Chad Dylan Cooper hated not being able to have control. He liked to know exactly what was going to happen, and that was possible in almost every scenario in his perfect, pampered life. He could control everything on Mackenzie Falls. He could control his lines, his staff and the girls he romanced, but he couldn't control this. He could control interviews for the pretentious tween magazines; he could control what they were printing, but he couldn't control this. He could control the time he woke up in the mornings, how he styled his shiny blonde hair everyday and what eye to wink when he greeted fans. But he could not control this. And it scared the hell out of him.
The worst part was that this meant more to him than any of the other stuff. This was the love of his life, and he had sacrificed everything, including what he thought the love of his life was just to get here. His mind drifted back to when he was a young boy, looking up at his Mother, who used to be so much taller than him. Her auburn hair glistened in the sun as she kneeled down and told him that he deserved it. He was perfect, and why shouldn't the Lord grant him one. It was imprinted into his mind from a young age, with his Mother saying she wanted plenty of them on her mantelpiece.
His Father told him at least weekly that one of them made a man. He said that he would have never been so confident in his chosen path unless he'd received one. He said he thanked his lucky stars everyday being given one. He told Chad that it was the only way to be taken seriously as a man, and as anything he ever wanted to be. It showed a sign of maturity, growth, and talent. Of course his Father told him this after a few glasses of scotch at the weekend, but the message stayed with him.
He shouldn't have been so pretentious and assuming, but Chad could picture himself on that special day, being rewarded for what he had worked hardest on. He didn't tell anyone, because they already thought he was a little bit of a weirdo, but he thought about it almost everyday. He could see it all; the location, what he would be wearing, who he would take with him and the sea of faces standing before him. He was going to work very hard so that day would have to come, and he did.
It took a lot of practice. Most days he wondered why he even bothered, but then he looked again, and he saw all of the hope in the world. Maybe some paths were more ridiculous than others, and God knows he made a lot of mistakes, but he was determined that he wouldn't let his parents down. Sometimes he imagined their faces. They would be sitting in the front row, watching their son receive everything they worked so hard to teach him. Of course Chad didn't tell them this, because it would only ruin his image. He needed to be seen as the total professional jerk. He didn't tell his parents everything they needed to hear, even though they were perfect every single day.
The day he worked so hard to make it to was almost destroyed and wiped away from his memory when his Mother would never be sitting in the front row. He always imagined that the cancer would disappear. He knew that it might cost her the auburn hair he used to admire glistening in the sun, but he didn't imagine that it would cost her, her life. He was there. That was the only thing he could be grateful for, but it seemed like such a waste. Every hope was dashed that day. He didn't see the point. He couldn't understand why the Lord she prayed to had taken her from him before he was able to fulfil her wish. Her mantelpiece was filled with dust and dated photos of the son who should have grown up sooner. He had wanted her to die with more. That was the day he gave up.
Not even his Father could convince him otherwise. As far as Chad Dylan Cooper was concerned, life itself was over. It took everything to bring him back from the brink of numbness. He thought he hated it. He thought that it was something he didn't want to participate in again, but when he allowed himself just one minute of enjoyment, it slowly sucked him back in. It made everything colourful again, and the hope that he thought had disappeared had been restored. At first he thought that it was wrong to enjoy it and have such a passion for it, but it slowly convinced him that it was what he wanted. That day slowly creeped back into his mind, and everything about it seemed realistic and optimistic. He knew it was coming soon; he just didn't know when he was going to find the strength to make it happen.
He made it happen not long after his Mother died. He always knew that she would never forgive him for keeping her mantelpiece bare, so he challenged himself. He never ever saw himself playing the role he was about to play, but he had to do it. He would never forgive himself if it didn't, and it was so close to slipping out of his fingers, like silk. His heart was pounding with every line, a lot of which he improvised, so that when the day came, he knew that it hadn't all been a script, but a lot of it had been his own talent. He was accepted, and so the day became clearer and clearer. Even though he suspected it was definitely going to happen, he didn't want to seem too pretentious. It was a risky promise, but he was determined that the day he had dreamed of was going to happen.
Now that it was here, he felt sick. Today was the day Chad Dylan Cooper had waited for all his life, but he didn't know what was going to happen. For all he knew, everything was about to go terribly wrong. He hated the fact that the next moment all depended on someone other than him. He didn't know what else to do, so he waited. There was no one there to take his hand, but he could swear that he felt his Mother's sharp nails digging into his wrist, begging him not to mess everything up. He looked around at the sea of faces before him; yeah, it had changed a little bit from his boyhood dream. Of course, River Phoenix was his best friend in that dream, and that was definitely not the case. He fixed his golden hair and waited, because he was surely going to be photographed, even though everything might rapidly deteriorate.
When the music began, he took a deep breath and tried to control his rapid heartbeat and the sweating all over his body. He didn't want to stink when he got everything he ever wanted. He had sacrificed his first love for this, so why had everything suddenly slowed down? The sea of faces were silent, and all he could hear was his own breathing. And then his name was announced. He gasped, even though he knew it was coming. He had known all along that his own name was coming.
It was her name he wasn't sure of.
He waited patiently, imagining what he would do if he didn't hear her name. He would be alright, wouldn't he? Sure, just because there were a hundred photographers outside just waiting to prove him wrong, he would survive, wouldn't he? No, he wouldn't. Chad had been perfectly clear. Sonny Munroe just had to be here today.
And there she was.
At first he wasn't sure, because the sweat was dripping into his eyes, but then he knew. Her smile was her most distinguishing feature. Stupid cute. And then he noticed her chocolate brown hair hanging loosely by her shoulders. He didn't want to sound corny in any sense, but she looked like some kind of angel. He never imagined for one second that the day would go like this. He always imagined her, but she never looked this good. She didn't walk to him with such desperation and romance in her eyes. And yeah, she hadn't called him an arrogant jerk the night before. And she definitely hadn't said that she might not even show up. No, Sonny Munroe might have challenged him and infuriated him worse than anyone, but she had to be here with him today. She was the only one. His dream girl was nothing compared to her, and the worst part? That was absolutely fine with Chad.
"I thought you weren't coming," he whispered, when she stood beside him, smelling of the perfume he'd presented her with the night before. "And you hit me with that perfume last night because you hated it so much. It smells nice by the way. I know how to pick 'em."
"Evidently I don't," she remarked, smirking a little. "I never said I didn't like it, just that it was fifty bucks and that's too much."
"It isn't too much," I assured her, taking her hand and squeezing it. "So, why did you come?"
"Because I'm getting a free trip to Cyprus and a free buffet afterwards," she whispered into my ear, stroking my hand softly with her thumb. It still made me tingle when she did it, and she always smiled when she felt me trembling. We thought we would get past this. We didn't think that we would still marvel at the sight of one another. Well I still did, just yesterday morning she looked at me with such disgust because I had been up late the night before.
"Munroe, will you just say it?" I pleaded with her, trying not to smile at her rose red cheeks. Sometimes she was too ashamed to say it, but it was alright. Sometimes I still shuddered at the prospect of it.
"Soon you're going to have to stop calling me that," she told me, leaning on my shoulder. Sometimes it felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders when she did that, but that was fine with me. "It kills me sometimes when I think about it, but, I came because I love you, you know that."
"If it is any consolation what we're about to do doesn't fill me with joy every time I think about it," I replied, looking away from her, but she cupped my cheeks in her soft hands.
"Say it, otherwise you're going to Cyprus all alone," she joked. "Please?"
"I will love you until the day I die, okay?" I assured her, kissing her hand.
"Me too," she nodded, and then we both turned around to face the man in front of us with the big book.
"Are you ready to get married now?" He asked us.
I nodded my head, and when I saw her nod hers, I knew that every path I chose had been the right one. Mom might not be able to put those photographs of the future on her mantelpiece, but we would. Today was surely the best day of my life.