Hello everyone!
I'm still trying to develop "Forever F4" but I'm having a little trouble with putting the ideas together. At the same time I wish to end it as quick as possible because I've already started my next story on Yi Jung and Ga Eul. I won't end it, of course, unless I have a really good ending and the story makes any sense in his final chapters.
Anyway, I was listening to this song, "What If", sang by Kate Winslet, on my Ipod when I was opening some files and ended up opening my Boys Over Flowers files. Drifting across them, came the episode where Ga Eul is trying to leave Yi Jung, at the top of those stairs. And looking at him, watching her leave and listening to the song altogether, I came up with this idea.
It may be not the song who fits him the best, but for me the lyrics are excellent and fits him. I introduced the song because it was meant to explain what would happen to them and how he would regret it.
I know it's not very good, but I decided to share it with you and hope you guys comment or criticate whatever is wrong. Thanks for putting up with me till now
Enjoy!
P.S - I'll try and post as soon as I can, on "Forever F4".
P.P.S - For those of you who might get interested in listening the song, here's the link: .com/watch?v=5VqwQ-7dhUgI know it's from a childish movie but I like it anyway=)
See ya!
"What If"
He had hoped she would listen to him, when he went inside the porridge shop where she worked. She had been surprised but eventually he managed to take her out to lunch.
There were many things he wanted to say and most of all weren't easy to, mostly for a playboy like him. So many things had happened till then…
Ever since Jan Di had met Jun Pyo and he had first walked into that same porridge, he noticed that something was about to change around him. What he didn't expect was that the wind of change came roaring right down at him.
She didn't seem anything special to him, when he had first met her: plain and simple, but with the most amazingly sweet and clear gaze he had ever felt upon himself. She had then surprise him when he found out first hand her personality was almost rival with Jan Di's, except for the violence. The girl, which looked as a tamed house cat, could also show her fangs and claws when needed. That was the first time he remembered himself to not let himself be attracted by her or those kinds of girls. They were meant to bring trouble.
But Fate, it seemed, had another plans. She had ended up hooked with the famous group F4 while being dragged with her best friend Jan Di to New Caledonia, and he was hooked up with babysitting her. She was annoying, really… she acted like the end of the world was coming whenever she got parted from Jan Di, she was throwing tantrums… all in all, acting like a child…
But, to his utmost surprise she didn't surrender to his charms; she was immune to all of that and wasn't easily impressed by his smooth talk. She defied him; and he wasn't a person who would just stay put when he founded a challenge in front of him.
Never in a million years would he admit he had been worried when they went exploring and he lost her… or would he admit that he had been glad to climb up to the place she showed him.
He would also be dammed into the deepest of Hells if he ever admitted how frustrated he felt when she refused to allow him to apply the sun lotion on her, how cute she looked taking pictures of everything around her, how he loved teasing her and chasing her around, and how beautiful her face turned out to be whenever she talked seriously about soul mates.
He had approached her, as hard as it may seem, but only to discover she had a romantic side that she refused to let go. He found her quite complex, actually, with her theory of soul mates… and deep inside, he started to regret being with someone as pure as she seemed.
Then the Fate had once more tossed her in his direction: he ended up meeting her again a few days later: he wasn't really having the time of his life, with all his problems with her mother. He spotted her, crying in the middle of the streets after her failed relationship with Sun Pyo, and though he didn't intend to stop, at first, he end up founding himself stopping the car and walking towards her. Something had broke, inside him when he saw her, like a pang of sadness and a huge need to hold her and make the pain and sorrow go away came out of nothing.
He knew that the whirls of Fate had started spinning that night when he saw her standing there, after all the makeup and dress up she had went trough. And when he had played that song, he had truly intended to play it for her, as if he barely noticed the other girls around him. And when he had ended, after confrontation with her ex-boyfriend he had felt the most powerful man in the world, when she picked his hand; even if it was only pretending, and acting.
He had to remember himself that it had only been acting for the next days; after all she was Geum Jan Di's best friend. He felt bad when he realized she had started falling for him because he knew that she was falling not for him, but for the illusionary gentleman he had played before her.
And then, he didn't knew how it happened, he found himself growing fondly of her, like he needed to protect her and take care of her. He started looking anxious for her visits, even though he pretended not to; he started listening more attentively to their conversations even if he never let down the face of the eternal Casanova. He started being moved by her simplicity and her friendship towards him and the other F4. And that started to intrigue him. After all the problems he had see Jun Pyo went through, because of the same type of girl, he was starting to fall… no, no! Not fall… He, fall for someone as Ga Eul? No way!
They became close due to the whole incident of Jun Pyo's arranged marriage and she started taking pottery lessons by the same time. Unknown to both of them, the whirls of Fate had also started to move again; soon after their pretended date, which he couldn't admit he had enjoyed more than he should only by looking at her eyes, twinkling with the sight of fireworks, he was confronted with his past: he found out his long "lost" love, Cha Eun Jae.
And through all the problems that rose in that time, he found out she always stood by her side, supporting him, pushing him forward, never letting him give up and scolding him whenever was necessary; she even forgave him when he played with a supposed real date and ended up offering her to his father. How she did it he wouldn't know until she had told him later. He hadn't intended to hurt her; he merely wished that she wouldn't fall for someone like him, showing her in that way that there was nothing good that he could offer her. She, he found out later, was actually the first person to complete the puzzle between him and Eun Jae, learning who they were and tried to establish a reconciliation them.
As they walked towards the restaurant, he analyzed his feelings towards her: friendship, gratitude, tenderness… and surprisingly, a great fear of losing her. He wouldn't bear it if she left him too… and he was determined to grab that chance that Fate had presented him with.
They started eating and he instantly knew that she was nervous, he always did; when she averted her eyes, and didn't look at him. He decided to approach the central question later.
- You still haven't hear from Jan Di?
- No. – she answered with a sigh. – Don't know what the deal is. Her phone is cut off… she didn't say whether she was headed east or west…
- She'll be alright. – he reassured her. – She's Geum Jan Di after all.
She smiled a little.
- It looks like you know my friend better than me.
- I told you I know about girls, didn't I? – he said, a devious smirk on his face.
She looked away, embarrassed and he regret those words, seeing as that wasn't the best comment to make at the moment.
- How is Jun Pyo-sunbae? – she said, trying to break the silence between them.
- He is a mess now…
She said nothing more, looking as if she was thinking about something. He decided to take the chance and asked her:
- Ga Eul.
She looked at him.
- Right now, shouldn't we talk about us?
She seemed surprised by his question and he saw her expression turn into one of confusion and sadness. He wanted to erase that from his face so, instead of continue that talk, they ended up eating in silence. Only after they get out of the restaurant he remembered that he still had to tell her.
The air was cold, outside and he shuddered a little. It seemed rain was coming into town and he hoped to be at home by then, and perhaps she would be with him…
He shook his head, trying to focus on what he was supposed to do. They had started descending the stairs in front of them when he advanced and made her stop.
- Ga Eul… I…
- I'll go first. – she said, suddenly, cutting him off. A shiver ran through his spine as he saw the determined look on her face and something in the back of his head told him something was not right.
- You don't need to feel burdened by me. I know full well how you feel about me.
He stared at her, suddenly afraid of what she might say next. Suddenly, he didn't want to hear nothing anymore.
- So I'm not going to visit you anymore.
He felt cold, inside. His blood seemed to have stopped in his veins. What had she just said…?
- Ga Eul…
- Teacher… I mean, Eun Jae said that because she gave her all, she had no regrets.
"Stop talking!" he thought, somewhere in his head "Please… don't say anymore… stop…"
- Thank you… for giving me the chance to give it my all. – she said with a somewhat sad smile.
"No…"
She cleared her voice and said, a little bit more confident:
- If I hear from Jan Di, I'll let you know right away. Well, then… - she made a little bow and, almost too slowly in his eyes, she turned around and started descending alone. Leaving him. Alone. Once more…
"No… NO!"
His mind shouted but his body seemed froze to the ground, playing the scene in his mind over and over again.
Suddenly a chiller breeze passed by him and he shuddered. A drop on rain fell upon his nose and he looked up. The clouds were grey and heavy… just like his life now seemed…
Here I stand alone,
With this weight upon my heart
And it will not go away.
He thought about all the things that had happened and his heart trembled. He was afraid, more afraid now than ever, of being alone. And he started wondering why… and he remembered… His mind played the scenes in his head, as if they were from a movie. Ga Eul…
In my head I keep on looking back,
right back to the start,
wondering what it was that made you change?
Their first meeting, she in New Caledonia, her laughter, her prank on him, she taking photographs of everything around her… their discussion at the pool, their glances at each other… their revenge upon her ex-boyfriend… she delivering him his Valentine's chocolates and leaving with a broken heart… her hand-knitted mittens she had gave him… her false birthday and her confused face… his concern for her when she almost got rolled over by a crazy snowboarder… their discussion about soul mates and Jan Di and Jun Pyo's separation… her honest words and eyes that could easily read him… their fake date that seemed so real to him… her natural laughter… her shinning eyes at the appearance of fireworks…
Well I tried but I had to draw the line,
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind…
There was too much… too much of her inside him so he could easily erase her and move on. His mind played the date when he toyed with her heart and tried offered her to his father and he hated himself for that… he had been a jerk… and she had forgiven him… she always would…
What if I had never let you go?
Would you be the man I used to know?
If I'd stayed, if you'd tried, if we could only turn back time…
But I guess we'll never know…
And now he was alone. And it scared him. She wasn't there anymore for him.
The rain was heavy but he barely noticed it. His mind was too busy reminding things to notice it. He shakes with fury and cold… how could he have done it to her… to her, of all people? Why had he taken her for granted? Now she wasn't there anymore… she wouldn't be…
Many roads to take,
Some to joy, some to heartache
Anyone can lose the way
He remembered Eun Jae and her definition of wind "Once it passes by, it can't come back to the same place"…
That's right, now he knew it.
Ga Eul had been there when he was broken by Eun Jae's appearance, supporting him and not letting him go… scolding him and making him realize how pitiful he really was… crying for him… and by his side, even if she would end up hurt in the end…
He wanted to turn things back to their rightful place. He didn't want to be alone anymore. He couldn't. He wouldn't let anyone walk away from him anymore. He would face everything and brace himself with what was to come after. He now fully understood what were his feelings for her.
And if I said that we could turn it back,
Right back to the start,
Would you take the chance and made the change?
Suddenly his mid was focused again. He could feel the cold wind and the pouring rain; he was soaked but that didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was that he had made a choice: he would restore everything to its original place. He started descending the stairs she had descended herself a while ago… he couldn't tell how long had she left him but he trailed after her path, nonetheless. He had to find her.
Do you think how it would have been sometimes?
Do you pray that I never left your side?
"This is not how it's supposed to be! We're not supposed to end like this…" he thought, running through the rain and the many people who stared at him from under their umbrellas. Where was she?
What if I had never let you go?
Would you be the man I used to know?
If I'd stayed, if you'd tried, if we could only turn back time…
But I guess we'll never know…
He stopped two times, thinking he had found her but from both times he had been wrong. They were not Ga Eul… where was she?
The tightening on his chest grew with every passing moment and he looked around more frantically. People were staring and whispering when he passed, noticing how soaked he was and how desperate he seemed. He paid them no attention. He had to find her…
Then he nearly lost all his strength. There was a cream coat walking throught the crowd. Her shoulders were bowed, as if she carried the world on her back and she, he noticed, was shaking a little, from time to time. She was sobbing and like him, she was drenched.
He knew it was her. He felt it. His heart was beating rapidly. So he had no second thoughts:
- CHU GA EUL!
If only we could turn the hands of time…
If I could take it back, would you still be mine?
She turned around suddenly, surprised. And then she spotted him and her eyes were open in surprise.
- Sun… bae… - he saw her mutter the words.
They were in the middle of the street, with people passing by and looking at both of them. Some had even stopped.
He straightened his back as much as he could, for the rain turned him cold, as well as the feeling of losing her. He darted in her direction and, without a warning, launched his arms around her, bringing her into a bone crushing hug. She "eeped" in surprise and stood very still.
He was trying to calm his breath. He had clearly saw that she had been crying and he barely noticed was too.
- I'm not letting go… - he said in a desperate voice and closing his grasp on her. – I can't let go… I don't want to be alone anymore…
- Sun… bae… please, let go… - she begged.
- NO! – he roared.
- Can't you see it is much more difficult this way? – she had started crying and pulling to break free. He didn't move.
- And what's the other option? Let you go? Never have you beside me again…?
- You don't need me, sunbae…
- Of course I do! Can't you see? You were the one who changed me, and turned me into a better person. At least one who has some kind of feelings…
Cause I tried but I had to draw the line,
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind…
She seemed a little bit startled by his last phrase and he pulled her away, keeping both hands on her forearms and securing her there. He was now clearly crying, amongst the rain that was falling and she could see how honest he was being.
- Can't you see? You were the one who pulled me from the dark hole and lead me into the light. The one who was always there beside me… and I need you there, or I'll be all alone. And I don't want to be alone anymore. I won't let another important person drift away from me anymore! I need you to stay beside me, to scold me, to cheer me up, to pull me and to guide me when I can't see the road… I need you to love me… - he said, breathing heavily.
He looked in her eyes, and she didn't seem to fully understand what he was really saying. He took a deep breath and tried to smile at her. But it didn't work. She still seemed not to believe him. Suddenly furious at both of them, he roared loud enough to stop everyone on the street to listen:
- DAMMIT GA EUL! I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOU!
What if I had never let you go?
Would you be the man I used to know?
She was staring at him, eyes wide open and he felt calm wash all over him when her gaze turned into a soft one, full of tears and joy.
- You… - she muttered, in disbelief.
- Me… - he said, with a grin. – I'm in love with you.
And without saying anything more, his lips came crushing down on her, claiming her love only to him.
What if I had never walked away?
Cause I still love you, more than I can say…
If I'd stayed, if you'd tried, if we could only turn back time…
But I guess we'll never know…
But I guess we'll never know…
7 Years Later,
He woke up to the sound of a happy sight beside him and to the soft warmth of her back pressed against his chest. Smiling sheepishly, he placed an arm around her waist and whispered in her ear:
- Good morning…
She giggled and he closed his eyes. How he loved that sound…
- Tickles…Good morning. - she said, turning around to place her lips on his in a soft and loving kiss.
- How do you feel?
- Pretty good, in fact… it's warm in here.- she said, snuggling to him. He just hold her tightly.
- I know… I was dreaming of that time… how cold it was then…
- When you confessed to me?
- Yeah…
- You nearly gave me an heart attack, you know? Coming up all drenched in front of me… you that were always so sparkling…
- It scared you?
- Yeah, almost. Still…
- Still?
- You looked more real at that time than ever…
- Real?
- Like you were mortal and not that kind of… of god I believed you were… - she said, blushing slightly.
He grinned and caressed her back.
- Feels good… but we have to get up…
- It's still early… - he protested.
- No, it's not, my husband. – she said, hitting him playfully in his arm. – It's almost 9 in the morning.
- One more reason to stay still… time will move quicker if we hurry… wife…
- You're hopeless… - she giggled, but didn't move.
There was a moment of silence before he asked:
- What time will they be coming?
- Don't know. But we are supposed to have lunch together with the F4, so…
Her sudden intake of breath scared him. She looked surprised and her eyes were fixed on something he couldn't see…
- What was it? What happened? – he asked, suddenly afraid.
- It moved…
- What?
- He moved… - she said, suddenly her eyes shimmering with tears of joy while she looked at him. – And he's kicking…
He seemed to lost his ability to breath, his gaze fixed on hers.
- Really? Are you sure?
- Yi Jung! He's inside me, of course I'll know when he moves!
He looked, timidly at her slightly swollen belly. She was already in her fourth month of pregnancy and she was starting to show it.
- Can I...?
She laughed at his shyness and picked his hand, placing it over her belly. Instantly he felt a sharp kick against his hand and looked at her in surprise.
- He kicked… - repeated as if he was in a dream. – His first kick…
She smiled sweetly at him, seeing him placing his head over her belly.
- He is really there…
- Why? You doubted it?
- No… never… just…
She felt him shiver and grab a hold of his head, staring into his eyes:
- You were the one who said that wouldn't ran away from anyone anymore, remember?
- But, what if…
- No buts! – she sighed. – This child will have both his parents and we will both deal with that responsibility once it cames…
He stared at her, deep into her eyes.
- How can you remain so calm? Aren't you…
- Afraid? Yes, very… but something puts me at ease…
- What?
She took a breath before saying it clearly:
- I love you. And this was a child made out of love… we'll know what to do when the time comes. Together. You'll see…
He was speechless and simply leaned over her and placed his lips hungrily over hers. She moaned and he deepened the kiss. Suddenly, she flinched.
- Ouch…
- What? Did I hurt you? – he asked, trying to control his breath.
- No. This was the hardest kick he ever gave me… I think we won't be able to do it if he keeps moving around this much…
- Not doing it? For the next 5 months?
- I think so… - she said, looking away and slowly caressing his chest.
He looked at her, thinking and then he lowered his lips first on her belly, devouring her with kisses and whispering words that she couldn't quite figure out, and then on her lips.
- He stopped… - noticed Ga Eul, in the middle of the kisses, panting for air.
- I know…
- How…?
- I told him I loved him too, almost as much as I love his mother…
He looked at her, her eyes filled with love, his mouth hovering upon hers.
- Almost?
- Sure. The kid has to learn that I love his mother the most, no matter what happens.I hope the mother knows that too…
She grinned and said, in a low tune:
- Remind me again…
So what did you think? Comment please! And sorry for the grammar mistakes!
See you next chapter!