Title: Family Portrait

Author: The Emcee

Rating: T

Pairings: Billy Rocks/Goodnight Robicheaux; Vasquez/Joshua Faraday

Summary: "In our family portrait we look pretty happy. We look pretty normal. Let's go back to that."

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, fandom, or song lyrics.

A/N: I wanted to write something that wasn't smut and, well, this came to mind. Feel free to leave a comment in the towel section down below and enjoy!

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Family Portrait

Part One: 'Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.' – Lao Tzu

~…~

Never in his life had he been so nervous. There had been plenty of times when he had been; the first time he had asked a girl to a school dance, the time he signed up for the army, the first time he killed a man. Yes, there had been numerous times when he'd been nervous. And yet, none of them had prepared him for what he was about to do.

Goodnight inhaled deeply, held it for a moment, and exhaled slowly. Releasing his hands from the steering wheel of his car, he saw that they were shaking badly. Clenching them into fists, he held them that way for a good minute before unclenching them, hoping that that would diminish the trembling, but alas, it hadn't worked. Hell, nothing probably would've helped quell his nerves, not even a few good shots of whatever liquor he managed to get ahold of.

Was it even worth it, what he was about to do? Would it even matter in the end? Would it change anything, or make it worse?

His stomach was in knots, so much so that he feared he might vomit. Goodnight was sure he was paler than a ghost and sweating like a pig. Good Lord, why did this have to be so difficult?

Shaking his head, he grasped the keys, still in the ignition, and started to turn them. He was better off going home and forgetting about the whole thing. It would only bring ruin anyway. What had he been thinking when he decided to do this? Nothing would be worth the consequences. Not even…

Goodnight stopped when he heard his phone go off, the ringtone soft yet familiar. It was the one he had assigned for Billy. He didn't bother getting his phone out to check what the message said; he had a pretty good idea. Shutting his eyes tightly, Goodnight took his hand away from the ignition, taking the keys with it. Clutching them in his fist, he counted to ten as he breathed in and out slowly in a vain attempt to calm himself down.

No matter how stupid or foolish doing this seemed, the reason why was far, far more important: Billy.

Billy had been his saving grace when he came home after being discharged from the army. Getting shot had saved his life, something Goodnight found rather ironic, but it was Billy who saved his soul. Things hadn't been easy on him while in the service, and coming back home to live a normal life again had seemed next to impossible. The nightmares alone would've drove any man insane, but it was the voices and the hallucinations that had taken the most toll on him.

Hardly anyone understood. His baby brother, Joshua, had been there for him as best he could, but not even he could bring Goodnight back from the darkness that clouded his mind. It was Billy who kept him on the level, who stuck by him through the worst of it, who helped him fight his demons the most, even the ones Joshua didn't know about.

When they had met, Goodnight had had no idea just how important Billy would be to him. Now, after almost fifteen years, he couldn't imagine life without the man. Billy was the most important person to him and Goodnight would do anything for him, including this. After fifteen years together, after dating for so long and living together even longer, it was time to take that final step. They wanted to get married, and they wanted children. But as things were now, that couldn't happen, not exactly, and that was because of one very big issue standing in their way.

Goodnight's mother.

Now, Goodnight loved his mother dearly; after all, she had given him life, had raised him, had been there when his daddy died, and had given him a brother when she remarried, a brother who was one of his best friends. She could be kind and caring and considerate, but she was old-fashioned. His mother didn't believe in homosexuality or gay marriage or that gay couples should raise children. A devout Christian, she was against anything she deemed 'unnatural' and that went against the teachings of the church.

Goodnight had never told her he was gay. He had found out in high school, when he realized he'd rather ask the star quarter back to the dance instead of the girl he had been seeing. It had taken him a while to accept that part of himself, and when he had, all he could see was Billy. When the shame and guilt had finally ebbed away, because of Billy, he had found some semblance of peace in at least one area of his life. But he still kept it hidden from his mother.

He had never told her, and as a result, he had to hide how he felt about Billy. Family functions and holidays were spent without the love of his life, and Goodnight had to endure his mother's not so subtle hints about wanting grandchildren and telling him about who was single in the neighborhood. Women he had never met would be sitting in his mother's living room whenever he would visit, batting their eyes at him, trying to be coy and flirtatious while his mother would look on with pride and satisfaction, thinking that she would finally be 'the one'. Unbeknownst to her, Goodnight already had a 'one' and she wasn't going to like who it was.

And as patient and understanding as Billy was, he was also getting tired. Tired of waiting, tired of hiding, tired of being treated like a dirty secret. In the past few years, they had had more arguments over this issue than anything else and it was taking its toll on both of them. Goodnight owed it to Billy to do him right and to tell his mother about their relationship, even if it cost him the one he shared with her. As much as he loved his mother, his love for Billy outweighed it and Goodnight didn't want to lose him, not after all they had been through.

Stuffing the keys into his pants pocket, Goodnight got out of the car and made his way to the front door. Each step weighed a ton and his heart grew heavier and heavier, but he pressed on. He knew the way like the back of his hand, knew every crack in the concrete pathway that lead to the front porch, and he briefly wondered if he'd ever miss it, because he knew this talk wasn't going to end well. As he stood in front of the doors, Goodnight took a look around the large porch, trying to commit as much to memory as possible. There had been many times when he'd played on this very same porch, read a book on the porch glider, watched as Joshua would play with his toy dinosaurs and cars.

So many memories… Would his mother think of them when he told her? Doubtful.

Taking a deep breath, Goodnight opened the door and walked inside. Sunshine lit the house up as it did every did since before he could remember. Every room was the same as it had been since he was a child. Every piece of furniture, every book, every photograph, all in the same place as they had always been. How long would it take for him to forget how it all looked, what every book and photograph was? Although his mother's house had long stopped being his home, the memories that were held within would always remain dear to him.

"Goodnight, is that you?" his mother's voice called out to him. It sounded like she was in the kitchen, which would make sense. At ten o'clock in the morning, she usually had her morning tea before she would go out into the sun room and read.

"Yes, Mama, it's me," Goodnight replied. He walked through the foyer and down the hall that lead to the kitchen.

"It's a good thing you called me this morning, otherwise I wouldn't have enough tea for you," his mother said as he entered the kitchen. "You know I usually only make enough for two cups for myself."

"I know, Mama," he said. She finished setting every up, putting the sugar and creamer on the breakfast table along with two cups and saucers and, of course, he tea kettle before she sat down. Goodnight followed suit, clasping his hands on his lap to keep them from shaking so badly. It didn't work.

"Now, what is it that is so important that you just had to talk to me about it right away?" his mother asked him before taking her first sip of tea.

Goodnight cleared his throat. His mother looked at him expectantly. It was now or never. Now or never.

"Well, Mama, you know how I haven't…uh, taken much interest in the women you've introduced me to for the past….ten years?" he started off, wincing just a bit. Even to his own ears he sounded different. "Well, that's because…I…uh…"

"Of course I've noticed. I mean, honestly, Goodnight. You're not getting any younger. Why, you're forty; most men your age are already married with children. And all of the women I've introduced you to still ask about you, you know," his mother replied. "Why are you asking? Are-"

His mother stopped. Her eyes grew wide and a big, bright smile spread across her face. She lit up like a Christmas tree and her body almost vibrated with excitement. Goodnight's stomach fell as she continued.

"Oh, my, goodness, Goodnight! You've met someone, haven't you? Oh, baby, I am so happy for you! Why didn't you tell me sooner? What's her name? How'd y'all meet? How long have you been dating?" his mother practically gushed. Each question stung a bit harder and deeper than the one before it.

"Mama, I…I'm not dating anyone. Not…not exactly," he said a little loudly, cutting his mother off. Watching her face fall didn't make him feel any better.

"Oh," was all she said. Her body deflated and all of the excitement and joy left her, leaving only a sad, old woman behind. Clearing his throat again, Goodnight shifted his body closer to the edge of his stool.

"Mama, do you remember Billy?" he asked her. His mother blinked in confusion before a slight frown crossed her features.

"Your friend, Billy Rocks, you mean? What's he got to do with this?" she asked, sounding a bit put off by the mere mention of Billy's name. His mother had always thought he spent too much time with Billy when he could be out looking for a good wife.

"Well, Mama…I… You gotta understand that it's not easy, trying to tell you this," Goodnight said. He swallowed thickly.

"Goodnight, I'm your mother and I will always be your mother. Whatever you have to tell me, just tell me," she said, her voice soft. She reached out and placed a hand over top of his clasped ones.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. Though he knew that his mother would change her mind once he told her the truth, he wanted to believe and hold onto the hope that she would be understanding and accepting. More than anything, he wanted to hear her say that she would always love and support him no matter what and that she would love to finally meet Billy and welcome him to the family. But Goodnight knew that what he wanted and what would be were totally different.

"Mama, I…I'm gay," Goodnight finally managed to get out, opening his eyes and looking at her directly, his eyes staring into his eyes, and he watched as his frown appeared on her face. It deepened as his mother shook her head in denial.

"No. No, you're not, Goodnight. I know you're not. You've always loved women," his mother said. He unclasped his hands and put one on top of hers. His heart fell when she retracted it.

"Mama, I am, I am. Billy, he's… You see, Billy and I are together, Mama. He's my fiancé," Goodnight told her. He found that it was becoming easier to speak and that a weight was beginning to lift off of his shoulders, though they still remained tense.

"Goodnight, you stop this right now. This joke isn't funny anymore," his mother demanded, glaring at him in anger and hurt. He was breaking her heart. Did she know she was breaking his? Did she care?

"It's not a joke, Mama. I'm tellin' you the truth. Look at me," he pleaded softly. He tried to reach out and take her chin gently, to make her look him in the eye, but she refused. She stood up and backed away from him, like he were some wild, deranged animal. His hand fell onto the tabletop.

"Goodnight, I mean it. I'll not tolerate these…these…foul jokes in my house, now," she told him, looking angrier by the minute.

"Mama, I told you, I ain't joking. I'm gay!" he shouted, standing up. He was taller than she was, and yet she had never failed to make him feel small. Except for now. For once, he felt as tall as he was in her presence.

"Goodnight, I'm warnin' you. I'm still your mother," she snapped at him.

"Yes, you are, but you gotta listen to me. I'm gay, and Billy and I are engaged. Have been for two years now. We've been together for far longer than that," he explained, lowering his voice, trying to be calm even though he didn't feel like it. "I know this is shocking for you, but you gotta listen to me, Mama."

"I don't have to do anything, Goodnight. You need to stop talking nonsense now and tell me what you really wanted to talk to me about," his mother replied through gritted teeth.

"This is what I wanted to talk to you about. And it's not nonsense. I am gay," Goodnight told her. He was starting to feel desperate.

"No, you're not, Goodnight. No child of mine will ever be gay. It's against God's will, Goodnight. You know this. And it's blasphemous to joke about it," his mother said, her voice and expression sharp, her eyes glaring steadily at him. "You're just…confused is all, son. Your mind is still jumbled from the war. That's all."

"Mama, I'm not confused and I'm not joking. I'm gay. Please, stop denying it and just…listen to me," Goodnight sighed, losing his anger. He was feeling hopeless, more so than when he had watched his friends and comrades die all around him.

"No, I won't, Goodnight. I don't want to listen to you," she said.

"Mama, please. Billy and I-"

"That's it! That explains it!" his mother cut him off, pointing a finger at him, her eyes wide with certainty, looking for like a mad woman than the woman who had raised him. "It's all that Billy's fault! I knew from the moment you first mentioned him that he was bad news, that he'd try to turn you against me and plant such…such wicked, disgusting thoughts in your head!"

"Nothing is Billy's fault! He didn't turn me against you! And we're not disgusting and wicked, Mama! He loves me and I love him. Why can't you just accept that?" Goodnight yelled at her, stalking towards her, anger and pain in his heart. "There's nothing wrong with how we feel about each other! It's natural!"

"No, it is not! It's not natural. He's not natural! And neither are you!" his mother yelled back. "It's not natural. It's not wrong and disgusting, and you'll be condemned to hell for this, Goodnight! Don't you see that?! Being gay is sinful!"

"No, it's not! It's a part of me! It's who I am!" Goodnight retorted, his heart breaking with every word shouted. He desperately wanted to reach her, but he knew he never would. "Hell, you have another child who's transgender! Is that unnatural? Is that sinful and hateful?!"

"Jade is not trans-anything! She is just…confused, like you! That's all," his mother grounded out, glaring steadily at him even though her eyes were full of tears.

"No, Mama. Joshua is trans-male. He has been for a long time now. You just refuse to acknowledge it, just like you're refusing to acknowledge that I'm gay and that there's nothing wrong with that," Goodnight countered, his chest rising and falling with every heave.

"Both you and Jade are confused, that's all. You just…need to come back to the church. You both loved it as children," his mother said, trying to calm down, pleading with him, denial written plainly on her face.

"No, Mama. We don't. Joshua is trans-male and I'm gay. And that's it. It's not sinful and we're not damned," Goodnight said, hoping that his softer tone would appeal to her. It didn't. Back again was her cold, stone-like countenance. Her eyes were closed off and he knew that anything he would say now would fall upon deaf ears.

"Then you're both going to hell. I'll not waste any prayers on either of you," she said with finality.

"Mama…" Goodnight began. Her glare stopped him. Never had he seen her so cold and hard, especially towards him. And it chilled him to the bone.

"I'm not your mama. You're no son of mine. I'd never have a gay son," she spat at him. "Now get out of my house. And don't you ever come back again."

She stood firm, her eyes boring into his very soul. Goodnight felt himself deflate and he took a step backwards, then another. The woman before him wasn't his mother; he didn't know this woman at all. He turned and made his way down the hall and out of the door, his mother trailing after him. Before he could shut the door, it was slammed closed behind him. The noise and the force of it caused him to flinch.

Stunned and numb, Goodnight stood on the porch for a minute. He blinked out into the sunlight. It was such a beautiful day; anyone would be happy for such lovely weather. Yet there he was, standing on his mother's porch with a broken heart. Goodnight knew it would be painful, but he didn't think it would hurt quite this much. But what had he been expecting? Did he honestly think she would welcome him with open arms?

No, no, he hadn't. Goodnight wasn't that naïve. But he couldn't say that he hadn't hoped…

After all, his mother had all but erupted when Joshua came out as trans-male, asking their mother to start referring to him as Joshua. That had been almost as bad as this. Their mother hadn't outright denounced Joshua as her child.

Somehow, Goodnight found his way into his car and had driven himself home, though he didn't remember actually doing so. He barely remembered getting out and opening the door to the house he and Billy shared. However, he did remember leaning back against the door and sliding down until he hit the floor.

Goodnight's head fell against his knees and before he knew it he was crying. Tears tumbled down his cheeks and onto his pants and the floor. Snot dripped down his face and into his facial hair. His chest rose and fell with every heave and sob that wracked his body. He had no idea how long he remained that way, but eventually the tears subsided and although he would choke on a sob every once in a while and his heart pounded like a drum in his chest, he was starting to calm down.

His pocket vibrated and Joshua's ringtone started playing. Digging into his pocket, Goodnight cleared his throat and answered his phone.

"Hey, Joshua," he answered, sniffing after doing so.

"Hey, Goody. How'd it go?" Joshua asked, his voice full of concern. Goodnight could picture his brother's face in his mind and it made him smile just a bit. It was nice to know that at least one part of his family would always be there.

"You know how our mother is," was all Goodnight could think to say.

"I'm so sorry, Goodnight. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better," Joshua said, his own voice sounding tight and constricted, like he was trying not to cry himself.

"Just…don't abandon me like she did," Goodnight managed to choke out, sniffing and choking back a sob as he did so. He didn't want to cry again, but he felt like he might if he wasn't careful.

"Never! You're my brother. We're family. That's not what family does," Joshua told him. Goodnight nodded, the ghost of a smile crossing his lips. He could envision Joshua's fierce look and determination perfectly and it made him feel just a little bit better.

"You're right, baby brother," Goodnight muttered softly.

"'Course I'm right! I'm always right," Joshua said. He was trying to make Goodnight feel better. Though it would take a lot more than just that to get him back on the level after this morning, it did help a little.

"I wouldn't exactly say that," Goodnight said softly. He stood up and his body felt stiff as he stumbled up the stairs towards the bathroom. A shower was in order and maybe a nice drink and a long ass nap.

"Hey, now, was that doubt I heard in your voice?" Joshua questioned. Goodnight chuckled softly as he entered the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

"Nope, there's not a lick of doubt to be had, brother dear," Goodnight told him.

"That's what I thought. Well, I gotta go. I'll talk to you later, okay?" Joshua asked, the concern still evident in his voice.

"All right, Josh. Tell Vasquez I said hi," Goodnight said.

"Will do. Bye," Joshua said before hanging up.

Putting his phone down on the sink, Goodnight looked at himself in the mirror. Though he was only forty, he looked much older than that, especially now. His mustache and bread were tinged with grey just like his hair. Eyes that had seen so much death and pain and suffering stared back at him, reflecting the hurt he felt within. At that moment, Goodnight felt much older than he looked.

Stripping down, Goodnight stepped into the shower and turned it on, letting the hot water rain down upon him, heating up the bathroom and scorching his skin. It felt good. As he let the water soak him to the bone, he replayed the conversation he had with his mom over and over again in his head, knowing there would have been no delicate way to put it, knowing that it wouldn't have gone the way he had wanted to regardless of how hard he had hoped.

And yet, even through all of the pain and sorrow that was drowning his soul, Goodnight felt a sense of relief, small though it may be. At least his mother knew about him and Billy now and he would no longer have to hide it from her. Billy would be happy about that, and their arguments about that would cease. Knowing that he had done the right thing for his love and that things would get better was what made it bearable.

The water eventually started cooling down and Goodnight quickly washed himself before turning it off and stepping out. His skin was pruned and tender from the hot water of the shower. He made his way to the master bedroom, drying himself off as he did so, and pulled out a fresh pair of boxers and an old shirt. After dressing himself and putting his used towel and clothes into the hamper, he collapsed onto the bed and closed his eyes.

A pair of lips on his temple woke him up from his long nap and Goodnight blinked blearily until his vision cleared. And then, there was Billy, crouching down beside him, his eyes full of worry.

"Hey, cher," Goodnight greeted, stretching as he did so.

"You didn't message me back, Goody," Billy said softly. Though there was the tiniest bit of heat in his words, there was mostly concern. Just like Joshua, Billy knew how hard this morning was going to be.

"I'm sorry, Billy. I forgot about that. I was just…" Goodnight trailed off. He knew he didn't have to explain. Billy and he always knew when something was wrong with the other, and given that Billy knew what Goodnight had planned for this morning, he didn't need an explanation.

"It's okay, Goody. I know," Billy said. He pressed their foreheads together and closed his eyes. Goodnight did the same, smiling softly. Just being this close and intimate was all he needed to bringing him back down to earth. His heart wasn't feeling quite as heavy as before and he was so thankful that Billy was in his life.

"I'm sorry," Billy said when he pulled away. There was regret in his eyes and at that, Goodnight sat up on the edge of the bed. He took Billy's face in both of his faces and looked him in the eye.

"Don't you ever be sorry, Billy. It was worth it. You are worth it. I'd rather lose my mother than you, do you understand? That's how much you mean to me," Goodnight told him, leaving no room for argument. That didn't mean that Billy wasn't going to try to poke holes in his statements.

"You shouldn't have to choose between your mother and me, Goodnight. It was wrong of me to ask you to come out to her," Billy said. Goodnight surged forward and kissed the man fiercely, conveying all of his love into the kiss. Billy kissed him back with just as much fervor and Goodnight's heart soared. When they parted, Goodnight gently grasped Billy's neck and forced their eyes to meet.

"Now, you listen here, Billy Rocks. You didn't make me choose between her and you. And you had every right to want us to be out in the open with our relationship. It wasn't right of me to ask you to hide it, ya hear me? I should have done this a long time ago," Goodnight told him. "I was just too much of a coward to do it until now."

"You're no coward, Goody. You're the bravest man I know," Billy countered fiercely. He always hated it when Goodnight put himself down.

"I can say the same thing about you, cher," Goodnight retorted. They shared another kiss, this one far more chaste and sweet than the previous one, but it still felt like the first one they had ever shared. All of their kisses felt like that.

"I love you, Billy. Much more than you'll ever know," Goodnight told him.

"And I love you, Goodnight," Billy said before pressing a kiss to his forehead. He stood up, bringing Goodnight with him. "Now, you need to eat." Goodnight couldn't help but chuckle at that.

"Yes, cher. Lead the way," Goodnight said.

His heart felt lighter than it had since he felt his mother's house. Though he may no longer be welcome in her home or her family, Goodnight hadn't lost everything. He had his brother and he had Billy. As long as he had Billy, everything would be fine in the long run. Getting there might not be easy, but he would fight through hell and back for Billy and he wouldn't regret any of it.

That was how much Billy meant to him.