Her heart is breaking and he's asking her to go with him. Maybe the better word here would be begging, because with anyone else she would firmly declare that it isn't, but this is Jess and she knows him. He's begging, begging her not to say no but she's saying it.

No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.

Each syllable like a punch to the gut because how can he ask this of her? How could he think that she'd leave?

There's no way she can say anything but no.

Yet there's a part of her that wants to say yes, the part that always wanted to say yes to him since the moment she met him, because it's Jess.

It's Jess and he's here looking at her and she can't look at him because if she lets her eyes linger for too long she fears she'll tell him yes. That she'll give into that visceral desire to go, that she'd say 'yes yes yes- I'll go, I'll go anywhere so long as you're there.'

It's wrong but she wants it.

She wants to leave against all her better judgement because it's Jess and she loves him. It's always been Jess, there was Dean but then there was Jess, and ever since it's always been him consuming every nook and cranny of her mind.

It didn't matter that she tried to tell herself that she didn't love him, that she could've but he left and she just needed to let it go. Let him go.

It never worked.

He clouded her judgement, bringing a fog that settled over till nothing was clear. Nothing was clear because in that moment all she saw was them.

She could imagine waking up with her body curled against his, fitting so perfectly that you couldn't tell that they were two separate beings.

She could see her holding a coffee cup, peeking over the top of the cup at him while his eyes soak up every beautiful word that is printed out onto one of their many books that are scattered all around.

She could imagine all these things as if they happened and she wanted them to be real.

"Don't say 'no' just to make me stop talking or make me go away. Only say 'no' if you really don't want to be with me."

In that moment there was nothing more she wanted than to be with him.

Her heart wanted her lips to move, to form the words 'yes. I want to be with you, how could I want anything else?' but this was a battle. A battle between her heart and her head.

Her heart and it's fierce endless love for this boy who beyond all her judgement had weaseled his way into it; had forced his way in and occupied all its space. And then there was her head reminding her that she was a smart girl, always had been far too intelligent for her own good, and that this - him - would only bring her pain. It was a battle but it was a fruitless one because her head would always win.

There was too much at stake. This was her home and she was standing in the midst of Yale and she worked too hard to just flee with a boy that had let her down one too many times before and she couldn't be sure that he wouldn't do it again. It didn't matter that he thought he was ready, that he spoke the words 'you couldn't count on me before, but you can now' because it didn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things.

She loved him but it didn't matter, it didn't change anything.

"No."

In another world it might've been funny how a one syllable word, spoken at her own free will, could have the power to completely destroy her but they weren't in another world where things were different. They were stuck firmly in this world and in this one she was Lorelei "Rory" Gilmore who valued her intelligence, Rory Gilmore who loved a boy who had let her down over and over without fail. A boy who only ever ran and there it was once again, him turning to disappear through the threshold without a goodbye.

Nothing was different.
He never said goodbye and this time was no different.

Maybe it would hurt her more if he had but that, too, did not matter. He was gone and she could only blame herself this time.