It hadn't worked. She knew there was such a small chance, that it was almost impossible that it would actually work, but Rose thought that the universe owed her some good karma. Maybe it would have worked if she only believed that she would see him again, but her doubts were too much.
"Why did I actually believe that it could work? He couldn't come back for me, so I thought that I might be able to come back for him, disregarding my lack of knowledge on any form of science."
Now that she thought about it, her plan was doomed from the start. The dimension cannon only worked back then because the void was weak enough to punch another hole, and not destroy anything further. This time the void was thick and dense, Rose never had a chance. She was outside of the universe, living in a partial state of being.
Rose did an involuntary check of her surroundings, having been in Torchwood long enough to form habits. White enveloped her. The sterile colour trapped her, and comforted her. It showed her no horizon, and no light, yet she could see perfectly clear.
There was no weather, yet Rose felt cold, used to the body heat of another. Though her mind thought she was missing John, in reality she was missing the hugs and family fussing that happened because of his death.
She remembered being furious at him for not realizing that he would not be able to survive without an even number of hearts. Then Rose thought back and understood that she wasn't furious at him for that reason, it was for something else.
Rose allowed herself to unlock the doors of her memories, allowed the floodgates to open. She remembered the times they did have, and the times that they should have had. They never did go to Barcelona, where the dogs had no noses.
The subject touching about dogs brought her to the idea of companions, which brought her full circle.
Was he travelling with Donna, had she suffered the same fate as John? Had he regenerated? Did he ever love her, or only imagined in the heat of the moment? Had he buried his memories of her? Rose questioned every decision that she made, leading up to the ultimate decision. Should she have gone with him?
Rose knew that if she could do it again, she would; regardless, was it the right thing for her? Did the adventures end up hurting more than helping? Could it have been the wrong choice?
Everything led up to the re-building of the dimension cannon; everyone knew that it wouldn't work. Rose knew that it wouldn't hurt. Anything was better than suicide, eh?
Rose knew that she would have shriveled up like a grape, seeking that intimate closeness with anyone, but it would be creepy for anyone other than him.
The only thing she wished for was gone. She would never gaze into those old eyes again.
"Goodbye Doctor."