But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
A/N: Last night's inspired me to write this hope it's OK, this is what I would've liked to had happened.
They all stood shell shocked and Colette was sure if Zosia had pushed him further, Guy would spill the truth there and then, "Well that was interesting," Serena was the first to break the silence and Guy jumped, "Someone needs to sort her out grief or no grief she's at risk of losing everything she has worked for," Serena said as she knew if her daughter ever done something like that, now, the last thing she would want is for Eleanor to think she could get away with it.
"Have you tried to have a word with her lately?" Colette asked.
"Yes I have," Serena answered.
"And?" Colette pushed.
"She's a woman who's lost her mother, she resents her father for not telling her about the illness, she's not given herself time to grieve and she's a twenty something year old woman, emotionally trapped in the mind of a child," Serena answered and Guy hated to admit it, but the consultant in front of him was right, "She's only human."
"So that gives her the right to behave like child?" Colette asked and Serena then looked at the nurse in front of her, "What?"
Serena folded her arms and then tilted her head to the side, "How long have you known Zosia?" Serena enquired.
"Since she was baby...why?" Colette asked frustrated and Serena fiddled with her necklace.
"She's a young woman, who's lost the female figure-"
"I'm not playing mum to her..."
"Do you really think daddy's the suitable candidate?" Serena asked and Colette rolled her eyes, "I've seen the way she's around you...despite her 'dislike' lies a girl who wants someone she knows well to talk to her, understand her, just because she's got flatmates doesn't mean she can go to them."
"If I'm not out in ten call for a crash team," Colette walked away to try and knock sense into Zosia's head.
"You've just started World Self Three," Guy said to Serena, "So what do I do?"
"I lost my father...before I had the chance to tell him he was right, don't let Zosia slip away from you even further," Serena ordered and Guy leant against the wall, "My daughter has every reason to dislike her father...you did the right thing for her career...emotionally not so much."
Colette walked into the bathroom and found Zosia hitting the cubicle, "What's that cubicle done to you?" Colette opened with a joke and Zosia jumped, "That was bad."
"Pretending it's his face," Zosia said and Colette folded her arms, "And hoping to see it-"
"Zosia you are acting like a child," Colette observed and Zosia huffed, "A spoilt little brat, who hates getting told off."
"Love you too," Zosia answered back sarcastically and Colette smiled, "Any reason you're here? Or are you just here to annoy me?"
"To get answers out of you...you're no three years old anymore Zosia, you can't stamp your feet and hope your dad will see past your tantrum and give in...you're twenty-six years old, working, start acting like it!"
"I don't need this talk...you lost your right to talk to me ages ago," Zosia went to walk away but Colette grabbed her wrist, "Get off me!"
"Hear me out," Colette ordered and Zosia huffed, "Like it or not I'm going to talk to you."
"Why?" Zosia asked shrugging her shoulders, "Why now?"
"I'm fed up of seeing you hurting and your dad in bits..." Colette answered.
"I don't need you," Zosia snarled and Colette looked at her, her dark eyes looking as if they were trying to reach into her soul and find it, "Get off!"
"You're acting like a child," Colette shouted and Zosia hit the wall, "You're not a child Zosia...you've got to deal with this like an adult..."
"Because my dad dealt with it so well...eight months of solid drinking hardly like an adult," Zosia crossed her arms and sighed, "So what gives you the right to excuse him?!" Zosia asked and Colette said nothing, "I am a human...I do have feelings."
"I know...you have to stop kicking off Zosia...you're putting your career at risk, everything you have worked for...for what? A chance to give your father a taste of his own medicine?" Colette asked, "No pun intended...at least he's trying."
"And here it goes 'my dad was worse' 'my mum hardly knew me', and then you found mine and clung onto her like some poison little parasite and then you realised she was married to Northchurch's best neurosurgeon and you thought 'money', but all along you've just wanted him, but he was too faithful...and you thought great Anya's dead my chance so you allowed him to slip into oblivion, what was it one drink after another and you ended up in bed together," Zosia raised and eyebrow and Colette held her tongue she really wanted to slap the junior in front of her.
"There's your problem Zosia...you think the worse of everyone, accept for those you love," Colette observed and Zosia glared at her, "Your dad is not a horrible person...you're angry at him."
"How am I supposed to feel?!" Zosia shouted and Colette said nothing, "Just because you hated your parents...never gave you the right to cling onto mine, it's never given you the right to tell me how to feel...it's never given you the right for twenty-seven bloody years to be a-" Zosia was cut off when Colette banged a cubicle to snap Zosia back into the real world.
"You deal with stuff like an adult Zosia, you grow up, rise above the fact your father didn't tell you, you are an adult," Colette stressed her point and Zosia ran her hands down her face. Before sliding the wall and looked at her hands, "Look...there's being angry and there's being childish...you're both," Colette knelt down in front of Zosia, "You need go listen to me...I know why you're angry at me."
"I made you promise me seven years ago no matter how much mum or dad or both didn't want to tell me...you promised me you would tell me...anything what happened?" Zosia asked with a choke in her voice and Colette leant by the toilet cubicle knees arched up, "Tell me."
"Your mother," Colette answered and Zosia bitterly laughed, "She made us all promise to keep quiet, everyone Jenny, Kevin, Luke-"
"What?" Zosia asked hearing Luke's name ripped her heart in two, he was her best friend and she felt eyes welling up, "But-"
"The amount of times I had to stop him texting or ringing you...if I didn't have the respect I had for your mother I would've kept that promise...but when I was alone she was there, she took me in, I rented one of your spare bedrooms for a while."
"Really?" Zosia asked and Colette nodded, "I would remember-"
"Well I was there when your mum was pregnant, until you were about two, then I moved in with Jamie and Emily...you apparently sat by the front door crying for ages after I left," Colette said and Zosia smiled very lightly, "Cute."
"Why make a promise you couldn't keep?" Zosia asked and Colette leant her head back, "Why?"
"I never expected your mother to refuse treatment...but she made us all promise and I couldn't break it...not after everything she had done for me," Colette answered and she saw two tears spill out of Zosia's eyes, "And I'm sorry for breaking the one I made to you."
"I trusted you," Zosia felt her bottom lip wobble and she felt more tears fall, Colette crawled over and sat next to Zosia, Zosia went tense as Colette reached over and put her arm around her.
"I'm sorry," Colette repeated and Zosia then rested her head on Colette's shoulder and linked her arm around Colette's, "You're still making up the time you lost this morning," Colette ordered and Zosia nodded, "You have to let the bad things go Zosia...it's not for you."
"I'm sorry...for giving you a hard time," Zosia admitted and she drew circles with her finger on Colette's wrist, "I miss her."
"So do I," Colette said sadly and Zosia then lifted her head up.
"Do you think it's because she didn't love me enough?" Zosia asked and Colette pushed her head back down with her hand and ran her fingers through her hair.
"I've never met a mother have so much in my whole life, she loved you so much it's hard to explain...and your dad loves you despite the fact he has trouble showing it," Colette reassured and she felt tear drop drip onto her arm, "They both loved you...though it was very entertaining watching him panic over you sneezing as a baby though...it was so funny."
"I'm forgetting parts of her,' Zosia shook as she tried to hokd back tears and Colette kept her grip on Zosia but tighter, "Is that selfish?"
"Your dad has lots of photos he could put them onto disk or memory stick for you," Colette said and Zosia leant her head up and looked at Colette the look on her face told her that Zosia was saying yes, "I told them if I wasn't out in ten minutes to call for a crash team," Colette laughed and Zosia stood up then paced around, "Talk to your dad Zosh...it will both do you good," Colette really wanted to tell her the truth, but shw knew Guy was the one to do it.
"Thank you," Zosia twiddled with her fingers and then looked into the mirror.
"You don't need to thank me...I've known you for a long time...you're like your mother but with a lot of your father in you...I think I best go...before they think we're-"
"Cat fighting on the ground?" Zosia suggested and Colette then smiled before leaving the bathroom, Zosia stared at herself in the mirror and thought about what Colette had said, despite the fact Zosia hated being told what to do she knew Colette was right.