I wake up to an annoying alarm clock blaring in my ear. Ugh, another day of stupid crap from stupid people. I slide out of bed lazily and get undressed to get into the shower. As I'm undressing, I slide my hand down across my scarred wrist.
Feeling the old scars and burns, and the new cuts from the night before, I turn on the water to warm it and step into the shower. After letting it run across my shoulders for a minute, I rub shampoo into my long, naturally jet black hair.
After rinsing the shampoo out and washing the rest of my body, I step out of the shower and sling a towel around my hips. The towel is really low, but it's still covering me. I head to my closet and grab some clothes.
I slip on a pair of super skinny black skinny jeans and my band Tee. I'm in a band called Black Veil Brides, but we don't have a bassist. After drying my hair, I pull a straightener through it until I'm satisfied. Then I add the final touches which include eyeliner under my eyes and red lipstick.
I finally feel ready for school, so I grab my keys to my motorcycle and head off. When I get to school, I chain up my bike and grab my bag. As I enter the school someone shouts out "Emo!" and I hear cutting laughter all around. I get grabbed by the hair and before I can react, I'm thrown against a locker. I fall to the floor, and before I can get up, I get kicked in the face. My nose crunches, and then burns.
"Fag." I get kicked in the rib cage. He grabs me and pushes me against the lockers, so I look away from him. "Look at me." He demands. I comply and instantly regret it. He punches me in the face, and if my nose wasn't broken before, it definitely is now.
I get knocked around almost every day for being in a band, being a "fag", being "skinny", and being "emo". I'm categorized because I'm bulimic, I self harm, and I like boys. I'm dropped to the ground again.
I hear footsteps running towards us, so I painfully roll over and face the lockers. I listen in to the shocking conversation.
"Hey. Leave him alone! He hasn't done anything to you." That voice. It was familiar. Perfect. Purdy? That's Ashley Purdy's voice! I have been crushing big time on him for 6 years.
Since I was 10, I knew I liked boys. I turned 11 and developed the biggest crush ever on Ashley. No joke, he was perfect. He was always there for me when I was getting bullied and pushed around. He played bass, also! I was always to scared he would say no if I asked him to join my band though.
"Ash, He's a fag. Look at him. He can't even stand up and fight back. He's an emo little faggot." The kid says. I look up and see him glaring at me. I hide my face in my hair again. After a while, I figured Ashely had said something, because I heard Ashley tell me everything was going to be all right.
Lifting my head slowly, I saw everyone except Ashley. The bell must have rung too. I try to stand, but I get to my knee before collapsing to the floor again. That guy kicked me really hard. I try to stand one or two more times, but I kept falling to the floor.
"Do you need to go to the nurses?" He asks worriedly. Just nodding my head,I realize my nose still hurts. We work together and eventually, I am standing and he's supporting most of my weight, which isn't much.
We get to the nurses and I collapse to the floor painfully. Surprisingly, Ashley sits down on the chair next to me and waits with me. I close my eyes and I must have drifted off because Ashley's voice snaps me awake.
"The nurse is back. Andy?" I look up and at the clock. I was laying there for about 20 minutes. The nurse looks at me weird, and I stand up, I'm surprised when I only get dizzy and stay standing. Ashley tells the nurse what happened, and then looks at me one last time before walking out.
I'm in the nurses office all through first period. I feel sick and fall asleep about 5 or 6 minutes before the bell rings The nurse comes up to me and tells me I'm okay to leave now. I go to my locker real quick and grab my bag, then head to class.
I get to English, and once I'm seated, class starts. We are watching a movie, but when it starts I get the urge to throw up. I stand up and try my best to look normal as I walk to the teachers desk. I get to the desk, but all eyes are on me.
"Can I use the restroom please?" I ask in a hushed tone.
"Fine. You have 2 minutes. Purdy, go with him." The teacher says. Crap, I forgot that Ash was in this class with me. Ashley gets up and gladly walks out the door behind me, probably happy to get away from the movie.
We get to the bathroom, and I forget Ashley is with me. I run to the trash can and dry heave. I do end up throwing up, but it's mostly stomach acid. Ashley saw me throw up nothing, he knows how skinny I am, what if he figure out that I'm bulimic.
"You just dry heaved. Then stomach acid. Have you eaten anything lately?" Ashley asked worriedly. I nod my head yes and he looks at me. Just a simple, worried stare. I can't take... I shake my head and tell him no. He looks at me with disappointment.
"Can you just drive me home please..." I ask.
"Sure." Ashley nods. I rinse my mouth out in the sink and grab my mouth wash out of my bag. I carry mouth was around with me for when things like this happen. After I'm done, we head to Ashley's car and go to my house.
When we get to my house, we get out of the car and I unlock the door. I walk in with Ashley following close behind. He looks around in wonder at the huge, super tidy, plain house. My house is the complete opposite of my personality.
We sit on my bed after I show him around, and he looks at me.
"Dude, I'm sweating in a teeshirt, how do you wear that leather jacket?" He asks in wonder.
I shrug my shoulders and just say, "I don't know." and he drops the subject. To be honest, I was hot, I was really hot, but I didn't want to take my jacket off and have him see my scars, cuts, and bruises.
After a minute of awkward silence, I figured it was just me and Ashley, sitting in my room, on my bed. I figure it's probably now or never. "Ash?" I whisper without meaning to. "You play bass, don't you?"
"Yeah, I do... Why?" He asks, knowing exactly what I was going to ask.
"Well, Do you maybe want to be in my band? We don't have a bassist... I can show you a few of the songs, and some of the lyrics I've written... Please?" I ask in one breath. I brace myself for rejection.
"I'd love to." He states. I look up and see that in his eyes, he is one hundred percent serious. He looks me dead in the eyes and gives me a smile so amazing that I blush. Ashley knows I'm gay, but has no idea that I have fallen in love with him. He saw my blush. Crap. Crap, crap, and crap.
I hear him laugh a little bit. "Are you blushing?" He asks when he stops laughing. An audible sigh escapes my lips and I put my head in my hands. He sounds serious now, "It's okay if you are. I'm not mad." I'm wishing for my blade now. I shouldn't have let that smile get to me.
"Andy... Come on... I wasn't laughing at you, lift your head. I know it wasn't right for me to laugh, I'm sorry." He sounded sad, so I lifted my head and I looked at him. He half smiled. He was amazing, and he seemed to genuinely care about me.
"I'm sorry." I mutter. "I'm sorry for making you upset." I say a little louder this time. He looks at me, bewildered. I stop talking, both if us do. For a while just sit on the bed in silence. Finally he begins a sentence.
"Andy? I have to tell you something. I think I-" He starts.
His phone starts ringing in the middle of his sentence. He tells me it will only take a moment and he answers it. He walks out of the room, and I absentmindedly roll up my sleeves and start picking at the scabs. I had my sleeve rolled all the way up, I must have been showing a hundreds of scars on my arm. Ashley walks in and sees. I don't know he's there in the doorway until I hear him call out my name.
"Andy?!" he cries out, staring at my arm.