"You have to be fucking kidding me!"
"Nope, it's right there in black and white," Will laughed evilly, "have fun, Juliet."
Merlin groaned as his so called best friend carried on cackling down the corridor. He didn't know what possessed him to audition for the school play perhaps it was because his English teacher implied he'll fail that class if he didn't which come to think of it doesn't make sense since an exam board does all the marking...
Someone up there hates him. That must be the answer for it because there is no other reason why Merlin would be casted as Juliet in Romeo and Juliet and Arthur fucking Pendragon was playing Romeo.
That and the director Morgana Pendragon – Arthur's half-sister (who was born about a year before Arthur was which just tells what sort of git Uther, their father, was) – took a great dislike to him when he accidentally spilt his strawberry milkshake on her new shoes.
He always knew she was the embodiment of evil and here was his prove.
Why did Camelot High have to do a Shakespeare play done in an authentic Shakespearean style for their charity event this term?
MMMMMMMMMMM
"Merlin over here!"
Merlin hurriedly made his way over to Gwen, his other best friend and hopefully far more sympathetic to his problem than Will was, who had joined the production team for the play. She was surrounded by large rolls of cloth and was attempting to thread a needle when he came it. He found it hilarious that Gwen can make clothes appear out of nowhere when it came to sewing but had great difficulty to thread the much needed needle.
Gwen put down her needle and held up a measuring tape, "I already designed your costume, I just need some measurements," she said.
Merlin really hoped his costume wasn't a dress.
Gwen held up her sketch pad to an open page. "What do you think? The moment I heard you were auditioning I just knew you'd get Juliet and started working on it."
It was a dress...
...and his best friend apparently thought he was girly enough to play a female lead.
He knew he should have never let Gwen paint his nails and talk boys with him. It was bound to just bite him in the backside later on in life.
"It's...it's..." Merlin stuttered trying to not scream or offend Gwen. "It's very purple," he finished lamely.
Gwen beamed. "I always thought that dark purple was your colour! Oh Leon!" she cried out when she spotted her childhood friend and the school council president. "Over here!" she waved manically. "I got your costume designed as well," she grinned evilly. It was the sort of grin Merlin only saw on Will or Morgana or Arthur when he was being a prat... she held up a picture of a grey dress and matching headdress. "I always did say I'd get you in a dress," she snickered.
Leon just merely whimpered.
Girls, Merlin thought as Valiant and Cedric (playing Lady Capulet and Lady Montague) looked tearful as Gwen showed them drawings of their costumes, are very evil.
Perhaps he should suddenly develop some serious disease that would get him out of school for the next three months.
Then he remembered his guardian was Gaius the best physician in all of Camelot and he wouldn't get out of faking sick.
Life is cruel.
MMMMMMMMMMMM
The first rehearsal was luckily just a reading. That meant Merlin could just read in a monotone voice and not look at Arthur who had been shooting him murderous looks since he arrived late to the rehearsal. Yeah because Merlin asked to be Juliet.
It's not fair he only wanted to be Benvolio or the Prince or the Friar. Something very minor but significant enough to get certain evil English teachers off his back.
Instead Percival got Benvolio, Lancelot was the Prince, Elyan got to be the Friar, and Gwaine nabbed Mercutio (Merlin thought that was actually perfect for the carefree drunk who badgers Merlin every morning for aspirin). The heartless bastards laughed at Merlin and Leon for getting girl parts. Merlin decided he was going to slip chilli powder in their lunch the next day...that'll teach them.
Once his revenge had been executed the next day Merlin spent most of it hiding away from evil English teachers, Arthur who was probably going to threaten him, a smirking Morgana, a bunch of friends eager for pay back, and a very evil Gwen who wanted him to try a pair of breasts on before she measures his chest.
Really who would have thought someone has innocent and sweet as Gwen was truly an evil and terrible person?
The next few rehearsals were focused on the first few scenes which thankfully none of them involved Merlin and so he hid in a corner with Leon trying to learn their lines while Gwen stuck them in petticoats and kept pricking them with pins and needles.
Not fun. Not fun at all.
Unfortunately that dreaded day when Merlin and Arthur rehearsed their scenes together had come.
"Erm...hey," Merlin said nervously.
"Where the hell have you been, Merlin?" Arthur snapped. "I needed you for practise! How am I going to perfect my fencing and my acting if my dummy keeps disappearing?"
Merlin felt his eye twitch just a little bit. He and Arthur had always had a strange friendship since he first arrived at Camelot at the age of twelve. He called Arthur a prat, Arthur called him an idiot, there was a variety of insults about one another's mothers and suddenly a fist fight erupted involving Gwaine, Will, and poor Lancelot who was trying to stop it. They all – well all of them but Arthur – bonded in detention and became friends. Sharing mutual friends meant they were around each other a lot and Arthur took it to himself to tease Merlin constantly.
Not that Merlin didn't give back as good as he got.
Or that deep down Arthur isn't that bad since he occasionally paid for Merlin when he was short of money in a very insulting way, defended him from bullies in a very insulting way, tutored Merlin in Maths for the GCSEs in a very insulting way, and cheered Merlin up when Freya broke up with him...when come to think of it was in a very insulting way to.
In return Merlin insulted Arthur back, taught him the basics of laundry and cooking (back when Arthur had a crush on Gwen and wanted to impress her), had Arthur's back in fights, tutored Arthur in English (with said evil English teacher cackling about some coin), and was just there when Arthur needed to vent.
"I'm not your slave, you arrogant prat!" Merlin snapped. "I've been busy doing coursework. AS is a lot tougher than the GCSEs."
"Pathetic, you just don't want to finally admit you're the girl I always said you were," Arthur said dismissively, "you hate it when I'm right. Admit it."
"Of course I hate it when you're rarely right," Merlin said coldly, "your ego gets incredibly inflated that it takes me months to deflate it."
"How mean of you Merlin," Arthur said mockingly, "I thought you were all about other people's feelings and yet here you are hurting mine." He laughed at Merlin's scowl and threw an arm round Merlin's shoulders. "Cheer up, Morgana is focusing on getting Leon to act more motherly today and told me that we've got to practise on our own this afternoon."
Before Merlin could say anything else Arthur suddenly dragged him into an unused classroom and wouldn't let Merlin leave until he had the balcony scene memorised.
He wasn't sure who had it worse, him with Arthur being a controlling bossy pants or Leon, who had Morgana strap fake boobs on him and spent the whole afternoon having him practise his matronly walk.
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
Merlin glanced at Will (who was part of the prop team) and some of his friends practically sleeping in the audience. They had apparently exhausted themselves building the balcony that Merlin was now on. Morgana was wearing a satisfied smirk and Merlin instantly felt sorry for whoever will work for her in the future. She was obviously a very demanding, pushy, bossy woman who will not rest until she has what she wants.
And she wants this play to be perfect when it was performed in two months time.
They were all doomed, really, they were.
"And action!" Morgana snapped startling Merlin out of his thoughts and back into reality.
"Ay me," Merlin said dryly, sarcasm heavy in his suddenly very Irish accent.
Damn he thought he got rid of that thick accent years ago when Arthur wouldn't lay off about it!
"Cut!" Morgana shouted as if they were filming a movie. "Merlin what the hell are you thinking of? You're a love struck teenage girl who just found out her love is the enemy, not some sarcastic teenage boy!"
"But I am a sarcastic teenage boy," Merlin pouted.
Arthur snorted, "Could have fooled me," he muttered.
"Try it again as a love struck teenage girl," Morgana commanded.
Merlin obeyed quickly and was relieved to see that annoying satisfied smirk on Morgana's face instead of the icy furious one that was there seconds ago. The first try went all right after the initial outburst from Morgana. The feedback was a nightmare however when Morgana told them off for their facial expressions (not lovesick enough), their body language (not enough sexual tension), their vocal skills (not enough emotional), and their gender (they were apparently to male).
Therefore the second, third, and fourth attempt was awkward as Merlin tried to inject some sort of romantic feeling in his whole person.
Really he just wanted to throttle Arthur who was smirking that same satisfied smirk Morgana wore.
Must be some evil Pendragon trait.
By the time the seventh attempt rolled round Merlin was tired, hungry, and in severe need of the toilet. He was also very bored and so was Arthur. And when Merlin and Arthur got bored at the same time weird things happened. Like that time last summer when they got so bored and hot they thought to cool down by attacking everyone will ice cream filled balloons.
Merlin wasn't actually sure how that worked when he thought about it.
Nor was he sure how he managed to survive Gwen's wrath when he got choc mint ice cream melted in her hair...no wonder he's stuck in a purple dress, she was obviously having her revenge.
Anyway they were bored so they no longer took rehearsal seriously and started playing up the whole thing.
"Oh Romeo, Romeo where art thou arrogant prat?" Merlin cried out clutching his heart desperately. "Do you not love me enough to make me an honest woman? Must I face my father's wraith alone when I tell him I'm carrying his enemy's illegitimate spawn? Oh what shall Leon say when I tell him I am no longer a virgin? He'll spank me surely!"
"Fear not my Juliet, I shall make you an honest woman for sure," Arthur cried out as he stood in a dramatic hero-like position, "as sure as the sun rises in the east! Do not fear anyone's wraith for they cannot understand our love and you shall always be in my heart!"
Of course that meant they started to sing Phil Collin's You'll Be in My Heart. The other cast members (laughing their heads off backstage or in the audience) would have joined in to if Morgana hadn't lost her temper.
Merlin fell on the hard wooden floor when a high heeled shoe hit him right on the forehead. It hurt. It hurt a hell lot. "YOU AWFUL PIGS!" Morgana screeched. Arthur ducked in time to avoid the other shoe but didn't think to run when Morgana climbed up on the stage and was in the middle of being strangled. "HOW DARE YOU RUIN SHAKESPEARE? HOW DARE YOU RUIN MY CHANCES OF BEING A DIRECTOR? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE COMING TO THIS? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH OF MY FUTURE DEPENDS ON THIS? I WILL MAKE YOU WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN IF YOU SO DARE TO DO THIS AGAIN, GOT THAT?"
Needless to say Merlin pretty much wet himself at this point and ran all the way home and didn't get a wink of sleep because of the nightmares Morgana caused.
He was getting therapy sessions for his birthday damnit!
MMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Two months later, three sleepless nights as Morgana insisted on late rehearsals and weekend ones ignoring the fact everyone had homework and therefore stayed up all night to catch up, and a hell lot of improvement in their acting skills Merlin stood there nervously in a long purple gown with flowing sleeves and a long black curly wig.
Morgana was crying into Gwen's shoulder. "It's going to fail!" she wailed. "Nearly everything is perfect, the set, the costumes, Leon's matronly ways, Gwaine's cheeky Mercutio, Lancelot's fair just Prince, the rivalry, everything but one crucial thing! THERE'S NO SEXUAL CHEMISTRY BETWEEN MY ROMEO AND JULIET!"
Arthur and Merlin avoided to look at one another. It had been the only criticism that remained throughout the long tiring two months of rehearsal. It wasn't fair either, how could anyone expect Merlin to have sexual chemistry with Arthur of all people?
Suddenly both he and Arthur were being hit over the head with a rolled up script repeatedly by Morgana. "THIS. IS. ALL. YOUR. FAULT!" she screamed emphasising each word with a smack over the head. "What happened to your sexual tension? I choose you two because it always looked like you were going to kill each other with your love. Suffocate on each other's tongues! Or better yet choke on your own tongue and die now so I don't suffer the humiliation of having the worst Romeo and Juliet on stage. I'm doomed!"
"Morgana!" Gwen cried out pulling Morgana away from the boys. "You're ruining Merlin's hair! Come along now, let's sit in the audience and let them get ready to go on stage, everything will be all right, the critics would just blame Merlin and Arthur not you."
"They're stubborn idiots," Morgana sniffled.
"They're boys," Gwen reminded her, "of course they're stubborn idiots."
"Hey!"
The whole cast was of course promptly ignored as always.
Gwen continued to comfort Morgana, while they both shot deadly glares at Merlin and Arthur, as she led the evil dictator...erm director, Merlin corrected himself, out of the room and to the audience. There was a tense silent moment as everyone tried to get over their stage fright.
Merlin was suddenly horrified to realise that he and Arthur never practised any of the kisses. It was brought up but Morgana kept insisting for them to not kiss until the actual show, something about keeping the sexual tension at its highest...
The thought of kissing Arthur had only just entered his head probably.
Oh.
My.
God.
Merlin turned to look at the arrogant prat who was muttering his lines under his breath. He looked closely and realised that the blonde boy was actually really good looking. Better than Leonardo Di Caprio...Merlin never even thought that men were attractive before...and those lips they looked too feminine to be male lips!
Ah shit.
Dressed in a itchy purple dress, curly black wig, and a shit load of makeup, about to go on stage in front of hundreds of parents (some being the most strictest and conservative in all of Britain), playing the female lead to Arthur's Romeo was not the time to finally realised you may or may not fancy said arrogant prat.
Really this has to be the worst year ever.
MMMMMMMMMMMM
Morgana smirked.
Inside she was dancing and squealing like a fan girl but outwardly she needed to keep her Pendragon image and merely smirked.
Her plan worked.
It worked amazingly well.
She was so scared that everything was going to fail but then that ball scene where Juliet and Romeo meet for the first time...
Wow. Just...wow. The sexual tension had never been at its highest for Merlin and Arthur and she was there when they discovered what sex would mean for them two years ago. And the kissing...Gah. She was almost a puddle of goo.
She might have cried a little at the end but if someone saw she'll deny it immediately and threaten them to death.
She was complimented for all her hard work and Uther granted her the position of Director for every single school production which will lead to her gaining recognition and becoming a famous director before she turns twenty one.
First the film industry then the world.
To make things sweeter she walked in on Merlin and Arthur carrying on their snog in the dressing room after the final bows. Merlin looked too good in eyeliner and a dress; perhaps she should ban Gwen from ever dressing Merlin up as a girl again.
She can't have a boy look better than her for god sake.
She thought nothing could make this night better, she won her position, her play was a success, she successfully got Arthur and Merlin together and won the betting pool started three years ago...what more could she want?
Gwen nudged her and pointed to something that caused her to laugh.
Watching Leon walk like a matron, with his fake boobs still on, completely unaware of what he was doing or wearing made her laugh.
It really, really, made her night.
She'll never let Leon live it down.