It was Saturday at 8am as I woke up. Very late for me because I always leave my bed latest at 6am also on weekend.
But I had a wonderful dream. I dreamed from him. HIM! His perfect creamy body. He has a very hot and perfect body. Not for every woman because he doesn't have the perfect six pack like every women guess every hot guy has. But he didn't need it. Because he is known as the womanizer. But I don't care. Because for me, he is perfect enough and I know that the womanizer changed to a very smart and intelligent man who cares of persons who he has considered to be in his life.
I start smiling as I remember that he asked me a year ago if I really consider being in his life… This sentence is always breath taking me. I didn't answer him there because my Ex called me just in this moment and then I didn't knew what I had to do. I dream for years that he let me be a part in his life but as he asked I didn't knew what I could say. Should I tell me that he is a piece, a very big piece, in my life or shouldn't I? What would happen to us and our relationship or more our friendship? I never thought, that sometimes he could ask me something like that. Because I always guess he never would be interested in me or thinks I'm attractive. I knew that he likes, in my eyes just, girls. You know that type of woman who doesn't know what it means to be an adult. They act like teenager girls. But that's the type of women womanizers prefer. And I'm not that type of woman. I'm an ex Israeli mossad ninja. I killed persons since I'm 16 years old. It was because of my dad. He is… no he was the director of the Israeli intelligence. We had some problems in our past but he was my father and I love him. I always will love him.
So I just looked for guys who would be in a relationship with me that I could forget him. But it never worked. I never ever could forget him. And at this time I was in a relationship with Ray. This guy was the first guy I believed in his love to me. So that I sometimes thought I forgot HIM. But Ray's love wasn't real and my hearts got broken one more time really hard. I thought that this would happen sometimes but I never wanted realize it so I ignored it. I also guess I never want that HE will break my heart like all these other men, so I swear the distance between us. However it is really hard to take this distance because I want to be so near to him. I want to smell him. I want to feel him. I want to kiss him on his lovely and perfect lips. I want to feel his lips on mine. I want to feel that his tongue stroke my upper lip and ask for entry. I want that my tongue dance with his tongue a wild dance in our mouths. I want…
But that's just my dream. My every night dream and sometimes I think my nightmare. Because that would never ever could happen. This never ever could be real.