Disclaimer: I don't own HSM or any of its characters
A/N: So I haven't posted anything in over a year now, but I want to start writing again. This was just something short that popped into my head so I thought I should share it.
Love. It's such a short word that means so much. Some people live just to hear that word from another, and some die without ever getting that chance. But what exactly is love?
I used to think love was about passion. About butterflies in my tummy whenever he walked by. I thought it was love that made me drown in his sparkling blue eyes, and hang off his every word, whether I understood it or not. Love pushed me to make excuses to see him. Pretending I was a beginner at golf, when I was really junior champion. They say love makes you do stupid things, and I certainly did many. Bribing him with a college scholarship just so he would sing with me. Just so we could spend that couple of hours a day together. I hoped that the more time he spent with me, and the less time he spent with his actual girlfriend would sway him in my favour. I was so blinded by love that I was willing to give up anything, even my relationship with my brother, to get to him.
It began as a strategic move. We would be the power couple of the school. I was not oblivious to the nickname I was given behind my back. 'The Ice Queen' they called me. I was feared by all, but respected? Loved? Having Troy Bolton on my arm would change all that. I would have the school eating out of the palm of my hand. At least that's what I told myself at the beginning. But as the summer went on, I couldn't care less what the student body thought of me. I definitely proved that by ruining the plans of enough of them. All I cared about was Troy. I needed him. Wasn't that love? I was desperate for him to be mine. I couldn't last a day without him. When I wasn't with him, I was watching him. Watching him with his friends, watching him talk to my family, all the while telling myself that he was becoming enveloped in my world. Love is meant to be about sacrifice. I loved Troy Bolton so much that I made the ultimate sacrifice. I let him go. The minute I heard him sing with Gabriella at the Talent Show, I knew I had to quash my love for both of our sakes. He held my hand in that number, and I savoured the warmth. The moment he let go, so did I. I still felt butterflies when I saw him, my heart still ached without him, but I never bothered him again.
I have now discovered a different definition of love. Passion, sacrifice, being stupid, they are just small components of love. True love is when you are comfortable to be yourself. When you aren't pretending to be vulnerable to interest a boy. It is when you can sit in a corner crying, with mascara running down your face, hair all mussed up, and he will still look at you like you're the most beautiful girl in the world. Love to me now is about being drawn to somebody, even if you think you're in love with somebody else. Whether you think they're right for you or not, you always end up with them, dancing, talking, even sitting in silence. It's about finding that safe place with someone, where it is not about being perfect, but where you can't help but be honest. Where insults are quickly forgotten, and grudges never take hold. Love is not needing someone with every fibre of your being, it's when you know you have them woven so deeply within you, that you are no longer two separate people.
In junior year, Zeke was my shadow, following me like a lost puppy, not dissimilar to my relationship with Troy that summer. However, as that summer faded into the beginning of senior year, I found myself constantly in his company. There was no desperate need to see each other every day, but that's what we did. Sometimes it was just a wink as he passed by on his way to the Lava Springs kitchen, while other times I would drop by his house to watch movies or bake. I had no need to wear my best dresses, or triple check my make up every time we met, although I did so when we went out to fancy dinners. Seeing him doesn't give me butterflies in my stomach, instead it gives me a warm glow all over.
We still had passion of course. I still saw fireworks every time we kissed. We both made the effort to surprise the other on occasion with some extra romance. But our relationship is so much more than that. He knew all my secrets and I knew his. There were no layers of pretence, no second guessing our every move in an effort to do or say the right thing. When we were together I was just Sharpay, and he was just Zeke.
When I was with Troy I felt like I was out of control. I thought that's what love was. But with Zeke I felt like I belonged. I had the feeling that I was exactly where I was meant to be. That's what love is.
I hope you liked it :) I'll try to write some longer stories soon!