Disclaimer:

I'm pretty sure you all know what I own and what I don't. I'd so much want to own Lulu, though, so I could walk around and tell everyone she's mine :smirk:

This was my first FF fanfic ever, so feel free to flame and be aware of how vague it is. Review if you please, reasonable critic always very welcome.

Warnings:

1) Tidus is not exactly what he was in the game. I won't reveal the secrets now, you'll just have to read on to find out :) But consider yourself warned.

2) The story contains femslash (simply enough, lesbian sex).

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Chapter I

I sat down on the machina we had been travelling with before it ran out of gas or whatever it worked with. In the middle of a place I'd call the Ice Lands or something, I sat on a non-functioning machina with the lady of my dreams. Her name was Lulu.

Oh boy, and she had no idea. First of all, she was a little older than me. And it just does not work that way; the boy has to be older, that's it, end of the story. And there was more than that.

I was born in Zanarkand. A thousand years ago? Maybe. The only thing I knew about myself by then was that people called me Tidus, and that I looked a lot like Lulu's ex - my friend's little brother - Chappu. I'd never seen the guy, though, for he was dead. Chappu's older brother, Wakka, was the captain and the coach of the Besaid Aurochs, the blitzball team of his hometown Besaid. I had joined the team after drifting ashore in Besaid, and helped them to win the Blitzball Cup - I used to play for the Zanarkand Abes back in my hometown. That's why I left with them in the first place, to play in Blitzball cup in a city called Luca. But the same journey continued as summoner Yuna's pilgrimage, for Wakka and Lulu were her guardians.

Our crew contained seven people, including me. The other guardians except Wakka, Lulu, and me were called Auron, Kimahri, and Rikku. Auron was a legendary man who had been a guardian for Yuna's father, too, and so he had defeated the evil Sin ten years ago. He had been guarding Yuna's father, Lord Braska, with my father Jecht. I had thought my father was dead by then. Kimahri on the other hand was a strange wolf-like guy who scarcely spoke a word but guarded Yuna with all his heart and strength. He had known Yuna since she was born, just like Wakka and Lulu, who seemed to treat Yuna as their little sister. Kimahri belonged to a tribe called Ronso, that's why he looked like a giant wolf on two legs and with a horn on his forehead. And Rikku was a fifteen-year old girl, a member of a tribe called Al Bhed. She was good with repairing things and customising our weapons and armour, but her tribe was not the most liked one in Spira (i.e. the world we lived in). She had helped me when I had come to Spira from my Zanarkand, so I had no prejudices against the Al Bhed. But Wakka was fanatic about this, so he did not know Rikku was an Al Bhed, not before he heard Rikku speaking the Al Bhed language. That had been just a minute ago, and had caused an argument among our group. Luckily Wakka was still unaware of that Rikku was Yuna's cousin, so Yuna was partly an Al Bhed, too. One of her eyes was green with an interesting pattern, just like the Al Bhed eyes are, which was sort of strange since her other eye was plain blue. This made her face look rather mysterious.

Now we were alone, Lulu and I. She was a calm and patient girl ...woman, which often made her look ignorant. She had long black hair and deep brown puppy eyes, and she could do black magic better than anyone. Yuna knew some black magic, too, but she was not as good with it as Lulu. On the other hand, Yuna was better with white magic.

I did not know what to do, since I could not repair machina and I had nothing I would have done that with, so I just kicked the poor thing that had been transporting us through the ice and snow, and then sat on it to wait for the others. I told Lulu to sit beside me and have a chat or something. First I asked her if she was cold, and got a strict 'no' as a reply. I said she should maybe relax a bit, to which she did not reply at all. I didn't quite help her to relax, with what I was going to say. But what can I do? The situation was perfect, and this was maybe the only chance I'd ever get.

"You know... What I said back then, in Guadosalam... you told me not to fall in love with Yuna, and I said...uh..." What a fine start, Tidus. Go go.

"I remember," she said, her eyes far away.

My heart was pounding faster than I ever remembered it pounding. This was harder than I had thought.

"Well, um, there's... there's something I want you to know."

I was trying to decide which shock would I deliver first. After a while I decided to go with the easier one first - I mean, the easier one for me. About Lulu I could never know. But maybe this way she'd pay less attention to the fact that was harder for me to say. At least I hoped so, I think.

"By then, in Guadosalam, you replied something funny...about me being a little boy. Or something. Anyway, what I mean is...that, I'm not as much a little boy as you might think."

She was surprised. And curious. And silent.

"I know you're twenty-two. And me, I'm going on nineteen, though I know you all assume I'm like seventeen or so, because I look like a little boy. And I...am not a boy."

She almost fell off her seat.

"W-what?" was all she could say at first. "You? A...girl, right? No way."

I had never seen her go off her calm, cold manner. This was the first time ever. She looked at me, and I looked back. Her lips were violet, as always, and her dark eyes seemed to seal all the secrets of the world...err, Spira. Her face was as aristocratic as it always had been, and the way she looked at me made me feel dizzy, sort of confused. She went on speaking.

"The little Tidus that showed neither any sense of fear, nor any instinct for self-preservation. Been too close to Sin's toxin, confused, messed up...didn't know what was going on, nothing about Spira, claimed to be from a city that was destroyed a thousand years ago and thus got a reputation of a madman..."

And that long black hair, those gestures that drove me crazy when fighting fiends and she'd cast her black magic spells on them, and after we won a battle she'd lean a little forward and make me wonder if her dress will fall, and her breasts...little did her costume hide anyway. I tried not to look at her breasts. Instead I tried speaking.

"Wait. There's more." I lay my hand on hers. "You know, that which I said in Guadosalam...about you, well, it was no joke. I mean - man this sounds crazy - that I think I have...fallen in love...with...you."

That's it. I'd said it. Now it was all up to Lulu how to proceed. Not an easy mission, I must admit. She was silent for a long while. I wanted to say something, anything, but I was afraid I'd ruin something. Everything. If I hadn't already done so.

"Ooh-huh," she said (like you could spell that), which sounded like the noise of a slow understanding, like falling down and then landing softly. This was soon followed by "Uhh..." and now I was not quite sure what all these phonetic expressions meant in this very situation. I did not dare to ask. And just when I was going to say something,

"So... Let me understand this. You, the little boy drifting ashore and being a blitzballplayer, are actually a girl called Tidus and in love with, uh, me. Right?"

"Yes. I guess that's it. In general." I swallowed nervously.

"So how many people know about...all this?" was her next question.

I couldn't help it; a smile lurked to my face. "About me falling in love? No one except us. And when it comes to my sex...well, my old man knew of course. And since he and Auron were acquainted, I don't know how much our 'father figure' knows. But I haven't told anyone... Well, take Wakka, for instance. He went crazy when he heard we'd be using machina against Sin. I'm sure this is against Yevon's teachings aswell, though I'm not the least familiar with those teachings."

"It is, indeed. Luckily I don't have a problem with that," she said thoughtfully.

"Yeah. You know, when I came here I knew nothing about the whole Yevon... The only thing I've known like forever is that I feel more like a boy than a girl. And my physics? Well, you can say what you want, I know I can't change it and that is the problem...and sometimes...I'm just so tired."

"I can't say I understand," she said softly, "but at least I'll try to. It's never easy to be...different."

"Amen," I said. I started to like her even more - if that was possible.

We sat quiet for a while and I hoped the others wouldn't get back just yet. Or too soon. Or ever.

"But..." she started then, "I was just wondering... I mean, I thought you were interested in Yuna."

"Yeah well so did everyone. Oh and she's cute, really, but as I said the other day, she's not quite my type."

"Maybe that's just as well, for both of you. You sure know what I mean. But Rikku's the one I feel sorry for... She's really having a crush on you, you know. And in that age it's so serious."

I smiled again.

"I noticed something like that, too. Well not before that...something...happened between Yuna and me, but after that I saw that Rikku was a little depressed or something. Thought it could be because she was fond of me, but well, I didn't want to flatter myself so I told myself it was nothing. But lately, I don't know, she certainly acts like she's having a crush on me."

Lulu gave a sad laugh.

"When that something happened between Yuna and you, I didn't feel too good either. But Rikku's fifteen so it's a bit different. She's still...sort of, eh, optimistic."

Now I got excited, and confused, and crazy.

"Wait, wait. Back up a sec. You said that you didn't feel too good either? I mean, why was that?"

"Well...uh...you know. I was...like...eh, you were...um, you look a lot like...and then, your way to show no fear... So, what I'm trying to say is...uh..."

"Yes?" I definitely wanted to hear this one.

Lulu fell silent, looking somewhere far away.

"I'm not going to say it, okay?" she finally said quietly. "I guess you already figured it out."

I wanted to laugh. To cry. To jump around. To kiss her. To be in her arms. To make love to her. To speak with her. To fly. To swim. Everything I could do with her or to her. I could not say a word. This was a dream, and I wished not to wake up.

"Y-you mean it?" I asked. I sounded like a kid.

"Yes," replied Lulu. "Just...don't tell anyone."

"No prob. Oh my god... This is just...too good to be true. ...You sure it doesn't matter that I'm...?"

She took a look at me and I smiled carefully.

"Yes. Surprisingly enough, the small crush I had on you - and that I'd never have admitted - didn't fade anywhere. In fact, it just bursted into flames."

I was left speechless. Breathless. Out of words. With no sense of time or space. Lulu took my hand and then slowly, carefully, heart aching gently kissed me, on the lips. I felt the tears in the back of my eyes. I felt her lips on mine. I felt her body close to me. I felt her perfume. I felt her tongue in my mouth. I felt like in heaven.

How long was it? A thousand years? Maybe. The only thing I know is that it ended too soon.

"Hey guys, what's..."

We jumped up and away from each other. We saw Wakka and Kimahri at distance. Wakka had shouted.