Ah, my lovelies - now this one is angst.
Poor, poor, sweet Edward. Look what evil Jacob did to you...grrr.
DISCLAIMER - I own nothing. If I did I would murder Jacob until Nessie was born. Then he could come back. Maybe.
Read on, my brave warriors!
Edward was good at pretending.
Being an immortal vampire, he had to be. You couldn't lie your way out of the many situations you got yourself into unless you were good at it. And getting out of them was the most important thing.
If you were a vampire, you could NEVER be caught.
It did come in handy at other times too.
Though, sometimes, Edward wished he didn't have to pretend. Didn't have to hide his feelings to protect others.
Especially her.
When Bella kissed Jacob, even though he knew it was all a carefully planned trick by the stinking mutt, it still hurt.
It still hurt a lot.
Really, he thought, burying his face in his hands as he attempted to ignore the thoughts radiating off the werewolf, it felt as if his heart had broken. As if it had been ripped in two. Even if he was a vampire, he had never felt pain like this. Not ever.
Well, except for once. But that was different. His fault.
He didn't blame Bella...of course he didn't. And he didn't blame the mutt either. He had long since given up finding someone to blame – it never helped, in the end. And he would know: he would be there at the end.
He did feel like crying - like sobbing and screaming, in fact – but he couldn't. He did feel like going in there and ripping Jacob's head off...but he couldn't. Nothing he could do would help release the feelings inside him.
So what was he going to do?
He pushed his hands through his hair, again and again, almost madly, trying to block the mental images; trying to keep himself sane. His Bella...his Bella...
"No!" he growled – she wasn't his. Not anymore. Nor did she deserve it. She deserved more.
He wondered, not for the first time, whether she would be better off with Jacob. Whether he should just leave now, and never come back. She would be alright: she had him.
But he couldn't do that either. He could make himself leave – not again. More for himself, than for anyone else, he knew. He couldn't do that to either of them again.
So what options were left? One – stay, and hope Bella would choose him. Two – Kill the mutt.
It was obvious which way he should go.
That should've been our first kiss...
Bella was crying. He could hear that in Jacob's thoughts. Why? Why was she crying? He couldn't make himself believe it was because she wished she hadn't done it.
Then he thought of something else – Jacob must be a better...kisser...than him. Jacob could kiss her in ways he never could; without hurting her, of course.
If it was possible, that thought hurt even more.
"Oh Bella," he whispered to himself, "what can I do?"
He was more dangerous than Jacob, he knew it, but he also knew Bella loved him more. Even Jacob knew that, deep down. Edward had heard it, in his thoughts, sometimes. That little sliver of doubt was what kept Edward ahead in the game.
Only it wasn't a game anymore. He'd sworn to himself he would fight for Bella, and look where that had ended up. He'd managed to break Bella's heart in two; made her realise what he'd wished wasn't true. And now she was upset, crying, and in someone else's arms.
What was he going to do? What could he do without hurting her more?
That was when he decided. Vying for her affections, fighting with the mutt: it was just hurting her, making her choose between them. And he didn't want to force her, for fear she wouldn't choose him.
Because, if she didn't choose him, he didn't know how he could exist without her. He couldn't give her up now, much less for the mutt. Bella loved him – he knew she did. Edward wasn't stupid: he knew how much it would hurt her if he left again. But he couldn't help but wonder if, this time, it would be different. Because she had him now.
He couldn't do it. Nothing in the world would make him stray from her until she commanded him to leave – nothing in the world could make him do that to himself...except for her.
There was still hope, he reasoned. Still a chance she would choose him over the dog. Bella loved him more – that was a clear and simple fact. This was her decision now. He wasn't going to tell her how much this was hurting him, because he knew this was hurting her too. If anything, he was just trying to make it a little easier for her.
Edward sighed, ruffled his hair one more time, and stood, having only been sitting there for about five seconds. Jacob was on his way out now – Edward could feel him crowing jubilantly in his head...he'd obviously forgotten that he was nearby. He could hear the plans forming, plans concerning Bella...and their future together.
He bit back a growl, trying to stay calm. He wasn't going to fight Jacob, not anymore. He was going to let Bella make her decision alone.
It was going to hurt, but he was going to have to do it.
He was going to have to pretend.
But, then again:
Edward was good at pretending.
Reviews make the world go round :D
As does Edward.
Seriously, though - wasn't it so horrible what Jacob did to him? Ugh...another thing. HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW NEW MOON TRAILER! OMHE IT LOOKS FANTASTIC! Nearly died of Robert's hotness, seriously. I have to give Chris Weitz props for it - he did a good job, I think. SO can't wait :D
Review make me like this :D
Love, ATO xxxxxx