Looking back, my very first memory after the amnesia was when I was four. Anything before that time when I first opened my eyes are not truly my memories; they pieces of an unfinished puzzle, a mystery, filled in by family forgotten, friends long dead… and enemies never quite gone.
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Shikamaru walked among the dozens of villagers, idly watching as they bustled about in the warmth of the newly rising sun. Yet, even amongst all of the friendly, forgiving villagers, he felt horribly alone. He felt like the failure he was.
He blamed Sasuke. If Sasuke had never betrayed Konoha, Shikamaru's latest mission would never have happened. Sakura would lose her depressed, lost look. Lee would not be in the hospital, near death yet again. Naruto would never have begun to give up his dream, would never have become obsessed only with saving his old friend. Most importantly, Chouji would never have taken the forbidden third pill. He would never have died.
Tears were coming fast with Shikamaru's guilt. He was the team leader. He had failed his friends. He had known the risks of leading a Sasuke Retrieval mission; he had known the likelihood of his own weakness. He knew that the mission should have been handled by an experienced jounin, yet he had insisted on leading it anyway. He had underestimated the enemy; he didn't kill Sasuke when he had the chance.
The emotional training Shikamaru had undergone did nothing to ease his stress. The feeling of utter failure and the feeling of his best friend, gone forever, was an experience no amount of training could ever possibly cover. It was a feeling Shikamaru could never forget about, a feeling he could never send off into the cloud and calmly contemplate.
Shikamaru tried to stop the tears. He couldn't let anyone else know of his weakness. If Tsunade knew of his emotionally instable condition, he might never be allowed on a Sasuke related mission again.
He needed desperately to face Chouji's killer. He needed to come to terms with the boy he had once admired and respected.
Unable to stifle his crying, Shikamaru lowered his head and turned into a dirty alleyway, one abandoned by the villagers. He sat on a turned-over garbage can, cradling his head and trying to wash thoughts of Chouji from his mind.
He took the few moments to compose himself, and as he leveled his shuddering breaths, he became aware of a chakra presence. Not just any chakra, though; it was a familiar signature, one he had become attuned to through what he considered overexposure.
Sasuke. Shikamaru blocked out his panic quickly, trying to gather his thoughts. Closing his eyes but keeping track of his enemy's chakra, Shikamaru deduced that Sasuke was sitting, not standing. But what did that mean? Was Sasuke so sure of his own speed that he hadn't bothered to stand? Did he mean to attack?
Shikamaru ignored Sasuke for the moment, exploring his own physical capabilities, instead. He was exhausted to the point of fainting, and if he chose to fight it would be a deadly decision. No help would be on the way to rescue him, as only Naruto was aware of his return. Yet he didn't see a way past Sasuke, out of the alleyway and into the safety of the open village. His life rested in Sasuke's hands, and Shikamaru's ability to keep talking, to delay the inevitable.
He opened his eyes, looking into the cold face, trying not to recoil from Sasuke's deadened eyes. He fought for anything to say, tongue-tied upon the previously longed for meeting.
Sasuke watched his old friend with silent curiosity for several moments, but grew quickly impatient at the display of weakness. His lips curled into an attempt at a smile that barely hid Sasuke's own regret at their last battle. He had surpassed his friends, but it didn't make him as happy as he had once thought. Sasuke had passed a point of no return, but it had gotten him nowhere closer to killing Itachi, and he still had found no way out of sacrificing his body to Orochimaru.
Sasuke reached down slowly for an object that had previously escaped Shikamaru's notice. Cursing silently, Shikamaru lurched to his feet, hands out defensively, but the raven haired boy was unfazed. He held the object up, and despite himself, Shikamaru's eyes left his enemy to focus on the unconscious figure.
It was a girl. She had long, thick black hair that tumbled down her frail frame. Her face was almost white in its paleness, contrasted by the black of her outfit and the Uchiha symbol, only partly revealed, on her back. She was young, but still she repelled Shikamaru. He had only ever been in contact with two Uchiha before- both were traitors and murderers. Besides, he knew of the clan's obliteration, and there was only one logical conclusion to the toddler's origins. Itachi.
No other Uchiha had survived but Sasuke and Itachi, and though Sasuke had many failings, Shikamaru seriously doubted the likelihood of his fathering a child even before leaving Konoha.
"I can't keep her. I didn't want her to begin with, and I can't keep her anyway." Sasuke explained, looking away from Shikamaru for the first time since his arrival. His voice became rapid, the clearly rehearsed speech jumbled. "Itachi dumped her on me, and I'm dumping her on you. I don't want her to take my path. I don't love her. I can't care for her. Her very existence repulses me. She'll have a better life in Konoha, and besides-"
"No." Shikamaru said firmly, repulsed himself. "If you leave her with me, I'll kill her. I cannot allow the Uchiha clan to revive itself, and that girl only increases the chance that it will. She is dead if you leave her with me, or in Konoha at all."
Sasuke stared sharply, not having expected such a reaction, but his features eventually softened with realization. "No, you wouldn't. You're too weak to kill somebody that helpless."
With that, Sasuke threw the girl at Shikamaru, who almost reflexively caught her. He disappeared, and Shikamaru cursed again at letting him go.
There was yet again only one decision to make, he decided. The girl was a threat to Konoha, and even letting her live wouldn't be doing her any favors. The villagers could never accept the Uchiha.
But there were two factors Shikamaru did not include in his analysis. The first was when the girl opened her eyes.
They were a pool of grey. Not a steel black or hard, darkened blue. They were a quiet, forgiving shade of grey, flecked with hints of green and light blue. They were filled with trust and devotion, framed by long lashes. They were utterly unlike Uchiha eyes.
The second was Naruto. Naruto, who still believed in Sasuke. Naruto, who could never resist meddling where he wasn't wanted.
Author's Note: I like cliffhangers. Anyway, if you read this chapter, review! I'll update soon- probably a few chapters until I reach ten chapters, and then I'll set a fixed, weekly release day.