When Chloe thinks of Lucifer, there is often this feeling of uncertainty, of frustration. One step forward one step backward, at least there is suspense, and desire and yearning.
He talks too much but never says anything.
He drinks too much, but never forgets who he is.
His skin is soft and warm but consumed by a grief he wants to hide from her.
She could also easily list his absences and fleeings.
But there are those times when he lets himself be touched, when she thinks she finally understands why his door is always wide open... You have nothing to fear when you are always so obviously alone, don't you?
One step forward one step backward.
He holds her while she grieves her childhood too light and too heavy at the same time. He's strong and graceful and their dance sparkles with unexpected but so candid tunes.
And this kiss on a beach to tell him that yes of course she loves who he is and that everything can finally start for the two of them, and that she could love him if he wanted or if he asked her. She wouldn't say no...
There's something softer about him, she doesn't know yet if it has anything to do with his nose being too big or his lips being too soft. For a moment, she is almost afraid that he will push her away, but he looks so surprised and so strangely human... she's sure she can suddenly feels his heart echoing to her own pace.
Obviously, his lips are too soft so she kisses him again. In her memories, she is no longer afraid to lean against him, there is only his mouth, and his lips and his tongue dancing against her tongue, and her lips and her mouth. In her memories, there is definitely a bright sun on a cloudless beach, it's a perfect day.
One step forward two steps backward.
She almost died and he got married... Is everything just a game to him ? A marriage made of paper and yet sweet and charming. Suddenly nothing feels real anymore. She wants to laugh and needs to cry... Both are impossible. So her heart breaks and tears apart in a million pieces, she doesn't understand why and there is nothing she can do about it. But because he's her friend, she couldn't help but forgive him.
Maybe she is the one who was wrong, after all ?
One step forward, three steps backward... Lucifer dances far from her steps but always in her shadow. He never drifts far enough from her so she can forget why she is hurting.
Sometimes she feels the weight of a gold and silver bullet sliding against her skin. A gift so like him... both unique and poignant. The chain is a little too long and sometimes gets tangled in her hair. It's like an ache she should be able to forget, or a promise he doesn't know how to keep.
One step forward, one step backward. Their moves are gentle and light, childish in their own way. It's almost a waltz and glints of gold and silver fall around her and on her. It could be a love story but it's just a dance where he hopes to get lost with her.
One step forward, one step backward, then he gently spins her over and the time expands and fades. She hopes... she believes... she wishes... Above her, there are a thousand lights shining like a thousand stars. She thinks that it's all true... that he's the one who makes them dance like that just for her.
She remembers that his lips are so soft and that she would say yes, if he really wanted to... For a few seconds, she can feel his heart echoing to her own pace. He should tell her what he really wants instead of letting the music lull her into a dream.
But he is who he is, forever switching between games and sorrows. There will never be enough time, space, or attention for her in his life. Every step on his way will always be too fast or too slow. And before long, nothing will really go right.