Forever and always:

Chapter 1: Memory like a fish.

'Are you coming?' he clicked at me, ugh I hate that. He clicked again, so I made an effort to move slower, snapping your fingers at someone is rude no matter why you're doing it. I suppose an explanation is in order, I'm a seventeen year old girl currently having to lug her own (overflowing) suitcase to a car which is impatiently being revved by my foster dad.

My story is a normal one, well relatively normal. My parents were divorced and I was flown between them every other year, my mum lived in Phoenix, Arizona. My dad in Forks, Washington . They married young and split up when I was a baby, my mum left not wanting to live in forks and spend the rest of her life in a boring town where it pretty much never stops raining. My dad was heartbroken and he never really got over her.

The accident happened on the 29th June 2003. I was ten, currently living with my dad (Charlie) when he announced he was going away for the weekend and that I would have to look after myself for a couple of days.

I have always been sensible, I had to be, with my mum (Renée) she was an eccentric person ready to try anything, she braved skydiving once. She used to make me laugh she would announce that she was doing a water aerobics class or a cliff scaling course and two days into it she would either be bored or scared stiff and never do it again and move on to something else.
I don't remember a lot about my parents, but the few memories I do have are the best ones I think. Ones were we are laughing , or cooking or watching a film doing various things, one of the funniest memories was on my sixth birthday and Renee arranged a clown to come to my birthday party, she had got the number of one of her friends, what her friend had failed to mention was that he was a strip-a-gram clown, and so he turned up in the back garden with a balloon in a very, um, specific place. After much misunderstanding and a private viewing for my mum and several other mums, he spent the rest of the afternoon swinging children around with his big strong arms Renee had pointed out.
Sometimes I miss the littlest things like when Charlie peeled an orange for me and the juice went down his white shirt ten minutes before he had to go to work. The smile he gave me when he swore, realised I was in the room and worried that I might repeat it. The smile that happened waaay to often. The smile that I loved.

I miss things like that. The little things. There is one thing I do remember. Almost too much. Certain smells, like aftershave, fabric softener, and a hint of cigarette smoke.

It was raining, a lot. I had just finished cooking myself dinner, steak an kidney pie with chips and mayo (guess what meal I avoid eating) I had sat down to watch crappy Friday night TV, Charlie had left in the early afternoon to catch his flight. He had been very secretive about why he was going, every time I asked he just wistfully said 'never you mind. it's just an old flame' I thought he was meeting up with a old girlfriend hoping to restart things. Anyway I sat down and munched on my pie, someone knocked on the door, thinking it was Billy (Charlie's best friend) checking up on me, making sure I was ok. I placed my plate on the table, and went to answer the door.

Rain poured and the smell of aftershave wafted through the door. A man stood there. Harry Clearwater. Charlie's best friend. I swallowed my mouth full of dinner 'Sorry Harry, my dad's not here at the mo, I could take a message, or if it's urgent he left me a contact number' I turned to walk down the hallway 'if it's not, he's back on Sunday night about eightish.' I felt a small amount of pressure on my shoulder 'Bella,' he said softly 'there's something you need to know.'

I could feel my heart pounding, dread filled my stomach, I could hear my breathing, the more I looked at Harry the more sick with worry I became. He avoided looking me in the eye, preferring to look at his feet or slightly to the left of my head. 'Maybe we should sit in the lounge' he muttered. I swallowed my fear and walked unsteadily into the front room.
He sat me down in the lounge, he started uneasily his clasped hands trembling. 'I thought this would be better coming from me, as.. Um well.. Err…' he shifted awkwardly in the arm chair. Charlie's armchair. His eyes flickered from me to the TV.

'What is it Harry? ' I could feel my heart pounding in my chest it felt like it was going to break my ribs, and then he told me.

My dad had been involved in an accident. He'd died. And so had my mum. I didn't understand why Renée? Both of them had died. Dead. Gone. Forever.

Shock hit me and I rushed to the kitchen sink, my eyes filled with tears, I choked unable to breathe. I spotted something sticking out from under the flowerpot on the window sill above the sink, I gingerly pulled it out, it was just a scrap of paper. I turned it over and scrawled on the other side in Charlie's spiky handwriting it said 'love you bells, see you soon muffin =]' one glance was all I needed, I sobbed in taking a load of air. I felt sick, horribly sick, my heart had burst out my chest and was beating slowly on the floor, each beat reminding me that I was in reality and would have to stay here and suffer.
It all hit me at once. I was alone.

I was sick, everything I had eaten fell into the basin with a horrible sound, I couldn't breathe. Tears streamed down my face, I fell to the floor sobbing. Again and again, I retched until there was nothing left, just my own voice screaming their names. Their images burning my mind. The numb feeling that started in my mind eventually worked down my body. My legs began to violently tremble. The only thing I felt was Harry picking me up and pressing me to his chest. Fabric softener, cheap aftershave and cigarettes.

Rain pounded outside.

They were gone.

They later told me that they met at the airport to catch another plane, they had planned to go to a romantic getaway, to rekindle things. But their plane went down. Crashed. And they had died.

Leaving me alone.

Forever….