Wrote this for creative writing and forgot about it. Kartik to Gemma - not fluffy. Enjoy?
Today I wrote you a letter, but the words didn't make any sense. I tore the parchment to pieces and let the wind carry them off. I now stop and think to where those scraps may have gone. Perhaps I would not be thinking of them if the circumstances were different. Perhaps I wouldn't have even written the letter.
I wrote you that letter because I had much to say. I wrote you that letter because you wouldn't listen before. Perhaps if you had read that letter, you would have torn it to pieces as well. I cannot quite say that I'd blame you. The words were nonsensical, a jumble of emotions and prose comparable to the nonsense in my weary brain. Now I think of my failed attempt at a ceasefire, a contract to bring peace to the war in my heart, scattered in the air and pollinating the minds of those unfortunate enough to witness a letter or two.
There is nothing here for me anymore. I think of you and how you are destined for a great life with a rich and respectable man. I think of myself and see a failure, my mind gone mad with betrayal and love. You once told me there was no such thing as destiny, that we only had choices to shape our futures. What choices can I make now, when all choices lead me from you?
I wish you could have read that letter, for perhaps you could have made better sense of it. I put my heart into that letter, which accounts for its nonsense. Rich and poor don't belong together, and neither do light and dark. If we are each our own chiaroscuro, then I am forever damned to live in your shadow, while you continue to radiate all that is light.
You would have thrown that letter into the fire, as I have seen you do before. My words, however cluttered and senseless, would be consumed and reduced to ash. Their existence would have no meaning, for they would be nonexistent, like I am doomed to be in your loved ones' eyes. They will always see you, shining and bright. But who will see me, your shadow, which only exists because of you? Your destiny is joined to mine…
Instead, I have saved myself from that fate. I tore my heart to pieces and sent it sailing in the breeze. I am leaving soon to find it. Perhaps I will linger on the frays of your memory, like a scrap of parchment on a sidewalk. By sacrificing my words, my very self, I have saved a place in your heart, where I will linger in the shadows of the bright life you will have. By not letting you read that letter, I have saved us both from the fire.
A part of you will always wonder what that letter had said. A part of me will always wonder too. Perhaps it was a work in progress, needing careful editing and patience. Perhaps it could have been a masterpiece. But, like many masterpieces, some would fail to see its beauty. It would be offensive and fervent, an incredibly subjective work of art, and we would probably be tossed into the fire as many controversial pieces before us. What started out as a flame of passion would have consumed us both. By tearing up that letter, my heart and soul, my very existence, I have save us.
Do not think of what could have been. Instead, concentrate on making your own masterpiece. You can settle for silver binding instead of gold, the recorder instead of the flute. If you miss me, think of the wind, the same wind that fueled our fire and carried me away from you. If you miss me, think of your shadow, for I am your shadow, always there when you look behind you. But look forward, and perhaps you will discover that you have read that letter after all.
Sometimes abstract is better, I think. Sorry I have been angsty lately, but this is rather bittersweet. Repetition and confusion are intentional, as to portray the mess in poor Kartik's head.
Not much to say,
LunaEquus