Smothered
I am smothered.
I walk this world, keeping my head high to stop the tears from falling, spitting out disses, hurting people, hurting me.
I am smothered.
People look at me, jealousy spewing out of their eyes. Kids look up to me; they want to be me.
I am smothered.
I am expected to be the best, to always win. To have no feelings.
I am smothered.
My mother expects perfection. I must have perfect makeup, perfect grades, perfect clothes, perfect posture, perfect grammar, the list goes on and on.
I am smothered.
My father doesn't know what to think. All he knows to do is pay my credit card bills.
I am smothered.
My friends are fake. They are only my friends because they are scared what I'll do to them and because I am alpha, the most popular girl at school.
I am smothered.
My boyfriend is cheating on my with my so-called best friend.
I am smothered.
My emotions don't matter. I feel as if I can't breathe.
I am smothered.
Nobody likes me for me. Most people just put on a façade to cover up how much they loathe me.
I am smothered.
Why can't people like me for me?
-- -- --
I sit down in a purple chair, looking down at the color in contempt. Purple, my supposed favorite color, is yet another façade to keep my position as alpha. After all, it is the only thing I have left. My real favorite color is black. Cold, hard, unforgiving black.
My boyfriend, Dempsey, hooks up with Claire, my so-called best friend, every other day. Hah. And her boyfriend, Cam, doesn't even notice, even when they flirt openly in public.
And yet, here I sit, hands scuttling away on my Macbook Air, typing up what to wear on the ninth grade trip to- where else?- France. I slowly hand the purple paper to the girls, wondering. Wondering if I should live another day. Wondering if I can ever be me. Wondering if he, my secret crush, will ever like me.
-- -- --
I am running. Running from my past. Running from the fact that I just caught my boyfriend having sex with Claire. Running from my present. Running from the fact that I am all alone. Running from the future.
Black eyeliner and mascara runs down my cheeks as I sit weeping under the eiffel tower, my arms covering my face and muffling my moans and sniffles. Alone. Alone, that is, until strong arms hold me in a RL-smelling embrace.
I look up to find the warm brown eyes of Josh Hotz.
"J-j-Josh?" I stutter.
"Massie, it is gonna be okay. Don't worry." He speaks soothingly.
"Dempsey cheated on me though." I whine.
Josh shook his head. "I knew it." he mutters.
"Knew what?" I demand.
"That you didn't love me." Josh sighs. "Massie, I really, really love you. That's why I broke up with Alicia."
"What!?" I screech.
"I'm sorry you don't feel the same." he bows his head.
"Josh- I do love you!" I yelp as he walks away.
He turns around. "You do?"
"Yes!" I scream. Then, I look down. "But you don't love me for me." I say softly.
"Yes, I do Massie. I know your favorite color is black, I know you hate your life, I understand you."
I look up. "I always knew you were the one for me." I say.
I hug him tightly. "Smothered no more." I whisper.
"What?" Josh asks.
"Never mind." I say, then smile.
I am finally happy.