A/n: Welcome to my first Bourne Supremacy fic. It's a songfic to the song "Stuck In A Moment and You Can't Get Out Of It" by U2. It has the best effect when listening the song, if you have it. I wrote this yesterday while I was waiting for something to download.
Summary: Jason reflects about Marie and writes his feelings down on a piece of paper. Marie tries to comfort him, although she can't reach him…
Rating: PG-13 for the F-word.
Please read and review. Oh, and by the way, happy release of the Bourne Supremacy DVD! I watched it today.
Stuck In A Moment
There was only one table and one chair. That's all that was needed now.
Jason Bourne sat down in the chair and took out a piece of paper. He put it on the table. With a pen, he began to write.
Jason
I'm not afraid of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me that I haven't already heard
I'm just trying to find a decent melody
A song that I can sing in my own company
I miss you, Marie. I miss you. I don't think I can do this anymore. I can't pretend to be okay. I can't pretend to be normal. No, not anymore. I used to think I wasn't afraid of anything. Everything would just be so simple with you by my side, but you have disappeared and I realize I fear a life without you. I'm all alone now. I guess that's how it was when I was in Treadstone. I still don't know. I don't want to either. I only remember you and sometimes it kills me to do so. I miss everything about you. It happened so sudden. I didn't expect it. I knew one day I would regret the decision to find you, but I was in love and love can make you blind.
Marie
I never thought you were a fool
But darling, look at you
You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere, baby
Oh, Jason. I can see you and I can hear you. I miss you as well, but you needn't dwell. You need to move on with your life. Don't you understand? I will always be a part of you, but first you must let me go. You have to live on for me. You're better than this. You can get through this, I know you can. You'll never be lonely. I'll always be with you. Remember that. Right now, your vision is blurry and you can't see straight, but you know you need to move on. I never have ever regretted meeting you, so why should you? We never expected this was going to happen, but it did. You can do this, Jason.
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment and now you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Jason
I will not forsake, the colors that you bring
But the nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing
I am still enchanted by the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears, and through your eyes I can see
I wonder where you are now. And I wonder… are you as lonely as I feel right now? I was told that writing down my feelings would help me feel better, but your presence, your touch, is the only thing that can heal me now. I'll never be as I once was. I remember our time together so clearly. Every second of it was amazing. I loved the way you used to enlighten me with all of those stories. You always supported me. I wish I could have protected you better. All I have left of you is an old photograph, but your face and your smile will never leave my memory.
I wonder if I even deserved you. You were a good friend to me and you were a good lover. There I go again, talking in the past tense. I wish I wouldn't, but I can't help it. It's so hard to face the truth. You are…were… everything I could have asked for. I was a killer. You knew it and I knew it, but we both tried to ignore it. We tried to forget and tried to live our lives. I should have known it wouldn't work. There will always be people after me. I risked your life and now you're dead. It's my fucking fault!
Marie
And you are such a fool
To worry like you do
I know it's tough, and you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now ... my oh my
You're killing yourself over this. I'm in a good place now, where I can always see you. I'm watching over you and I can hear your heart. I knew the risks of being with you. I love you and I was willing to die for you. My death is okay as long as you still live on. You're important to me and I'm glad I saved you. I saved you from death and I saved you from your past. I'll save you again, today, now. You need me right now, and although you cannot see me, I am there. I will be there and you will never be alone. It's hard to live life always looking behind your back, but being with you for even two years was worth it. I wish you wouldn't tear yourself apart over this. Please, stop worrying about me. I am happy because I can always see you. Now, open up your heart and allow yourself to see me.
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it
Oh love look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it
Jason
I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm till you discover how deep
I wasn't jumping for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all
When you were gone, my life meant nothing to me at all. If I had died, I wouldn't have cared. It would mean that I'd be joining you, right? I felt anger, and I wanted revenge. Yet, you wouldn't have wanted me to kill on the account of you no matter how much I wanted to. It was my fault anyway. I didn't protect you well enough. This life without you feels empty. I wish I hadn't let you go. I wonder if you can hear me or if you can see me. Right now, I hope you can't. I'm exploding with emotions, but you can't tell. I'm not supposed to be weak. I'm not supposed to cry. I was supposed to be strong for you. I failed you. It will haunt me forever.
Sometimes, I just want to go back to that lake and join you at the bottom. I don't think you want me to do that, though. The thought of you frowning at a decision like that eats me alive. What would I find down there? I'll never know, I suppose. This is the first time I have ever had the chance to sit here and remember. Everything rushes back to me all at once. I remember how much I love you every second. I've been busy, but then there was nothing for me to do. Nothing to distract me from you. Come back to me, Marie…
Marie
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better now
You're stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it
I don't know what to say to you, Jason. Have you given up your hope so quickly? You're not the same person I remember. Please, you must move on. Can't you see that I want you to do that? Would I want you to live the rest of your life grieving? I want you to live in peace, and I want you to live in happiness. Pass on from this moment. Don't get stuck. Push yourself out and carry on. Do it for me. I love you, Jason. I always will…
And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass
Jason Bourne took one last look at the paper. He read it over trying to not let even a teardrop pass. He folded the piece of paper and closed his eyes. Silently, he tore the paper until only small fragments remained. He let them fall to the floor. With one breath, he felt it. He opened his eyes and he lost his breath. A smile slowly crept to his face.
"Marie…"
It's just a moment
This time will pass…