Footprints in the Snow

Author: MoonStarDutchess

Chapter 1: Her Footprints

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon and gain no profit from this fiction. Any original characters, if any, are mine. Any similarities to people, living or dead, real or fictitious, are purely coincidental.


Her Footprints

It was a beautiful winter Saturday in Tokyo Japan. The snow was falling down in soft flakes adding more of the white frozen substance onto the already blanketed ground. The sun was shining through the clouds just enough to lie on the snow, causing it to sparkle like millions of small glass particles that looked like they could cut a person if they fell. Thankfully, if one fell in the snow they would only be greeted with a slight chill and perhaps laughter depending on the circumstances of the fall.

Serena Tsukino loved days like this: when everything smelled so fresh and looked so clean. She loved spending time among her current environment: Tokyo Central Park. She enjoyed watching as the couples walked by, holding hands and laughing as they carried their skates down to the frozen pond and soon were gliding across the ice like those ceramic couples that were ever present in the winter themed snow globes.

She looked to her right to see her boyfriend, as always, reading a book and paying no attention to the environment around him; paying no attention to her. She could see his eyes move slightly, going over each line, never looking up even when she sighed heavily. She leaned her cheek on her hand, her elbow propped upon the arm of the bench. She heaved another sigh, and directed her eyes toward him, still receiving no reaction from him. All he did was turn the page and lick his lips a bit, probably trying to relieve them from the cold chill.

To anyone passing by, it would look like they were just two strangers that decided to sit down on a bench. In all actuality, they were on a date. Yes, this was the typical date. They never went out to movies, or dinner or dancing; all they did was come to the park. It wasn't that Serena minded at all, she didn't need dates that required money; it was just that on a date they were supposed to converse more. They were supposed to have fun. She didn't think having fun was too much to ask of him.

She looked back at the lake and sighed again. All the couples there were so happy and having such a lovely time. Why couldn't she and Darien do that? Why couldn't they act in love like all the lovers skating? She wanted a boyfriend that she could laugh with, confide in, and just talk with. Seiya was always full of fun and he understood her. If she hadn't been so obsessed with Darien, she could have honestly fallen in love with him. Actually, she believed deep down, he possessed a part of her heart that Darien would never receive.

She wondered if Darien was a bit bitter over his time in America being ruined. She had to admit that if she were in his shoes, she would be upset. She hadn't wanted him to go but perhaps the separation was fates way of telling her that they needed to be such. That maybe their lives weren't meant to be twined together as they were in the past.

Unlike a few years ago, she wasn't that interested in him. He was kind and handsome. He was very hard not to like but easy not to love. That was the root of the matter, the reason for her feeling the way she was. She just didn't love him. She was empty when she was with him. When he kissed her, which was rare, there was no spark. To her, it was just a simplistic gesture like a handshake or salute.

The catalyst for these thoughts was when Rini left. She missed the little girl like crazy but not the way a mother would miss a child. Her heart didn't ache when she thought of her. When she walked up in the attic where Rini's old bedroom was, there was no tinge of sadness. Rini was like a friend that left, nothing more. Her sorrow when she disappeared during the final fight with Nehelenia was the sorrow she felt for any friend, any child that would disappear under such circumstances.

A few days after Rini went back to her time, her thoughts were so knotted that she'd gone to see Pluto. She hadn't known where to look and used the silver crystal to find the woman, something she wasn't aware she could do until she did it. She had practically begged the woman to answer her questions and promised that her question wouldn't endanger anything. Pluto finally relented and when she heard Serena's question, can the future of her world have more than one outcome; were there other pasts that could fit with the future Rini had come from?

When Serena asked that question, she tried to steel her voice but to no avail. It trembled and shook like there was a vibrating tuning fork in her larynx; her palms were soaked like there was a spring of sweat pouring from the skin.

She was relieved when Pluto placed a hand on her shoulder and smiled softly, her purple eyes staring into Serena's deep sky colored ones, and told her that she should follow whatever her heart tells her. Go with what she wants and don't give thought to a future that she shouldn't have known about in the first place. Then, she confirmed that there was indeed more than one outcome to any past; that the time Serena lived in didn't necessary lead to the future she saw.

However, instead of rushing to break it off with Darien after getting confirmation with Pluto, she decided to give it a bit longer. Just to see if things would improve without Rini tagging along on every date. After a few dates without Rini being there, she realized something that she hadn't before. She and Darien were not compatible at all. Usually, she would have rushed into a decision but she reckoned that as she grew older, she grew more reasonable, more patient. Now, as she sat there, in the park, beside him, she realized that both of them would be better off and happier if she ended it.

She took a deep breath and prayed that he would still want to be friends. She really treasured him as a human being and her life would have a part missing if he wasn't in it someway. She just didn't want him as a boyfriend, lover, or husband. However, their relationship would be in Darien's hands; their status would be completely up to him. She wouldn't pressure anything on him because both would suffer if she did so.

That was the toughest part of this. If he didn't want her in his life as friends then she would have to let him go and deal with him not being around at all. She deserved someone in which she could talk to and have common interests with; Darien needed the same. She wasn't a smart person, at least not education wise. She needed someone that could accept that and encourage her with what she could do. She needed someone that wouldn't say negative things and hurt her.

She knew Darien didn't say negative things to her with the goal of being mean, but they hurt her regardless. He called her a klutz and told her not to make a fool of herself when she wanted to try new things. He wasn't the only one though; the scouts were horribly guilty for doing it as well. This was especially true for Rei.

Serena knew she could do better; she just didn't try because she would always get negative comments if she faltered in the slightest. Hearing things like, "you will quit in a month" or "you'll just mess it up," took a toll after a while.

She stared down at her feet and thought about the path that her life took since she first became Sailor Moon. She'd known Darien before that; before she knew he was Tuxedo Mask. They were so incompatible, downright rude to each other whenever they crossed paths. Andrew chalked it up to flirting, but in all honesty, she hadn't cared for him romantically at all. She saw their relationship as a love/hate matter. She'd been fond of Tuxedo Mask but only because he was like the knight in shining armor; she didn't really know the man. The attraction toward him was the wanting of what was unattainable.

She began thinking of more than just her relations with Darien. In terms of the girls, the scouts, she didn't think they would have become friends had the scouts not come into play. She knew Ami and Lita before they were scouts and she might have developed a friendship with them. With Mina, there was no doubt that a friendship would have happened. Mina and she had too much in common not to have become friends.

She shook her head to wipe the thoughts of the girls out of present contemplation. She was a deep thinker contrary to popular belief, and these thoughts caused her to lose sleep and not eat. She'd lost five pounds in the last two weeks just from lack of appetite due to her distressful thinking.

She turned her head to look at Darien and smiled sadly.

Today, she would take the first step in taking control of her life, a step toward gaining her happiness. She would no longer let a trip to a possible future or past life dictate who she was now, or who she would become.

She turned her body toward Daren, who was still focused completely on his book. She read the title and felt like her IQ was leaking from her ears: a testament once again that they were too different. She wouldn't be reading a book on stem cell research for recreational reading. Heck, she wouldn't read it if it was assigned reading in school. She admired the fact he was interested in such things and wished absently that she could be.

"Darien," she said, her voice taking on a serious, deeper, and rather mature tone. She was surprised that her voice was very steady. When he didn't respond, she growled. "Darien," she said again, speaking a bit rougher and louder.

"Yes?" he replied, not looking up from his book. Serena bit the insider her mouth when anger sparked inside her. She made a fist with her hand, squeezing it so tightly that her skin turned red. She wanted to jerk that book out of his hands and throw it into the wet snow. She wanted to yell at him and tell him that she wanted to end it. Instead, she restrained herself and decided to proceed as calmly as she could.

"Will you put down the book and listen to me?" she questioned.

"Just a second. Let me finish this chapter first," he said.

Serena sighed. "Don't you think I'm more important than a book," she muttered. Then she squared her shoulders and rested her hand on top of his book. "Let's just end this," she said.

"Let's just end what?" he questioned, once again, not looking at her.

She moved her hand and rested it on her lap. She was actually surprised he heard her comment the first time.

"Let's end us. Our relationship. It's not going anywhere. If we end it now we can make a clean slate for both of our lives," she said, having little expectation that he would hear her and she would have to repeat herself.

Much to her surprise Darien loosened his grip on his book, it tumbling onto the ground. His eyes widened and he turned his gaze to her, looking at her as if she'd lost her head.

"What did you say?" he questioned. She could tell that he was trying to steel his voice and stay calm.

She had to hold back a cringe when she saw his expression. It was one of those expressions that she'd never thought she would see on his handsome face, especially not with her being the cause. Her stomach sank that she was making him go through this, but it was necessary not only for her happiness but for his as well.

"I think we should …I don't want to date you anymore," she stated, plastering a serious look on her face.

A small smile appeared on his face and he laughed. "Stop being goofy," he said, thinking she was joking. He went to put his arm round her but she moved away. When he realized she wasn't joking, he scooted away from her and stared at her, his eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth was opened slightly in an O. He was questioning her through his eyes, imploring an explanation without words.

She felt extremely weak as she looked away from him and down at the book he dropped, the pages slowly soaking up the snow and causing the dark typing to smear slightly. She took a deep breath and looked up to meet his gaze.

"Why Serena?" Darien questioned, his voice cracking. "Did I do something to you? Something wrong? I love you so much that if it is something I did please tell me. I can fix it; we can work it out."

She gazed at him with a sad smile. This man would make some girl incredibly happy and she was almost angry that the girl wouldn't be her. It was with this man that she had her first boyfriend, her first kiss, her first experience of love, and her first breakup. She would always treasure him for those happier things, for being there as she grew up. Some would say fourteen to seventeen years old wasn't that big a gap age wise, but it was. One learned so much, grew so much in those years and she was pleased that she had a wonderful person to help her along the journey.

"It's nothing you did so much as putting things realistically. We have nothing in common. You always have your nose in a book that I probably couldn't read a sentence out of. You are stable. I'm a free spirit. I never got any attention from you when Rini was here and I am still less interesting to you than that book."

"I never knew you felt that way," he said. "I'm sorry for that." He took her hand and kissed it. "If you want, we can talk more. It's just…I can't lose you Serena."

"You won't lose me," she said. "If you want to remain friends then I would be more than welcoming with that."

"It's not the same," he said, letting go of her hand. She returned it to her lap and sighed.

"No it isn't but it can't be. We can't be anymore. Not this way."

"Why? What happened to make you feel like this?"

"Darien, can you honestly say that you are happy with your life now? Are you truly happy with me as your girlfriend? You have so much ahead of you. I am just standing in the way of you becoming something so important. You can go to America, become a doctor and I know you will change the world. You need someone that understands that, someone that has goals for themselves on that level."

"You aren't standing in the way and I am happy," he replied with a snappish sort of tone. She could tell he was getting angry, as she expected. "Don't use that as an excuse and tell me the reason."

"That is the real reason. There's nothing more to it. You know deep inside that you aren't happy with me. It's better if we both let go and just move on. It took me a while to admit to myself that I wasn't happy. It took so much contemplating, so many tears but now I realize that we can't continue the way we are. We just have to let go."

"Have you met someone else? Seiya come back or something?" he questioned.

"I will admit that I did have deep feelings for Seiya but I was never unfaithful to you. I haven't met anyone else but I hope to someday. I hope you find someone you love more as a lover because you will realize with time that I am not the one you need."

Serena stood and crossed over to stand in front of Darien. Kneeling in the snow, she picked up his book, stood, and knocked the snow off it before closing it and handing it to him. She could feel him shake as he took it.

"Please trust that this is the best for both of us," she said. She looked into his eyes but didn't let go of the book. She had one more thing to tell him and knew that it may deepen the wound. She knew no one being broken up with liked to hear the words, but she truly meant them and they had to be said. "I hope someday we can be good friends. I don't want to lose you completely. I truly mean that."

She let go of the book and stared at him, wishing he would speak or yell something at her. Nothing came and she knew he was trying to process what was happening. Tears formed in her eyes, and began falling down her cheeks. She bent to kiss his forehead and when she pulled away, she whispered, "I truly hope you find someone that makes you happy and that is perfect for you. I'm sorry that I wasn't that person. I'm sorry for so many things but not for this because I know in my heart it's the best thing that can happen for us."

He pulled away from her and turned his gaze away as if she was a snake that struck at him. She took a deep breath, her voice shuttering. "I…I'm sorry Darien," she said turning and walking away from him. The wind whipped around her and she felt like the tears on her cheeks where freezing into icicles. A twinge of guilt hit her when she realized that the tears weren't only tears because she hurt him but because she was free now. It was over and she would be able to be happy for the first time in years.

--

Darien sat there stunned at what transpired. He stared out in the distance, focusing on nothing in particular as he sat the book down beside him. She broke up with him. That girl that had always been so dedicated, so focused on their relationship and staying together, had been the one to end them. As much as he hated to admit it, his ego was so bruised that he wouldn't doubt that his skin was black and blue.

Was this the way she felt when he'd broken up with her for her safety back when the dark moon was here? Did she feel this pain in his heart that felt as if he was being run through with tiny knifes constantly? Did she feel like her world ended like he was feeling? God, it was hard and knowing that it was the real end made it worse. The fact that he loved her so much but she didn't reciprocate his feelings caused his old body to jerk inwardly, an effect to ward off his tears.

From the pitch of her voice and the way those tears leaked from her beautiful eyes, he could tell that it hurt her to break up with him. Somewhere deep down was a part of him that admired her for her conduct. She was so mature, so different from the goofball Serena that he thought she was. Perhaps, that was the real Serena. Perhaps all this time he was looking too externally for things that she really was. Perhaps it was a glimpse of what Serena was…without him.

He turned in the direction that she walked; the direction in which she left him. There was no sign of his blond haired love, except for her footprints in the snow.

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Author code: RW 2009