It had been an hectic day for Will, spent trying to catch up with all those cases that six months before had been reassigned from him to his associates. He was pleasantly surprised by the outcome of some of them, and by the fact that while some of his older associates had put more effort in trying to get their hands on his office rather than working, some others did a good job in concentrating on the most important thing: defending their clients and the good name of the firm.
It was past eight when things started to relent. Finally able to relax, he enjoyed a moment to admire the view of his window.
He brushed past his leather chair, took a book from the shelf and opened it, smelling the familiar mixture of old paper and leather. He missed it so much. He missed his office, he missed working on cases without having to ponder every time what the suspension allowed or prevented him to say. He missed entering a courtroom as first chair in a process instead of an unwelcome visitor.
"You aren't really smelling that book, are you?" Caught in the act, he closed the book with a loud bang, then turned around.
Alicia was standing there, a mixed look of curiosity and amusement, her head slightly tilted to the left.
"I was just searching for a paragraph and the print was too small," he made it up.
"Ehhh… Bad thing growing old!" she joked, making obvious fun of him. "So, how does it feel? Being back? Regaining possess of your little kingdom?" she asked him, taking few steps towards him.
"It feels like home," he admitted openheartedly and with a hint of relief. He was finally home again.
"We all missed you," she said, slightly lowering her gaze. "Well, maybe not all of us," she added trying to hold back a laugh, obviously hinting at the uncountable and ludicrous attempts of Julius and David to claim possession of the corner office.
He realized in that moment that Alicia was carrying a huge folder. Approaching her, he could read on it the name "Richard Torres" written with her elegant handwriting.
"I'm sorry, did you need help?" he asked, offering to take the folder from her to which she kindly declined with a smile and a slight shake of her head.
"Actually, I wanted to discuss this case with you," she confirmed. "The pre-trial hearing is five days from now and we are still on the high seas with the witnesses. I have no idea how to handle this," she said, her voice giving away the clear frustration.
She probably spent hours on that case, judging by the whopping volume of paper she was carrying.
"Sure, sit down" he soothed her, inviting her to take a seat on his couch.
"So, unless the prosecution calls her to the stand, we'd better avoid having her testify," Will said, confident in his advice.
Alicia smiled while looking in agreement at Will, who was pacing back and forth. Mrs. Hopkins would totally make the worst witness in the history of law. She knew that. It was just nice to see him so involved again. "Although I have to admit it would be fun," she joked.
"Yes, if you want to grab a whip and keep the three ringed circus at bay," he said and they both laughed.
She missed this. Their sessions. Him... A quick glance at the clock made her realize that more than one hour had passed.
"Is everything alright?" Will asked, probably catching her lapse of concentration.
"Yes," she reassured him. "It's just… it's late…", she said tearing her eyes from the clock and back to him.
"Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't…" Will said looking guilty.
"No no, it's ok, I just thought you were tired, it must have been a tough day settling back," she reassured him, not wanting him to think that she didn't appreciate the company.
She actually liked it a lot, and found herself thinking about all the late nights they spent working together over the last three years. Back when things were simple, back when they were just friends with a baggage of ifs. Before they decided to make their timing right for one hour and couldn't help but extend it for a good eight months. Before she put the end of their relationship into words and everything fell apart.
Will took a seat before her. "What are you thinking?" he asked with a curious look.
Brought back to the real world, she needed a moment to formulate a decent and logical answer. "I… I missed this," she said lowering the gaze. "I mean, the talking, the late hours, you know… this stuff," she added.
"I know," Will nodded with a smile, adding, "me too."
What was she doing? She didn't want to show him her regrets. She didn't want to think that everything since that day in the Presidential Suite had been just a giant mistake which complicated their lives and their longstanding friendship irreparably.
Handling a secret relationship had been difficult. But she realized that handling the sudden absence of it had proven to be way harder.
"How did we end up like this?" Will's words came out sounding more like a question to himself.
Her gaze down, lost in thought, she really didn't have an answer for that.
"I don't know," she said with a slight shake of her head.
Will's soft smile made her curious and eager to know what kind of thoughts were crossing his mind. The answer came without her having to ask for it.
"We make great friends... We make great lovers…" he paused, probably lost in the memory of some moment spent together. "But apparently we are not able to be both at the same time." His voice was giving away a mixed hint of sadness and longing.
"Why can't we have it all, Alicia?" his gaze pointing straight at her expressed with no doubt that there was nothing rhetorical in that question. It was a real question which required a real and honest answer.
Why couldn't they have it all? Finding herself toying with the ring on her left hand, she realized that the answer was right there. She was the reason of their failure, she had always been.
A mix of guilt and regret flooded over her at the realization that after separating from Peter, she never really took the time to think about where she wanted her life to go. She enjoyed her moments with Will. But it was proving difficult to continue this casual charade when all she wanted was...well that was just it. She didn't know.
Fact was, she wanted the same things as him. Being friends. Being lovers. Being both at the same time. She just wasn't ready for that.
Then again, why couldn't they have it all? She looked up to meet Will's expectant look.
"I think… it was just the wrong moment," she considered. "We both rushed into something we were not ready and prepared for," she concluded, seriously.
Because after all, that's what it was about. What was supposed to be just one hour of fun had turned into a passionate, loving and secret relationship, simmering on the rocks of a scandal. Lovers in private, cold and tense in public, the already fragile balance of their undefined and restless feelings had been put through the mill.
An awkward and uncomfortable silence fell between them, as they stared at each other, probably both trying to guess what was really going on in the other's mind.
"What do you want from life?" Will broke the silence with such an unexpected and hard to answer question.
"Peter asked me to support him in the run for Governor," she started. Catching the worried and resigned look on Will's face she quickly added, "I said no."
"Ok," Will said holding back a smile.
"I don't want to go through all of it again, the media, the conferences, even if that's the only way to have him out of the SA's office and out of my life. If he runs, he'll have to rely on his own strengths," she went on explaining. Will's face reflected his evident inner relief.
"So…you're closing that chapter. Are you going to start a new one?" he asked tentatively.
She pondered her answer very carefully. "I might… you know... just need some inspiration."
"Inspiration. I guess that's the reason why I never finished that rock opera," Will joked, stealing a bright smile from her.
"Maybe," Alicia started with a tentative voice, "but I might need some help."
"Mmmhhh… I might be of help," Will replied, adding "On one condition."
Alicia raised an eyebrow, looking between worried and amused.
"Which condition?" She asked, curious but not sure if she was ready to hear it.
Will sighed before leaning closer. Those sultry eyes her brother once described held hers with nothing but honest and sincere intentions, without giving a single hint of what he was to ask. It was sweet and nerve wracking.
"No more hiding, Alicia. No more secret lunches, or pretended tension. If we want it to work, we must act openly and be ready to face all the possible consequences." It was a straight and simple request. A reasonable one, she admitted.