Title: Eat Your Heart Out

Fandom: Attack on Titan (SNK)

Warnings: Levi's mouth ^_^

Disclaimer: Don't own!

Summary: An eight-course meal: Eren makes cakes, pancakes, bread, soup, sauces, stews, and beautifully shaved ice. He fishes, shops, plans feasts, pulls roots, drinks vine, gets in fights, gets in the way, says "yes, sir," "for you, sir" and ultimately falls in love—not necessarily in that order.

Then there's Corporal Levi, along for the ride.

A/N: Please read!

1. Okay, just so you're all aware this story takes places in a strange little pocket universe: some characters are there, some aren't, some bad things took place, others didn't, there are people running around who should kinda be dead but guess what, I didn't want them to be! We good on that? Good.

2. This piece was originally inspired by Joouheika's amazing story "Homestyle" over at A03. Why are you reading my stuff anyway? Go read hers!

3. Finally, a note on Hanji's pronouns: I am well aware of Hanji being a non-binary character however, for the purposes of my writing I have given Hanji female pronouns. (A decision made primarily due to the anime's influence).

That's about it, guys. Enjoy!

"You're getting too useful, brat."

Eren turned from the window he'd been cleaning. The glass sparkled and now successfully reflected Corporal Levi's expression. Though Eren was pretty sure no polished surface had ever earned a scowl from him before.

Eren turned back, half expecting to find a streak of dust he'd missed or a stray fingerprint he'd left behind, but no—clean.

"Sir?"

If it were possible Levi's eyes appeared to narrow even further. "Top five in your class, member of Humanity's Strongest squad at the tender age of fifteen, Hanji's personal lab rat, not to mention that little fucking trick you've got of turning into a seventeen meter titan." Levi tisked. His eyes roamed not out the window (where Petra was beating the shit out of Auruo) but along the glass itself. "Even your cleaning techniques are improving."

Eren tried not to puff up too much at that, but the cuff to his ear made it pretty clear that he'd failed. "And you can cook. Fuck."

"Yes…" Eren blinked when nothing else seemed to be coming. "Uh… is this your way of asking me to cook something? Sir?"

"No." Another cuff. A yelp. "Don't get smart."

Levi marched off and, feeling daring, Eren jogged after him.

"I can if you want!" he gasped. For such a tiny man Corporal Levi sure could move. "Seriously. Was there something you wanted, sir?"

"Wanted? No."

"What about something you… 'needed'? I won't tell."

"No."

"You're sure, sir? I'm really happy to—"

"Eren." Levi stopped. "What did I just tell you about being too useful?"

"Yes, sir! I'll attempt to be less useful, sir."

"So you're going to accommodate me by promising to be less accommodating?"

"Yes!—I mean no! Wait…" Levi snorted.

"I'm fucking with you, Eren. Take some deep breaths."

"Right." True to his word Eren sucked in air and blew it out noisily through his nose, oblivious to the eyes on his face. There might have been an amused glint there.

"Look at that," Levi drawled. "Blind fucking obedience," but Eren only grinned.

"So there is something you want me to make, sir?" He insisted. "I was serious before. I really do enjoy cooking and I haven't gotten a chance to since last month, so if there's something you—"

"Maria help us all, I thought you were a quick learner but apparently not. Yes. Fine. You'll get to cook to your little titan heart's content. Erwin and his squad are arriving this afternoon and apparently big wig commanders need something better than the slop we normally serve. You're in charge of dinner."

Eren fairly vibrated with excited energy. The white cloth slipped from his hair and Levi caught it, shoving it threatening in his charge's face.

"Don't overdue it, brat."

"Yes, sir!"

Eren overdid it.

Despite their success in retaking Wall Maria very little had actually come from the victory, beyond the obvious boost in moral. Few if any buildings remained whole and the land itself was contaminated. Hanji and her team had finally proven what they'd long since suspected: that titan bodies didn't entirely evaporate; their corpses left behind non-biodegradable material that seeped into the earth. What little they'd grown on the reclaimed farmland came out undersized, twisted, or, to those brave enough to try eating it (Hanji), so far from nutritionally sound as to resemble poison (she dry heaved. A lot). Never before had humanity been given the chance to reuse a bit of the world that the titans had dominated and the consequences of their presence proved as sobering as they were long-lasting.

They had no more vegetable than they had five years ago. No suitable grass for more cattle. It meant that there was still very little meat.

Which was why everyone went bug-eyed when Eren set down a platter before the Commander. A platter piled high with steaming, fragrant meat.

"The fuck, kid." Levi asked. However, his voice was nearly lost amongst all the oohs, ahhs, and whimpers of hunger:

"Meat!"

"Are you serious?"

"Where'd you get it?"

"Did you steal it?"

"I take it back—"

"You fucking stole it."

"—I love you, man—"

"Are you seriously serious?"

"Anything, I'll give you anything—"

"Meat!"

"—my first born—"

"Ew!"

"He doesn't want that!"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

Eren wavered under the onslaught until Erwin held up a hand. He attempted to look stern, but the smell had hit him as hard as the others. The meat was artfully sliced along a bed of leafy greens (where had he gotten fresh lettuce?) and the juices were seeping tantalizingly into the leaves. A single drop hung on the tip of one piece, overhanging the platter, and Erwin resisted the urge to catch it with a finger.

"Eren," he said calmly. "Where did you get this?"

Eren straightened into a salute, his right fist thumping hard against his apron. "Sir! I… that is…"

"I'm afraid it's my fault, sir."

All eyes snapped to Gunther standing in the doorway, his hand resting on Eren's shoulder. Erwin used the distraction to steal that wonderful, juicy drop.

"Really, sir." Gunther continued, addressing Levi now. "Don't blame Eren. I'm the one who gave him permission to transform."

Dead. Silence.

It was eventually Hanji who moved. She pulled herself up onto the table and over the platter, a manic gleam lit her eyes and a thread of drool threatened to mar the feast.

"Eren…" she said. "Is it titan meat?!"

"WHAT?"

"Oh my god—"

"I take it back—"

"—no, no, no, no, no, no—"

"—you little, filthy piece of shi—"

"Nooooooooo—"

"How'd you harvest it? How'd you keep it from evaporating? Can I try? Oh please let me—"

"STOP!" Eren yelled. "JUST STOP. IT'S DEER." He shoved off Auruo who'd taken hold of his jacket.

"Oh." Auruo said.

"Oh no." Hanji moaned. Eren huffed.

"Gunther gave me permission to transform so that I could catch one. Titans only attack humans right? They don't care about animals, so the animals aren't scared of them at all. I had to sit still for a real long while, but eventually one walked right up to me and I was able to…you know." Eren made a crushing motion with his hand that had all of them wincing. "I wanted something special for the Commander's visit, okay? Now are you lot going to eat or let it go stone cold?" Eren caught said Commander's eye and blushed. "That is, sir. You should eat if it pleases you. Sir."

With one hand Erwin patted the boy's arm soothingly, with the other he none too subtly threatened Mike with his fork. He'd been inching the platter towards him ever since the word "deer."

"This is more than satisfactory, Eren. Thank you."

"You're very welcome, sir!"

"Oi, Eren." Levi had also noticed Mike's attempts at theft and now the younger man's ear was between his fingers, twisting and causing him to yelp. "That strategy—hunting in your titan form. Your buddy Armin think of that?"

Eren's face scrunched. "Armin and the others are off on a training mission, sir. You know that…"

"No, sir. That was all Eren." Gunther answered for him. He smothered a laugh.

"Huh." Levi sat back. "Then you might not be entirely brainless after all."

"T-thank you, sir!"

Silence descended on the hall once more. It took Eren a moment to realize that they were waiting on him. "Right. Um." He gestured to the platter. "Help yourself."

Pandemonium. The cook barely made it out alive.

Ten minutes later when the dust had settled Levi kicked a grunt out of his seat and sat down next to Erwin. They ate contentedly for some time.

"Are your dinners always like this?" Erwin eventually asked.

"Yes."

"And is Eren always so resourceful in acquiring his own ingredients?"

"Yes." Levi delicately cut another piece of meat. "And yes, his cooking is always this fan-fucking-tastic."

"Really?" Erwin smiled. "My, my. You're not easily impressed." He cut his own meat, savoring it, humming in appreciation. "Our dear Eren could cook for the king."

There was no doubt that life was a hundred times brighter when Eren decided to cook, but it was also a fact that no one wanted to clean up the mess. (Truly full for the first time in weeks with heavy, aching bodies, who the hell wanted to clean?). Not to mention that making only a crappy, meatless stew involved the bowls, silverware, and a pot so stained you could probably get away with not washing it at all. Anything more elaborate though required another tool… or twelve.

Eren didn't mind though. He rarely ate after cooking, preferring instead to watch everyone enjoy the dish and having the bit he'd put aside for himself later, when things were calmer. So he did the dishes himself, justifying the work with the promise that he was working up a true appetite.

Then Corporal Levi showed up.

"This is going to be a habit with you, isn't it?"

Eren whirled (hadn't they just done this by the window?) and found his superior leaning in the doorway. Levi's eyes were trained on the stacks of dishes, but his hand flit accusingly towards Eren.

"You trained in hand to hand this morning," he said. "Cleaned the east wing, transformed, cooked dinner… and now you're washing up. What's next? Going to muck out the entire stable, brat?"

"…Yes?" Auruo had come to him earlier, while Eren was still skinning the deer, and said that the stables needed mucking before Erwin and his men rode out in the morning. They'd already lost the light but he'd planned to get up an hour earlier. After all, they couldn't have the Commander leaving with a bad impression…right?

"Yes." Eren repeated when the silence stretched. Levi sighed.

Then he turned and walked away.

"Sir?"

Later Eren had to admit that the work went a lot faster with multiple hands. Levi returned, the rest of the squad trailing dejectedly behind him. He threw rags at Petra, Gunther, Eld and Mike; a drying cloth at Hanji. Auruo was shoved at the end of the line and given the bowl Eren had dumped all of the deer's… extras into. Levi handed him a scrubbing brush. Forcefully.

Eren smiled into the soap.

"Petra, the stables need cleaning." Levi announced. "Do that tomorrow before Erwin leaves. Make sure his horse is prepared too. You can rest while the rest of us go over the new maneuvers. You know them well enough."

"Y-yes, sir!" Petra nearly dropped a plate, bouncing between indignation at the extra work and pleasure at the veiled comment. Levi stood at her back until the scrubbing recommenced.

Everyone worked sullenly for a time—Auruo cursing at his pot—until eventually a gentle sigh sounded behind them. A sigh hidden under a defeated growl.

"And Eren can make breakfast tomorrow." The scrubbing stopped. "But only if he feels up to it." Levi leveled a stern look at the boy covered in bubbles. "That's an order, Yeager. You get me? If you collapse during training because you didn't get enough sleep I'm kicking your scrawny ass from here to Wall Rose."

"Yes, sir!" Eren gave a sudsy salute. Everyone was grinning now and Hanji had abandoned her post, whispering what sounded suspiciously like, "Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes," in his ear. Eren shoved her away. "I can definitely make breakfast, sir. And I won't be too tired. I swear! I helped my mom early in the morning for years. You can count on me, sir. I—"

"Eren."

"Yes, sir?"

"For the love of humanity, shut the fuck up."

"Yes, sir!"

Eren obediently shut the fuck up and began his cleaning with renewed determination. Everyone followed his lead, far happier with the unexpected chore now that there was a reward waiting for them in the morning.

It was only a second later that Levi joined the line. He shoved in next to Eren, causing Petra to gawk and Mike to raise an eyebrow.

"Sir…" she ventured. Petra held out her cloth. "Are you sure you don't want to dry?"

Everyone in the squad—minus the newbie—knew that despite Levi's desire for cleanliness, he despised actually cleaning dishes. Touching the remaining food (even the miniscule bits that were left tonight); the greasy spots where peoples' hands had touched… it made his skin crawl. Even now he eyed the sink, body unconsciously leaning away it, but he shook his head at Petra. To everyone's shock he snatched a dish from a still mute Eren.

"Oi. Stupid brat. You're doing it wrong."

The next morning, Hanji got her pancakes.

At the crack of dawn Petra was shoveling shit and Eren was riding hard towards the nearest farm, Gunther once again at his side. Eggs were nearly as hard to come by as meat and Eren doubted that Hanji knew that her beloved breakfast food contained so many rarities—dairy, flour that didn't resemble a concrete block—but he only needed a little to make a usable batter and Gunther had once saved the farmer's wife. Rescue from titans bought you a lot these days.

They made it back despite the sudden rain and by the time breakfast rolled around that platter was once against stacked, this time with pancakes. There was nothing to top them with but that didn't stop the soldiers.

Erwin sat on his horse, held by a satisfied Petra. He licked his fingers and smiled at Levi's look of disgust.

"Kid keeps this up and I'll be visiting you a lot more often," he said.

"Idiot's going to burn himself out."

"Yep!" Erwin said brightly and rode off, one hand contentedly resting against his stomach. His voice trailed back to Levi when he was only a smudge in the distance, but even far off it was clear as the new day: "That's why you're here, Levi!"

For his part, Eren got one pancake and a vicious cold. Did he expect anything else, up early and riding in the rain? Not a complaint passed his lips though and certainly no one, not even the greediest soldier, asked for lunch or dinner after seeing Eren's red-rimmed eyes. Bland vegetable stew was eaten quietly that night. Levi didn't say 'I told you so' to the brat, but Erwin's voice rang hard in his ears. He kept a close watch on Eren as a stuffed head threw off his balance, making even the simplest 3DMG moves difficult. He strained the stew without comment, leaving only the broth, and after Eren passed out he snuck down to the dungeon, carrying an extra blanket.

And if Levi took a moment to smooth the idiot's fevered brow… well, there was no one there to see.