A/N: I do not own anything.

The death was awful. The aftermath was worse. Casey was in a fatal car crash a month into their first semester of their senior year at Queens. The doctors said that it had been quick and painless. The officers had announced her DOA. Most of it was a blur to Derek, a very painful blur.

The morning of are vivid in his memory, though. The night before, too. She'd sat with him on the couch in their apartment. He had the channel on hockey and he'd gripped the remote tightly, expecting a fight. Instead she had said nothing and sat very still. He'd poked a little fun at her during the commercials and she'd smiled at him, sadly, and called him names back, but it lacked any real conviction. She sat and watched the entire game with him and when it was over she took him by surprise and threw her arms around him and gave him a hug. "Good night, Derek," she had whispered in his ear before leaving to her room.

The police said it had been a hit and run by some gang, but Derek never shook the feeling that Casey had known something was coming.

He was listed as her emergency contact so he was the one who got the call. He was also the one who had to call and tell Nora… He doesn't really remember that call, that's around when everything started blurring. He remembers a lot of crying and a lot of questions.

The funeral was held back at home and a lot of people attended. Derek took the semester off from school because he could barely keep track of what day it was, there was no way he would be able to focus on his classes. It was Nora who had asked him to speak at her funeral, and he'd agreed. That day he also remembers well.

"Casey…" he looked at the picture of her they had put up next to her closed casket. She was smiling at something behind the camera, smiling at him, and his throat constricted. He had to clear his throat to continue, "Casey was passionate, brilliant, stubborn, and often times a little uptight." He could see the worried frown on Nora's face, but he continued, "What a lot of people didn't know about Casey, is that she was my best friend." He watched the frown turn into understanding and the sadness in her eyes deepen. "Anyone who spent time with us knew that we fought, all the time. Except, that was just our thing… over the years we'd developed a strong friendship. The thing…" Derek took a deep breath, his heart pounding and his eyes stinging but he'd yet to cry and he was not about to do it up here, "Casey was amazing. She pushed me to be my best self, wow that sounded cheesy, but it's true. She knew what I was capable of and wouldn't except anything less. Knowing Casey, I became a better person… and the thing is… the thing that I never told her, or anyone really, is I love her. She was everything to me and I never got a chance to really tell her that." He supposed this wasn't really the forum for admitting his feelings, but he had to let it out because it was suffocating him. The college student cleared his throat once more, "Uh, anyway. Casey was a lot of things and I just hope she knows she will be missed."

He hadn't gone to sit with his family after speaking like he was supposed to and he didn't stick around to watch them put her in the ground, instead Derek got in his car and he drove. All the way back to their shared apartment in Queens. That is the place where he finally cried; there, laying in her bed and staring at the ceiling.

Now, just past the one year mark, Derek was living in the States. He'd caught up on his courses, wanting to make Casey proud, and had managed to graduate on time (well, they let him walk the stage on time but he had to take a few summer courses to make up for the semester he lost). He was now the co-host of a morning radio show working in Seattle and living about half an hour away in Tacoma. He'd really started to adjust to his new job and new home.

He'd just left the studio and headed across the street to the Corner Bakery Café for lunch and some coffee. He sat not really looking at anything but just generally staring when something, someone caught his eyes.

There was a woman standing at the counter and he could see her profile from where he was sitting. It was a profile he was familiar with seeing… the hair was black instead of a light brown but she just looked so much like Casey… The woman let out a forced laugh and it felt like his heart was stopping because she sounded so much like her. When the woman turned, collecting her folded bag of food to go he caught a glimpse of bright blue eyes before they'd turned down to face the phone screen in her hand.

The hair might be darker, but those eyes… He must be losing his mind, because the blue eyes he'd caught sight of were all Casey.

It was a minute before Derek was no longer in shock and then it occurred to him to chase after the woman and demand why she had Casey's eyes, or the alternative to demand why Casey was here with black hair when her entire family thought she was dead. But when he'd raced outside, she was gone. He turned wildly just outside the restaurant door looking for any indication where she might have gone, but it was a rare sunny day in Seattle and there were too many people out and about. He returned to his lunch defeated and lacking appetite.

The teenager who had served Casey was wiping down Derek's table at any rate so he just returned to get his jacket, "Sorry, man," the kid said, "Didn't see your jacket, I thought you were done…"

"I was." He slipped on the leather jacket and turned for the door. The teen jumped a little when Derek turned abruptly around, "That girl, that was just here. Bright blue eyes, black hair…" He felt heat rising on the back of his neck. It was ridiculous; he'd thought he'd seen Casey a few times after she died… at her funeral, on campus, but he had been wrong every time.

It just felt so different this time, "Don't even bother, man, my manager hits on her every time she comes in and she always shoots him down." The teen shrugged and swiped at the table with the rag once more, "She's classy about it, though, but she says she doesn't date."

Derek was still stuck on the part about 'every time she comes' because then there was a chance of him seeing her again. He could get a better look, maybe introduce himself, and once he was face to face with her it would be like all the other times, he'd be wrong and he could breathe again. He followed the kid to the counter, "How often does she come."

The kid just shook her head, "You're fighting a losing battle, dude, but sure give it a go." He moved around behind the counter cleaning up, "She comes like every two weeks or so. Sometimes more. Always orders ahead, so she never stays long."

Derek snatched a napkin out of the dispenser and grabbed one of the pens for signing credit card purchases, he wrote his number down and thrust it at the kid, "The next time she calls in an order, you call me." It was not a question, he didn't want the kid to give any room to argue.

It didn't work, "I don't know man," he was looking at Derek suspiciously and he figured he probably sounded like a creepy stalker.

Heaving a large sigh, Derek put on a vulnerable face, "She just looked so much like a girl I knew in college and… I can't let it go without knowing if it's her or not. So, please," he trust the napkin toward the kid again, "I work right across the street." He pointed toward the studio.

"The one that got away, huh?" at least he sounded sympathetic now.

"Yeah, pretty much." The kid took the napkin and Derek started to leave before a thought struck him, "What was the name, on the order?"

"Casey M."

"You… you call me." Derek managed in a squeak. Somehow he made it home to his apartment that night, but he was on auto-pilot after that conversation. Because if he thought, it would be of her, and if he was thinking of her, his chest would tighten and he wouldn't be able to breathe, and he was just going to have to wait for answers.