Disclaimer: I…Own…Nothing. Nada..zip..zilch (is zilch a word?)
Summary:
When Edward doesn't return in New Moon (I do know this idea is done. About a million times, I might as well do it at least once.) Bella is faced with 2 options. Try to live in a world without Edward or any of the Cullens; or she could do the unthinkable. Commit Suicide. Here is my take on the situation… Bella POV and E/B
Dear Edward
When I think back over the time that we were together what you did to me starts to make sense. It's obvious now, I was smothering you. Whenever you were with me, you were forced to protect me from danger.
An angel like you shouldn't be stuck protecting a meek, useless creature like me. It was only a matter of time before you got fed up and left. I realize this now. Now I'm going to let you go Edward. It's time for me to free you from your commitment.
After today you will never have to worry about me tripping in front of a bus or falling down a flight of stairs to my demise. Although, you probably don't even worry about me anymore. Knowing you, you've already found someone else to distract you from your never ending existence. She's probably prettier than me isn't she? It's not hard to find somebody prettier than me though.
If she isn't already a vampire Edward, please change her. That's all I want for you. I need you to be happy. And your obviously not happy here, forced to protect me, like a pseudo Lancelot.
You're probably never going to read this letter Edward. That's ok. I'd rather write it, pour out my love for you on a piece of paper that will never be read, and will most likely decompose and waste away before you even think about me again. That's better than never releasing these emotions. And by releasing my emotions, my life I'm really just releasing you.
And if Alice has seen this, hopefully she won't try to stop me. She knows what I've been living through these past 6 months. It's my decision to make, my choice, and my life to spend however I wish.
You know what the sick thing is Edward? That paper cut that I got that nearly killed me at my birthday? It's going to be nothing compared to this next cut. The last cut.
Dying used to seem so far away, something that didn't need to be worried about. I'm still now worried Edward. I've realized that it's a release from pain, not the cause of pain. It's time for me to say goodbye. It's past time for me to die. We all know that I was supposed to die when Tyler's van went speeding out of control; I'm just helping out fate.
I love you,
Bella
After I finished writing my letter, I folded it nicely and put it in my envelope. Buying all those envelopes and paper was pretty expensive. Who knew that 1900's style stationary was so expensive? Oh well. It's not like I need money where I'm going.
I think that I have some of the greatest timing. Right after I finished writing my letters, the tub was full of water. Slowly, I undressed, right down to my blue underwear and bra. It's ironic really; this color is the color Edward liked best on me. Soon it will be intermingling with the other thing Edward liked best about me, my blood.
Thank goodness Charlie had decided to remodel the bathroom. Instead of that old style shower we used to have, we've got a totally Victorian style bathroom. The perfect setting for my suicide.
But before I get on with it, I've got to set the stage. First I'll light the candles, and then I'll turn on the CD. Who knew that Evanescence would match my mood exactly? Amy Lee really is phenomenal. Which song should I use, Tourniquet, perfect! Well really this CD isn't all Evanescence; it's got some of the best suicide songs on here, like Loreena Mckennit. I've got a new obsession with her beautiful and haunting style.
After that's started, I'll just slip into my bath; ice cold, a perfect match to Edward. Now, where's that knife; oh yeah, in my hand where I left it. Raising my right hand I slowly draw its thick, sharp blade across my pale skin. Following the path I carved with my knife is a bright trail of crimson blood. At first it comes slowly, but when adrenaline kicks in and sets my heart racing it nearly pours out.
Quickly, I do the same to my left hand before the strength goes out with my blood. The water is slowly changing color from a clear, sparkling, translucent liquid to a murky reddish mix.
Before my strength fully gives out I settle more deeply into the crimson water, wrists facing up. As I slowly fade into black I quietly say "I love you Edward, Be happy wherever you are", and with that I'm gone.
Now with a happy ending like that, should I continue or should Bella die? I'm not sure, I almost have a plan. Let me know if you think it's good, crap or if I should continue or not. Really I'm a terrible judge of my own work. If you guys could help me out, I love constructive criticism....*wink* *wink* *hint* *hint* *nudge* *nudge*