the muggers have got class!
As the ship swoops overhead, they look out a window and see a well-dressed man holding another equally well-dressed man at gunpoint. The first man takes out his wallet and gives the mugger his credit card, which the mugger slides through a card reader. The mugger gives the man back his card, pockets his gun and then they both tip their hats and stroll away nonchalantly.
FRY
Amazing! It's just like Wall Street!
Leela points out the window.
LEELA
There's the spaceport. Get ready.
BENDER
Pshh, I was manufactured ready.
Leela guides the Planet Express ship around the circumference of the spaceport before coming in for a landing. Clearly visible is the Nimbus, as well as many other modern looking ships. The Planet Express ship lands and the crew disembark. A welcoming party awaits them.
EXT: CAPELLA CITY SPACEPORT - DAY
Leela, Fry and Bender walk down the ship's stairs.
SPACEPORT OFFICIAL #1
Welcome to Capella Seven, Captain Leela. Your voyage was pleasant, I trust?
LEELA
Yes, thank you. This is my crew, Phillip Fry and Bender Rodriguez.
SPACEPORT OFFICIAL #1
A pleasure. Do you have the package?
LEELA
Yes.
Leela gestures toward Fry, who gives the official a sloppy salute. Leela rolls her eye, but the corners of her mouth turn up in a slight smile.
FRY
Right here, Sir!
Fry opens Bender's compartment and takes out the package. He hands it over to one of the officials, who then places it in their hover-car.
SPACEPORT OFFICIAL #2
Thank you. Here are your city passes. The convention has already started, but lasts all day and you are free to explore the city at your leisure.
LEELA
We will. It's such a beautiful city.
SPACEPORT OFFICIAL #2
Indeed. We will call a taxi to take you to the nearest tourism center, but you are on your own from there. Also, please note that you have all been invited to attend the Decennial Captain's Award banquet in the Celestial Hall tonight. A table has been reserved for you and your party.
FRY & BENDER
Woohoo!
LEELA (sourly)
We'll be there.
SPACEPORT OFFICIAL #2
Excellent. Shall we?
BENDER
Lets party, baby!
Leela, Fry and Bender follow the spaceport officials to a waiting taxi. As Leela is walking, she scans the crowd and locks eyes with a dashing man in a captain's uniform standing in front of a very modern looking space ship. He is studying her intently. She nervously looks away, and when she looks back the man is lost in the crowd.
EXT: CAPELLA CITY STREETS - DAY
The Planet Express crew takes in the sights at Capella City. Several scenes are shown of them enjoying themselves at attractions of varying ridiculousness. A scene is shown of Bender politely mugging a well-dressed couple. After a while, they decide they have had enough and go to the convention.
INT: CONVENTION ENTRY GATE - DAY
The crew goes through the gate and into the convention, which is held in a massive hall of obscene luxury and scale. Glamorous space captains and their crews fill the hall with an impenetrable din. The crew stands awestruck.
LEELA (breathlessly)
I've never seen anything like it.
FRY
Me either.
BENDER
Geez, you humans are impressed too easily. I've flushed my lubricants in places nicer than this.
LEELA
Bender, you are so full of it.
BENDER
- Full of rich people's former possessions? You bet!
Bender opens his compartment and reveals a treasure trove of stolen luxuries. Leela and Fry gape in astonishment.
BENDER (cont'd)
Man this place sure is great!
Bender slams his compartment shut.
LEELA (sighs heavily)
Well, whatever you do, just don't get caught and get us all kicked out.
BENDER
C'mon guys, Bender never disappoints. Well, I'm off to go… mingle.
As Bender laughs evilly and starts off towards potential targets of opportunity, Leela cups her hands and calls after him.
LEELA
Bender, remember to meet us at the Celestial Hall at eight!
Without stopping or looking back, Bender acknowledges her with an errant flick of his wrist and is then lost in a crowd. Leela and Fry stand there awkwardly for a while, looking around.
FRY
Well, what do you want to do now?
LEELA (sheepishly)
I'm not sure. To be honest, I feel a bit out of place here, and-
Leela looks nervously around the hall.
LEELA (cont'd)
-What if they are all put off by my eye?
Fry grasps Leela's hands in his own.
FRY
No way, Leela! You're the best space captain I know, and I'm sure you'll fit in great. Just go over, introduce yourself and tell them a story about one of our adventures. C'mon, we've been through more crazy missions than all of those losers combined, and you know it. They won't care about your eye when you're telling them about how you planned and led the Earthican fleet against the scammers - or defended Earth from the Omicronian menace!
Fry's encouragement disintegrates into him acting out the invasion with his hands as space ships complete with sounds effects from his mouth. Ignoring this display, Leela stands straighter and taller.
LEELA
You know what, Fry? Usually you have a knack for saying exactly the wrong thing at the wrong time, but that was exactly what I needed to hear.
FRY
Well, I should admit that I practiced that a little bit.
LEELA
Oh Fry, come here.
Leela pulls him close and gives him a kiss on the mouth. They take a break for air and look into each other's eyes, smiling. Leela's gaze is drawn over his shoulder and locks eyes with the strange man she saw at the spaceport eariler. Again, he is staring at her intensely. Fry moves his head in front of her vision.
FRY
What is it?
LEELA (distractedly)
Oh, nothing.
FRY
Well, go on then! Show them what you're made of. I'll find something to do.
LEELA
Are you sure?
FRY
Yeah, you go do the captain stuff, and I'll meet you in the Hall at seven.
LEELA
Eight.
FRY
Yeah, right. Eight.
LEELA
Okay, I guess I'll see you later.
FRY
Good luck, Leela.
Leela and Fry part ways.
INT: THE CELESTIAL HALL - DUSK
The Celestial Hall, while not as large as the main hall, is even more luxurious. On the domed ceiling is a diamond encrusted star field with holographic space ship silhouettes flashing back and forth. Delicate floating diamond chandeliers lit by laser beams illuminate the hall in an ethereal glow. A big band is playing a classy number off to one side, and the stage is set with an ornate table with the DOOP emblem showing prominently on it. All of the important DOOP officials are sitting at this table. The Planet Express crew take seats at their table as robotic waiters zip past, serving extravagant meals. They order their food and proceed to feast.
BENDER
Wow, I think this might be the best dinner I've ever had. And since it's free, I won't have to dash afterwards!
LEELA (dubiously)
Even better than Elzar's?
BENDER
Maybe, but don't tell him I said that.
LEELA
I won't.
Leela, catching a flash of red out of the corner of her eye, turns and sees none other than Zapp Brannigan approaching. She quickly looks away and tries to hide behind Fry.
LEELA (cont'd)
Oh, no. Please don't let him see me!
FRY
Who?
BRANNIGAN
Zapp Brannigan, at your service.
Leela sighs heavily.
BRANNIGAN (cont'd)
Well, well, well, if it isn't the lovely Leela herself, in the flesh. Mmmm, flesh. I must admit I was slightly surprised to see you here at first, but I can understand why you would be here.
LEELA (skeptically)
You can?
BRANNIGAN
Of course! What woman could resist seeing me accept the DOOP's most prestigious award for the second time in a row? Especially a woman who's had a taste of the Zapper himself. So, will you accompany me up to the stage to accept my award?
LEELA (disgustedly)
I'd rather strangle myself with my own entrails.
BRANNIGAN
Perhaps you could strangle me with your entrails instead.
LEELA
Just get lost, Zapp!
BRANNIGAN
Very well. I'll see you from the stage.
Zapp Brannigan walks back to his table across the room and Leela buries her head in her hands.
FRY
Don't worry about him, Leela. He's a big stupid head.
BENDER
Yeah, and if you want, I would gladly steal that award from him once this is over. It would be a pleasure, as well as being absurdly easy.
LEELA
Oh, that's sweet of you Bender, but it's not necessary.
BENDER
It may not be necessary, but it would be oh so much fun!
At that moment, the lights go down and an announcement bell chimes, silencing all conversation in the hall. Spotlights shine out from some unknown point and illuminate a podium on the stage. A high DOOP official leaves his seat at the main table, walks up to the podium and addresses the audience.
DOOP OFFICIAL
So, how was the dinner?
The audience offers a thunderous roar of approval.
DOOP OFFICIAL (cont'd)
Well, it will be my pleasure then to convey your approval to our master chef, none other than the exceptional Elzar!
The audience goes wild a second time as Elzar enters the stage from behind a partition. Bender's eyes go wide as he draws in a sharp inhale.
BENDER (on the verge of robot tears)
Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod. I knew it! I should never have doubted you. I love you Elzar!
Elzar takes the DOOP official's place at the podium and, after a few seconds of constant applause, silences the audience.
ELZAR
Thank you, thank you. I am touched. It was my pleasure to create the fine meals you enjoyed tonight and to program the food synthesizers to match the standards you would find in any of my restaurants.
The audience gives another round of applause, and Elzar has to silence them again.
ELZAR (cont'd)
You are too kind. Now, it's my turn to do an introduction. Ladies, gentlemen and otherwise, give it up for one of the few men worthy of granting this prestigious award, Earth president Nixon!
The audience applauds again, and the headless body of Agnew enters from behind another partition carrying Nixon's head in a jar. Elzar steps aside as Nixon's head is placed on the podium and takes a vacant seat at the main table.
BENDER (incredulously)
Leela, didn't you and your feminista wackos kill Agnew back on Mars?
LEELA
Yeah, that's why we became fugitives. They must have made a replacement for him. And they weren't wackos, Bender.
BENDER
Whatever.
Agnew puts up the double peace sign for Nixon, and then motions to silence the audience.
NIXON'S HEAD
Greetings, space captains! It's been an eventful decade in the affairs of the DOOP, and we've gone through some tough times together. However, it gives me great pride to inform you that my semi-competent analysts say that ten years later the Order is at least ten times stronger!
The audience explodes into applause yet again.
NIXON'S HEAD (cont'd)
We owe it all to the courage of gallant space captains such as you. Even though all of you have played your part in keeping the Universe secure, there is always a captain that shows exceptional courage, determination and leadership skills above the rest. Every decade, we honor such a captain with the most prestigious award bestowed by the DOOP: the Decennial Captain of Outstanding Influence Award!
Nixon's head gestures with his eyes to Agnew, who lifts up the award for all to see. The audience oohs and aahs appreciatively. Leela glances over and sees Zapp Brannigan grinning like an idiot, his chest pressed out so far that one of his buttons flies off like a rocket. He snaps his fingers and Kif, with his usual sigh, obediently fastens another to Zapp's uniform. Leela looks away in disgust and glances down at the unfinished food on her plate, prodding it with her fork.
NIXON'S HEAD (cont'd)
Now, on behalf of this panel and the Democratic Order of Planets, it is an honor to present this award to: Captain Turanga Leela of the Planet Express Delivery Company!
A collective gasp escapes from the audience as, one by one, they all turn to look at Leela. She drops her fork and sits up ramrod straight in the chair, her expression unbelieving. Zapp Brannigan shares her expression, and is too stupefied to even protest.
LEELA (bewildered)
This must be some kind of mistake!
NIXON'S HEAD
Captain Leela, will you and your crew please approach the stage.
LEELA (in a whispered squeak)
Me?
BENDER
Are you deaf? C'mon mutant girl let's go!
Leela is still too stunned to even move, and is helped out of her seat by Fry and Bender. As they approach the stage, solitary applause begins at one end of the hall and slowly spreads until the entire audience is cheering. Agnew grabs Nixon's head off the podium in one hand and hands Leela the gleaming statue with the other.
NIXON'S HEAD
Captain Leela, you have consistently displayed the qualities that every ship captain should strive for. You have saved Earth numerous times, whether from external enemies or from our own shortsightedness, and we are all forever in your debt. Will you please say a few words?
As Leela steps up to the podium, she looks behind her only to see the rest of the Planet Express team standing there. She looks over to her right, and is astonished to see Fry leading in her parents as well. She runs over and embraces them in a fierce hug, tears forming in her eye. Fry stands to the side, his expression that of contentment.
TURANGA MORRIS
Oh Leela, we don't have the words to express how proud of you we are.
TURANGA MUNDA
We love you so much!
LEELA
I love you too! But how in the world did you all get here? How is this all possible?
Leela looks imploringly at Farnsworth, who returns her look with a blank stare.
FARNSWORTH
What? How should I know? Oh, wait. You would have to ask him.
The professor points a thumb at Fry.
LEELA
You arranged this?
FRY (sheepishly)
Well, I had a lot of help, but yeah.
LEELA
How?
Being put on the spot, Fry fidgets nervously for a moment.
FRY
Well, uh, let just say that I cashed in some favors that Nixon owed Planet Express over the years so they would let us see the judges early. Also, the professor got to clone the body of Agnew from some flesh scraps stuck to a golf cart somewhere.
The professor licks his lips as he drums his fingers together.
FARNSWORTH
Oh, yes.
FRY
Anyway, we convinced the judges that you deserved the award much more than Zapp Brannigan, and to be honest, they didn't need much convincing. All we needed to do was show them an "unedited" version of the Nimbus's yearly redshirt report that Kif gave us. I guess Zapp has been forging those things for years. Aw, man. You should have seen their faces!
Fry chuckles to himself, clearly forgetting his present situation. He is interrupted when Leela pulls him close and embraces him in a warm hug. At this point, Leela is crying tears of joy. For them, time has slowed to the point where a second lasts as long as the life of a star. After some time, they release each other and Fry motions toward the podium.
FRY
Go on, Leela. Show these people what you're made of.
Not trusting herself to speak, Leela nods, then silently turns toward the podium and walks up to it. She closes her eye for a moment. She feels the encouraging presence of her friends and family behind her; she feels the indescribable feeling of love radiating from Fry. She feels the silent, attentive eagerness of the audience to hear her voice. Leela opens her eye.
INT: CELESTIAL HALL – NIGHT
After Leela's speech, so begins the slew of congratulations, introductions and askers of autographs. Zapp Brannigan is nowhere to be seen. Leela becomes a bit overwhelmed, but is informed that there is a conference room awaiting her and whomever she chooses to bring with her. She enters the room, followed closely by her close friends and family. There is a lone figure waiting in a chair in the corner of the room. Leela is shocked to see that it is the same man who she had seen twice already that day in mysterious circumstances.
BENDER (threateningly)
Who the hell are you?
The man stands up and emerges into the light so that all can see his face clearly. Of all of them, only the professor registers a gasp of recognition, surprised at himself for remembering the face so quickly. They turn to look at him.
FARNSWORTH
This is Dewey Callahan, former captain of the Planet Express ship.
CALLAHAN
That is correct.
FARNSWORTH (angrily)
But, this is impossible! You and the rest of that crew died on the mission to the space hive. Explain yourself!
CALLAHAN
All of what you say is true, except that I did not die that day. It is not an experience that I usually share with others, but for you I will make an exception.
Callahan walks over to a chair and sits down, a look of distant pain on his face. The others take seats around the room as they see fit. Then, he proceeds to tell his story.
CALLAHAN
Everything was going smoothly until we got back to the ship and began the process of pumping in the space honey. At that point, the bees attacked in force. We would have been fine, except that one of the cargo bay doors wouldn't close properly. Once the bees got inside…
Callahan chokes on his words and pauses for a moment, unable to continue.
LEELA
Its okay Dewey, keep going. We know what you went through, and the best thing is to talk about it.
Callahan looks up at her, and a small smile flashes across his face for a second.
CALLAHAN
Yes, you are right, of course. Anyhow, once the bees got inside the ship, it was all over. We tried to contain them, but nothing would work and eventually they got into the bridge. At that point there were only two of us left. We shot most of the bees, but one got through. I moved to stand between the bee and my last surviving crewman, but it was no use. The stinger pierced right through me and into her. She received a lethal dose of poison, while I only had a stinger through my stomach.
Leela, Fry and Bender look at each other in astonishment.
FRY
That's exactly what happened to me and Leela!
CALLAHAN
Fortunately for you, you had a third crewmember to get you out of there. We weren't so fortunate. I don't know how long I was unconscious for, but at some point I awoke to find myself injured and alone. Everyone else was dead, and I would have been dead too, but for some reason the bees lost interest and hadn't been inside the ship for hours. I made use of the first aid facilities and then climbed into an escape pod.
Callahan stopped talking, and it became clear that he was finished.
HERMES
Wait a minute! This doesn't add up. Why didn't you return to the professor? What happened to your career chip?
CALLAHAN (dejectedly)
Well, at that point I wasn't even sure I wanted to go on living, much less return to my job. I felt responsible for all of their deaths; I just wanted to disappear. So, I removed my career chip and placed it inside of one of the bees we had killed. I took the escape pod to a hospital that I knew wouldn't check for my chip, and started to rebuild my life on a distant world, making no contact with Earth. That is, until I started hearing of the achievements of your current crew, Hubert. I felt compelled to meet them, especially you, Leela. You were an inspiration for me. You succeeded where I failed, and perhaps my old crewmates can rest a little easier now. I think perhaps that I will.
Callahan finished a second time, and for a moment, no one said a word. Perhaps they were afraid that he might break down. More likely they were all too emotionally drained to respond properly. Finally, Amy looked up at Dewey Callahan.
AMY
Wow, that's such a sad story.
CALLAHAN
Yes, it is. But enough about me! This day is for you, Leela. As such, I propose a toast.
Callahan rose and moved to a refrigerated case. He opened it and procured several glasses of the finest sparkling wine. He gave them each a glass, saving one for himself. They held their glasses high at his gesture.
CALLAHAN (cont'd)
To Leela, the finest captain to ever grace the Planet Express legacy, winner of DOOP's most prestigious award, and my own personal inspiration.
ALL
To Leela!
They drank, and afterward they swapped stories with Dewey Callahan. After an hour or so, things started to die down as the weight of the day's events took their toll – except on Bender, of course.
BENDER
Well, I think it's about time for you humans to call it a night. Bender is getting bored with all of your yawning and such.
FRY
Yeah, you're probably right Bender. I'm wasted.
BENDER
Ain't no "probably" about it.
FRY
Right. Well, I'm going to head back to the ship. Leela?
LEELA
Actually Fry, would it be okay if I met up with you later? I want to discuss some things with the former captain here, one on one.
FRY
But, Leela –
LEELA
Please, Fry, this is important to me.
Leela leans in closer to a dejected looking Fry and whispers in his ear.
LEELA (cont'd) (whispered)
Don't worry, I won't be long; not more than an hour, and I've got something special in mind when I get back and we are alone.
Fry brightens considerably as Leela wraps her arms around him and kisses him. Fry sighs.
FRY
Okay Leela. Whatever you need to do. Actually, this will give me a chance to tie up some loose ends with Nixon, and I can take your parents home myself instead of finding someone else to do it. I guess I will probably be gone longer than an hour then. Will you wait for me?
LEELA
As long as it takes. Thank you so much, Fry. I love you.
FRY
I know.
Leela and Fry give each other a knowing smile before parting ways.
EXT: CAPELLA CITY SPACEPORT – NIGHT
Turanga Munda, Morris and Fry approach the ship chartered for them.
FRY
Well, this is it. Will you both be okay from here?
MORRIS
Oh, yes, we'll be fine. Don't you worry about us; you go and make sure our daughter has the company she deserves.
Fry smiles at them, nods and turns to walk away.
MUNDA
Wait!
FRY
What is it?
MUNDA
I just wanted to tell you that I cannot ever thank you enough for how much you have done for my daughter. I don't know how we can ever repay you.
Fry holds up his hand.
FRY
Hey, don't mention it.
Munda bows her head in respect. Fry starts to turn away.
MUNDA
Before you leave, I would have you know that before I knew you, I was distrustful of people from the surface – especially people who tried to court my daughter. They were not worthy of her, but you are. I just wanted you to know that.
Fry nods lamely, not knowing how to respond. Munda gives him a smile before entering the ship. Fry stands there for a moment considering her words before turning to start his mile and a half walk back to the Planet Express ship. Not being particularly in shape, he crosses the distance in an hour and is thoroughly winded when he reaches the forward landing skid of the familiar green rocket ship. He pauses a moment to catch his breath before heading up the stairs.
INT: PLANET EXPRESS SHIP - NIGHT
FRY (thinking aloud)
I wonder if she's still awake. I'm much later than I said I would be. I sure hope so, but if she isn't, I can't really blame her. She had a long day. We all did.
Whatever Fry expects to see when he opens the hatch to Leela's room is completely shattered to pieces as the truth batters him worse than anything he had imagined. Leela is there, asleep; and with her in bed is none other than Dewey Callahan himself. Fry tries to speak, but whatever he meant to say comes out as a garbled croak. Stirred out of a light sleep by this noise, Leela wakes. She wakes to find herself staring into the eyes of the man she loves, whose expression defies description. She looks to her left and sees the half covered body of the old captain lying there, asleep – and she knows then that something had gone horribly wrong. She looks back toward the door, opening her mouth to speak.
LEELA
Fry, wait!
It is too late. Fry is gone. Instinctively, she knows that she has to chase after him, to find him, to find some way to fix this. As she jumps out of the bed, looking desperately for her clothes, her mind laughs at her.
LEELA (cont'd) (thinking aloud)
Fix this? You little purple-haired idiot, there's no way you can fix this. You slept with another man on the day the love of your life put everything he had out on the line for you. The best you can hope for now is to try and salvage what you can from this, which might not be much. But first, you have to find Fry before he – Oh, God. They have suicide booths here, too. Would he do it?
She doesn't have an answer to that question, and the terrible possibilities that lay down the potential answers sends a chill down her spine. She finds a set of her standard work clothes and puts them on in haste. She notices then that Dewey Callahan is awake now, watching her. She can't bring herself to look him in the eye.
LEELA (cont'd)
Come on, get dressed. I'm going out to find Fry and you are going to help me.
Leela turns toward the door and stops suddenly, her instincts telling her something is wrong.
CALLAHAN
Actually, I'm afraid that you won't be going anywhere, Leela.
As an overwhelming sense of dread possesses her, she spies one of her laser pistols in a holster hanging on the wall within arms reach. Without hesitation, she springs over to the gun, has it in her hand and swings it in line with Callahan's head in one fluid motion. Unfortunately, he already had his pistol trained on her before she even moved. The stun beam hits her square between the shoulder blades, and she falls ungracefully to the floor, unconscious.
EXT: CAPELLA CITY OUTSKIRTS – NIGHT
The world has closed in on Phillip J. Fry. He now walks the streets of Capella City aimlessly, having somehow made it here from the spaceport, though he can't remember having done so. The past 24 hours seems to him a vague, blurry mess. After wandering the streets for the better part of an hour, he comes upon a familiar shape. He considers the booth, about the same shape and size as a telephone booth back in the 20th century. It presents itself as a familiar and welcome sight. He enters the booth. There is no line – hardly anyone on Capella has the need for a suicide booth. But somewhere, someone had anticipated this particular night for Phillip Fry and had been kind enough to build one right here, in his path. He reaches into his back pocket for his wallet, only to find that it is missing.
FRY
Damn it!
Fry slams his fist into the machine, and leaves the booth. He sits on the curb, with his head buried in his hands, too exhausted even to cry.
FRY (cont'd)
It was probably Bender. He took my wallet, the damn thief. Why does he always have to steal everything? Now I can't even use this suicide booth! I'm worthless!
Fry, suddenly consumed by anger, stands up and shouts at the top of his lungs, his voice hoarse.
FRY (cont'd)
Damn you, Bender! You lousy, good for nothing thief!
Fry's voice echoes off the walls around him, and he sits down again. After a few seconds, he starts to hear a regular pattern of clanking sounds, getting louder by the second.
BENDER (calling at a distance)
Fry is that you? What are you trying to do you fleshy idiot, get me caught?
FRY (astonished)
Bender!
BENDER
Yeah, who else would it be? What are you doing out here? Shouldn't you be back at the ship doing the nasty with Leela?
Leela. Those two syllables explode like twin thunderclaps in Fry's ears. Bender is close enough to touch now. All of the rage that Fry had ever felt in his entire life coursed through his body in one moment. Wild eyed, he emits a guttural roar and hits Bender in the head with all of his might. He hears a crunch as his finger bones shatter against Bender's rigid frame, and he whimpers in pain. The effect on Bender is unexpected. Either Bender had been off his guard, or he was simply just not as tough as he always led on about. In either case, the force of Fry's blow dents Bender's head, and he falls flat on his back. Fry does not look to examine the damage. Instead, he simply sits down on the curb again, cradling his injured hand.
BENDER
Damn, Fry. I didn't think you had that in you.
FRY
Me either.
BENDER
Then what the hell was that all about! You don't just go around hitting things for no reason!
FRY
You do.
BENDER
Yeah, but I'm a robot.
Fry snorts in resignation. They are both silent for several moments.
FRY
Leela slept with Callahan.
Bender slowly sits upright. He laughs hysterically for several seconds before Fry gives him a look that could burn a hole though his metallic shell.
BENDER
Fry, I'm impressed. Sometimes, your problems make even me cringe.
FRY
You laughed.
BENDER
Same thing, flesh-tube. Oh, here's your wallet, by the way.
FRY
Great, now I can use this dumb booth and get it over with.
Fry starts to stand up, but is restrained by Bender's vice-like grip on his arm. Fry looks down at him.
BENDER
Sit down, you idiot.
Fry complies, and Bender releases his grip.
FRY
Okay, so what? You got some convincing argument for me?
BENDER
You don't want to use that booth.
FRY
Where the hell do you get off telling me what I want or don't want to do?
Bender looks away for a second, and let out the robotic equivalent of a sigh. The robot turns his head and looks Fry dead in the eyes.
BENDER
Fry, I'm going to tell you something now, and if you ever tell anyone that I said this, I will kill you.
Fry starts to laugh, but soon realizes that Bender is completely serious and sobers.
BENDER (cont'd)
Fry, I never thought I would be saying this to a human, but sometimes I wonder about you. Fry, the difference between love and sex is greater than the difference between my perfect robot body and your disgustingly pathetic human one.
FRY
You've been in love?
Bender eyes him strangely for a moment before speaking.
BENDER
Yep. Though I've never told anyone except you.
FRY
Bender, I'm flattered.
BENDER (angrily)
Just shut up and listen, human! Leela had sex with Callahan. Leela loves you. That's it.
Fry looks away from Bender and hangs his head.
FRY (dejectedly)
She doesn't love me.
Bender's open-handed metallic slap across Fry's face comes so suddenly, and with such force that he flies across the pavement and sees stars in his vision. Objects around him seem to move in slow motion. At that same moment however, Fry becomes vividly aware of the last time he had experienced this sensation.
FRY (cont'd) (thinking aloud)
When Leela and I held each other on that stage, time slowed down like this too.
Fry lay there for an indeterminate period of time contemplating his recent epiphany.
BENDER
Doesn't feel so good, does it?
Fry sits up, shakes the stars out of his vision, and looks at Bender. He has a sudden realization.
FRY
You love me.
Bender slowly turns his head in Fry's direction. This time, the expression on Bender's mechanical face is a terror to behold.
BENDER
Fry, don't you ever say that to me again. You hear?
Fry stands up with a grin on his face.
FRY
You got it pal. Now what's the fastest way back to the spaceport?
Bender leaps to his feet and faces Fry.
BENDER
Easy! What's the fastest way anywhere?
Bender points at himself.
BENDER (cont'd)
Me, Bender!
Bender opens his compartment and a pile of treasure spills out onto the sidewalk.
BENDER (cont'd)
Hop in, meatbag.
Fry climbs into Bender's compartment. As Bender shuts the door, all light is extinguished.
INT: DEWEY CALLAHAN'S LAIR – NIGHT
Leela wakes to find herself bound and gagged. She looks around slowly, her vision still blurry from the effects of the stun ray. She is tied up with her back to a wall, her hands tied to the ceiling and her feet restrained to the floor. She struggles against her bonds, only to find them grow tighter the more she struggles. Leela gives up on this quickly, realizing that her bonds are self-tightening: restraints that she became all too familiar with in her time as a fate assignment officer. She instead tries to learn more about her surroundings, but there is not much light to see by. The room is plain, with little furnishings or comforts.
LEELA (thinking aloud)
Maybe this is the interior of a space ship? Yes! That pressure release valve above the hatch is a dead giveaway – all space ships have to have those valves in case of sudden atmosphere loss. If I am in a ship… damn, I could be anywhere by now. Callahan took off my wristmajig, so no one can track my location. There's no view port to see out of either. If I could just move my-
At that point, a familiar face comes into her view from the peripheral. It is Dewey Callahan, looking at her with wild-eyed intensity. She flinches. His face registers a look of derangement that wasn't there before. He turns on the lights and Leela becomes aware that one wall of the room is covered in pictures - pictures of her and her friends.
CALLAHAN
Good morning Leela. How was your rest? I trust you are feeling bound and gagged?
Callahan laughs hysterically at his last question and moves off to check on a computer terminal near the far wall.
LEELA (thinking aloud)
Oh Lord, he's mad. He'll kill me.
Callahan returns from his work to inspect Leela's bonds. Satisfied, he pulls up a chair and sits down in front of her.
CALLAHAN
Wow, that eye of yours sure can give an angry stare. Well, I suppose you have a lot of questions for me. Seeing as how you won't be leaving this room anytime soon, I think I could risk taking your gag out. What do you think?
Leela nods vigorously.
CALLAHAN (cont'd)
Very well. However, if you are going to scream for help or shout endless profanities at me, the gag will go back in for good. Understand?
Leela nods again. Callahan removes her gag and she gasps for air, taking deep breaths, blinking tears from her eye. After a few moments, Leela feels a bit more sensible and locks her gaze with Callahan's.
CALLAHAN (cont'd)
Well? Don't you have any questions for me?
LEELA
Just one: Why?
CALLAHAN
Ah, yes. Straight to the point eh, Leela? That's what I like most about you, your decisiveness.
LEELA (defiantly)
You don't know anything about me.
CALLAHAN
Ah, but you're wrong there. I've spent the last ten years of my life learning everything I can about you, Leela.
LEELA
Why?
CALLAHAN
Simple – I did this so that I could catch you more easily. You are not an easy person to get close to.
Leela shakes her head.
LEELA
If you know me that well, then you must also know that my friends are looking for me as we speak, and will stop at nothing to find me.
CALLAHAN
Yes. In fact I am counting on them doing exactly that.
Leela slumps as the realization hits her.
LEELA
I'm bait, then.
CALLAHAN
Yes. You will lead the others to me and I will kill them in front of you, one by one, starting with your beloved Fry.
LEELA
Fry?
CALLAHAN
Ah, yes. I find this one to be particularly delicious. He spends all of his time pining over you, saves your life several times and yet you consistently mistreat him. Hell, you slept with me after he went through all of that trouble to make this perfect day for you. I'm not sure if I could do worse than that. Now you are going to be responsible for his death, too.
Leela looks away from Callahan, blinking tears away as she considers the ramifications of his words.
LEELA
Damn it, Callahan, why? What did we ever do to you to deserve this?
CALLAHAN (coldly)
You survived. You succeeded where my team failed, and you dishonor their memories a little more every second that you draw breath! You dishonor me! I should be in your place right now, and that bastard Farnsworth should be dead already. No more suicide missions with me in charge. No more dead crewmembers. No more nightmares!
Callahan fumes into a rage, picks up the chair he had been sitting on and throws it against the wall. For the second time tonight, Leela doesn't trust herself to speak. After some time, Callahan calms down a bit and looks at her again.
LEELA
Callahan, there has got to be a better way. Surely you don't honor your fallen crew by causing more death?
CALLAHAN
No, this is only way.
LEELA
Then you're insane, and you don't deserve to be remembered with them!
Leela didn't mean to say that, and she braces herself for the inevitable blow from Callahan. It never comes. Instead he just stands there with a black look on his face. His upper lip twitches occasionally.
CALLAHAN
Time for you to go to sleep again, Leela. Except this time when you wake up you will be far away from here, and my plans will already be set in motion. All of your friends will be dead or dying. Good night.
Callahan moves toward her with a syringe in his hand, poised to sink it into her skin.
LEELA (thinking aloud)
Oh, Fry. I may never see you again, and the last memory you have of me is a terrible one, but I want you to know that I will love you always. I wish things hadn't ended up this way.
Leela shuts her eye tight, and prepares for the worst. However, nerving herself for the sting of a prick from Callahan's needle, she is completely unprepared for the sound and shock of a concussion instead. Her eye snaps open. The hatch to the room lies in a crumpled heap on the opposite wall. There is a fist-shaped indentation at its center. At that moment her heart leaps to hear a familiar voice pierce through the ringing in her ears.
BENDER
Knock knock, crap-sack! It's your new nightmare, Bender!
Leela sees Bender's familiar silhouette appear through the swirling smoke in the doorway. By this time, Callahan recovers from the shock and draws his laser pistol from its holster at his side. Just then, Fry dives out of the doorway, lands on his stomach and slides through Bender's legs. However, misjudging his landing, he smacks his face into one of Bender's footcups.
FRY
Ow!
LEELA
Fry!
Momentarily stupefied by the sheer ridiculousness of this rescue attempt, Callahan hesitates long enough for Fry to clear his head. Fry's right hand is bandaged and he holds no weapon, but instead he, to Leela's surprise, is wearing her wristmajig on his forearm. He activates its cutting laser and slices Callahan's weapon arm off at the elbow. Callahan screams and drops like a sack of potatoes, clutching at his stump. He makes one final effort to grab his pistol with his other hand, but Bender snatches it from his decapitated arm and the fight is over. Fry gets off the floor, walks over to Bender and they high five.
FRY
Damn, did you see that hatch hit the wall? It was all like – Pow! Kaboosh!
BENDER
Yeah, and did you see the look on that guy's face when his arm fell off – I nearly died laughing and forgot to grab his gun!
CALLAHAN (weakly)
Please…
BENDER
Shut up!
Bender switches the weapon's setting over to stun, and shoots Callahan in the face. Meanwhile, Fry moves over to Leela and deactivates her bindings. Leela and Fry hug tightly.
LEELA
This is incredible! I thought I was boned. How did you find me?
Fry reaches into his pocket and procures the bracelet that Leela's parents had given her as a baby. He holds it up in front of her.
FRY
This. We found it in the next room over.
Fry reaches over and fastens it to her wrist.
LEELA
I don't understand.
Fry walks over to Bender's side and cocks his thumb at Bender.
FRY
It was his idea. You see, Bender and I got back to the ship and it was pretty obvious that something was wrong. I noticed that your wrist thingy was lying on the ground, and you don't go anywhere without that on. So we went over see if your parents knew what was going on. They had no idea where you were, and without your wrist thingy on, there was no way to track you. That's when Bender said he knew how to find you.
Fry gestures for Bender to continue where he left off.
BENDER
So, as Fry was talking to your parents, I was doing what I always do – looking for expensive things to steal. That's when noticed the matching bracelet on your mom's wrist. I remembered back on the ship how your wrist thingy could scan for chemical composition at a distance. I thought that it would be useless at first, but we scanned the bracelet anyway.
FRY
As it turns out, those bracelets are made of a rare, obsolete metal used for sewer pipes in Old New York. It wouldn't be found on this planet at all. We sent your mom's bracelet back to Earth in the mail so that it wouldn't interfere with the scan. The signal was faint, and we were lucky that Callahan's ship was close by, but it led us straight here.
Leela looks directly at the camera.
LEELA
Wow, who'd have thought that thing has so many uses!
Fry removes the wrist thingy from his arm and looks at it in admiration.
FRY
Man, this thing is amazing! Plus, it's got hundreds of games on it. Where did you get it?
Leela walks over and snatches it from him. She puts it back on her arm and strokes it lovingly.
LEELA
I'll never tell. Now come on, lets get out of here.
Leela starts toward the door, but Bender stands in front of the doorway with his arm outstretched, palm out.
BENDER
Not so fast, Leela.
LEELA
What is it?
FRY
Bender, do we have to do this here?
BENDER
It's as good a place as any!
LEELA (angrily)
Do what? What is going on here?
Fry walks over to Bender, faces Leela and crosses his arms.
BENDER
Before we found out you were kidnapped, as Fry and I were on our way back to the ship, we discussed some things. We decided it has high time the three of us had a nice little talk.
Leela shifts her weight to one side and crosses her arms with a pouting expression on her face.
LEELA
Alright, I guess I owe you one. So, what are we talking about?
BENDER
We're talking about how every day, Fry comes home from work and mopes around, depressed and lamenting about how you treat him – which affects me because I have to listen to all of his crap.
Leela looks down at her feet.
LEELA
Fry, I am so sorry. I don't know what happened last night, but I never meant to… do what I did. I don't know what I was thinking.
Leela buries her face in her hands.
FRY
Actually, you're off the hook for that one.
LEELA
What?
BENDER
Let's just say that our friend Callahan here is a master of the love potion.
Fry gestures towards Leela's wristmajig.
FRY
Scan yourself with that thing.
Leela complies. Her eyes go wide as she reads the display.
LEELA
Oh, my God! That bastard!
BENDER
You were so drugged up that you would have gone home with Zoidberg.
FRY
We all were. He got us first with some airborne junk, then the sparkling wine and then something stronger for you later on. So, don't feel so bad Leela.
BENDER
Hold on a minute. Don't get sidetracked Fry. We want her to feel bad, remember?
Fry sighs and looks at Leela again.
FRY
The truth is, I can't keep doing this anymore, Leela. I can't keep putting everything I've got out on the line and getting so little back in return. You've left more scars on my heart in the last few years than all of my life combined, and it's wearing me out.
Bender steps forward and interjects, thrusting his finger at Leela.
BENDER (irritably)
Fry thinks he's not worthy of you, but the truth is that you aren't worthy of him! And I'm sick of seeing my favorite human die slowly every day. Humans are supposed to die quick! So what's the deal? Do you want to hurt Fry like this? Choose your next words carefully, Leela.
Leela takes a moment to consider her words.
LEELA
No, I don't want to hurt you, Fry. I love you, and I have for a long time, but I mistook that love for something else. The last ten years have been the craziest and most confusing time of my life, but you were always there as the one stable thing I knew I could count on. I used you as a safety net, and for that I am sorry. I need you, Fry. I was terrified of losing that feeling of security. I still am. I'm terrified that if I let myself go to you that it might not work out and I could lose you forever. Now I realize how stupid I was, because I'm going to lose you anyway!
Leela turns away from them and sobs, using the wall to lean on. Fry and Bender look at each other and nod. Fry walks over to Leela and puts his arm around her. She doesn't turn to look at him.
FRY
That's what I needed to hear, Leela. I need you too, you know. Look at me.
Leela smiles at him, but a look of worry crosses her face.
LEELA
Fry, I can't guarantee that I'm going to be everything you want me to be.
FRY
-And I can't guarantee that I won't say stupid things at the worst possible moment.
Leela smiles at this.
LEELA
I wouldn't want it any other way.
Fry holds out his hand and Leela takes it in hers. They look at each other for a long time before they feel cold metal clamp down on their hands as Bender joins his hand with theirs. Fry and Leela both look at Bender, about to protest, but look at each other and laugh instead.
FRY
Who am I kidding? You're just as much a part of this as we are.
Bender, clearly expecting a rejection, opens one eye and then the other.
BENDER
You really mean that?
LEELA
Of course we do, Bender.
BENDER
So does this mean that we can all have a threesome now and I can record it and put it on the Internet?
Leela and Fry recoil in surprise and then burst out laughing.
LEELA
In your dreams, Bender!
BENDER
Well, it was worth a shot.
FRY
Wait, were you recording all of this?
BENDER
I'm a robot. I record everything.
Leela, Fry and Bender look at each other for an awkward moment before Fry looks down at the unconscious body of Callahan, forgotten until now.
FRY
What are we going to do with this dork?
LEELA
He'll get the death penalty for what he's done on this world.
BENDER
Actually, I have an idea, if you guys are interested.
INT: THE SPACE HIVE - OUTER SPACE
Dewey Callahan wakes to find himself in familiar, but unwelcome golden cavern of the space hive. His vision is hazy from the after effects of the sleep drug that had been used on him. The hazy shapes of what appear to be two figures in space suits resolve in front of him.
CALLAHAN (thinking aloud)
Am I dreaming? Is this another nightmare?
CALLAHAN (cont'd)
All right crew, we're going to go in, get that honey and get out. Just stick to the plan and avoid contact with the bees at all costs.
A third figure appears moving behind his crewmates. He recognizes the striped black on yellow coloration of a space bee. He moves to warn them, but finds that he cannot move.
CALLAHAN (cont'd)
Look out! There's one of them behind you!
BENDER
Man, this guy is totally cracked. I almost feel sorry for him.
LEELA
Bender, when have you ever almost felt sorry for anyone?
BENDER
Good point.
At this point, Callahan realizes that he is not in the presence of his crew, and is tied to a column. He begins to mutter incoherently.
LEELA
Well, Mr. Callahan, I can't say it's been a pleasure. Quite the opposite, actually.
BENDER
Seeing as how you spend so much time thinking about this place, we figured this would be as good a place as any to drop you off.
FRY
Any last words?
Callahan just shakes his head and continues to mumble incoherently. Leela, Fry and Bender turn and walk back to the Planet Express ship. As they reach the landing stairs, they turn to look back at Callahan.
FRY
Hit it, Bender!
Bender, reprising his role as a robotic space bee decoy, sports the yellow and black striped paint job yet again. He shakes his ass in message to the space bees flying around, which had paid them no attention until now.
BENDER (in bee language)
Hey, fellow space bees!
SPACE BEES
Yes?
BENDER
You see that guy over there? He called your queen fat. Oh, and ugly too!
SPACE BEES
Oh no he didn't! Get him!
Leela, Fry and Bender cringe as the space bees swarm over Callahan and make a pincushion out of him.
BENDER
Now that's what I call a family reunion!
Satisfied that he won't be coming back again to haunt them, they board the ship and rocket out of the cavern into space.
INT: PLANET EXPRESS SHIP BRIDGE - OUTER SPACE
Leela, Fry and Bender are standing at the front view port, considering the view ahead.
LEELA
Do you think maybe that was too brutal of us?
Fry and Bender look at each other for a second. Bender slaps his knee and laughs.
FRY
Are you kidding? You heard what he was going to do to all of us. As far as I'm concerned, we were too easy on him. Just think of what Farnsworth would have done to him.
Leela shudders.
LEELA
I don't want to.
Bender takes a moment to examine his body.
BENDER
Well, I guess that wraps all that up. I'm going to go spend an inordinately long amount of time cleaning off this paint and then sleep for the next two weeks. If you get into a battle, don't use the no. 3 torpedo tube.
Bender strolls out of the door, leaving Leela and Fry alone. Leela turns to Fry.
LEELA
So, I seem to recall that we were interrupted when you were in the middle of telling me about one of your dreams a while back.
Leela moves up to Fry, puts her arms around his neck and kisses him.
LEELA (cont'd)
What do you say we start from the beginning?
FRY
Oh, yeah.
Leela pounces on Fry and they both fall back onto the couch, kissing wildly. The view pans up and over to the doorway. The door is ajar and one of Bender's eyes can be seen poking through. The eye extends into the room, and Bender can be heard giggling to himself. The screen fades to black.
LEELA & FRY
Bender!
BENDER (defensively)
What?
ROLL CLOSING CREDITS
THE END