A big Thank You goes to my beta, OhMercyMe.

A is for Azure

He had always wanted to spend some time on a ship but the opportunity had never presented itself. Well, you could count his journey from Amaranthine to Kirkwall, but that had only taken a few days and he hadn't really been in the right state of mind to enjoy it at the time, with images of dead Wardens racing through his mind and haunting his dreams, and a confused spirit inside of him who made it so hard to concentrate on anything except questions he didn't have answers for.

Said spirit is quiet now, probably too shocked by what they both had done in Kirkwall to make his presence known. Anders is still getting used to that kind of freedom. He had almost forgotten how it feels like to play the leading role in your own story.

He doesn't feel good now, no, not that, never that, but better, not quite as lost as he had been a few weeks ago, where Garrett and him had spent the nights facing away from each other, not talking, not even touching save for the few times where they had given in to their needs and Garrett had taken him, with an urgency and desperation they had never felt to this degree before. Afterwards they had just gotten cleaned up and simply gone to sleep without speaking another word.

Not even Varric had known what to say back then. Anders had caught him watching, brow furrowed while polishing Bianca, and often he had expected him to open his mouth any second, to try and lighten the mood with a quick joke or a witty remark, but it had never come. And you knew that things were bad when even the dwarf couldn't bring himself to open his mouth. But Varric had written a lot, and no one had managed to find out what about. Anders can't help but think that this may be for the best.

But now, standing on deck, wind tousling his hair, spray bewetting his face, the sea beneath him, wild and free and untamable, he has found a moment of peace. Looking over the railing, he is amazed at just how many different colours he can make out. He had always thought that the sea would be simply blue, but it's not. There's green, turquoise, even a brownish hue, and of course many shades of blue. The water looks different out here, not like at the Docks in Kirkwall, where it is polluted by all kinds of rubbish the workers just throw in to get rid of it in the easiest possible way. He takes a deep breath and enjoys the salty quality of the air that feels so much cleaner than in Kirkwall.

„There you are. I've been looking for you."

He jumps at Garrett's sudden appearance, even though it shouldn't have surprised him. That's what partners do, isn't it? They check on one another. It seems they have to relearn so many things they had once done with a naturalness only known to couples that have been together for years. It hurts how much they've lost and now have to collect again, piece by piece. They're getting there, but they're nowhere near whole yet.

„Isabela and Fenris are taking care of dinner tonight. I don't know if I should be amused or worried", Garrett says after he joins Anders at the railing, putting his hand so close to his own that they're nearly, but not quite, touching.

„If anyone should be worried about being poisened, it's me." He doesn't really mean it, and Garrett knows that. Fenris has surprised Anders more than any of the others with his loyalty, even though he knows perfectly well that it has nothing to do with him and everything to do with Hawke. Still, he feels… grateful. He hadn't expected him to join them, not really, considering their relationship. And whenever he looks at the elf now he can't help but notice the guilt tying his stomach into a knot, guilt for underestimating him, for doubting his friendship with Hawke. Although, Anders constantly feels guilty, so he's not quite sure if the uneasy feeling is really referable to Fenris' presence.

Hawke and him fall into a surprsingly comfortable silence, looking down at the water breaking against the bow, and after a few minutes Anders can feel Hawke's little finger over his own. He looks up, and Garrett turns his head, giving him a warm smile he can't help but reciprocate, and that's when he notices it.

He had always thought that Garrett's eyes were simply blue, but they're not. There's a little green there, and little yellow specks around the pupil, but what really strikes him is this deep shade of azure, the purest form of blue, endless as the sky and just as beautiful, and familiar in a way that makes his shoulders relax and his heart feel a little lighter.

It may take months, maybe even years, but at that moment Anders knows that someday, they will be alright.