Bittersweet

A/N: Last night's episode startled something within me that I just had to get down on paper. Reid deserves to be happy, and if they're not going to give him happiness on the show, I might as well give it to him here. This story will eventually be JJ/Reid, but I want to try and keep it as close to the characters as possible, so it might take some time.

Chapter 1:

All I want is nothing more
To hear you knocking at my door
'cause if I could see your face once more
I could die a happy man I'm sure
- All I want by Kodaline

It was a quiet night at the BAU. They were all gathered in the conference room after JJ had asked them to. She looked at the faces of all of her friends, all but one. "I'm worried about Spence," she admitted, sitting down at the round table. "It's been almost two weeks since what happened; I thought we would've heard from him by now."

Morgan nodded his approval of her statement. "His job is his everything. I'd have thought he'd wanted to be back to solving puzzles by now," he voiced his thoughts, worry shining through in his tone. He loved Reid like his brother and couldn't stand the silence any longer.

"Do you think he wants to quit?" Garcia piped up. She twisted her flower pen between her fingers and looked around at her team members. "I couldn't stand losing our Boy Genius," she admitted. Lately they hadn't been spending that much time together, but everybody knew they had quite a tight bond. Reid was getting used to her banter and understood sarcasm better now. She even convinced him to tell regular jokes, instead of the ones only he seemed to understand.

Even Hotch's face held more than the regular concern. Their team leader was very fond of their resident genius, even though he wouldn't admit is. He only admitted to Reid being a very 'valuable' member of their team. But then again, that's what he called all of them. "If that's what he wants there's nothing we can do to stop him," he said, looking around to see slight shock on the faces of his subordinates. "Morgan, you have tried calling him right?"

Morgan let out a long deep sigh, "God knows I've been trying to get a hold of the kid Hotch, but he's not picking up."

"He hasn't been reacting to my phone calls either," Rossi said and looked at JJ. "What about you?"

JJ shrugged, "I tried once, he didn't pick up. I figured he just needed time to think and to try and leave this all behind," she said. Just a few months ago, when Reid had started talking to Maeve, Garcia told her that he'd had a crush on her for years but never dared to act on it after their doom date. Garcia explained that ever since she'd gotten together with Will, Reid has tried to keep his distance. "I'm not sure if he'd want to talk to me," she said. "We don't have such a great history together."

This sparked a look of confusion in Blake's eyes. "Why not?" She asked.

JJ smiled politely, "A story for another time."

Hotch cleared his throat. "JJ, still I think it's best if you try to talk to him. Call him, text him, go to his apartment, anything to get him to talk to you. We need to know if and when he's coming back and I think you'd get the most out of him," he said and left the conference room, indicating that that was the end of it.

Dear mom,

I am sorry I haven't written to you in a few days, but truth is, I'm not quite sure what to tell you. Remember how you always told me that losing people always had a reason. I have been trying to find reason within this for days now, but it's not there.

We caught another bad guy a few days ago, a woman this time. She was a stalker, wanted to take on somebody else's life. Maeve's. I don't think I have told you about her before. She was a geneticist mom, she was very smart. We have talked over the phone and written letters to each other. Two weeks ago was the first time I met her, at the end of a gun. I loved her and I wanted to tell her, but I never had the chance.

You told me that we lost people for a reason, to make room for other important people in her life. She was the first woman I ever really loved, how could there be another?

Mom, I think I will be coming to Las Vegas soon. I will visit you.

Love,

Spencer

Reid took a last look at the letter. It was shorter than the usual ones he wrote to his mother, but this time he couldn't find the energy to write more. Besides, there was nothing more to write. He was empty, the events two weeks prior had drained him of his last reserves.

All he had been doing the past days was shuffle from his bed to the couch and back. His eyes had dark circles around them, his hair was a mess and he was pretty sure he had a bad stench lingering around him. He didn't care. His life had nearly ended two weeks ago, together with her. What was he supposed to do, go on as if nothing had happened?

He was wallowing again when he heard a knock on the door. He didn't get up, whoever it was would think he wasn't home and go away. Wrong. The sound of the knocking increased, as well as the length of them. "Spence, I know you're here, please open the door," a familiar voice begged at the other side of the wood. There was only one person who called him Spence.

He shuffled towards the door and opened it slowly, squinting at the bright light. "JJ, what are you doing here?"

JJ pushed past him, into his small apartment. "God Spence, it smells awful in here."

Reid merely shrugged and let himself fall back on the couch. "What are you doing here?"

"Strauss has been asking questions about your return, so Hotch asked me to come and talk to you," JJ said gently, going into the tiny kitchenette to grab two glasses of water. She set them down on the coasters on his table. "How are you Spence?"

"I don't want to talk about it," he replied and took a sip of water.

"Well then don't talk, wait until you're ready. But just know, your job won't wait forever Spence, we'd hate to lose you," she said gently and took a sip as well. "You know what," she started and looked around the apartment. "Why don't you get freshened up and I do some tidying around here. Then when we're done, I'm going to take you out to lunch because you look like you haven't eaten in days."

Reid let out a small groan and wanted to protest, but decided against it. It was time to go outside again, who knew, maybe it would help him a bit. He got up and slowly went towards the bathroom, looking over his shoulder. "Don't throw anything away," he warned her before retreating.

"I wouldn't dare," JJ replied with a small smile. She let out a deep sigh, her hands in her sides as she took in the apartment. There were books and clipped articles everywhere. Dishes were stacked up in the kitchenette and it smelled like the windows hadn't been opened in years. The first thing she did was open the curtains and windows.

Quickly she started gathering all the books and stacked them in neat piles, putting the newspaper clippings in a separate folder. Just when she was about to finish the dishes, Spencer came walking back into the room, clean, shaven and looking slightly better. "Here, you finish this and I'll vacuum real quick."

While she was doing so, her eye fell on a letter on the dinner table. She read it slowly, a sad feeling overwhelming her. You really loved her, didn't you? She finished vacuuming and gathered their coats. "Okay Spence, let's go," she said and ushered him out of the apartment. "You and I are going to have fun together at least once a week and when you're ready to talk, we talk."

Reid furrowed his brows and looked at her. "JJ…" he started.

"No Spence, we need to get you moving on and fun is the best way to do it. No ifs and buts about it," she said firmly.

"Alright, I surrender," Reis said, a tiny smile finding its way to his face.

"Good," JJ smiled, "Now let's go eat."

TBC