What has gotten into me?

She occupies his thoughts more frequently now, and that is what scares him. S/cam, from his POV.

Out of Character

What is wrong with me?

I am one of the most feared villains in the world – in secret at least. I am, I have been, up to this point, almost invincible.

Yet –

I know, if I were to become a slave to my baser desires, it would lead to my downfall. I am very well aware of that.

Yet she has begun to occupy my thoughts more often. Like a parasite that is too embedded deeply within me, she has become a part of me. I don't even remember when it started. I did realize that I tended to use her and set my targets on taking her down more than any of the other two spies, but that had been for strictly strategic purposes. She was the strongest link – I had to get rid of her alone, and the other would be a little easier to handle.

Sure, I could see that she was attractive , in looks as well as intelligence, which blazed in those fiercely flaming emerald eyes of hers – what man in his right mind wouldn't? But I had a goal, and that was to destroy WOOHP, something that wouldn't happen if I developed a bloody tendré for the chit.

Even though she had a certain je ne sais quoi, that, believe me, was also darned irresistible to someone as independent as me.

And slowly, as I began to regard her my equal in wit and intelligence, the thought of her joining me, by my side, as I destroyed WOOHP – that thought became irresistible, and leeched on to me (hence her clone). Yet, no matter how hard I tried, my mind would gradually wander back to her, in her real flesh and blood, with her wide emerald green eyes, and silky long red-hair.

It became bloody irritating. At this rate, she would be my downfall! And that was something I couldn't afford.

Yet –

There was no harm in wishing, right? Of course there was. My enemies – WOOHP and its other affiliates – would be able to use this information against me. And that would be my downfall. Because by then, they would not have found out how to keep me in a WOOHP cell permanently (as if they could – I invented the underlying mechanism they all worked on; how do you think I managed to escape so often, along with that silly old fool of a Terence?). By then, I would truly have been defeated, which is why I must control my emotions.

It would seem funny to you, but nothing irks or scares me more than the possibility that I might be defeated.

And that is why the thoughts of her scare me. No, scare is to cowardly a word; when I think of her, I feel a certain anxiety, but I have always been a good actor, so no one is ever the wiser.

Yet, the very possibility that there is a reason she has begun to haunt my dreams makes me feel oddly vulnerable. Could it be because this has never happened to me before? Because I certainly have never felt this feeling – shall I call it empathy? – towards some girl, especially one who is not on my side.

She has found a way into me, through the place I thought was impermeable to any feeling or emotion whatsoever. It has taken me by surprise, because I thought I was not subjected to such flights of fancy. But the fact she has got through me – through my heart, with its barriers of steel, no less – that shows how much my defenses have weekend when around her. That shows how weak, how vulnerable I have become. And that's why I am worried. Even scared.

Because of her. And the fact she has begun to occupy my thoughts more frequently now.

I have to be on my guard. I cannot afford to let it down, especially around her.

Or she will be my downfall.

Author's Note

So, that's my take on a slightly deranged, obsessive Scam. What did you guys think? Reviews and constructive criticism are welcome and get cookies.

Enjoy,

lianneharmony