A/N: This is for the SkyeElf Challenge hosted. The prompt was: If I die young with a minimum of 1000 words.
This fic was sort of new for me, because I attempted to write a young Dumbledore. I don't know if I succeeded, but I did like writing it.
I don't own Harry Potter.
Crumbling Away
He didn't mean. He hadn't meant it! He would never harm a hair on her head, how… how could she be dead? She couldn't be, it was as simple as that, he couldn't allow her to be dead.
You can't control death, Albus! You can bloody ALLOW someone to be dead or not! The sane part of him yelled, but that sane part was shrinking each and every day, with every passing second a piece of it fell away and crumbled, as though it was a slice of bread being cut with a blunt knife.
She had to be alive, she just had to be. He would never hurt her on purpose and he would try to make her forget if it happened by accident. He was very well aware that he wasn't her favourite brother, but he did love her, she was one of the first women he ever loved… how could she be dead?
It's your fault! The sane part yelled again. You just had to go and get on the wrong side, didn't you? You just had to fall in love with the next dark wizard, didn't you? You're an idiot, Albus.
Albus didn't listen to his sanity. He was looking down at her body in the casket. Why did they have to view the body? Surely it was a cruel joke by the ancients. He knew that thy wanted to show respect to the dead via this viewing, but it was morbid and it destroyed your memories. He honestly hated the tradition. He wanted to remember her as his sweet little sister, the one who smiled at his stories of school and his brilliance. He wanted to remember her as she was, not as a stiff corpse in a blue dress. She loved blue, and Albus knew that she would definitely want to be buried in it.
He didn't want his body to be shown at his own funeral. He actually hoped someone had the decency to throw his corpse into the nearest river or ocean, or just to dig his grave in the middle of nowhere and threw his cadaver in without a coffin. It was more than he deserved, that was certain. He knew Aberforth would do it, he didn't even need to ask.
Albus looked away from his sweet little sister, his icy blue eyes leaking with tears. She was kind, she was sweet, she was pretty – but she was dead.
And it was his fault.
He had to force his legs away from the open tomb. He didn't want to see Aberforth look at her, because Aberforth would break down. When Albus heard the sniff and hiccup behind him, he knew it was true.
Comfort him. The sane voice said, but even in his growing insanity he knew that was a bad idea. Aberforth would hex him to the next century.
Well, at least then you'll be away from these people. The sane voice snidely replied, but Albus barely heard it.
With every step he took, another crumb of sanity fell to the floor for the dogs to lick up. With every step, his mind warped. His brilliance took over, as it did last time, when they had the duel and he went mad with power until his sister stopped moving, and that brilliance mixed with the folly.
Albus knew what he had to do. He could rid them all of his existence by wiping himself away. It would be easy too. There were many muggle methods to use. He even knew a few wizarding methods. It would be too easy.
Albus searched for his sanity, but there was no trail to be found. He was such a fool. He wouldn't find his way back home. His fairy tale had turned into a tragedy, and there was no hero who would save him.
He had to say goodbye first, though.
He turned back to where Aberforth was still standing at the casket, his face expressionless safe for the lone tear that stained his face. He slowly walked over, stopping next to his brother. Aberforth took a while to look up, and what he saw absolutely terrified him. Albus looked anguished and his eyes lacked their sparkle that showed life and the silliness that went along with it. His mouth was turned down and his brows were knitted together.
"Al… Albus?" Aberforth stumbled over the name. Albus knew Aberforth hated him. He knew his younger brother could never forgive him for what he had done, for his selfish drivel taking up all the conversations in the house, for stupidly planning to rule over muggles and for insisting Ariana stay with him and forcing Aberforth back to school.
If Aberforth had been looking after her, she wouldn't be dead.
"I'm..." Albus began before clearing his throat and starting again, "I'm leaving."
Aberforth's face showed a mixture of emotions: relief, anger, disbelief, annoyance. The list went on, but Albus could exactly place it.
"What?" Aberforth said in a tone that was unfamiliar to the older boy.
"I'm leaving." Albus said with more confidence.
"You can't." Aberforth said in a small voice, averting his eyes. Albus didn't understand, he thought this was what Aberforth would want.
"I'm leaving, brother. I have caused too much pain, too much trouble and suffering and death and too much… too much… too much…" Albus rambled on, his eyes becoming unfocused and the words repeating themselves.
"Albus?" He heard Aberforth's voice again, and it drew him back for a while. His voice was familiar and… scared? He didn't want Aberforth to be scared ever again. That was why he wanted to go away, because he scared his little brother, and big brothers were supposed to protect their siblings, not kill them or scare them!
"I'm going away, Aberforth. I'm going away forever – so you can be safe." Albus said, and Aberforth took a step back to look at him. Albus saw this happen, but he didn't see what happened next.
He didn't see realisation dawn in Aberforth's eyes. He didn't see anger and fear clouding his expression. He didn't see the hand ball into a fist. He didn't see the hand coming. He just felt when it hit his nose and a 'crack' reverberated through his entire skull.
Albus shook his head, confused. He was standing in front of Aberforth, but he didn't know why and he didn't know how he got there.
"You are a selfish bastard!" Aberforth yelled, "How dare you think of leaving me? How dare you think that I will just be all right with that?"
Albus frowned. Aberforth wanted him to stay? That certainly was a change in the cards he had not been expecting. He was no fortune-teller, but he usually could predict Aberforth.
"You… w - want me… a - around?" Albus stuttered. Normally it would embarrass the wizard, but he was beyond caring.
"Yes, you old coot!" Aberforth screamed at him, "You're all I have left. Yes, I am angry at you and I want to wring your neck, but you cannot leave me, Albus! I'm all you have left too, since Grindelwald up and left like a thief in the night!"
Albus lowered his head in shame, and Aberforth burst forward, hitting Albus in the arm.
"Don't you dare be one of those geniuses that kill themselves young! Albus, you are the only one that can stop Grindelwald when he rises! And he will rise; he's too stupid to stop with that insipid plan of his!"
He's right, you know. There was the sanity again. Of course, Albus, I'll never leave you. Someone has to keep you from destroying humanity. And Grindelwald, while smart, is still blind to the flaws in his plan.
Albus smiled in spite of the fact that they a funeral. His brother still wanted him around, and that would stop him from entirely crumbling away.