So, this is my first Shyan fic, so please be nice! You can also find this story over on my ArchiveOfOurOwn profile, so go check out some of my works over there!
Shane Madej was a fairly introverted man. He loved his job at buzzfeed, but it was still acting for the camera to some degree. Behind the scenes, he had a small friend group and mostly liked to keep to himself. Shane Madej was also a fairly boring man. He liked dogs, proving Ryan wrong, making jokes, and lounging on the couch watching Netflix. He wasn't the type to be noticeable in a crowd. Shane Madej was just an average man.
But right now, Shane Madej was drunk.
No, not just drunk, he'd passed that four shots and a beer ago. Shane was wasted. He'd gone out with Steven, Sara, Jen, and Ryan for the night because they said he needed, 'Something exciting and different to do'. Not that he was opposed to going out to a bar with his friends, it just wasn't his usual style. But tonight, he went all out.
He went in that night thinking he'd have a few beers, chat with his friends, and go home to get some sleep, but that changed fairly quickly.
Flashback to earlier that night when they'd just arrived at the bar. Everyone made their way to a corner table, Steven announcing that he was off to buy the first round of beers. Settling in, Ryan sat next to Shane as Jen and Sara sat down and started catching up.
"So, find any good footage while editing today?" Shane broke his silence, causing Ryan to look up at him with that smile in his eyes that just makes you immediately feel better.
God, not now. Tonight was a time to relax, not fall back in the hole of his confusing thoughts. Mentally shaking his head, he forced himself to keep his mind in the conversation.
"Actually, I did! We captured some pretty compelling audio, I really think you'll be convinced this time. It's probably the best evidence we've ever got."
"Let me guess, it was a cameraman moving? Maybe a rodent or another animal? Oh! Or maybe it was… the boogeyman?!"
Shaking his head, but unable to keep the smile off his face, Ryan sighed at his skeptic friend and let out a little wheeze.
"Shut up Shane."
Shane just laughed at Ryan's oh so reoccurring response and found himself getting lost in that smile.
A comfortable silence settled over the two men, allowing Shane's mind to drift off. Ever since him and Sara broke up almost 6 months ago, there's been a definite change in him. At first, he was heartbroken, but he began to accept that this would be best for both of them and has since moved on. Well, he hasn't found anyone, but he's still moved on. And ever since he started to move on, there's been one reoccurring thought that keeps popping up in his head. Well, maybe not a 'thought' as much as a person.
For some ungodly reason, he's started to… notice Ryan more than he used to. He found himself looking at his best friend for longer than usual, noticing for the first time how Ryan's smile made him feel. Overall, just very strange things to notice about your friend. Now Shane wasn't stupid. He was a logical man, and he knew what this most likely meant.
Shane might be starting to develop some kind of physical attraction towards his friend. As much as he was trying to avoid it, he just had to accept that he found his friend attractive. But then again, that didn't really mean much. Physical attraction was different from emotional or romantic attraction, which he certainly did not have towards Ryan!
See, it's okay to notice how attractive your friend is, he could admit that Ryan was incredibly attractive. But just because you can notice someone's attractiveness doesn't mean you want a relationship.
It should be noted however that Shane was bisexual, information he didn't openly discuss with anyone except Sara and his parents. So it's not like he's being homophobic or anything, not at all.
He was just being rational. Shane could notice how hot his best friend was, but he did not like him.
Shane Madej was also in denial.
Steven slammed down the four beers on the table, snapping Shane from his stupor. Steven gave a pat on Shane's back as he took the last open seat in between him and Sara. Smiling over at his friend, Steven noticed Shane's zoned out state.
"Here's to you buddy! Drink up!"
Shane couldn't agree more. Right now, having a few beers sounded quite inviting, anything to distract his mind from their confusing thoughts.
Clinking glasses with everyone, he got to work on his glass, finishing his first and ready for another. Loosening up, he found himself able to joke and have fun with everyone, including Ryan. It felt so nice to feel relaxed around him again, this was really what he needed.
After the second round of beers, Jen suggested shots. Shane was hesitant at first, but gave in when everyone had opted for it.
Well, except Ryan. He sat nursing his first beer, saying he was planning on driving home today since he was the one who drove everyone tonight. So going on without him, one, two, three shots passed by. And suddenly, Shane was drunk.
He was having a fun time with Steven, keeping pace with the food critic and seeing who tapped out first. Even though Ryan was still completely sober, he was having just as much fun as the rest of them.
It was about 11:30 when Sara and Jen decided to leave, taking an Uber home and wishing everyone a goodnight. Hardly noticing their exit, Steven and Shane carried on. Shane's vision started to blur and he could hardly hold himself up with the amount of swaying he was doing. How many shots had they taken? His only thought was, 'Wow, I'm fucked up'.
Steven apparently felt the same as he gave in, allowing Shane his victory as he announced his leave. Shane was apparently already crashing where he was sitting at the bar next to Ryan, so his friend answered for him.
"Don't worry, I'll drive him home in just a bit. Get home safe alright? Do you need me to call you and Uber?"
Steven swatted the air in a dismissive motion as he shook his head. "Naahhhh. I already got one coming. Have a good niiiiight!" Steven called his farewell over his shoulder as he stumbled his way out the door.
Ryan, shaking his head, looked down at his best friend and allowed a small smirk to make it's way to his face. 'What an idiot'.
Shane had his arms folded on the bar, his head resting on them with his eyes closed. He was swaying slightly in his bar stool despite basically laying down over the bar. A light pink dusted his cheeks from the alcohol, making him look so vulnerable and cute.
Sighing at his thoughts, he shook his head. He's known Shane for almost two years already and he still hasn't moved past his little crush on him.
Okay, big crush. He couldn't help it! Shane was unbelievably hot, and sexy, and funny, and caring, and, and…
God he had it bad.
When Ryan had first learned he had a girlfriend, he was absolutely heartbroken. Not only was he spoken for, he was straight. Ryan had no chance. So he did everything he could to forget about Shane. One night stands, short relationships, meaningless sex… But he felt guilty everytime. Like he was cheating.
Eventually, he gave all that up and just accepted he'd always have these unrequited feeling for his best friend. And he'll probably never find anyone else until he was able to move past it.
Skip to about a year and a half later when Shane told him he broke up with Sara. As much as he hated to admit it, his heart had skipped a beat and he felt a strange feeling swell up in his chest, a feeling he hadn't felt in over a year. Hope.
But upon seeing how heartbroken Shane was, he immediately berated himself for being happy over his pain. And besides, it didn't make him not straight. Nothing had changed, he still had no hope, so he once again tried to give up and act as the comforting best friend.
But he couldn't.
He still got butterflies when he heard his laugh, blushed and felt his heartbeat speed up when he was too close to him, still yearned to to kiss him, still fantasised about him when he-
Ryan sighed again. He knew it was hopeless trying to get over his, he never would. Being around Shane was so painful knowing he'd always be pining for someone who'd never see him the same way.
But he would never stop being his best friend until Shane decided he didn't want Ryan anymore. He will never sacrifice the time they got to spend together, no matter how painful.
Because he forgot how to breath when Shane wasn't around. It was like a breath of fresh air when he saw that goofy grin on that stubbled face. And Ryan couldn't live without that.
He had it bad.
The bartending announced that it was closing time, jarring him back to the present. He reached a hand over and shook his friend awake, ignoring the warmth radiating from the touch. Shane let out a grunt and turned his head away from Ryan.
An endearing smiling making its way to his face, Ryan chuckled at the state of Shane. Trying again, he walked over to where Shane was facing and shook him again.
"Shane, it's time to go. C'mon, I'll take you home."
"Groan"
"Shaaane.."
"Mmmhm"
"Shane Alexander Madej!"
"Whaaaaaaat?"
Shane picked up his head slightly and cracked open his eyes, only for his face to be overcome with a giddy smile upon seeing his face.
"Ryan! What are you doin' in my bedroom?" Shane asked, confusing taking over his face as he glanced around quizzically. Ryan wheezed at his inebriated friend and patted his back.
"We're at the bar, it's time to go. I'm gonna take you home okay?"
"Nooooo, I don't wanna go home."
"Well, where do you want to go?"
"Your place. Let's go have a sleepover Ry Ry!"
Breath catching, he looked down at Shane to see him smiling and attempting to stand up. Should he agree to that? Shane was pretty wasted. And he was probably going to pass out on the floor or something if Ryan left him alone. But was having a vulnerable and intoxicated Shane at his place at night such a good idea?
Reaching a conclusion, he sighed for the umpteenth time that night and resigned to his fate.
"Alright, you can spend the night. You'll probably end up killing yourself if I let you go home alone, then I'd have to cancel Unsolved. And that would really be tragic." Ryan shook his head in mock disappointment as he watched Shane struggle to find his balance.
"Well that's not very ni- AHH!" Shane let out something as close to a scream that Ryan had ever heard as suddenly, he lost his balanced and was falling towards the floor.
Not even a second later, he was held tightly in a pair of strong arms as Ryan held him up. Despite the awkward height difference, Ryan was easily able to hold up Shane. A blush slowly covered his face when he realized that he was essentially hugging Shane in the middle of the bar. Starting to pull away, Shane suddenly grabbed the back of Ryans' shirt and pulled him closer.
"Warm.."
Ryan didn't have to see his face to know that it was bright red. While his brain kept saying that this was only happening because he was drunk, his nether regions didn't really care. Before it became a problem, Ryan quickly drew away until he was side by side with Shane, throwing his arm around Ryan's shoulders in order to hold him up.
His face still pink, he started walking Shane out the door and towards his car.
"C'mon big guy, let's get you in bed."
Getting him to the car, he struggled to get Shane in the passenger seat as he just was drunkenly giggling. Finally sitting him in the car, just before he closed the door he heard Shane say, "Ryan's taking me to his bed."
Slamming the door shut, he ignored the warmth pooling downstairs and walked to the driver's side door. He once again went over how he got to this point and thought about just how screwed he was.
Taking a deep breath, he climbed in the car and noticed how Shane was starting to drift off. Good, Ryan needed a little break. He started the car and was about to back up when he felt a weight fall on his shoulder. He looked over to see Shane was snuggling into the crook of his neck, sighing as he got comfortable.
Ryan, in shock, barely heard the next words to escape Shane's mouth.
"Thank you Ryan, you're so good to me.."
One long drive later, he had arrived at his house and basically carried Shane into his house. Throwing the front door open, Ryan struggled past his living room and kitchen and went down the hall into his bedroom.
There, he not so gracefully threw Shane down on the bed. Shane bounced a little, groaned, and curled up on the bed, making himself comfortable. And just like that, he was out like a light. Ryan just shook his head and made his way to the kitchen, filling up two glasses of water. Drinking his, he took the other towards his bedroom, stopping only at the bathroom to grab the aspirin.
Once he'd set those on the bed side table, he found himself staring down at Shane. The moonlight from the window dimly illuminated his face, allowing Ryan to see just how beautiful he looked sleeping. He never truly got to appreciate how peaceful he looked sleeping because they were always being filmed whenever they slept anywhere together, so he was just taking a moment to appreciate the view.
Shanes lips were parted slightly, face completely relaxed. He was laying on his side facing Ryan, knees pulled up just slightly with his arms bent in from of him. His breathing was slow and steady, and Ryan could hear just the slightest snore coming from him.
He was absolutely stunning. Before he could stop himself, he'd bent down and laid a delicate kiss on Shane's forehead. Embarrassment suddenly taking over once again, he pulled back quickly, wondering what had gotten into him all of a sudden.
But before he could straighten up all the way, a hand on his shirt stopped him in his tracks. He saw that Shane had somehow grabbed Ryan's shirt in his sleep. Not sure of what to do, Ryan just stood there bent over, thinking about his options until he heard a noise from Shane.
At first, it was just a mumble so he couldn't catch it. About to take Shane's hand away, he froze when suddenly, Shane spoke once more.
"Mmm love.. You"
His heart started thumping in his chest as he was overcome with grief.
'He still loves Sara'...
Of course he does. They were dating for years and they only broke up a couple months ago. Of course he still loves her. But that didn't stop those words from tearing Ryan apart. He could almost hear his heart shatter. God, it was so hopeless. Shane would never reciprocate Ryan's feeling towards him, and it was the most painful thing. Two years he's been around, hurting from the fact he loves someone who will never know and will never feel the same. It was killing him inside for so long, but for some reason, this felt like the final blow. The jenga block that made the tower fall.
He felt the tears behind his eyes.
The room was suffocating, he felt himself start to lose control as the first tear fell. Unable to stay any longer, he grabbed Shane's hand to yank it off when he started mumbling once again. 'No', Ryan shook his head. 'I don't want to hear anymore…'
"I love you… Ryan"
Time stopped. Ryan felt the world stop spinning when those words fell from Shane's lips. 'He… what?'
That's not possible. Shane couldn't have just said what he thought he did, it's not possible. And besides, even if he did say that, Shane was still beyond drunk. He's sure there was nothing meant by it. No, not at all.
Right?
Realizing that he stopped breathing, Ryan took in a sharp Breath and looked down at Shane's sleeping figure. He felt a tug on his shirt where Ryan's hand still covered his best friends.
His best friend. Who just said he loved him….
It must be because he's drunk. Or maybe Ryan just heard wrong. Yeah, he must have mistaken his name for Sara's. That's all.
But then came another tug except this time, it caught Ryan off guard and he fell forwards a bit, just barely catching himself by placing his outreaches arms on either side of Shane. He was suddenly aware of his predicament downstairs. He's tried to keep himself calm all day, but hearing what he thought he might of and now hovering right over Shane, he couldn't control it anymore.
Trying to stand, he found that Shane really had a death grip on his shirt and he couldn't get any farther from the man. And suddenly, things just went even more downhill… or uphill depending.
Shane suddenly opened his eyes and looked straight up at Ryan's blushing face. Apparently still in his own dream world, he simply stared up at him for just a moment.
"Ryan…"
Ryan was about to stutter out any explanation when suddenly, a pair of lips found his, and he couldn't move. He couldn't breath. Shane had reached up and captured Ryan's lips with his own. It was such a slow and delicate kiss, his lips were so warm and soft and molded right onto his.
It was perfect.
Until that warmth was gone just as quickly as it came. s quickly as it had came. Shane had apparently drifted off once again, falling back to the bed with a drunken grunt and mumble, his hand that had been gripping Ryan's shirt coming with him. But Ryan was frozen in his spot bent over Shane, his brain refusing to work.
"What… just happened?"
Ryan found himself speaking out loud, almost as a way to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Shane Madej just kissed him… Shane just kissed Ryan. On the lips. And he said he loved him.
He really needed to get some sleep, because Ryan was starting to lose it.
Shaking his head, he slowly stood up, taking a tentative step away from the bed and Shane. There was no way that Shane meant any of that. He was asleep! And drunk! It wasn't like he meant it… it wasn't.
Unconsciously, his hand reached up as his fingers ghosted over his lips.
'No… he was just drunk. It was an accident.'
But as he walked out of the bedroom that night, there was something in him that he'd thought he forgotten years ago. A feeling that bubbled and spread through his chest like an infection. A very dangerous feeling.
Hope.
Light poured in from the crack in the curtains, casting a sunlight line across Shane's face. His face scrunched up as he turned away from the window, reaching above his head to grab his pillow as he threw it over his head with a groan.
His head was pounding. Every sensation, the sunlight, moving, noise, just made him feel worse and he couldn't ignore the nausea that was beginning to overtake him. In that moment, all he wanted was for all those times he told demons to kill him to actually come true.
Knowing he would have to suffer, he slowly removed the pillow and rubbed his eyes, looking over at his bedside table to check the time on his clock.
But it wasn't there. And that wasn't his table
He looked around, ignoring how the movement made his head hurt more, only to find that this wasn't even his bedroom. He had no ideas whose room this was, or whose house he was even in. Sitting up in the unfamiliar bed just a bit, he groaned at the spark of nausea and pain that went through him. He looked once again at the table to see a glass or water and a bottle of aspirin.
At least whoever it was cared about him.
God, he hoped he didn't sleep with anyone.
Immediately he looked down to see that he was still fully clothed and he breathed a sigh of relief. He reached over and popped two aspirin in this mouth, downing the entire glass of water. He was about to get up when there was a soft knock on the door and it slowly creaked open.
Shane felt a brief moment of panic until he saw the face of his savior. Ryan.
He breathed an audible breathy chuckle as he rubbed a weary hand down his face.
"Thank fuck it's you man. I had no idea where I was!"
Shane looked up to see a serene smile on a stunning face. His gaze traveled down to the two steaming mugs, eyes only stopping to appreciate Ryans toned chest and arms. Suddenly the smell of coffee made sense. Apparently noticing his stare, Ryan took a step forward, something different in his step that Shane hadn't seen before.
Handing him the white mug, Shane gave a slight grateful smile, reveling in the warmth radiating from the ceramic cup. Smiling, he brought his lips closer to the hot black liquid until he was interrupted.
"So, do you remember anything from last night?" Drawing away from the cup, he gave Ryan a thoughtful face while he pondered the question, not seeing the almost uncomfortable fear in Ryan's eyes.
What did Shane remember?
"Well..", he started before pausing, really trying to think on the question. "I remember going to the bar and having a few beers.. And then I had a few shots… I think I remember throwing up in the bathroom too, but that's about it."
Hearing an almost sigh from Ryan, he looked up at him, figuring he was being sighed at for his lack of memory. To his surprise, Ryan almost looked relieved, but was quickly hid by a smile. Deciding he was way too hungover to bring it up, he let it go and took a gulp from his coffee.
Well until he spit it right back into the cup, half coughing and half aspirating. He heard Ryan laughing so hard that he was wheezing, and an offhanded comment of, "Ew, dude!"
Giving his cup an accusing glare, he turned that glare up to his supposed friend. "What in the hell kind of coffee is that?!"
Still giggling, Ryan barely chuckled out an answer. "It's not coffee, it's black tea. I heard somewhere you're supposed to avoid caffeine with a hangover, and black tea is supposed to help."
"Bullshit." Shane glared down at his drink and set it a bit too hard on the bedside table when suddenly, another coffee cup was shoved into his view. He looked up to see Ryan holding his coffee out to him.
"Here, I only took a couple sips. I'll go make my own."
Not one to turn down coffee, Shane ignored the blush fighting its way to his cheeks and took a sip of some real coffee.
"Better?" Ryan raised an eyebrow at his companion.
Shane let out a small pleasant hum. "Better."
Ryan shook his head. "C'mon bigfoot, sadly we have to get to work."
Ryan threw a bundle of clothes his way and turned his back to him, making his way out of his bedroom.
Watching him go, Shane smiled fondly down at the clothes thrown towards him, now sprawled out on the bed.
'Well. Time to go.'
Ryan leaned up against the island in his kitchen, watching his Keurig pour him a new cup of coffee. He found himself smiling, thinking back on the night before. For now, Shane doesn't need to know. It may have been an accident on Shane's part, but for Ryan, it gave him something he desperately had been looking for. No, Shane didn't need to know.
It can just stay his precious secret.