A Strawberry Panic! Question Column. The title pretty much explains it.
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(There's a large room with over 20 desks, as each member of the Strawberry Panic! cast take their respective seats. Tsukidate Chiyo is holding what seems to be a box filled with envelopes)
(The next minute, the intro music plays and Chiyo twitches, accidentally dropping the box, strewing the letters everywhere. There's an intermission as everyone helps clean it up, Chiyo stuttering an apology)
HamHamLover: Sorry about the brief technical difficulties. I'd like to welcome you to HamHamLover's Strawberry Panic! Question Corner, where your favorite lesbian harem team come to your every whim to answer your questions!
Hikai: W-wait a minute! You never said anything about answering questions!
HamHamLover: (rolls eyes) What did you think an Question Corner was for?! (sighs) Well, anyway, let's get on with the questions. Chiyo-chan?
Chiyo: H-Hai! (comes running to HamHamLover with the box of questions)
HamHamLover: (takes an envelope out of the box) Hm...(rips it open) This first one is for all of you.
Dear Strawberry Panic! Advice Column,
I've recently started having a bad BO problem. It seems no matter how much I take a shower, I always end up getting all sweaty and dirty. What should I do?
-Andrew
Kaname: Stay at home.
Momomi: (she punches Kaname) Kaname! Be serious about this!
Kaname: (snickers) How can you be serious about something like that? It's totally hilarious!
Momomi: We're not supposed to laugh at them, we're supposed to help them!
Kaname: (sighs) Fine. Perhaps you should keep some deodorant handy. Y'know, like one of those very small containers that fit in your pocket? Travel-sized.
Momomi: (grins and pats Kaname on the shoulder) Good job!
Kaname: (hitting her head on the desk) Must...refrain...from...nice...things...in...future...
Momomi: Don't, you'll end up internally bleeding again!
Kizuna: Is it time for the Lulim Hospital Club again? Remon, let's get the stretch-board!
(Remon and Kizuna leave the studio)
HamHamLover: (sighs) Is there another question? Oh, here we go!
Dear Strawberry Panic! Advice Column,
My classmates won't stop mistaking me for a guy! I am obviously a girl, I have breasts! But they refuse to take it into consideration! What should I do?
-Girl in Disguise?
Cast: (looks to Amane)
Amane: ...What?
Kaname: You should obviously answer this kind of question, Amane. Who knows how many times you've been mistaken for a man?
Amane: (gets out of her seat to walk to Kaname, a fist forming, while Kaname stands her ground, while some of the cast chants "Fight, fight, fight!", and the others are either scared or impervious)
HamHamLover: (puts her hands between them) Wo-hoa! Calm down, kiddies, we're on television! Amane, Kaname...both of you sit down!
(Amane and Kaname continue glaring at each other for a few moments, before Amane huffs and goes back to her seat, Kaname brushing off her shoulder and sitting back down next to Momomi)
HamHamLover: (tugs at her collar nervously) Okay, then...we should just go and answer the next question, eh? I believe that the next one is addressed to Yaya-chan.
Yaya-chan: Woo hoo, bring on the letter!
Dear Yaya-Chan,
How do you live through every day without gouging Amane's eyes out?
-Andrew
Yaya-chan: (looks over to where Amane is sitting and twitches) That is a very good question, Andrew. I really have no idea...
HamHamLover: Er...let's cut to intermission now?
--Intermission--
Kizuna: Hey, Remon-chan, what do you have in your hand?
Remon: (looks to the piece of colorful paper in her hand) Why, this is my application for the Lulim Henshin Club!
Kizuna: The Lulim Henshin Club? That sounds interesting, tell me about it!
Remon: (grins widely) Well, Kizuna, it's one of the best clubs around! It features many sorts of clubs within a club, such as the Lulim Henshin Electronics Club, the Lulim Henshin Cosplay Club, The Lulim Henshin Detective Club, the Lulim Henshin Hospital Club...
Kizuna: (cutting Remon off) Join the Lulim Henshin Club today! We have cookies!
Kagome: (holding Pashibaru to her face, nods, and looks to her fellow club members) Pashibaru says Kizuna-senpai ate all of the cookies already.
Remon: (sighs) Kizuna...
Kizuna: B-but they were chocolate!
--End Intermission--
HamHamLover: AAAAAND we're back with the Strawberry Panic! Advice Column! The next question...is for Remon-chan!
Remon: M-me?!
Dear Remon,
Why don't you get contacts?
-LOVELESS-Chan
Remon: Um...well...because Kizuna has a glasses-fetish, so I...
Kizuna: SHHH! (she covers Remon's mouth while a blush appears on her face) NOT on national television...!
HamHamLover: Hey, I have glasses-fetish too, there's nothing wrong with having a glasses-fetish!
Kizuna: I AM NOT EMBARRASSED!
Chikaru: (snickers) It seems that way, Kizuna-chan...
Kizuna: (sputtering) I...I...
Dear Amane,
How many times have you been confused for being a man?
-LOVELESS-Chan
Amane: ...
Kaname: (snickers, overheard because of her seat being only a few desks away from Amane's, and Amane glares) Well, Amane-san? Tell us, how many times have you been mistaken for a man?
Amane: (sighs) I don't see why I have to answer a question like that...
Kaname: Oh, don't worry about it, Mrs. I-Do-Naughty-Things-With-Horses. We all know that you can't answer it because it was way too many times to count.
Hikari: (over Amane growling at Kaname) Calm yourself down, hun...we're on television...
(Amane, ignoring this, climbs on the few desks that separated her and Kaname, while Kaname gets out of her seat and runs around the room while Amane chases her)
HamHamLover: U-uh...I think this is time for the end! Join us again for chapter 2!
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Special Thanks goes to my little brother Andrew and LOVELESS-Chan for sending in questions. If you'd like your questions included in the fic, please post them with your reviews!