It's not necessary to read my previous story, "My Future Self" to get this story, but it'll probably help ;D.
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"...now, I release the podium to possibly one of the best students ever to grace this dump, and the pioneer of the plasmapheresis, Dr. Denise Mahoney."
She forces a smile onto her face, because that's what you do when you're being presented a major award. She forces her hand to stay at her side instead of tugging on her dress or her styled hair – because you do your hair and wear a fancy dress when you're getting a major award. Stupid award ceremony.
Perry shakes her hand and winks deeply and she has to bite her tongue so she won't laugh – she's going to give him hell for that later tonight, the old bastard. She'll have to put emphasis on the old part of it too, just so he feels it.
She can see Drew, grinning like a loon from the far back (she'll have a chance to duck if he came running up the aisle) – Perry who looks honestly cheerful for once as he looks up at her, blue eyes glimmering proudly even in the darkened room.
The two most important men in her life and in moments like this she wonders how she ever got so lucky to have them in her life.
Everything begins with death.
It sounded like something some mopey whiny ass teenager would write (hell, she might have, not that she'd ever confess it out loud), but that did not negate the fact that it was true.
Her mother giving birth to her for instance – her beginning came from her mother's end. Not that she's trying to be melodramatic about it – she hardly knew the woman after all.
Some people don't handle death well – her Dad had the integrity not to say it, but she knew he resented her, just the tiniest bit, for taking her mother's life. He did his best not to let it affect him, but she spent a lot of time with various aunts and grandparents when she grew up – especially after he got remarried to that bitch –
She was glad for it, honestly, because it made her a hell of a lot tougher than a lot of girls. Sure, when she was younger she wanted that 'normal' family with a mom and a dad to be there at all your crappy school pageants where they dressed you up in construction paper and glitter – but there was no use in pissing and moaning about it.
She grew up with death being that other four letter 'd' word that no one supposed to mention around her. Death wasn't all that scary to her. Not everyone was so lucky.
A month after Dr. Cox's wife makes him write out his will he finally gets the balls to ask the same of her. Not that she blames him for being intimidated – god she hopes she's that scary when she gets that old. She'll probably have less plastic done, but she'll definitely aim for that level of ruthless bitch.
They have a fight in the middle of the hallway, not that that's anything unusual to anyone who's been at Sacred Heart more than a week. She doesn't ask him about it afterward – because well even if Dr. Cox were the type to make whiny confessionals about the troubles in his life (beyond demanding her assistance sarcastically and then ignoring her advice) – she probably wouldn't have listened that carefully because again – he asks her assistance then ignores her advice so why bother wasting the brainspace with it?
She gets the first inkling that something is wrong when Cox is nine minutes late to the lecture. The man is never late unless it's a crisis, and then she would've gotten a page.
As his TA she's got access to the lesson plans, she could give the lecture herself and send the wannabes on their way – or she could say screw it, let the class go and let Cox deal with it next class.
She sees that creepy little legacy kid licking his lips and practically salivating as the clock gets closer and closer to the hallowed ten minute mark…
The lecture is SO on.
She busts through the lecture at a rapid pace and she can see their little upper lips getting all sweaty as they desperately try to take notes. She throws in pop quiz on the lecture just for funsies.
After she hustles the last straggling crier out the door (god, they'll never be a doctor if they cry all the time, why don't they get that?) she makes her way to Cox's office to demand a Saturday off in repayment for covering his ass.
Saturday's off have been "their thing" since he flipped out over that heparin patient (Christ how could she have been so stupid…) because he was all ass hurt over Dorian leaving because they had some weird masochistic relationship that she wasn't even going to try to understand.
She knocks on the door, surprised when he doesn't yell at her to go away. She hears a soft moan of pain instead and that immediately gets all of her alarm bells ringing. Cox isn't the type to show weakness, and the fact that he is making noise isn't a good sign.
She tries the door and is surprised to find it locked. He never locks the door during his office hours.
Something is up, and it's not good. She gives a loud smack to the door, and there's another groan in response. She tells him she'll be back, that he isn't going to get out of this conversation –
She means to come back in an hour or so, but of course shit happens, and the next thing she knows its six o'clock, two hours after her shift and no one has seen Cox all damn day.
This time when she pounds on the door, he invites her in.
She finds him pouring a bottle of very expensive scotch down the sink – but the other empty in the trash can doesn't look like it made it to the drain by the look of Cox's face.
"You missed class," She opts to say instead of 'So how's your good old friend Jimmy Walker doing nowadays? Do you see him much?'.
"Won't happen again," Cox says hoarsely and she can bet that the janitorial staff is going to be pissed when they see the state of the office's private bathroom.
She narrows her eyes as she watches him lean heavily against the bar top – Cox isn't one to show weakness, and part of her is a little bit honored that he'd drop his guard around her – the rest of her just wishes he'd quit it.
"What happened," She asks, and kicks herself for getting involved. Stupid double x chromosome. Too late to take it back now. Besides, she kind of… didn't hate Cox like she did the rest of the tools in the hospital – and he didn't hate her. If he was going to be packed off to see Betty Ford she's going to have to build a whole new relationship with whatever jack ass they bring in here.
"Nothing," He lies, glancing at her over his shoulder.
She nods, crossing her arms over her chest and raising her eyebrow disbelievingly, but she lets it go. She's not going to beat it out of him.
"I covered for you. You've got a whole bunch of pop quizzes to grade – I'll drop them off tomorrow."
"Tomorrow's Saturday, take it off," Cox sighs.
It's her right to take the day and leave – she can go home and do absolutely nothing for once – she's been wanting to catch an episode of Jersey Shore but Drew gets all cranky whenever she tries to watch it and tomorrow he's got to be in the hospital so it's perfect –
"Yeah, next Saturday works better for me. I'll bring them over and give you a hand on crushing their little perky spirits," She insists instead.
"Fine," Cox grumbles, tossing the empty trash can next to its sibling.
She kicks herself as she shuts the door behind her, but shows up the next day with quizzes in hand and stays long after they've finished going over her patient's charts and reading that new article in JAMA about blood disorders – and then digging through his collection of reference texts chasing after the tail of an idea.
She winds up coming in the next Saturday and researching quietly in his office while he plows through the mountains of paperwork that always seem to accumulate in hospitals. The higher up the chain you got the more papers get thrown on your desk.
Suddenly it's their thing, these Saturday meet ups. Sometimes they adjourn to the bar afterwards (because she can tolerate Drew, but that whole 'no alcohol' thing was a real downer) to talk shit about the students and occasionally, after a scotch or three he starts telling war stories from his days as an intern and resident. Normally, she'd say snore to old people relieving their glory days, but Cox had a way of making them interesting.
Soon Christmas and New Years is breathing down their necks bringing in more accidents and idiots through the doors as finals come crashing down.
If Drew notices she's been spending more of her free time with Cox, he doesn't say anything – of course he probably hasn't noticed considering the students are cramming for exams right now and he's lab partners with Legacy and Horse Girl.
Not to mention all the shit that she and Cox are pouring on them on rounds – Legacy looked near to tears when she pimped him out on hemolytic disorders. Horse Girl had locked herself in a closet for a half hour after grand rounds after she'd ripped into her for sneezing –
Drew was handling it pretty well – but then again, this isn't his first time on the ride.
She walks into his office, eager to check her line of thought against what's in his copy of Creutzfeld's Haemetology, and so used to being able to walk right into his office she doesn't even think about knocking as she enters –
"Dammit Jordan! You promised, you promised I could have them for the holiday. This isn't fair…"
She can only see him in profile, but he looks – sounds devastated. His eyes catch hers and she's trapped where she stands. The raw wounded look he's wearing won't let her slide away and pretend that she never witnessed this.
"…Jordan," He says softly, shoulders sagging. "Jordan, come home… I don't know what's gotten into you… or at least let me see them. Please."
She swears he shrinks three inches as he tosses the phone weakly into the corner. She's guessing that she's not going to let him see them. The devastation surrounding him sucks her in and drags her down like a rip tide.
Maybe it's just those lingering daddy issues… do his kids know how hard he's fighting to see them, or is she telling them he doesn't want to be there? Do they know how lucky they are to have a father who wants to be near them at all?
Maybe it's just those lingering daddy issues that make her grab him by the shoulders and kiss him roughly. She's doing most of the work, something she can't even find in herself to resent him for it even as her calves ache from having to stretch up to reach him.
He pushes her away, his face alarmed and pale as he holds her at arm's length.
"Denise, don't do this," He says softly. "Don't screw up your life."
He pushes her out the door and puts her name on the "Do Not Enter List" minutes later.
He's drowning and no one else can see it – maybe you need to be similarly jaded to see the signs.
This is why Drew asks her what's up with Cox after Christmas break.
She hasn't told him about kissing Cox – because really what the hell would that accomplish but a whole bunch of goddamn drama.
Since she's banned from his office, she sends Drew to investigate instead –
Of course Drew gets distracted by a patient he's gotten too attached to – a small part of her is envious that he can be as messed up as her but still care in a way that is not completely irritating – but not when he winds up a complete mess like this.
Again the insight of the jaded pays off, because Cox follows Drew out of the hospital that night and into the bar.
Drew eventually makes it back to her room in the early morning and she pretends to sleep as he cuddles up next to her. Something's happened between him and Cox, something Drew feels guilty about (which can only be sex or gunning, and with Cox it probably wasn't gunning), because why else would Drew defy her strict orders not to cuddle her in her sleep? Or ever?
Which means she's going to have to come up with a solution to all this – because she misses the sanctuary of Cox's office – misses his concise collection of the best medical texts published, misses the stories, misses him.
She's not going to give up Drew though, because she… she cares for him too. Drew, obviously, likes the man too; otherwise they would've had some manly fight instead of doing whatever they did.
Which is why she braves Cox's anger and enters his office, dragging a protesting Drew behind her. She ignores Cox's bellowing at her as she locks the door.
"I know what you two did," She snaps, which gets Cox to shut up for once. Both of them glance at each other before staring at her in horror, confirming exactly what she thought.
Drew is getting paler, while Cox's face grows red and it's her in the middle as the calm center. They're looking to each other, each trying to launch into a desperate explanation only to break off when they see the other trying to speak –
It'd be cute if it weren't so pathetic.
"I don't care," she says, smothering a laugh at their identical confused looks.
She steps forward and pulls Drew to her, kissing him deep and hard for a moment before breaking away and pulling Cox – well, might as well call him 'Perry' if they're really going to do this – and gives him the same treatment.
It just makes sense, she'd realized that night… triangles are the strongest shapes in world, and together they'll form a golden triangle…
Perry gets her like no other man in her life has – undoubtedly due to his own fucked up childhood. Drew had, as near as she could tell, a normal life before his meltdown in med school. Perry knows all about fucking up your adult life too. So while everyone says they're both mini-Coxes – it can also be said that he's a conglomeration of them.
This relationship is always going to be primarily between her and Drew. Perry will never move on past his ex-wife – Christ the idiot still wears his wedding ring even though she's obviously left him for good this time. A woman who is so scared of the inevitable that she left her husband/ex-husband/baby daddy over a request to write a goddamn will.
So, in a way, death is responsible for bringing him into their relationship.
Just because Perry isn't a full partner, that doesn't mean that he can't have a presence in their relationship – and if one day, she thinks as Perry's hand cups her ass as Drew nips her bottom lip, if one day Perry decides to get over that wannabe Joan Rivers, she might not be opposed to making their triangle more equilateral.
As she steps down from the podium, Drew's got an arm around her shoulder as the blowhards shake her hand and congratulate her. She smiles back because that's what you're supposed to do.
She leans into the hand that touches the small of her back, smiling honestly as Perry hands her a glass of champagne – god she hasn't had alcohol in forever – sleeping with a recovering alcoholic and near alcoholic had so many goddamn rules.
"I'm heading home, congratulations Mahoney," Perry says, giving that damnable wink again that means he'll be there waiting for them at her apartment after the party is over.
She and Drew wish him a good night, and she takes her first delicious sip of –
Oh, that old man's ass was going to be black and blue by the time she was done. What was he thinking giving her sparkling cider?