I own nothing, only the desire to continue the story that haunts my dreams.

We are tethered to the story we must tell…

One Night With You ~ A Fantasy Based On A Lie

~~As I walked into the crowded bar its with one thought on my mind, to meet you. I have decided that it is time to end this silly war of wills, you so strong and stubborn, me even more so.~~

I have seen you before, not in person, but online. You freely share your life there, posting clips of yourself, your band, your thoughts, your ideas, you are open and magnanimous.

I prefer and rather enjoy the anonymity that the internet provides, it is just the perfect hiding place. It allows me to communicate with people without the pressure of looking into someone's eyes. I don't want to get close. When you get close you get hurt.

We meet because I misread something you post, you sound angry and I reach out, not sure why. Haven't I had my fill of angry men?

We chat about music, you play guitar and sing, I like that. You are sexy in a confident way, I like that even more. I flirt with you relentlessly, enjoying the ease of my comfort with you.

You are hesitant and unsure, you question my honesty, you wonder my motives. I call you friend and you are uncertain. You have shown me who you are, why won't I return the favor?

You remind me that you told me things about yourself and get angry when I say I am unwilling to tell you about me. It's not good enough, you threaten to leave. Leave before I even know what it is that I need from you.

You don't like being lied to, so I don't, until I do. You request from me a picture, I don't want you to see me, the real me. It would give up my anonymity if I showed you the real me. I am not ready, not sure if I ever will be ready. This was only supposed to be for fun, why are you demanding so much more than I am willing to give?

So I search online, hundreds of pictures, something simple, a candid shot I can call my own. Searching for someone who can smile for the camera without a guarded look in her eyes. I have told you I am a redhead, I find one that will do. She is a smiling, happy, cheerful looking girl, showing a bit too much cleavage, but that is just a matter of editing. I look at the picture over and over, wondering if I will dare send it should you ask again.

You do, you tell me you will no longer speak with me if I don't show myself to you. I dare, I dare to lie to you, I send the picture, hold my breath and wait. Within only moments you have shown me my lie, you have somehow figured out that this is not me. You tell me the site I have taken the photo from, even the name of the photographer. My stomach drops, my head hangs in shame. I am nothing more than a liar to you now, more than that I have betrayed myself. I have let you push me into a lie, into more shame than I have ever felt before.

I do what I do best, I run. I delete myself from your online world, I block you from mine. I remove the picture from my computer, knowing I will never make that mistake again. I regret. With heavy heart I post my wrong doing. Thinking someone will send a post of cheer. Tell me it is alright to lie here, it's only the internet, it's not real. No one does. A lie is a lie, and nothing good can ever come from one.

I don't sleep, I toss, I turn. I find myself shaking my head and laughing a bit too loud. How did I ever imagine getting away with that? Am I really that stupid, yes, I must be.

When I get your email I am afraid to open it, will you curse me, call me evils names? No, you only show me my post of regret, you shame me, again. I answer back with a heart filled apology, will you accept it? You are still unwilling, you will no longer talk until you know the real me. How can I show you the real me when I don't even know who that is?

The emails fly back and forth, regrets, remorse and finally anger, mine. I am not willing to back down, to give into you. I will not show you me. Can't we just be friends without it? No, so I surrender, I give up. You acknowledge. It is over before it even began.

Since I cannot be your friend, I decide to fantasize about being your lover.

~~I stand now with a smile on my face as I watch you perform, you sing out with such a sense of joy and pride that it radiates from your very soul. You were made to perform, your body moving in rhythm to the beat. It makes me tingle in all the right places watching you. I thought you were sexy, but now I can feel how sexy you are.

I see you make eye contact with several people, they shy away from your strong gaze. I wait my turn, knowing your eyes will find mine. When our eyes meet I hold on, never wavering, showing you that I am waiting for you. You smile, you raise an eyebrow, you are intrigued. I smile back, knowing soon I will meet you, finally. I will dare to show you who I am.

You end your song and announce a short break. I wait, I know you are coming to see me, I feel you. Soon you are standing next to me, you hold out your hand. "Hello, I am Edward," you say. "Hello Edward, Bella," I reply. You raise your eyebrow again, looking hard into my eyes. "Bella" you say, "do I maybe know you." "Maybe," I say back, "I am a big fan."

We are playing the game that people play in bars. But I am not playing the same game you are, I am in it for retribution. I need you to know that rejecting me was wrong. I was going to make you regret pushing me away before I even knew what to do with you.

I play along, listening to you, shaking my head and answering back, all the while hoping you would ask me to stay. "We are done here in an hour, can you stay and maybe have some more drinks with me after," you ask. "Only if we have those drinks at your place," I reply.

You think you have won, I know I have when I see that your smile grows bigger.

When we leave an hour later we are in a hurry, it is cold out and we need to get warm. We have been watching each other closely until your set was over. The tension in the air was thick, we both knew what was coming.

We hold hands as we raced through the darken streets. We stop at your door and you lean down to capture my lips, I melt into your body and wrap my arms around your neck to pull you closer. You tickle my lips with your tongue and I invite you in by parting mine. Our tongues begin to dance with one another and we both let out moans deep within our throats. This is what I have been waiting for.

You open the door and pull me inside. We don't bother with the lights, we begin to undress each other. Our coats fall to the floor, we kick our shoes off and start to unbutton each other shirts, all the while you are guiding me to your bedroom. Our shirts are discarded and you reach for the button on my jeans. I quickly step out of them and stand before you in only my black lace bra and panties. You look over me and smile, you pull me forward and crush me to your chest.

"Stay with me tonight," you ask in a low voice. "Yes," I say. We move to the bed and you pull me down with you. You begin to explore my body, kissing, touching, feeling me. I moan from the pleasure you are bringing me, as I reach for the zipper on your pants.

"We have time Bella, all the time in the world," you say as you take my hand and bring it to your lips. "Let me show you how much pleasure I can bring you" you whisper in my ear. I relax as your hands and lips travel over my body. You peel away my bra and capture my nipple in your mouth. Your hot breath bringing it to a sharp peak. I moan and arch my back off your bed, it feels like heaven.

We enjoy each other time and time again, not like strangers at all. Taking our time, long deep kisses, everything feels so right. As we lay in each others arms and drift off, the words are heavy on my tongue. I want to tell you who I am, tell you how sorry I am that I lied to you. But, the words don't come, I realize that whatever could have been I ruined with my lie. It would be the base of our relationship, it would be the point of measurement, would you, could you ever really trust me? Without trust we have nothing. No matter how good we are together, it will never be more than just a one night stand. I have proved my point, but only to myself, you shouldn't have pushed, I shouldn't have lied. All that we could have been is lost now.

When you wake in the morning you find me gone, but I have left you a note,

Tonight I showed myself to you,

if you had not pushed, if I had not lied,

could we have been more?

DreamsInPurple