Prologue

A/N: This is my first fanfic/TF2 fic, so don't expect too much. All characters belong to Valve, but I edited Pyro's identity and backstory.

"Success!" The Builder's League United team's Fearless Leader proclaimed, the announcement echoing throughout the barren wasteland known to everyone as Dustbowl when the BLU team captured Reliable Excavations and Demolition's last capture point.

"Wooho! Man, those RED guys are a buncha knuckleheads!" Scout cheered, swinging his aluminum bat with enthusiasm.

"Da, why do they send babies to fight men?" Heavy Weapons Guy pitched in.

"Don't start cheering yet ladies, those maggots are still alive. We're at war damnit! As Sun Tzu said-" The Soldier growled ominously, preparing an epic list of battle quotes.

"Aww, don't be such a killjoy old man. Let's go back to base." Scout quickly interrupted. That crusty old coot's battle speeches were boring and repetitive and didn't even make sense. Besides, it was very easy to push Soldier's buttons, and Scout loved to annoy people. He sped back to the BLU Resupply center, with the Soldier charging after him, brandishing his shovel while screaming, "You will address your superiors as sir, private!"

The 7 foot tall Russian mountain looked bemused and slowly plodded off after them. The BLU team had won so many times already, it had become boring to slaughter their RED rivals during the ceasefire. As a sign of contempt, they were left with their lives. The Heavy sighed. It was getting harder and harder to prevent their constantly drunk Demoman from doing something stupid like throwing Sniper's urine jars at Spy's new suits, as he always drank alcohol to celebrate.

Meanwhile, at RED base…

"Merde! You 'ave realized zhat zhis is ze eleventh time ze BLU team 'as beaten us in a row?" The RED Spy spluttered, his thin frame shaking with rage. He was shaking so hard that the cigarette in his mouth was on the verge of falling out.

"Maybe if you backstabbed some of the bloody wankers we'dve stood a chance." The Sniper muttered, polishing his kukri with a rag as he spoke.

"Oh yeah? And 'ow would you know how to fight ze bastards, your idea of combat is to run five miles away and 'ope to shoot zem in ze face." The Spy retorted. The Sniper glared and stood up, throwing the rag on the red table.

"Well, ah heard there's a new Pahro comin' our way." The Texan Engineer spoke amiably, hurriedly diverting Spy and Sniper from lunging at each other's throats again, especially since Sniper clenched his melee weapon purposefully.

"Jah, Scout's supposed to get him." The Medic chuckled at the thought of the hyperactive Bostonian attempting to chat up a mute, almost Frankenstein-like Pyro.

"I feel sorry fer the new lad, the Scout's one twitchy 'ooligan." Demoman mumbled, glugging the rest of his beer. The Medic tutted disapprovingly, wondering how the Scottish Cyclops hadn't detonated his liver yet.

"Oh great, just what I needed. Anozzer 'azard to my very expensive suits." Spy cheered sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Their last Pyro took pleasure in burning his suits to cheer himself up, so Spy wasn't exactly a Pyrophile.

Scout was jogging in place impatiently at the recruit drop-off zone. Pyro was supposed to be there half an hour ago. If he didn't come soon, Scout would miss the epic Red Sox vs Yankees game. And that was one baseball game with the Red Sox he did not want to miss.

"First thing I'm gonna do when this flamer gets his ass here is bonk him." Scout muttered vehemently, grabbing his faithful aluminum baseball bat. Finally, after an agonizing fifty seconds later, a red bus rolled in and the replacement Pyro was dropped off.

"Finally! You took your frickin' time." Scout grumbled. Then he looked at Pyro and frowned. This Pyro was very different from the last one they had. This new Pyro's asbestos suit was still as bulky as his previous counterparts', but his gloves and boots were smaller too. And the hands…they were as big as the Scout's! Scout looked at the tiny hands clutching their owner's flamethrower with defiance and sighed. Having this shrimpy Pyro wouldn't help boost his team's spirits up much.

"You sure you're the new replacement? Going for RED team, right? 'Cuz you look weird." Scout commented.

Pyro nodded his head. He was used to the comments that he got from previous Scouts on his old teams. This wasn't his first time on a team, but he kept getting shunted to different teams. Because he "distracted" his teammates with his existence, and they performed poorly as a result.

"Well then, let's get going. Hurry up, I'm going to miss the Red Sox game." Scout shouted, tearing off towards the RED base.

Pyro laughed at the familiar sight, his gas mask muffling the noise. After half a year of waiting for a team that needed a Pyro, there was finally an opening after the previous Pyro on the team burned his face off. He started running towards the Scout, groaning with frustration at Scout's speed and Pyro's lack of it. Finally, he spotted a RED soldier patrolling the entrance. It was ironic that this soldier was wearing red, for though he hated Nazis and Communists, he almost looked like a Communist soldier. Pyro laughed at the thought. Soldier stopped patrolling and marched towards the Pyro.

"And what the hell do you think you're doing here, maggot?" Soldier barked, cutting off the Pyro's laughter.

"Mm pha nmm rrrcrrt." Pyro explained, hoping that Soldier would understand.

"So you're the new recruit? I thought we were getting a man as a replacement, not some Nazi-loving shrimp! Get down and give me twenty!" Soldier thundered, his index finger pointing on the ground beneath him.

Pyro laughed and shook his head. This crusty old man wasn't going to boss him around. Pyro would listen to Medic, Heavy, Sniper, and maybe even Scout, but not to Soldier.

"Are you disrespectin' me, private? You're to follow a superior's orders, damnit!" Soldier screamed, pulling out his shovel and ready to give this young whippersnapper some discipline.

"Yrrr m dmmaph. Yrrr phmmdn m phmml n mm phmmdn m phammphorr." Pyro snorted, aiming his flamethrower at Soldier's exposed face. The nozzle was three centimeters from the Soldier's nose. Soldier froze. New recruits usually cowered before him. Why was this one acting so strangely? Although he would rather eat gunpowder than admit it, the new recruit impressed him.

"Oi, what's takin' the new guy so long?" Sniper wondered out loud.

"I heff no idea. Scout vas supposed to get him." Medic replied.

"I think I'd better check with Soldier, maybe he saw 'im." The Aussie suggested, taking his submachine gun with him. You could never be too careful, especially in Dustbowl. That dump was home to coyotes, scorpions, sunstroke, and a Soldier with a fuse that constantly seemed to be on fire. He walked outside and raised his eyebrows. A RED Pyro, their new Pyro, was holding the Soldier at flamethrower-point.

"Easy now, don't want to get your head blown off now, do ya mate?" Sniper warned, pointing his SMG at Pyro's head. Pyro started and realized that his finger was a hair breadth away from pulling the trigger. He shook his head off the SMG and lowered his flamethrower, walking into the base.

"You never saw any of this happen." Soldier growled threateningly. Sniper smiled and nodded his head.

"C'mon Soldier, you're gonna miss all the fun." Sniper winked and the Soldier gave a noncommittal grunt in reply. The two went back inside to witness the Pyro being introduced to everyone.

Pyro slowly walked towards the mess hall, where the rest of his new "teammates" were chatting. No doubt they would not take kindly to him almost igniting the Soldier. He stopped walking and hesitated. Should he go and introduce himself now, or wait until their next mission? Maybe he could just keep to himself. Most Pyros tended to do that. But that was what he tried to do with his previous teams, and they became too curious about his identity.

"Damnit, why can't everyone keep their noses out of my business?" He thought angrily. But of course, everyone wanted to know what lay hidden behind a mask…even the Spy's, although the Frenchman took his off when he ate. He took a deep breath and walked into the mess hall, trying to be inconspicuous. He figured he could just take one good look at them for a bit and then go to his room. However, it didn't go out as planned. He might as well have run into the room without a mask, screaming "I'M BEING INCONSPICUOUS! PLEASE IGNORE ME!"

"There 'e is! That's the new laddie!" Demoman shouted, pointing at the Pyro's left arm. Well, drat. So much for being inconspicuous. The Pyro sighed and resignedly sat down in a seat that smelled faintly of propane. He guessed that was the seat all the RED team's previous Pyros sat at and that it would be his new seat.

"Mrrrm!" Pyro greeted everyone, waving a slender, glove covered hand. Everyone stared at the hand, then at the Pyro's body, then back at the hand and gave puzzled looks.

"Hahaha, the new Pyro has leetle baby hands!" Heavy broke the silence that followed with a booming roar of laughter. Pyro agitatedly clenched and unclenched his "baby hands" and was considering knocking the Heavy a couple pegs down. The Pyro was saved from immediate dismemberment by Scout, who just came pelting into the mess hall to see what the commotion was about.

"Oh, so you made it here already! Lemme introduce you to everyone. I'm Scout, there's Medic, Sniper, Spy, Engineer, Soldier, Heavy, and Demoman. You're sharing a room with me. Wanna come see it?" Scout chattered rapidly, pointing to each class he mentioned.

"Mmphm." Pyro nodded, glad that he could finally get away from everyone. He followed the Scout and flopped onto the bed. Unlike the chair, his bed smelled of kerosene. He found it comforting that even though he constantly switched teams, there were some things that would never change. Without even bothering to take off his suit, he fell asleep.


Pyro Glossary:
1. I'm the new recruit.
2. You're a dumbass. You're holding a shovel and I'm holding a flamethrower.
3. Hello!
4. Mmhm.