"What the _HELL_ is this crap?" - Asuka, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Manga #5
* * * * * * * * * * *
Tuxedo Jack and Craptacularly Spignificant Productions present
-the product of a mind on crack -
-with apologies to Akamatsu and Takeuchi-
Over-Violent Student Double Hail Hina:
A Crossover that Should Never Be
* * * * * * * * * * *
Disclaimer: Oh, you know, I don't own either LH or BSSM. Xing
can take it and stuff it for deleting my MSTings.
This does deviate from the LH timeline, so bear with me.
* * * * * * * * * * *
"WAAAAAAAH!"
Urashima Keitaro, the ever-intrepid ronin, left the test center
dismayed once more. It was his _third_ time taking the test to
be admitted to Tokyo Daigaku, and once again he'd failed it.
"Oh, man, Aunt Haruka's going to be _so_ mad at me for this..."
He sighed, and with that, he crumpled the test paper and cocked
his arm to toss it behind him. But just then, his arm hit a
conveniently placed light pole, and he jumped in pain... and
tripped.
On his way down, his hands flailed around, trying to find
purchase... and find a grip they did, right on the edge of a
stunning red-haired girl's fuku. He fell, and had, arguably the
best heads-up display in the world for a minute... before said
red-haired girl screamed "PERVERT!" and punched him into the
stratosphere.
On his flight up, Keitaro sighed. "Life just keeps kicking me
when I'm down."
* * *
That afternoon, back at the Hinata-sou...
"WHAT?!?"
Naru's scream was audible half a block away. "That PERVERT'S
going to be kanrinrin HERE?!? This is a _GIRLS' DORMINTORY!_"
Keitaro shook his ears, and Haruka merely took another drag.
"He's an Urashima blood relative, and you need a kanrinrin.
Besides, I'm too busy thanks to the teahouse."
"But... but..."
"You two're trying to get into Todai, right? Then you can study
together, and maybe you'll help each other out." Haruka stood
and turned to leave.
"But, Haruka-oba - ack!"
Haruka slapped Keitaro in the back of his head. "Haruka-san!"
She took another drag, then dropped her cigarette in an ashtray.
"I'm leaving. Keitaro, clean up the house."
Naru turned to Keitaro, anger in her eyes. "If I _EVER_ catch
you peeping, I'll crucify you, cut out your tongue, and send you
to HELL! Do you understand me?"
Keitaro only nodded. He couldn't do much more, thanks to a sudden
terrifying vision of Narusegawa with a scythe and a crucifix.
* * *
Elsewhere...
Queen Kanako of the Dark Kingdom sat in her EVIL THRONE OF DOOM,
thinking of her newest plan to invade Earth and control the world.
(That, and take enough Kentucky Fried Chicken to power her evil
minions for eternity, but that was a secondary matter. The real
reason she wanted to control Earth was to find the man of her dreams.)
"Shiraite!"
The student formerly known as Shirai emerged from the shadows.
"Yes, my queen?"
Kanako turned to Shiraite. "You will go to Hinata, and when there,
you shall drain energy from students. Their energy from their failing
exam grades will power the Dark Kingdom for eons!"
Shiraite bowed, and turned to leave, but then turned back. "And
you're sure that if I pull this off, you'll get me into Todai?
I don't want to be one of the Shironin forever."
Kanako sighed. "You've got my promise on that," she snapped. "And don't
forget that you've got a good 401K and benefits!"
"Yeah, but dental isn't covered," Shiraite whined.
"GO!"
* * *
Keitaro scrubbed.
He didn't just scrub, though. He _SCRUBBED_, in only the way that
_SCRUBBING_ can describe.
* * *
Elsewhere, _Sancho_ sneezed.
* * *
And as Keitaro scrubbed the women's bath, a small turtle flew into
the hot springs.
"Myuu."
He blinked and turned to the newcomer. "When did you get here? Huh."
Keitaro picked up the turtle and looked at it with a smile. "You're
a cute little one, you are. You have a name?"
"Myuu."
Keitaro blinked. "Wish I could understand that."
"Myuu!" With that, the turtle slapped Keitaro across his face with the
small metal nametag on its collar.
"Tama-chan..." Keitaro passed out with the obligatory swirls in his
eyes.
Tama sighed. "Myuu."
* * *
Shiraite appeared in a flash of eye-popping ILM special effects outside
Hinata-Sou. Unfortunately, we can't show you that, because when Shirai
tried to load the special effects page, he got an error 404, and he had
to troubleshoot the whole thing. So he eventually gave up on it and knocked
on the door.
"Keitaro! Hey, buddy, how're you doing?"
Keitaro blinked... again. "Afternoon, Shirai. How'd you do on your exam?"
"Not too well, but I'm definitely going to get into Todai!" Shiraite grinned.
"I've got luck on my side, and a little help to boot!"
Keitaro stepped back. "So, Shirai, you feel up to going for karaoke today?"
"Nope, Keitaro, I've got some work to do for my new boss. Something about
finding students who failed their exams."
* * *
"Myuu..." Tama flew into the main room, dragging Keitaro's sponge on its
back. "Myuu!"
"HEY! I need that to finish cleaning the baths!" Keitaro ran after Tama,
waving his arms all the way. "Hey! Give that back!"
Tama myuu-ed one last time as it flew into Keitaro's room and collapsed
on his bed.
"Now you give that back, Tama!" Keitaro pulled the sponge off, revealing
a Japanese flag emblazoned on her back. "What the..."
"Myuu!" Tama said. "So you're the chosen one, myuu?"
"What the..."
"You must be the chosen one, Urashima, or else you'd just hear a myuu-ing
whenever I spoke."
"But... but..." And with that, Keitaro was reduced (again) to a slightly
blubbering idiot.
"Oh, for heaven's sake... do you remember back then? Ages ago, in your old
life? You made a promise, a promise to a woman, a promise that you
two would go to Todai together."
Keitaro nodded, but his mind was reduced to that of two monkeys picking
fleas off each other's backs.
Tama continued, seemingly oblivious to Keitaro's state. "But then, you and she
were separated, and you were forced to grow up without her. But even through
that, and even though you forgot about the promise, you've been subconsciously
keeping it this whole time. And all of this is due to the efforts of... the Enemy."
"The... Enemy?"
"No, the Enemy. Get it straight, because you're going to be fighting them."
Keitaro suddenly shifted his mind into full gear. "I'm fighting the Enemy?
What are they, giant evil Angels bent on destroying humanity? Rogue robots
trying to kill everything and everyone? Youma, maybe?"
Tama sighed. "Um, actually... they're four ronin who made a deal with the devil
to get into Todai."
Keitaro facefaulted.
* * *
Meanwhile...
Naru wandered down into the main room. She was bored and restless and seemed
to be looking for something...
"Hey, beautiful! Didn't I see you at the exam center today?"
Naru turned towards Shiraite, her fist extended as if for a Naru-punch, but
calmed down when she saw the student on the couch. "Don't call me that, and
yes, you did."
"So how'd _you_ do on your exams? I'm sure I got in."
Naru sat down on the couch Kitsune normally occupied with a sigh. "I'm
a ronin again. I don't believe it. I studied so hard, I checked my work...
I still failed my exams."
It was at that point that Shiraite realized that Naru was a perfect target,
and began to drain her energy via a super-secret technique that wasn't entirely
unlike the Happo Ten-Yen Satsu.
Okay, it was pretty close, but if it was closer, I'd get sued for copyright
infringement.
* * *
Tama flew in a backflip, and when she was done, a small brooch fell out of nowhere
onto Keitaro's lap. "If you put this on, and say 'Todai Ronin Power, Make-up,'
you'll turn into Sailor Senpai, defender of students and protector of the world."
Keitaro blinked. "What? You mean I get a cool henshin sequence?"
"And special attacks and such. But you'd better transform now, because that
redhead downstairs is getting attacked by the first of the four Shironin!"
He nodded, and raised the brooch high. "Plot Contrivance Power, Make UP!"
Nothing happened.
"You got the phrase wrong, dummy..."
"Oh, fine," Keitaro sighed. "Todai Ronin Power, Make UP!"
With a rush and a roar, along with cool background music, Keitaro became
Sailor Senpai. Again, we're not going to show you this, because Keitaro isn't
exactly the most attractive of physical specimens, and a henshin sequence with
him naked wouldn't exactly be something anyone other than Mutsumi (and maybe
Naru, in retrospect) wouldn't want to see, ne? That, and I don't want to waste
5KB on describing it.
In short, he ended up just as the reader would expect.
In a fuku. With a _short_ skirt.
Tama-chan groaned. "I've got to modify that so he can wear _pants_."
* * *
Shiraite continued draining Naru's energy until she was passed out on the
floor. "And now..." He turned to leave...
"Hold it right there, Shirai!"
"What the..." Shiraite turned towards the stairway, only to be blinded by the
sight of Keitaro in his fuku.
"I'm Sailor Senpai, defender of students and protector of the planet Earth!
I can't allow you to drain the energy of students and use it for your evil
purposes, and so, in the name of Todai..."
Keitaro powerposed. "I'll punish you!"
Shiraite gagged. "Seeing you in a short skirt's punishment enough. You mind
putting some pants or something on?"
Sailor Senpai blushed. "I didn't know you were interested in me like that!"
Shiraite snickered. "Not my style."
Senpai jumped towards Shiraite, leg outstretched. "Sailor Senpai KICK!" He missed,
collapsing to the ground. "That hurt!"
"You won't defeat me easily, Ronin!" Shiraite laughed evilly. "I'm far too
powerful, and besides, the Dark Queen has given me her assurances that I'll
be admitted into Todai!"
"No you won't!" Sailor Senpai stood up. "I'm not going to let you do that,
not for a million years!"
"You can't stop me - URK!" Shiraite collapsed to the ground, holding a hand over
his leg, which now sported a massive wound. "Who did that?"
Piano music started in the background, and two shadowy figures stood in the
nearby window.
"Heralded by the machine age, I am here, appearing beautifully, Sailor Mecha!"
"Filled by the contents of the buffet, I am here, appearing beautifully, Sailor
Shefu!"
Sailor Senpai and Shiraite stared in shock as Sailor Shefu leapt forward
and fired off an attack. "Yakitori Skewer!" Skewers of perfectly-made roast
chicken flew forawrd into Shiraite's clothes, pinning him to the ground, and
Sailor Mecha followed up with her attack.
"Mecha Tamago CRUSH!" A giant turtle mecha came out of nowhere and collapsed
on top of Shiraite, making sure he couldn't get up. With that complete, Sailors
Mecha and Shefu leapt out of Hinata-Sou, leaving only the remnants of their attacks
behind.
Sailor Senpai stared in shock. "What... the hell... was that?"
Shiraite struggled to get out from under the turtle. "I don't know, but you mind
letting me out from under this thing?"
Senpai moved towards him, and then stepped back. "Hey, I'm not going to help you!
You nearly killed Naru!" He looked towards the couch, which was now empty. "Hey,
where'd she go?"
Shiraite groaned. "I don't know, but you mind GETTING THIS THING OFF ME?"
Sakura petals inscribed with the kanji and kana for "promise" wafted through the
room, and soft piano music began in the background. "You can't go around hurting
students and draining their energy - it's not right!"
Senpai and Shiraite stared at the new figure, who was standing in the window
wearing a tuxedo. "I'm Tuxedo Ronin, and I'm here to protect and defend Sailor
Senpai!" She ran towards Shiraite, who by this time had managed to get loose
of the yakitori skewers and giant turtle, and screamed an attack - "Ronin
PUUUUUUNCH!"
With a single blow, Shiraite was sent into low Earth orbit, and Sailor Senpai
prepared his finishing attack. A few seconds later, he landed right in front
of Sailor Senpai and Tuxedo Ronin, and Senpai released his final attack.
"Todai... Exam... SURGE!"
Hundreds of exam papers flew towards Shiraite and buried him. Shiraite let out
a single cry of "GAINAX!" before he died and his body dissolved into a mist
of light.
Tuxedo Ronin bent towards Keitaro, her face glinting in the light. "You
know, you're kinda cute in this light."
Senpai got a slight nosebleed, and turned away. When he turned, he tripped,
and when he fell, he pulled off Tuxedo Ronin's hat and mask. For just a second,
he got a glimpse of her beautiful face, and a flash of red hair...
And then he was promptly flying through the air to the sound of "PERVERT!"
* * *
Finally...
Back in the Dark Kingdom, Queen Kanako sighed. "It looks like I'm not
going to get that energy any time soon. And who's this 'Sailor Senpai'
that showed up? I must find out more about him... he's so handsome."
Haitanite stepped forwards. "Queen Kanako, will you send me to remedy
Shiraite's failures? After all, I am the superior of the Shironin."
Kanako shook her head. "No. We must not act yet. We must study these four
who stepped forwards to oppose us. They seek to complete the Promise. If
they complete it, a force of unlimited power will be released, and if the
Promise is not completed, we will gain that power."
Haitanite sighed. "So you're sending Saraite to do the job, then?"
"No, I think you'll do nicely. After all, Liddite is... busy with his
television show."
"And another thing, queen - can we _please_ move the Dark Kingdom
out of the Hinata-Sou storage shed?"
Kanako glowered at Haitanite. "NO! I want to be near onii-san!"
Haitanite cowered. "If that's your wish, my queen." He faded into darkness,
and Kuro appeared next to Kanako.
"You really need professional help, you know that?"
"Me or the author?"
"Both of you."
And then the Fourth Wall promptly fell on them both, knocking them out...
much to Haitanite's relief.
* * * * * * * * * *
AUTHOR'S NOTES
God help me, I don't know what came over me when I wrote this over the
course of an evening. It may have been crack, it may have been insanity,
it may have been the result of working with RM2K3 too much. But let me
tell you this... it's a one-shot. Anyone wants to take this and run with it,
let me know before you do it.
Just be grateful it wasn't the LH/Eva fusion I originally had in mind.
Seriously, though, I've got tons of stuff on my mind now. I've got school,
Castlevania: Clockwork of Night, and tons of pieces that are handwritten that
I've got to transcribe to upload.
I'm still pissed at Xing for wiping my MSTings when he could instead focus on
something more useful - like shutting down Fictionpress and re-adding those
works there to FFN, since no one's going to go there anyway. However, i'm still
MSTing, and I've got Episode 206 about halfway done. Again, it'll be up in full
form on my site when I get it done, and in host segment form only on FFN.
In the meantime, watch for me on Manicszone and GameFAQs.I'm writing FAQs
for a lot of games and also patches/guides for RPG Maker 2003.
Ja ne, everyone!
Tuxy
March 4, 2003
* * * * * * * * * * *
Tuxedo Jack and Craptacularly Spignificant Productions present
-the product of a mind on crack -
-with apologies to Akamatsu and Takeuchi-
Over-Violent Student Double Hail Hina:
A Crossover that Should Never Be
* * * * * * * * * * *
Disclaimer: Oh, you know, I don't own either LH or BSSM. Xing
can take it and stuff it for deleting my MSTings.
This does deviate from the LH timeline, so bear with me.
* * * * * * * * * * *
"WAAAAAAAH!"
Urashima Keitaro, the ever-intrepid ronin, left the test center
dismayed once more. It was his _third_ time taking the test to
be admitted to Tokyo Daigaku, and once again he'd failed it.
"Oh, man, Aunt Haruka's going to be _so_ mad at me for this..."
He sighed, and with that, he crumpled the test paper and cocked
his arm to toss it behind him. But just then, his arm hit a
conveniently placed light pole, and he jumped in pain... and
tripped.
On his way down, his hands flailed around, trying to find
purchase... and find a grip they did, right on the edge of a
stunning red-haired girl's fuku. He fell, and had, arguably the
best heads-up display in the world for a minute... before said
red-haired girl screamed "PERVERT!" and punched him into the
stratosphere.
On his flight up, Keitaro sighed. "Life just keeps kicking me
when I'm down."
* * *
That afternoon, back at the Hinata-sou...
"WHAT?!?"
Naru's scream was audible half a block away. "That PERVERT'S
going to be kanrinrin HERE?!? This is a _GIRLS' DORMINTORY!_"
Keitaro shook his ears, and Haruka merely took another drag.
"He's an Urashima blood relative, and you need a kanrinrin.
Besides, I'm too busy thanks to the teahouse."
"But... but..."
"You two're trying to get into Todai, right? Then you can study
together, and maybe you'll help each other out." Haruka stood
and turned to leave.
"But, Haruka-oba - ack!"
Haruka slapped Keitaro in the back of his head. "Haruka-san!"
She took another drag, then dropped her cigarette in an ashtray.
"I'm leaving. Keitaro, clean up the house."
Naru turned to Keitaro, anger in her eyes. "If I _EVER_ catch
you peeping, I'll crucify you, cut out your tongue, and send you
to HELL! Do you understand me?"
Keitaro only nodded. He couldn't do much more, thanks to a sudden
terrifying vision of Narusegawa with a scythe and a crucifix.
* * *
Elsewhere...
Queen Kanako of the Dark Kingdom sat in her EVIL THRONE OF DOOM,
thinking of her newest plan to invade Earth and control the world.
(That, and take enough Kentucky Fried Chicken to power her evil
minions for eternity, but that was a secondary matter. The real
reason she wanted to control Earth was to find the man of her dreams.)
"Shiraite!"
The student formerly known as Shirai emerged from the shadows.
"Yes, my queen?"
Kanako turned to Shiraite. "You will go to Hinata, and when there,
you shall drain energy from students. Their energy from their failing
exam grades will power the Dark Kingdom for eons!"
Shiraite bowed, and turned to leave, but then turned back. "And
you're sure that if I pull this off, you'll get me into Todai?
I don't want to be one of the Shironin forever."
Kanako sighed. "You've got my promise on that," she snapped. "And don't
forget that you've got a good 401K and benefits!"
"Yeah, but dental isn't covered," Shiraite whined.
"GO!"
* * *
Keitaro scrubbed.
He didn't just scrub, though. He _SCRUBBED_, in only the way that
_SCRUBBING_ can describe.
* * *
Elsewhere, _Sancho_ sneezed.
* * *
And as Keitaro scrubbed the women's bath, a small turtle flew into
the hot springs.
"Myuu."
He blinked and turned to the newcomer. "When did you get here? Huh."
Keitaro picked up the turtle and looked at it with a smile. "You're
a cute little one, you are. You have a name?"
"Myuu."
Keitaro blinked. "Wish I could understand that."
"Myuu!" With that, the turtle slapped Keitaro across his face with the
small metal nametag on its collar.
"Tama-chan..." Keitaro passed out with the obligatory swirls in his
eyes.
Tama sighed. "Myuu."
* * *
Shiraite appeared in a flash of eye-popping ILM special effects outside
Hinata-Sou. Unfortunately, we can't show you that, because when Shirai
tried to load the special effects page, he got an error 404, and he had
to troubleshoot the whole thing. So he eventually gave up on it and knocked
on the door.
"Keitaro! Hey, buddy, how're you doing?"
Keitaro blinked... again. "Afternoon, Shirai. How'd you do on your exam?"
"Not too well, but I'm definitely going to get into Todai!" Shiraite grinned.
"I've got luck on my side, and a little help to boot!"
Keitaro stepped back. "So, Shirai, you feel up to going for karaoke today?"
"Nope, Keitaro, I've got some work to do for my new boss. Something about
finding students who failed their exams."
* * *
"Myuu..." Tama flew into the main room, dragging Keitaro's sponge on its
back. "Myuu!"
"HEY! I need that to finish cleaning the baths!" Keitaro ran after Tama,
waving his arms all the way. "Hey! Give that back!"
Tama myuu-ed one last time as it flew into Keitaro's room and collapsed
on his bed.
"Now you give that back, Tama!" Keitaro pulled the sponge off, revealing
a Japanese flag emblazoned on her back. "What the..."
"Myuu!" Tama said. "So you're the chosen one, myuu?"
"What the..."
"You must be the chosen one, Urashima, or else you'd just hear a myuu-ing
whenever I spoke."
"But... but..." And with that, Keitaro was reduced (again) to a slightly
blubbering idiot.
"Oh, for heaven's sake... do you remember back then? Ages ago, in your old
life? You made a promise, a promise to a woman, a promise that you
two would go to Todai together."
Keitaro nodded, but his mind was reduced to that of two monkeys picking
fleas off each other's backs.
Tama continued, seemingly oblivious to Keitaro's state. "But then, you and she
were separated, and you were forced to grow up without her. But even through
that, and even though you forgot about the promise, you've been subconsciously
keeping it this whole time. And all of this is due to the efforts of... the Enemy."
"The... Enemy?"
"No, the Enemy. Get it straight, because you're going to be fighting them."
Keitaro suddenly shifted his mind into full gear. "I'm fighting the Enemy?
What are they, giant evil Angels bent on destroying humanity? Rogue robots
trying to kill everything and everyone? Youma, maybe?"
Tama sighed. "Um, actually... they're four ronin who made a deal with the devil
to get into Todai."
Keitaro facefaulted.
* * *
Meanwhile...
Naru wandered down into the main room. She was bored and restless and seemed
to be looking for something...
"Hey, beautiful! Didn't I see you at the exam center today?"
Naru turned towards Shiraite, her fist extended as if for a Naru-punch, but
calmed down when she saw the student on the couch. "Don't call me that, and
yes, you did."
"So how'd _you_ do on your exams? I'm sure I got in."
Naru sat down on the couch Kitsune normally occupied with a sigh. "I'm
a ronin again. I don't believe it. I studied so hard, I checked my work...
I still failed my exams."
It was at that point that Shiraite realized that Naru was a perfect target,
and began to drain her energy via a super-secret technique that wasn't entirely
unlike the Happo Ten-Yen Satsu.
Okay, it was pretty close, but if it was closer, I'd get sued for copyright
infringement.
* * *
Tama flew in a backflip, and when she was done, a small brooch fell out of nowhere
onto Keitaro's lap. "If you put this on, and say 'Todai Ronin Power, Make-up,'
you'll turn into Sailor Senpai, defender of students and protector of the world."
Keitaro blinked. "What? You mean I get a cool henshin sequence?"
"And special attacks and such. But you'd better transform now, because that
redhead downstairs is getting attacked by the first of the four Shironin!"
He nodded, and raised the brooch high. "Plot Contrivance Power, Make UP!"
Nothing happened.
"You got the phrase wrong, dummy..."
"Oh, fine," Keitaro sighed. "Todai Ronin Power, Make UP!"
With a rush and a roar, along with cool background music, Keitaro became
Sailor Senpai. Again, we're not going to show you this, because Keitaro isn't
exactly the most attractive of physical specimens, and a henshin sequence with
him naked wouldn't exactly be something anyone other than Mutsumi (and maybe
Naru, in retrospect) wouldn't want to see, ne? That, and I don't want to waste
5KB on describing it.
In short, he ended up just as the reader would expect.
In a fuku. With a _short_ skirt.
Tama-chan groaned. "I've got to modify that so he can wear _pants_."
* * *
Shiraite continued draining Naru's energy until she was passed out on the
floor. "And now..." He turned to leave...
"Hold it right there, Shirai!"
"What the..." Shiraite turned towards the stairway, only to be blinded by the
sight of Keitaro in his fuku.
"I'm Sailor Senpai, defender of students and protector of the planet Earth!
I can't allow you to drain the energy of students and use it for your evil
purposes, and so, in the name of Todai..."
Keitaro powerposed. "I'll punish you!"
Shiraite gagged. "Seeing you in a short skirt's punishment enough. You mind
putting some pants or something on?"
Sailor Senpai blushed. "I didn't know you were interested in me like that!"
Shiraite snickered. "Not my style."
Senpai jumped towards Shiraite, leg outstretched. "Sailor Senpai KICK!" He missed,
collapsing to the ground. "That hurt!"
"You won't defeat me easily, Ronin!" Shiraite laughed evilly. "I'm far too
powerful, and besides, the Dark Queen has given me her assurances that I'll
be admitted into Todai!"
"No you won't!" Sailor Senpai stood up. "I'm not going to let you do that,
not for a million years!"
"You can't stop me - URK!" Shiraite collapsed to the ground, holding a hand over
his leg, which now sported a massive wound. "Who did that?"
Piano music started in the background, and two shadowy figures stood in the
nearby window.
"Heralded by the machine age, I am here, appearing beautifully, Sailor Mecha!"
"Filled by the contents of the buffet, I am here, appearing beautifully, Sailor
Shefu!"
Sailor Senpai and Shiraite stared in shock as Sailor Shefu leapt forward
and fired off an attack. "Yakitori Skewer!" Skewers of perfectly-made roast
chicken flew forawrd into Shiraite's clothes, pinning him to the ground, and
Sailor Mecha followed up with her attack.
"Mecha Tamago CRUSH!" A giant turtle mecha came out of nowhere and collapsed
on top of Shiraite, making sure he couldn't get up. With that complete, Sailors
Mecha and Shefu leapt out of Hinata-Sou, leaving only the remnants of their attacks
behind.
Sailor Senpai stared in shock. "What... the hell... was that?"
Shiraite struggled to get out from under the turtle. "I don't know, but you mind
letting me out from under this thing?"
Senpai moved towards him, and then stepped back. "Hey, I'm not going to help you!
You nearly killed Naru!" He looked towards the couch, which was now empty. "Hey,
where'd she go?"
Shiraite groaned. "I don't know, but you mind GETTING THIS THING OFF ME?"
Sakura petals inscribed with the kanji and kana for "promise" wafted through the
room, and soft piano music began in the background. "You can't go around hurting
students and draining their energy - it's not right!"
Senpai and Shiraite stared at the new figure, who was standing in the window
wearing a tuxedo. "I'm Tuxedo Ronin, and I'm here to protect and defend Sailor
Senpai!" She ran towards Shiraite, who by this time had managed to get loose
of the yakitori skewers and giant turtle, and screamed an attack - "Ronin
PUUUUUUNCH!"
With a single blow, Shiraite was sent into low Earth orbit, and Sailor Senpai
prepared his finishing attack. A few seconds later, he landed right in front
of Sailor Senpai and Tuxedo Ronin, and Senpai released his final attack.
"Todai... Exam... SURGE!"
Hundreds of exam papers flew towards Shiraite and buried him. Shiraite let out
a single cry of "GAINAX!" before he died and his body dissolved into a mist
of light.
Tuxedo Ronin bent towards Keitaro, her face glinting in the light. "You
know, you're kinda cute in this light."
Senpai got a slight nosebleed, and turned away. When he turned, he tripped,
and when he fell, he pulled off Tuxedo Ronin's hat and mask. For just a second,
he got a glimpse of her beautiful face, and a flash of red hair...
And then he was promptly flying through the air to the sound of "PERVERT!"
* * *
Finally...
Back in the Dark Kingdom, Queen Kanako sighed. "It looks like I'm not
going to get that energy any time soon. And who's this 'Sailor Senpai'
that showed up? I must find out more about him... he's so handsome."
Haitanite stepped forwards. "Queen Kanako, will you send me to remedy
Shiraite's failures? After all, I am the superior of the Shironin."
Kanako shook her head. "No. We must not act yet. We must study these four
who stepped forwards to oppose us. They seek to complete the Promise. If
they complete it, a force of unlimited power will be released, and if the
Promise is not completed, we will gain that power."
Haitanite sighed. "So you're sending Saraite to do the job, then?"
"No, I think you'll do nicely. After all, Liddite is... busy with his
television show."
"And another thing, queen - can we _please_ move the Dark Kingdom
out of the Hinata-Sou storage shed?"
Kanako glowered at Haitanite. "NO! I want to be near onii-san!"
Haitanite cowered. "If that's your wish, my queen." He faded into darkness,
and Kuro appeared next to Kanako.
"You really need professional help, you know that?"
"Me or the author?"
"Both of you."
And then the Fourth Wall promptly fell on them both, knocking them out...
much to Haitanite's relief.
* * * * * * * * * *
AUTHOR'S NOTES
God help me, I don't know what came over me when I wrote this over the
course of an evening. It may have been crack, it may have been insanity,
it may have been the result of working with RM2K3 too much. But let me
tell you this... it's a one-shot. Anyone wants to take this and run with it,
let me know before you do it.
Just be grateful it wasn't the LH/Eva fusion I originally had in mind.
Seriously, though, I've got tons of stuff on my mind now. I've got school,
Castlevania: Clockwork of Night, and tons of pieces that are handwritten that
I've got to transcribe to upload.
I'm still pissed at Xing for wiping my MSTings when he could instead focus on
something more useful - like shutting down Fictionpress and re-adding those
works there to FFN, since no one's going to go there anyway. However, i'm still
MSTing, and I've got Episode 206 about halfway done. Again, it'll be up in full
form on my site when I get it done, and in host segment form only on FFN.
In the meantime, watch for me on Manicszone and GameFAQs.I'm writing FAQs
for a lot of games and also patches/guides for RPG Maker 2003.
Ja ne, everyone!
Tuxy
March 4, 2003