A/N – This is a bit left field and nothing to do with the new series I am writing but it had to be done.
He was just about ready to kill Ros.
Zaf had never been a violent person, despite the things that the job sometimes made him do, but the way he was feeling right now, Ros would do well to keep the hell out of his way.
It wasn't just the fact that she had gone straight to Mace of all people with her stupid conspiracy theory but rather that, just for a moment or two, she had made Zaf believe in his own mind that Ruth might actually be guilty. Ruth, who had enchanted him from the first moment that he met her, with her shy smile and gentle ways. Ruth, who went out of her way to check on everyone else's comfort at any time it looked like they might be in distress. Ros had made him believe that Ruth could be capable of what? – murder, conspiracy, condoning of torture, planting of evidence…the list went on and the more he thought about it, the more ashamed he felt that he had even allowed the thought to cross his mind. So he raged at Ros, because it was easy, but really his shame was boiling him up and he fought it back because Ruth needed him now and he owed her that at least.
He strode along the street, Jo on his heels. They were headed to the safe place, the underpass on the Heygate Estate in Elephant and Castle that Malcolm had long ago identified as being perfect for such meetings. They'd split up at the door to Thames House, all the better for getting there without a tail. Harry had thrown himself into a taxi, muttering darkly and ignoring them all. Malcolm took one of the unmarked cars and Adam jogged off in the opposite direction to Zaf and Jo, intent on his own underground route. Ros just melted into the crowd and Zaf found he didn't much care at that moment how she was going to get there.
At the main entrance to Westminster station, Zaf caught Jo watching him curiously. He realised he hadn't spoken since they left Thames House and he smiled, as best he could.
"Anything?"
"I don't think so. You?"
"So far, no," he looked carefully around one more time and, content no one was following them, they ducked into the station.
They changed at Waterloo and it was here, in that mad and bustling station, that Zaf caught a glimpse of someone who could have been tailing them. A man, dressed casually in jeans and a brown leather jacket, was leaning against the wall next to one of the coffee stands. He had a cup in his hand but nothing else, not even a rucksack or a laptop bag. In a place filled with travellers, he stuck out. He was doing a good job of watching a lot of the people around him but he also had his eyes fixed on Jo, and Zaf cleared his throat. Jo got the message instantly. She slipped into the ladies loo. Zaf went into WH Smiths and bought a pack of gum and, when he came back out, the man was gone. Jo appeared a few seconds later and then they went slowly down to the Northern line, which would take them to Elephant and Castle. There was nothing after that, no hint at all that they were being followed, and they arrived at the underpass before any of the others.
"What's our prize for first place?" Jo smirked, reaching into Zaf's pocket and removing the gum, popping two pieces in her mouth.
"We get to wait in the cold for the longest."
Jo pulled a face and chuckled, "I don't think that's a very good incentive."
They didn't have to wait for long, thank goodness. Each of the others arrived, announcing that they hadn't been followed, and Zaf began to feel unnerved. Mace was confident, more confident than he had a right to be, if he was willing to let them meet like this and not need to know what was going on. He pondered sharing this with the group but Harry looked ready to snap and Zaf didn't feel like being on the end of his fear fuelled anger. Because it was fear, what Harry was exhibiting all the signs of right now. Zaf had never seen Harry afraid before. A small voice at the back of his mind crowed, delighted that they had all been right about Harry and Ruth, that the book he had started as a joke was actually becoming a reality. The rest of his mind was given over to worry, because he never wanted it to be like this. He would rather have never known than find out like this, when they were about to lose each other.
Adam was calm, as always, Mister Efficient, and Zaf was grateful, because Harry was in no state to be doing anything even remotely helpful. Jo left with Malcolm, the two of them headed back to the Grid to run point, and Zaf was on his own, left to get in touch with his Russian friends again, to ask them for more, anything that might help them.
He set off back towards the underground station and took out his second phone, the disposable one he'd bought that morning to be used for today, exactly for this purpose. There was only one number in the contacts and he dialled it now, praying that his contact could pick up.
He was in luck.
"Hello?"
Alex was controlling his voice, Zaf could hear that even from the one word and he knew that his friend was in a place he could answer but might have to be slightly creative in his answers.
"Alex, mate, I need some more of those satellite pictures and I need them now."
"That shouldn't be a problem," Alex's accent was so subtle it almost wasn't there sometimes, but right now it was strong enough that Zaf knew he must actually be in the embassy, surrounded by his colleagues, "I can bring him in two hours, if that is better for you. I tried to get the thorn from his paw but he tried to bite me. I think he needs to be knocked out, yes?"
"Meet me just outside Clapham Common in an hour, ok?" Zaf grinned to himself. Alex loved his dog, that much was true, "You know the place."
"Yes, Mister Beech, I will go and fetch him now. See you in a little while, yes?"
He hung up before he got an answer and left Zaf with time to spare. He took the tube to Clapham and walked to the common, buying a takeaway coffee and a sandwich from one of the little cafes and settling himself down to wait. Alex was bang on time, as he always was and he left the newspaper folded carefully on the stone memorial.
Zaf picked it up and began to head back to the station, intent on getting back to Thames House and finding something that could help Ruth. He'd barely gone three steps when his phone rang. It was Jo.
"What's up?" he answered, "I'm on my way back now. I've got-"
"Zaf, Harry's been arrested," she cut in, her voice tight, "At Mace's club. We think he attacked him."
He could hear Malcolm in the background, obviously involved in an argument with what sounded like law enforcement. His voice was rising and he sounded so un-Malcolm like that Zaf began to wonder exactly how much more mad this day would get.
"Shit," he breathed, "OK, I'll go there now. Where is it? Westminster?"
"Yep, Bank Street. Adam and Ruth are in the wind but Malcolm thinks they might head there. You need to tell them what's going on, ok?"
"OK."
He ran to the underground then, not caring how suspicious he looked, and ran to make the change at Waterloo too. He burst from Westminster station and arrived outside the club at the same time as Adam and Ruth. They watched as Harry was led out, hands cuffed behind his back and head bowed low. He wasn't wearing his jacket and he looked vulnerable without it, like his suit of armour wasn't complete.
"Stupid, stupid man," Ruth said, and she looked ready to burst into tears.
"Go back to mine," Adam said, "I'll try and see him."
Zaf was grateful to have someone with him, even if it was Ruth. She was oddly calm though and he took strength from that – if she could be calm at a time like this, when her whole life was threatened, then he could be calm too. They took a bus to Adam's – Zaf wasn't a huge fan of buses but Ruth liked them and he would do anything for her right now. She sat next to the window and he perched on the aisle seat, keeping watch on their fellow passengers. When Ruth hadn't said a word for fifteen minutes, he reached out and took her hand. It was cold and he pressed it between his own.
"It will be OK," he said, even though he wasn't sure he believed it himself, "Adam will sort it, you know he will."
Ruth smiled, a small and fragile thing, and leaned her head on his shoulder.
"Thank you Zaf."
They didn't have to wait long outside of Adam's flat before he had appeared, finally allowing some of the pressure of the situation to show. He ran a hand through his hair and couldn't keep still, pacing along and letting them follow him.
Harry was going to take the blame, to go down to protect Ruth. His mind was made up and nothing was going to change it. He was giving up and rolling over and letting Mace take what he wanted.
The minute the words left Adam's mouth, Zaf saw Ruth's face set and he knew what she was going to say. She'd been planning this the whole time. She'd always known it was going to come to this. He was silent as she announced her intentions to them both.
"He has to keep fighting this!" she said, impassioned, when Adam tried to argue with her. She was right, as much as Zaf wanted her to be wrong. She was right that Harry was the one they needed, the one who would take on the fight and keep at it, until his opponents fell from sheer exhaustion, because that's who Harry was. It didn't matter that she might need something else and it didn't matter that Harry might need her. Zaf wanted to beg her to change her mind but he knew it wouldn't work. Ruth was stronger than all of them, when it came down to it. She was always going to win.
They stayed at Adam's until it got dark and then went to visit the witness, the stupid, stupid woman who could have no idea of the lives she was ruining for a quick bribe. Ruth was amazing, so real that Zaf almost believed her, and he reflected that the rage was real at least. Ruth might believe she was acting but, in all the ways that mattered, she wasn't.
Just after nine, Zaf pulled open the door to a late night café that he knew, an obscure little place tucked away in Lambeth, and ushered Ruth inside. The café was cheap and cheerful, with nothing to suggest the owner was in any way concerned that some people might not want to sit at a table where the cloth was sticky from a myriad of meals other people had taken there. Zaf liked the place, a favourite bolt hole of his, but he worried for a moment Ruth might not be so keen.
She immediately proved him wrong, choosing a table in the corner and giving the waitress a small smile as she ordered a pot of tea and whatever was the quickest food the cook could produce. Zaf asked for the same and sat opposite her, wondering at the change that had come over Ruth since they'd seen Harry with the police. He'd never seen her like this, so determined and so, so in control that it made him ache to see it. She shouldn't have to be doing this. It wasn't fair.
"What are you looking at me like that for?" she asked gently, shaking him out of his revelry.
"I'm just thinking that this is so brave of you," he shrugged, deciding he wasn't going to lie to her, "You're brilliant, Ruth."
She blushed, more like the Ruth he knew, and she ducked her head, "This isn't courage, Zaf. This is defeat, wrapped up to look like something more noble."
He was about to answer, to tell her she was wrong, when the waitress came over with an enormous pot of tea and four bacon sandwiches balanced on a tray.
"This alright for you, love?" she asked, plonking the sandwiches down, "I told him the quickest thing, like you said, but if you don't-"
"It's fine, thank you," Ruth smiled, "It's perfect."
She poured the tea for the both of them, 'playing mum' as she called it, and Zaf began to demolish his first sandwich. He hadn't eaten since he had been waiting for Alex and that had been almost ten hours ago. Ruth took smaller bites but she ate almost as quickly, her first sandwich gone in a few minutes.
"I meant it, Zaf," she said suddenly, wiping her lips delicately on a paper napkin, "This is not courage. I'm just trying to play my part, you know. I'm trying to be like them."
"Like who?"
"Like the ones who were brave. Like Danny was. Like Fiona was. My god, even Colin tried to fight them. They were brave. Not me."
"Call it what you like, Ruth," Zaf smiled sadly, looking at his next sandwich because he suddenly couldn't look at her, "I know what I think it is. And I'm sorry. I really am."
"Don't feel sorry for me," she picked up her sandwich and contemplated it, "They all made their sacrifice and they did it without bowing to anyone. I'm ready to do the same. It's my turn."
The hours slipped by and the tea kept coming, and eventually, eventually, Adam phoned at just before one am.
"Alright, mate?" Zaf flipped his phone open, "How's it going?"
"It's all sorted," Adam sounded exhausted and he had the resignation of a man who knew it wasn't over yet, "You two need to head to the dock. I think it's the safest place for you right now."
"OK. We'll go now."
"How's Ruth?" Adam asked, "Is she holding up?"
"Really well," Zaf said, aware that Ruth was watching him keenly, "Really, really well actually."
"Well, keep an eye on her," Adam said, unnecessarily, "You know she might crash later."
"Yeah, I know. See you later then."
"Was that Adam?" Ruth asked, as soon as he had closed his phone, "Where are we going?"
"Down to the dock. He's got it all sorted. We just need to wait now."
He refused to let Ruth pay for her half of their refreshments and she graciously accepted, looking at him with something close to pity. She was concerned for him, for how he was taking this whole cock up. He wanted to hug her then, but he held back, because Ruth was not a touchy person and he didn't want to make her uncomfortable. It was only when they were at the dock, tucked away where no one would find them, that he dared to put an arm around her and that was because she was shivering from the cold. At least, he thought it was because of the cold.
She leaned into his embrace and they didn't talk for a while, watching the odd, lonely boat cruise along the river like a ghost in the half light.
"I think I will miss it," she said eventually, in a voice so quiet he could barely hear her, "I think I will miss London."
"It has that effect on people," he murmured, "Especially people who didn't grow up here."
"Yes, I suppose it all gets a bit old hat when you've been here for your whole life."
"I wouldn't say old hat," he smiled, "The people keep it interesting enough for me."
"The people are always the best part of any part life you might have," Ruth said softly, and she began to shiver more. He shifted as close to her as he could and waited for her to carry on speaking.
"I'm going to – I'm going to miss you all so much. Look after Jo for me, won't you? And don't let Ros bully Malcolm."
"I will," he whispered, his mouth dry and his voice small even to his own ears, "I'll keep an eye on all of them. Even Harry."
He didn't mean to mention Harry at all, to save her the pain, but it had slipped out before he could stop it. He assumed that she was under no illusion now that they hadn't noticed her behaviour, and Harry's, but he didn't want to make it any more obvious that they all knew.
"Yes," she murmured, "Harry. I think he might need it more than any of them, don't you?"
Zaf knew it was the closest they were ever going to get to discussing 'Ruth and Harry' and he knew how much it had cost her even to reveal this much. He just mumbled an ascent and then Ruth said she was going to try and sleep, the moment passed and dealt with. She closed her eyes and leaned her head on his shoulder and he watched the night pass in stages, the grey of the dawn rolling in with a host of crying seagulls and increased boat traffic on the river.
Ruth roused herself when one of the boats sounded its horn, obnoxiously loud in the stillness of the morning.
"You awake?"
"Didn't sleep."
"No, neither did I," Zaf tried to smile.
"I've been having to remind myself about why exactly I did this for the rest of my life."
"You know why," Zaf said, remembering her conviction from the day before. She was utterly sure of what she was doing, that much he knew now.
"How much longer?"
"Only a few hours now."
"And then?"
They hadn't discussed this at all, trusting Adam to have dealt with everything. He wouldn't have told the captain where she was going though. He would have left that for her.
"Then it's up to you."
"Yeah," Ruth turned towards him a little and gave a small, sad smile, "If we ever bump into each other again, here or abroad, I know what you're trained to say, but if we do-"
"I'll smile," he said quickly, because god knew that would be the least that she deserved.
"Promise?"
"Course. I smile at every pretty woman I pass."
There it was, that fine blush that spread over her cheeks whenever someone dared to compliment her. Zaf decided, right there and then, that this would be how he remember Ruth. This would be the way that he always imagined her looking, because she was so beautiful and she was his friend and he would never see her again.
He pulled her to her feet and, before he could hesitate, he pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. She bore it well, her fingers digging into the leather of his jacket, and he thought he heard her sob. When they pulled apart though, she was calm, if a little flustered, and he forced a smile onto his face.
"I have to go now. Look after yourself, OK? Have a really great life. It's the least you deserve."
"I will," she promised, "Thank you for being with me last night. You have no idea how much I appreciate it."
"Anything for you," he said sincerely, "Anything, Ruth."
"Goodbye, Zaf."
She pulled him into one more hug and then let him go. He strode away quickly, wiping an errant tear from his cheek as he did so. He didn't turn around. He couldn't turn around.
Back at Thames House, he took himself off to the locker room and dug around in his locker for his spare shirt, showering quickly and changing into it before he went to the Grid. Everyone was subdued and none of them looked as though they had slept, not even Ros. They moved quietly around each other, waiting for the moment that Harry's phone would ring and the whole show would come to the climax. When it eventually did, he and Adam disappeared immediately and Jo let out a sigh, moving into the kitchen to make coffee for everyone.
Zaf took advantage of her absence to pull the little notebook from his bottom drawer, the official 'Ruth and Harry' book. He flicked through it, from the list of participants at the front to the official bets made and the odds, recalculated whenever something looked to be happening. It had all seemed such fun at the time, the idea that eventually Harry would sort himself out for long enough to ask Ruth out and then, at long last, it would all have the happy ending that they were all hoping for. It seemed so childish now.
He flipped back to the front page. There was his name at the top, followed by Jo, Adam, Fiona, Colin. A few of the junior analysts, a couple of the surveillance team who had the most to do with the Grid. Malcolm had never wanted to be involved, ironic as he was the one who had been rooting for it the longest. Zaf stared at Fiona and Colin's names and wondered why he hadn't already discretely removed them. He took a pencil and was about to cross them through, before he realised it didn't matter anymore. There was only one place this book was going.
When Adam came back with the news that Harry had gone home for the rest of the day, Zaf cornered him in the kitchen. Jo was hot on his heels, and they watched as Adam poured himself a coffee.
"There wasn't much to see," he said in a low voice, as though Harry might somehow be listening, "I thought he was going to throw up in the coroner's office."
Jo raised her hand to her mouth and Zaf saw tears welling in her eyes, "And then?"
"He kissed her," Adam said sadly, "Well, more like she kissed him. About time, right?"
Jo made no secret of her tears then and Adam put an arm around her, sipping his coffee and looking as miserable as Zaf felt.
Zaf pulled the little book from his pocket and held it so that they could see it. Silently, he tore it in half and dropped it in the bin, burying it under a container of Chinese food. They both nodded, understanding him well enough.
"Enough," he murmured, "That's enough now."
A/N – Recognisable snatches of dialogue of course belong to Kudos.