Chapter 1

Disclaimers: I do not own any part of Fushigi Yuugi. At all. Don't sue me, I'm a poor, poor person ;-; This story, however, is mine. Steal it and DIE. Happy reading! ^^ BTW, this fic will be centered around Chiriko, my favorite seishi, although it doesn't seem like it for this chapter… Enjoy! Also, I use cute little faces such as ^^; ¬¬ o_O; and so on and so forth because… well because I'm used to it! ^^; See? Oh, and ::blah:: is an action, like a scream/kick/punch/whatever. ::punches readers:: Haha! o_O;

The Seiryuu seishi were at it again, plotting to trap their enemies, the Suzaku no Miko and her seishi. The mission was simple enough, Nakago stated, and the powers of both Soi and Tomo were required for success. It must have been the oldest trick in the book, but knowing what saps the Suzaku shichiseishi were for their friends, it was bound to work. Soi and Tomo were already getting close to the clearing where the Suzaku no Miko-tachi had decided to make camp. Thick brush surrounded a nearly circular area, covered in rich, green-brown moss. Crickets had already set out of their homes to recite their eerie songs. The birds had returned to their nests and chicks after a day of foraging for food, and were snuggling with their heads beneath their wings.

It was chilly, and Tasuki was pissed off. "Great fucking day this was… if Miaka-baka hadn't forgotten to stuff her face before we left the palace, she wouldn't have jumped in the river trying to catch koi…"

"Oooh, Tasuki-kun shouldn't speak badly of Miko-sama, na no da. You might burn in Suzaku's fire."

"Tch, whatever. Women irritate me. Except for Miaka, that is, she's a great source of entertainment!"

Chiriko tilted his head to one side. "If Suzaku won't even appear until we summon him, I doubt he would even come down to ignite somebody."

From one side of the clearing, soft snoring could be heard. Chichiri and the rest of the gang sweatdropped. Miaka and Tamahome had already fallen asleep in each other's arms, and had not heard one word of the disturbing conversation.

Nuriko had a sparkle in his eyes. "Awww, look how cute they are, cuddling like that… I wish ~I~ could do that with a certain somebody…" He had already started dreaming in his own little world while everybody looked on, like ¬¬*

"Hot damn, there he goes again… Is there a moment where you DON'T try to get into the emperor's pants?" Tasuki jeered. Soon he was rolling on the floor with laughter, and if he hadn't been so busy laughing like a stark mad lunatic, he would've remembered that making fun of Nuriko is NEVER a good idea.

"Why, you! Com'here, fan-boy! I'm gonna kick your sorry ass all the way to Hokkan!"

Never one to back down without a witty retort, the redhead of course had to take advantage of the situation, and made absolutely sure he was going to be beaten into a bloody pulp. "Oooh, queer punches! Lalalala!" He frolicked around the clearing like a ballerina, while the femme fatale grabbed a nearby giant tree, and began to smack Tasuki like an annoying little insect.

"Itai! Help meeee!!!"

"Come back here, you little bug-eyed creep!"

Chichiri watched in slight amusement. "We haven't even gotten very far from the Konan gates… If we don't make haste, the Seiryuu's will snatch that Shinzaho from under our noses, no da. Emperor Hotohori has trusted us with this task, we need to summon Suzaku quickly before Kutou attacks us in our sleep, no da."

~*~*~*~

"Kakakakakakaka… that's exactly what's going to happen… tonight."

"Tomo, shut the fuck up! They're going to hear us! Come here, I'm gonna…"

"Aaaaiiii!!!"

Chiriko looked suspiciously behind him. "Mitsukake, d-do bushes sh-shiver?"

"Take this, and maybe you'll learn to quiet down!"

"Aaaaiiii!!!!"

"Ne, did you hear that?

Tasuki tilted his head to the side. "Hear what?"

"Aaaaiii!!!"

"That, no da…"

"Ssshhh… now be quiet! This is our chance to make Nakago-sama happy, then he'll want me to power up his chi all night long!" Using her ultra super thunder/lightning powers, Soi created a fierce storm over the clearing and nearby areas.

~*~*~*~

"Maybe it was… Daaaaa! It's raining, no da!"

"What the fuck? Eeeee! Water!" Tasuki ran under the tree Nuriko used to bash him with and huddled up like a little girl.

Mitsukake looked around nervously. "This isn't very… natural. It was clear a moment ago…"

"Actually, Mitsukake-sama, freak thunderstorms have been reported lately around this area, for reasons unknown. Most of the time, they're dry thunderstorms, but blah blah blah blah blah… raining blah blah… water blah… electricity… blah" Tasuki and the rest had already tuned out Chiriko's droning.

Tasuki covered his ears. "Make it so stop, make it stop! This kid is worse than the fucking storm! Mitsukake, isn't there a button on him somewhere?"

"Hey! I heard that!"

The gentle doctor looked down at Chiriko, and inspected him carefully.

The child prodigy flinched. "Mitsukake, where is your hand going?"

"Actually…" He pushed a spot on Chiriko's neck, and the little boy instantly fell silent and collapsed onto the ground. Everybody (excluding Miaka and Tamahome) gave funky looks of disbelief at Mitsukake, like o_O;?

"What? What?" He looked around innocently. "He needed his rest anyway, a growing boy like him." Tasuki and Chichiri sweatdropped, again. Mitsukake picked up the sleeping child, slung him over his shoulder, and headed off to the other side of the clearing. "I'll hit the sack, and I suggest you two do so as well…" And with that, the gentle giant dozed off almost instantly.

Chichiri glanced at the fiery seishi. "Is it just me, no da, or did Mitsukake just say more words in this whole fic than he has ever said in the whole entire series, no da?"

"Ch, beats me… I'm fucking tired, see you in the morning…"

"Wait, no da! I wanna try that trick!" Chichiri crawled over to Tasuki, searched his neck, raised his finger, and poked him. Almost immediately, Chichiri heard ~loud~ snoring from his fanged companion. "Oooh, this'll come in handy later one, na no da!" The blue monk cackled maniacally, then retired to slumber, himself.

~*~*~*~

"Quick, now's our chance! Grab the brat and let's get the hell outta here!"

"Stop rushing me, you skank! I'm a professional…" Tomo crept from behind the bushes, Soi following silently. They stopped behind trees, making sure nobody was still awake. When they neared Chiriko and Mitsukake, Tomo was hesitant.

~*~*~*~

"This is creepy…"

"Don't chicken out now! Fine, I'll grab the stupid brat, you make an illusion of him right… there. Got it?" Tomo grumbled something of a yes, and Soi made her move. Swiftly and silently, she snatched the sleeping child, while Tomo opened his skanky clamshell and created a motionless shadow of Chiriko, sleeping next to the BFG (a.k.a. Mitsukake o_O;).

"Yuck, I hate kids… What if he pees on me?"

"He's not a baby… He looks about 13"

"Looks like one… whatever, let's just get the hell out of here and report to Nakago-sama."

And with that, they bounded skillfully into the night, and were gone.

~*~*~*~

Delighted that they have successfully carried out their mission, Tomo had started to sing. Not Snow White-surrounded-by-cute-animals singing, nor opera singing, or even a hot diva on a stage surrounded by adoring fans. No, Tomo sang… like a freak. He was offbeat, his voice cracked at every other word, and Soi was coming to the conclusion that she'd rather listen to Ashitare recite poetry on a cloudy day than stand even near Tomo and his awful singing.

"Aaargh, enough already! You'll wake up the kid!"

"Oooh, I highly doubt that, my pretty. Pressure points are a wonderful thing."

"Alright, you'll wake the dead!"
"I don't have that kind of power, you silly goose!" Soi gritted her teeth. If Nakago ever stuck her on a mission with Tomo again, she'd probably kill him off first, and get the job done all by herself.

"AlL tHe lAdIeS wHo TrUlY fEeL MeH, tHroW yOuR hAnDs Up At Me! AlL tHe HoNeYs MaKin MoNeY, tHroW yOuR hAnDs Up At…"

Soi raised her hand and zapped Tomo's ass again. "I said ENOUGH ALREADY!" Geezez!"

Of course, Tomo wailed like a little girl. "Itai! Soi, you are such a MEANIE!"

"And you're a queer!"

"Meanie meanie poo poo!"

"Fairy princess!"

"Ah! You hussy!"

"Come here, you!" After 30 minutes of bickering and quarreling, Soi had finally bound and gagged Tomo, and put her foot on top of him triumphantly. "Ha! I win! Nyaaah!" She grabbed the sleeping Chiriko and the tied up Tomo, slinging one over each shoulder, and slowly trudged all the way back to Kutou.

That's is for me. I'll write more very, very, very soon. So what'll happen to Chiriko? Who'll come to his rescue? R&R! Please? I'm begging you! ;-; Well, kind of, anyway…