Elena sat across from Kai, her wrists tied to a chair in a room in the high school. A vicious hit to the face from a tire iron had knocked her out long enough for Kai to bind her with vervain ropes, and once she came to, she saw his sadistic face grinning at her. She looked around, got her bearings, and immediately tried to escape. She hissed in pain when the vervain dug into her skin.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Kai warned. "Might cut those hands right off."
"What do you want with me?" she spat.
"With you? Nothing, actually. You're just leverage."
"For what?"
"Damon, of course," he smiled. "He's got something I want, and I figure the fastest way to get it is to abduct his lady love. So here we are. You guys' high school is kinda drab, did you know that? And this shirt is really tight," he said, tugging at a Mystic Falls High shirt that he had obviously stolen.
"Let me go," she said.
"You did hear what I said, right? I'll let you go when Damon delivers what I want."
"And what's that?"
"Bonnie's bear," he said, leaning back in his chair and placing his feet on the table. "She hid her magic in it, and I need it. I know Damon won't give it up without a compelling reason, so...one plus one. You do the math."
"He won't give it to you," Elena said in a sneer.
"You don't think he'd happily give up a tiny little stuffed bear to save you?" he asked with an arched eyebrow. "You think he'd pick Bonnie over you, after all he talked about for months was getting back to you? Interesting theory."
Kai hopped out of his chair and tapped his chin a few times.
"You may be right, I guess," he said. "I mean, he has been awfully concerned about Bonnie, wouldn't you say? Maybe even a little obsessed? Why do you think that is?"
He leaned down until his face was pressed against hers and she yanked her head away as much as she could.
"They're friends," she said.
"Friends," Kai repeated. He leaned down until his nose was practically against hers. "Is that what he told you?"
"Yes," she said through gritted teeth.
"All that bonding and time alone and they're just...friends." He tucked some hair behind her ear and smiled. "Tell me, when's the last time a friend did as much for you as he's doing for her? I mean, he did compel his best friend to get the ascendant, even though it meant that I would be released. He didn't give a damn about that. He's been working day and night trying to get her back. He's barely even had time to mack on you for worrying about her. That's what the kids say these days, right? Mack?"
She yanked her head away again. "What are you trying to say?"
"Oh, Elena. You're very pretty. I can see why Damon would like you. But you're not horribly smart. Do I really need to spell it out for you?"
When she didn't respond, Kai rolled his eyes dramatically.
"They fucked," he said plainly.
Her brown eyes widened and she shook her head. "No. They wouldn't do that."
"Do what?" he asked as he twirled around and paced. "Find comfort in each other's arms when it seemed like all hope was lost? They wouldn't lean on each other in their hour of need and finally act on some of that sexual tension that's been brewing for years?" He turned around to her and smiled. "Don't tell me you never noticed how it seemed like they might jump each other's bones at any moment."
Elena vigorously shook her head. "They wouldn't do that to me and Jeremy. They love us."
"Jeremy, the cheating boyfriend, and you, the girlfriend who erased all memories of your relationship?"
She had no response to that and Kai grinned as he sat down again.
"Don't worry about it, though," he said. "It was just a one night stand." He paused and pretended to think. "Does it still count as a one night stand if they did it three times before the sun came up?"
Elena lunged at him but howled in pain when the ropes dug into her wrists. Kai chuckled, then slid her cell phone to her.
"Here. Call Damon and ask him yourself." When she reached for it but couldn't get out of her restraints, Kai laughed. "Oh, right, silly me. I'll do it for you." He looked through her contacts and pressed the number for Damon, then he put it on speakerphone. "So cool. We didn't have speakerphone in my day."
"Go to hell," she spat.
"Elena?" Damon answered. "Where are you? I was waiting on you."
Elena opened her mouth to speak, but Kai slapped his hand over her lips.
"Damon, buddy, hey."
"Kai? Where are you and why do you have Elena's phone, you little shit?"
"Whoa, hostility," he smiled. "Yes, I do have Elena. We're having a nice chat at the high school in some dreary little room. You're welcome to come."
"I'm going to rip your heart out once I see you."
"Right, right. Hey, do me a favor and bring the bear, please. You know, Ms. Cuddles."
There was a pause on Damon's end. "What do you want with her?"
"Bonnie's magic, duh. Hurry up. Time's wasting."
Kai ended the call and shook his head. "Kinda rude, huh?"
Elena didn't answer and when she turned her head to the side, Kai saw her lips quivering just a touch.
"Oh no. You're thinking about it, aren't you? You're picturing Bonnie and Damon getting sweaty in the sack."
"Stop it," she growled.
"You want to know how it happened?" he asked, completely ignoring her request to stop. "This was back before they knew I was there. I was just lurking around, checking them out, getting the lay of the land, so to speak. At first, I thought that they hated each other. They fought all the time, my God, like cats and dogs. I just wanted to put them in a room and make them screw it out of each other, you know!"
Elena cut her eyes at him and he shrugged.
"Anyway, back to the story. Funny thing, actually, it happened because Bonnie walked in on Damon one day. Choking the chicken."
"Stop," she said again, closing her eyes as if they would make the words not infiltrate her ears.
"She screamed, of course, and told him to, and I quote 'put his dick away.' I almost got caught because I was laughing so hard. He yelled at her for barging into his room and they went back and forth and Damon was all like, 'We've been here for three months! Don't like you haven't done it, too!'" he said in an inaccurate deep voice. "And Bonnie was all, 'I haven't! I can control myself!'" he said, this time in a ridiculously high voice. "And then Damon was all, 'You did it last night!' And you know Bonnie. She huffed off in righteous indignation and totally ignored him for two days. Damon finally cornered her and said that there's nothing wrong with getting a little relief and they should help each other out."
"Shut up, Kai," Elena said, her eyes nearly glowing with rage.
"Bonnie said no, obviously. But you could tell she was thinking about it. I made a bet with myself that she wouldn't do it. I was like 80% positive that she wouldn't. So I was truly shocked when she went to his room at midnight and they banged like bunnies. For a girl that hasn't had that much sexual experience, Bonnie was pretty impressive. And flexible. Gave me spank bank material for weeks."
"SHUT UP!" Elena yelled, lunging for him again, even though her wrists were searing.
Kai held up his hands in defense. "Jeez, sorry. Didn't know it was such a sensitive topic."
She seethed and her nostrils flared so he sat back in his chair and waited patiently until Damon burst through the doors.
"There he is, the man of the hour," Kai said.
"I will kill you," Damon said. He charged at him, but Kai held up a hand and gave him the aneurysm to end all aneurysms. Damon screamed and clutched his head in agony.
"Where's the bear?"
"I...didn't...bring...it," Damon managed to get out.
Kai sighed and dropped his hand. "I thought I made myself pretty clear about that. I need the bear, Damon."
"You can't have it. It's Bonnie's."
Kai looked conspiratorially at Elena. "Bonnie's, huh? She must be special to you." He winked dramatically and Elena clenched her jaws.
"Why do you want it?" Damon asked.
"Because once I merge with Jo and kill her, the only magic that can stop me is Bennett magic. Can't let that happen, can I? How about this? I'll offer you a fair trade. Elena for the bear. Deal?"
Elena looked at Damon, who pressed his lips together and didn't respond.
"Ooh, how's that make you feel, Elena?" Kai asked. "He'd rather protect a teddy bear than you."
"It's Bonnie's magic," Damon said. "It's not mine to give. She trusted me with it."
"So you won't give it up for the girl you love? Hmm, that does make this interesting." Kai folded his hands behind his head and smiled. "I'll do you one better. You give me the bear, and I'll give you Elena and...this."
He reached into his backpack and produced the Ascendant, and Damon's eyes widened.
"How...?"
"I destroyed the one you took from Jo but I kept mine. I'll give it to you if you give me the bear."
Damon hesitated and the wheels in his head churned at a mile a minute.
"This should be an easy one, Damon," Kai said. "You can keep the bear and never see Bonnie again, or you can give up her magic and save her. What'll it be?"
Damon again hesitated and Kai sighed.
"Fine, if you want to play it like that." He took the Ascendant in both hands and prepared to break it, but Damon stopped him.
"No!" he shouted. Kai looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I'll give you the bear."
"Now we're getting somewhere. Hand it over."
"It's in my car."
"Then go get it, genius."
He put the Ascendant down as a show of good faith, and Damon supersped out of the room. He was back five seconds later, bear in hand, and he slowly approached.
"You first," Kai said.
"How do I know you won't just break it and take the bear?"
"Do you really have that little faith in me? Fine, on three, we'll both slide them on the table. One. Two. Three."
Damon slid the bear to him as Kai slid the Ascendant to him and Damon picked it up and held it like it was the most precious thing he'd ever had. He quickly yanked Elena's ropes off, even though they burned him, and he grabbed her arm. They ran as fast as they could out of the school and once they were in his car, Damon sped off. His hands gripped the steering wheel so hard to that Elena was sure it would break. She wanted to ask him about the things Kai had said, but she knew it wasn't the right moment. Damon looked pained, even as they pulled up to the boarding house.
"You stay here," he said without even looking at her. "I'm going to get Bonnie."
"I'm coming with you."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because two people represents a liability. It's faster if I do it myself. I can't mess it up this time."
Elena narrowed her eyes at him and folded her arms across her chest. She knew it wasn't the time to start an argument but the words flew out of her mouth before she could stop them. "Or do you just not want me to see your reunion with Bonnie? Since you slept together and all."
Damon frowned at her. "What?"
"You slept together."
"Who the hell told you that? Kai?"
Her silence said it all.
"And you believed him?" he asked. "He's insane, Elena. He was making stuff just to upset you and to entertain himself. Do you honestly think that Bonnie and I slept together?"
She fidgeted like she wasn't sure. "Well...he told me how it happened. It sounded pretty detailed..."
"Details that he made up. He's had nothing better to do than sit around and come up with wild stories. Please don't make this whole situation more complicated than it is by believing his bullshit."
She looked down sheepishly and nodded. "Okay. Sorry. He just made it sound so real."
Damon pressed his head to the back of his seat and sighed. "It's not real. But I need to do this on my own. She sacrificed herself for me and I owe her. So please just stay here and make sure everyone is ready to welcome her back."
She nodded and he watched her get out of the car and go into the house. He then looked at the Ascendant in his lap and wasted no time as he whipped out his phone and called Lucy, then Liv. It was time to bring Bonnie home.
...
Damon was back in 1994 within two hours of his phone calls. Lucy gave him the blood he needed and Liv sent him back in time, but only after he threatened to rip her brother's throat out. He had a few hours to work with, but he planned to get in and out as soon as possible. He hightailed it to Elena's house first, unsure if Bonnie would still be there, waiting for him. The thought made him cringe with guilt. He was happy when he found the house empty, and he ran to his own house next. He noticed that his beloved Camaro was parked haphazardly in front of the house, and he fought back a smile thinking that Bonnie was driving his car.
"Bon-Bon," he called as he walked inside.
There was no response, but he could tell from the scent of the home that she was there. As he walked further inside, he heard some weird noises coming from the living room area. He slowly walked inside, on guard in case he had to defend himself and Bonnie, and what he found there stopped him in his tracks.
Over the past several weeks, he had gone over many agonizing scenarios of how he might find Bonnie. He worried that she would be a shell of herself, stick-thin and wasted away in a corner somewhere. He worried that she would be sad or upset or that she would have fled Mystic Falls altogether. He expected to find her in need of saving. What he didn't expect to find was her, nestled comfortably on the couch, playing Super Mario World on a Nintendo system that she had probably found boxed up somewhere in the house.
She looked perfectly fine, maybe even more than fine, swallowed up in one of his leather jackets. Her smooth legs were on full display, propped up on the coffee table in front of her. He really wasn't sure if she was wearing clothes underneath the jacket so he quickly averted his eyes to her face, which was full and bright and not at all sunken in like he expected. Her hair was done and she even had a little smile on her face as she jerked her controller and made Mario jump over a turtle and into a pipe.
"Can't trick me, you little bastard," she said to the TV.
"Talking shit to a video game," he said. "Seems like you need a friend."
He expected her to jump in surprise at the sound of his voice. Or run into his arms to hug him for saving her and then slap him for leaving her. He expected some kind of reaction, but all he got was a casual look over her shoulder before she returned to her game. The smirk he'd planted on his face faltered and he looked down at himself to make sure he was actually there.
"Uh, hello?" he asked. "You can hear me, right?"
"Yep," she said, engrossed in the game again.
"Are you going to say hello or curse me out or yell or do anything?"
"That depends."
"On?"
She paused the game and looked at him again, this time actually looking him over. When her eyes landed on his, she asked, "are you real this time, or am I hallucinating again?"
Damon wasn't sure that a question had ever affected him the way that one did. There were so many layers to it, so many sad depressing layers that he didn't want to think about it.
"I'm real," he said.
"Oh." She turned back to her game. "Well, if you're here to take me home, can it wait until I beat this level? I've been playing it for two days."
He truly had no idea how to respond to that, or to her cavalier, very un-Bonnie-like attitude, so he sputtered a "sure" and managed to move to the couch. He sat down next to her, purposely brushing against her so that she might feel that he was really there and not just a part of her imagination. If she noticed, she didn't react. Instead, she kept her eyes on the screen and a little determined frown graced her forehead every time she tried to accomplish something on the game.
Damon waited with a patience that he never knew himself to possess, and when Bonnie finally beat the level, she nodded in satisfaction and turned the console off. She stood in front of him and it was then that he noticed she did have on a short dress underneath the jacket, which she zipped up. She stuck her hands in the pockets and shrugged.
"I guess it's time to go then," she said.
"Yeah, I guess so," he said, mostly because he had no idea what else to say. He stood up and gestured to the door. "After you."
He followed her out the door and kept a small distance behind her as they walked into the forest. He noticed how she walked upright, maybe even with a little spring in her step, and he was completely confused. He had prepared for almost every version of Bonnie he might find other than the one in front of him: a person he could only describe as some strange, pod-person version of the witch he had left behind.
"We probably have an hour before Liv takes us back," he said.
Bonnie shrugged and slumped against a tree.
"You still don't believe I'm real, do you?" he asked.
"Not really," she admitted. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "It's nice to be outside, though."
"I'm real, Bonnie," he said. "What do I have to do to prove that to you?"
"I'm not sure you can. I'm crazy now, you know."
She said it so casually that it broke his heart. He wanted to shake her and yell at her to make her accept that he was really there, that he hadn't abandoned her to a lifetime of loneliness. His mind raced with all the things he could say or do to get some kind of reaction from her.
"I gave Kai your bear," he announced. "I had to, in order to get the Ascendant from him."
"Gotta do what you gotta do, I guess," she sighed.
"Wake up!" he snapped. He raced over to her and grabbed her by the shoulders. He squeezed just hard enough to make her look at him. "I'm here," he said. "I'm here. And we're going home, to all your friends."
She looked at him with clear green eyes and he thought she was going to finally accept the truth and thank him for rescuing her. Instead, she said, "they're not my friends."
He shook his head in confusion and disbelief and he released her from his grip. He sat next to her, keeping her close for whenever Liv called them home, and they didn't speak. Bonnie closed her eyes and hummed, seemingly unaffected by everything. Damon tried not to freak out. He tried to channel his inner Stefan and tell himself that whatever Bonnie was going through was temporary and that she would snap out of it when they went home.
But when the moment came and they were brought back to their real world, she wasn't any different. She ignored Liv when the girl welcomed her back to reality, and she didn't seem impressed when Damon opened the passenger door to his car and helped her in. She looked around skeptically as he drove her to the boarding house.
"You're staying with me for a while," he said. "Until I know you're okay."
She didn't respond, even after they arrived at the mansion. She let herself out and Damon opened the front door for her. Almost as soon as they stepped inside, the voices of Caroline and Elena made her stop in her tracks. He put his hand on the small of her back until they were in the living room, where the girls were joined by Stefan, Jeremy and Matt. They all stopped what they were doing and looked at Bonnie, who just stared right back at them.
"Bonnie," Caroline said in a shaky voice. "Oh my God, is it really you?"
Before Bonnie could answer, Caroline rushed to her and engulfed her in a hug. Elena quickly joined and the two crying girls held her closely and told her how much they missed her. They didn't seem to notice that Bonnie wasn't hugging them back. When they pulled away, Bonnie only stared blankly.
"Bon?" Elena asked.
Bonnie looked at everyone and then turned to Damon and shook her head. She didn't say a word as she spun on her heels and walked right out of the front door.
"Where is she going?" Caroline asked helplessly. "What's wrong with her?"
"She's been in hell for months by herself! What the hell do you think is wrong with her?" Damon spat.
He ran after Bonnie and saw her getting into the driver's side of his Camaro. She revved the car with way too much force and he jumped into the passenger seat right before she peeled off.
"Where are you going?" he demanded. "And you're taking a lot of liberties with my car, don't you think?"
"This isn't real," she said, whipping his car around like she owned it.
"This is real! Accept it, Bonnie. You're here and all of this is real. Why won't you believe that?"
"Don't you think I've fantasized about all of this before?" she asked, her voice rising for the first time. "I've thought about this every day! I've dreamt of being back home, with the people I thought were my friends. But you know what I realized? They're not my friends. And nobody's coming for me because nobody gives a fuck about me."
Damon stared at her like he was seeing her for the first time, and his heart hurt. Bonnie was always the strong one, the reliable one, and she rarely showed vulnerability, least of all to him. But in that moment, she let him in on the one thing that undoubtedly cut her the deepest: the fear that she didn't matter. He didn't have to think very hard about all the times he'd contributed to that feeling.
"I give a fuck about you," he said.
She didn't respond. She just kept driving, her hands so tight around the wheel that her knuckles lightened. He let her drive for a while, until they were on a highway and came upon a woman on the side of the road. An impulsive thought struck him.
"Pull over," he said.
"Why?"
"Just do it."
Bonnie gave him a look but did as he said. He got out of the car and approached the woman, who looked grateful for help.
"Oh, thank you so much, I..." she started. But she stopped when Damon grabbed her neck.
"Be still and don't scream," he compelled her.
"What are you doing?" Bonnie asked as she slowly approached them.
Damon turned the woman around and faced Bonnie with a smile.
"You think this isn't real, right?" he asked. "Well, people can't die in 1994. And I'm going to kill this woman to prove to you that we're home."
The woman's eyes widened and Damon expected Bonnie to come to and reprimand him for doing such an awful thing just to prove a point. But she didn't. She stood there, hands in the pockets of his leather jacket, and watched with a quirked eyebrow. He gripped the woman's neck a little tighter as he attempted to stall.
"You're going to watch me kill her?" he asked.
She shrugged, and he actually had a moment of hesitation.
"If you make me kill her, you'll regret it," he said.
"If you don't kill her, I'll know this is a dream."
Damon flexed his hand around the woman's neck again and he weighed his options. Bonnie could continue to walk around like a clueless zombie, or he could have another murder under his belt to prove her wrong. He wasn't sure when murdering people began to bother him. As messed up as it was, he had to do it for Bonnie.
"I'm sorry," he said to the helpless woman.
Her eyes were wide with fear but she didn't move or scream. He looked at Bonnie as he vamped out and then buried his fangs into the woman's neck. He took only momentary pleasure in the gush of blood that squirted into his mouth and as he felt the life drain from her, he almost stopped. But Bonnie was still unconvinced, so he kept going. He drank until the woman was dead and lifeless in his arms. He threw her to the ground and didn't bother to wipe his bloody lips.
"Now do you believe me?" he asked.
Bonnie blinked a few times, then slowly approached the body. She reached down, took the woman's wrist and felt for a pulse. When she didn't find one, a look of recognition came over her. She sat there for a moment, crouched down and holding a corpse's hand. When she let go, she took a deep breath and said, "take me home, please."
He started to say something, maybe apologize or tell her "I told you so," but instead he wiped his mouth and followed her to the car. She took the passenger side and didn't look at him at all as he drove her home. When he pulled into her driveway, she stared at her house and didn't make any move to get out.
"Did you..." he started. "Is this where you meant when you said home? Or did you want to come to my house?"
He could tell from her hesitation that it was the latter, but she grabbed the door handle anyway.
"This is fine," she said.
"Look, Bonnie, I'm sorry about earlier. You know I don't think things through sometimes and I just wanted you to know that all of this is real. I didn't mean to upset you."
"You didn't upset me. That's part of the problem."
Before he could ask what the hell she meant by that, she got out of the car and walked into her house.
It was the last time anyone saw her for days.
Damon, of course, felt guilty. He was sure that his heavy-handed methods were to blame for Bonnie's absolute refusal to leave her house. He stopped by every day, once in the morning and once at night, to check on her. He knocked on the door but she never answered. He had to settle for knowing that she was okay because he heard her heart beating.
A couple of days before her birthday, he went by and knocked, like usual. And like usual, she didn't answer. He looked at the shiny silver envelope in his hand and slid it underneath her door as far as it would go.
"Caroline's throwing you a party," he said. "I told her it was bad idea, but she won't listen. So here's your invitation."
He waited for a response that never came, and he sighed and went back to the mansion. He took up residence on the couch and nursed a glass of bourbon until Stefan walked in.
"How is she?" he asked.
"I wouldn't know," Damon said. "She never talks to me."
"No, but you check on her."
"She's alive. That's about all I can tell you."
Stefan sighed and patted his brother on the shoulder.
"She's been through a lot, Damon. You can't beat yourself up over it."
"I just want her to snap out of it."
"She's confused. And depressed. And probably a bunch of other things that you don't just snap out of. Give her time."
"She's had time," Damon reminded him.
"Then give her more. I'm sure when she comes around, you'll be the first one she comes to."
Damon tried to keep that advice in mind when the night of the party came up. Caroline had commandeered their house as the party location and she'd invited every being in Mystic Falls and the surrounding areas. Damon hung around near the steps, taking in the sea of teenagers and newly-minted adults, scanning for the birthday girl but never finding her. He wasn't surprised. He drank straight from a bottle of scotch as the hours ticked by. After it was painfully obvious that Bonnie wasn't coming, Caroline cornered him with a pleading look.
"Please go get her," she begged.
"What makes you think she'll listen to me?"
"She hates the rest of us!"
He scoffed and rolled his eyes. "No, she doesn't."
"Yes she does, Damon. She won't return any of our calls or messages or emails."
"So? It's not like she's talking to me, either."
"She looks at you from the window when you visit her."
"What?" he asked.
"I went by to see her one day while you were there. You two didn't notice me, but while you were sitting on her porch, she was looking at you from her bedroom window. I know she's all messed up right now but she trusts you and you're the only one who can get her here. Please? She should be having fun on her birthday."
He thought about it for a second, then nodded slightly. Caroline squealed and hugged him too tightly around his neck. He managed to get her off of him and chugged the rest of his scotch before he bulldozed his way through the crowd of drunken idiots. He drove to Bonnie's house and dragged himself up the steps, prepared for the inevitable. He knocked and she didn't answer, but he frowned when he didn't hear her heartbeat either. He listened a little closer and made out the faintest sound of it, further away than usual. He walked around the front porch and meandered to the back of the house, where Bonnie was sitting on the grass, looking up at the sky.
She was clearly dressed for the party, in her short dress, high heels and makeup. But she wasn't wearing a coat and she didn't look like she had any intention to go anywhere.
"You know there's a party going on for you right now," he said as he walked closer. "And you're probably the only person within a fifty-mile radius who's not there."
He sat down next to her and she rolled her head to look at him.
"I got dressed and then chickened out," she said.
He was shocked that she was speaking to him, but he tried not to let on how pleased he was.
"Why'd you chicken out?" he asked.
"I don't know how to socialize anymore," she admitted. "I like it quiet now."
"There's nothing wrong with that," he assured her.
"I just can't deal with them right now. Stefan's gonna look at me like a broken toy that needs to be fixed. Jeremy's gonna try to be Mr. Amazing Boyfriend, and he couldn't even be bothered to help you look for me. Caroline will act like absolutely nothing is wrong and Elena...she's been sending me these weird messages like she wants to ask me something but she won't."
Damon nodded his head from side to side. "Kai told her we slept together," he blurted out. He braced for impact, but all Bonnie said was, "oh."
"Oh?" he asked. "That's it?"
"I assume you denied it."
"I did."
"Then there's nothing else to say," she said with a shrug.
Even after weeks of dealing with a no-fucks-to-give Bonnie, he was still surprised by her reaction.
"What if she does get around to asking about about it?" he asked.
Bonnie looked him dead in the eyes and said, "then I'll tell her it's true."
That was definitely not the answer he was expecting.
"Why would you do that?" he asked.
"Because it's the truth. And I don't care about Elena's feelings." Her tone was matter of fact and blunt and it raised Damon's eyebrows. "I don't care about Caroline's feelings. Or Jeremy's or Stefan's and their man-pain. I don't care about anyone's feelings anymore." She turned back to look at the sky and she rested on her back. Damon did the same.
"That's how I survived, you know," she added quietly. "I had to stop caring. I had to stop feeling. Because if I let myself think about how everyone I love could let me down so badly, I wouldn't have made it." He rolled his head to look at her as she talked, and he couldn't help but notice how stunning she was in the moonlight.
"When I went to the Gilbert house and you weren't there, I had a little breakdown," she confessed. "Then I thought about you, and how you would have yelled at me for giving up, so I didn't give up. I was strong, just like everyone always tells me I am. I went about every day like you would come back. I chopped down a Christmas tree all by myself," she said, her voice tinged with pride. "I thought you would come back for me on Christmas, thought maybe you were just being dramatic and you were waiting for that perfect moment to surprise me and tease me and take me home." She paused, like she was recalling the moment. "But you didn't. And I knew it was over. So I burned the tree and made myself stop feeling everything."
She turned her head to him, so that their noses were inches apart.
"I don't care about that woman you killed," she said softly. "I didn't care when Caroline left me a ten-minute voicemail saying that her mom has cancer. Can you believe that? I love Liz Forbes independent of my relationship with Caroline, and I don't even care that she's dying." She pressed her lips together and it looked like she might cry, but she didn't. "What's wrong with me?" she whispered.
"There's nothing wrong with you," Damon promised. He cupped her cheek and held it firmly so that she heard him. "There's nothing wrong with you, Bonnie. You've been through hell. Literally. It's okay to feel the way you do. You did what you had to do to make it out of there. You'll get better. If you want to get better."
She thought for a moment.
"I do," she said. "I want to be me again. I just don't want to be the me that lets other people decide my fate."
"We'll work on it," he promised. "I'm sure I can teach you the art of selfishness."
He thought maybe he saw the hint of a smile on her lips.
"I want to feel again," she said. "Even if it's pain. But I would prefer pleasure."
Damon was sure that he didn't imagine that her voice dropped an octave and her gaze lowered to his lips when she said "pleasure." His mouth instantly became dry and his body was on high alert when her eyes were on his again. He was out of practice when it came to flirting with anyone other than Elena, but he was pretty sure that Bonnie was coming on to him. And he was even more sure that it was turning him on. He cleared his throat and turned on his back to look at the sky again, even though he still felt the heat of Bonnie's gaze.
"I'll make you a deal," he said. "You come with me to this party, fake the funk for thirty minutes, let people see your face and you pretend to care, and then I'll bring you home and we can talk."
He glanced at her from the corner of his eye and she thought for a moment, then nodded. She stood up, brushed off her dress and slipped her heels back on. She walked to the lawn chair where she had thrown her coat and she put it on, before gesturing to him.
"Let's go."
He hopped to his feet and followed her around the house to his car. They didn't talk on the ride there but it wasn't uncomfortable silence. When they arrived at the boarding house, she let him open the door for her and she surprised him when she snaked her fingers in between his. He raised an eyebrow but she didn't offer an explanation. She simply held his hand and tugged him towards the door with her.
Almost as soon as she stepped foot into the jam-packed house, people were in her face asking where she'd been, when she came back, how she was. She squeezed his hand and he realized that she wanted him close because she was scared. For nearly a year, she hadn't been around more than two people at once and the sudden onslaught of humanity was overwhelming. So he took the lead, stepped in front of her and compelled everyone that got close to get away from her. The strangle hold she had on his hand relaxed.
"Thank you," she whispered.
"BONNIE!" Caroline screamed as she made a beeline for the two of them. Bonnie squeezed his hand again and he squeezed it back in reassurance. "I'm so glad you made it!"
"Couldn't miss my own party," Bonnie said flatly, like maybe she would rather eat nails than be at the party.
Caroline obviously picked up on the tone because her smile faltered.
"I know this is a lot," she said, "probably too much for you after everything that's happened, but I just really wanted to show you that we love you and we missed you and you deserve some fun."
Bonnie nodded but didn't smile or thank her or anything. Damon almost felt bad for Caroline and the hurt look on her face.
"Bonnie," Elena said as she entered the picture. Damon noticed that her eyes immediately zeroed in on their hands and he almost pulled away, but Bonnie kept an iron grip on him. Elena narrowed her eyes, then forced a smile. "When did you get here?"
"Just now. Damon brought me."
A look passed between the two of them and if Damon didn't know better, he would have thought that Bonnie was trying to goad Elena into asking her if they had slept together. Caroline seemed to pick up on the tension and she gently took Bonnie by the shoulders.
"Let's go say hi to some people," she suggested.
Bonnie stubbornly held onto Damon's hand, and when she looked at him, he saw a flash of vulnerability. She didn't want to leave him.
"I'll catch up to you," he promised. "Caroline won't bite, will you, Care?"
She quickly shook her head and threw in a brilliant smile. Bonnie eyed her warily, looked at Damon again, and very slowly released his hand. He nodded reassuringly and gestured for Caroline to offer her hand, which she did. Bonnie stared at for a long moment and Damon could practically hear Caroline holding her breath.
"I missed you, Bonnie," Caroline said, her eyes beginning to shimmer with tears. "I really did. I'm so sorry you were stuck there alone and I didn't do more. But honestly, the only reason I didn't was because I knew Damon was on it. You know how he gets when he's obsessed with something," she joked. "Please forgive me? You're my best friend, and I'm saying that with Elena standing right here."
Damon wasn't aware that Caroline had said something very similar to Bonnie once before, but he saw the look of recognition on Bonnie's face. Her cold, indifferent exterior melted just a little, and she surprised everyone when she took Caroline's hand. The blonde vampire smiled like she had just won a jackpot, then she carried Bonnie off with her in the area of Jeremy and Matt. Damon watched them, keeping a close eye on the boys and making sure they didn't get too close or scare her off. Once she was sure that Caroline was doing an adequate job of keeping everyone at arm's length, he turned to Elena, who was looking insecure and tucking hair behind her ears.
"So, you and Bonnie..." she started.
"Are friends," he said. "She's upset and confused and I'm the only one who understands."
She looked down at her shoes and bit her lip. "So what about you and me?"
"What about us?" he sighed.
"I can't stop thinking that whatever we had is something I want again. I want you again."
He narrowed his eyes. "Do you? Or do you just think you want me again because now someone else has my attention?" When she didn't answer, he sighed. "Look, Elena, Bonnie needs me right now and I'm going to be there for her. This thing between you and me will have to wait until I know she's okay. I at least owe her that much."
Before she could engage him in some long conversation that he didn't want to have, he walked past her and headed to the bar area where a bunch of drunk morons were about to steal his stash. He compelled them away and made a space for his butt on top of a table. He knocked back a few swigs, never taking his eyes off Bonnie. He kind of smiled at the way she clung to Caroline. He was sure that if Caroline wasn't a vampire, the bones in her hand would be broken.
Damon frowned when he saw Jeremy talking to Bonnie. Even without zeroing in on the conversation, he could tell from his body language that Jeremy was doing his lame attempt at flirting. He said something and laughed and Bonnie smiled the fakest smile he'd ever seen. Couldn't that idiot tell she wasn't interested? He had the honor of being her boyfriend for a while now and he seemed totally oblivious to how uncomfortable she was. How could he not know her cues? How could he not know what every grimace, frown and smile meant?
He realized then that he knew.
He could read her mood from a mile away. He knew what irritated her, elated her, angered her and pleased her.
And for one glorious, unforgettable night, he knew what made her body erupt.
As Damon watched her pretend to be interested in whatever inane conversation Matt and Jeremy were trying to engage her in, his thoughts went back to that one night. It had started earlier when Bonnie barged into his room like she owned it and caught him whacking the weasel. She got an eye full before she turned around and screamed at him about being indecent and unable to control his urges. They went back and forth about it, he called her out and she marched off, and the sexual tension grew like mold. He really hadn't thought she would take him up on his offer of mutual satisfaction. He could barely believe his eyes when she showed up in his room, laying down the rules like a drill sergeant.
"One night only," she'd said. "We get each other off and we never talk about it again."
It was a deal he didn't refuse.
She made him turn off the lights, much to his dismay, so he compensated by touching, squeezing, licking and biting every inch of skin that she allowed him access to. The first time was kind of awkward, mostly because they were fumbling around in the dark and they weren't familiar enough with each other's bodies to not need the aid of light. They hurried, lest the other have too much time to think and back out. The sex was quick, he came, she came and it was over.
She tried to scurry out of bed but he held her close and made her stay. He replayed the encounter in his head and knew that he had to give her a better memory of him than that. After all, he was Damon Salvatore. If there was one thing he knew how to do, it was bed a woman. So after an appropriate recovery period, with her naked back pressed to his naked front, he slowly kissed and sucked on her neck. He palmed her breasts, kneading and pulling and groping with just the right amount of pressure until the sweetest, sexiest moans were coming from her lips. He talked dirty to her, something he was very pleased to discover that she liked. He slid his hand down her stomach, between her legs, and into the warm wet crevice there. She arched her back and whimpered and he teased her until she begged him for more. He slid into her from the side, stroking her slowly and deeply until she was a quivering mess in his arms and he was buried to the hilt inside of her, grunting in her ear about how good she felt.
They fell asleep in the same position and he woke up a few hours later when Bonnie tried to wriggle out of his arms.
"The night's not over yet," he reminded her.
"Bathroom."
He reluctantly let her go and waited until she returned. In the dark, he could sense her hesitation.
"Maybe I should just go back to my room."
"Or maybe you should just come over here and sleep with me some more."
He was surprised by how quickly she took him up on the offer. He was surprised, too, when she was the one to initiate the third round. They kissed a lot, much more than the first two times, and he found that he really enjoyed kissing her. He enjoyed everything about her: her warm, soft body, the sounds she made, the way her body responded to him. They got a little adventurous the last time, and he found that cheerleading and dance had lent her some very flexible body parts.
He hadn't realized that he was smiling until Stefan clamped a hand on his shoulder and said, "you look creepy right now. Staring off into space with that weird grin on your face."
Damon brushed him off and finished his drink, focusing on Bonnie again. She turned to him and gave him a look that let him know it was time to go.
"We'll have to chat later, brother," he said. "Duty calls."
He squeezed his way through the crowd and intercepted Bonnie.
"Thanks for babysitting, Caroline, but I got this now."
"But we were just having fun," she pouted.
"Baby steps, Blondie," he reminded her. He took Bonnie's hand and nodded to the door. "Ready?"
She was more than happy to follow him out. She seemed more relaxed on the ride back to her house, but he didn't push her into conversation. When he parked in her driveway, they sat quietly for a minute.
"Thank you for making me go," Bonnie said. "I think I needed that."
"You're welcome. I always know what's best," he smirked.
He thought he saw a smile.
"Did you want to come in?" she asked.
Nervousness crept up his back and he suddenly felt like he was on his first date, trying to figure out whether to kiss the girl at the door or not.
"Did you want me to come in?" he asked.
"Yes."
There was no hesitation in her voice, no doubt or uncertainty. They got out at the same time and he walked beside her up the steps of the porch. She let herself in first, then turned to him and invited him in. He stepped in tentatively, immediately surrounded by the warmth and scent of her everywhere. He shut the door behind him and watched as Bonnie lay her coat on the back of a chair.
"So," she started, as she toed off one heel. "Did you still want to...talk?"
She toed off the other heel and he gulped.
"Is that what you want to do?" he asked.
Her lip ticked up, then she actually smiled.
"Are you just going to throw my questions back at me all night?"
She started to approach him and Damon couldn't help but think that she was trying to hypnotize him. She was a full four inches shorter without her heels so she should have been less imposing. But the way she was talking, the seductive nature of her words, and the fact that she was slinking closer and closer to him, he almost felt like he was being hunted.
It was outrageously erotic.
"No," he managed to say.
Bonnie got right up close to him, pressing her chest to his, as her green eyes searched his face.
"To answer your question, no. I don't want to talk," she said. "I want to feel."
Her breath washed over him and nearly made his fangs come out. He briefly closed his eyes to get a grip on himself. He reminded himself that he was the one with experience. He was the hunter.
"What do you want to feel?" he asked.
Her lips brushed against his when she said, "you."
He grunted and grabbed her hips. In a split second, he had her pressed against a wall. He pushed himself against her and she moaned. He rested his forehead against hers and ghosted his mouth over hers but didn't kiss her. He took possession of her hand and trailed it down his chest until it came to the erection resting inside his pants.
"Is that what you want?' he whispered.
"Yes," was her breathy reply.
"I don't want to take advantage of you," he said, inwardly cursing his moral compass.
"You're not. I want it, Damon. I need it. I need you."
Whatever doubt he felt flew out the window with her sexy declaration. He wanted to ravage her, make her really feel every inch of him and everything he did to her. But he knew that there was a chance he'd never get to have her like that again. So he decided to take it slow, to tease her, to give her something to think about every time they locked eyes.
He kept one hand on her hip, while the other slid up her back. Their eyes engaged in an intense stare while he carefully pulled the zipper of her dress down. He slid one strap down her arm, then the other, and the material slowly fell and revealed her bare chest. Damon had felt her breasts before, touched and kissed them, but he hadn't seen them. And the sight of her was almost more than he could take. She was so gorgeous. Her breasts weren't big but they were perfectly round and perky. Her rock hard nipples jutted out and were practically begging to be sucked, and he didn't want to disappoint them.
So he trailed his hungry mouth down her chin, over the column of her throat and down the valley of her chest. He kissed all around the globe of her right breast first, and he could feel the veins in his eyes begin to rise as she gasped and arched her back a little. He ran his tongue along the heavy underside of her breast, licking and nipping as he went. He just barely licked her nipple and she whimpered and grabbed his hair, forcing his mouth on her. Damon smiled and accepted the tasty treat of her bosom. He sucked her nipple, bit her just hard enough not to cause pain and squeezed her flesh. His name fell from her lips and he was sure it was the sweetest thing he'd ever heard.
He teased her breasts for several minutes, until she was undulating her hips against him, just begging for some friction. He ran his lips along her stomach and then he was on his knees in front of her. He looked at up her, boring his intense gaze into her green eyes, while he took his time pulling the dress all the way off. She shimmied her hips a little to help, and then he was met with the sight of her lacy black thong that did nothing to mask the fragrance of her arousal. He had to look down and take a minute to control the urge to sink his teeth into her thigh and drink her sweet blood until there was nothing left. Bonnie stroked his face until he got control of himself, then he hooked his fingers into the sides of her underwear and pulled them down.
Damon moved back a little so he could take her in. She had the most open, trusting expression on her face and it nearly crushed him to know that he had let her down. His eyes fell from her face to her fit, slim body and he was immediately inundated with images of all the things he would do to her, if she let him. He wanted to make love to her, fuck her, make her see stars, make her call for God and make her know that he would never abandon her again.
So he scooted back to her, still on his knees, and he placed his hands behind her legs. He hoisted her up enough for her to place her legs on top of his shoulders, with her back pressed to the wall. He ran his nose up her wet center and she shivered. He groaned deeply because the scent of her made his mouth water. He teased her before diving in like a man who hadn't eaten in weeks. Every moan and sigh spurred him on and soon his fingers joined the party. He slipped one inside her first, then another, and he worked them up and down slowly to get her right where he wanted her. Then when she was close, he hooked his fingers at just the right time and her whole body went stiff. She screamed, alternating between "Damon" and "oh God" and he continued his ministrations until her body was spasming and she was breathing hard.
He slowly removed his fingers and gently placed her on her feet again. He made a show of licking his lips and his fingers and she looked at him through hooded, sated eyes and leaned back to keep her balance. He stroked himself through his pants and he saw her eyes drop to his crotch.
"You still want this?" he asked.
She licked her lips and nodded.
"We can stop, you know."
"I don't want to stop," she said in a husky voice.
Damon kept his eyes on her as he pulled his shirt off, then unbuckled his pants. He slipped his boots off, then his socks, then let his pants drop down to the floor, revealing his naked body. He heard Bonnie's heart rate increase and it only turned him on more to know how excited she was. He walked back to her and then picked her up by her waist. He wrapped her legs around him and he rubbed himself against her. Both of them groaned.
Their lips touched but they still didn't kiss as he gently pushed inside of her, one inch at a time. Bonnie's mouth fell open and her eyes closed as she took him in. She was so warm and wet around him that he needed a moment to gather himself. Once he was sure she was okay, he rolled his hips back and forth at a slow pace. She clutched his shoulders and breathed against his lips. The only sounds in the whole house were of their bodies joining and the pleasured moans coming from both of them. They breathed on each other as they moved together. His strokes became deeper and harder and her sounds got louder and louder. He eventually found the perfect spot for her, which in turn made it the perfect spot for him, and she squeezed him so tightly that he almost lost it.
"Damon," she breathed. Her eyes closed and she struggled to string together her thoughts. "I'm...I'm gonna come."
With that declaration, he finally attacked her mouth hungrily and their tongues met in a heated union. He gripped her butt and pushed her into him in the same rhythm that he pushed into her. Their movements became reckless and desperate and he didn't stop until she threw her head back and climaxed, squeezing and milking him so tightly that he couldn't help but follow right behind her. He buried his head in her shoulder as her screams pushed him over the edge and he emptied himself inside of her.
They didn't move for a while as he continued to hold her against the wall. When she finally came down and stopped clenching around him, he breathed her in and kissed the soft skin of her neck. He nuzzled her with his nose and he decided that she was the best-smelling woman he'd ever met. He was going to attempt a joke, just in case she was feeling awkward, but then he felt something wet on his cheek. He frowned and looked up to see tears streaming down Bonnie's face. She broke into a full-on sob and covered her face as her shoulders shook and the cries increased. Damon immediately worried that he had done something wrong.
"Did I hurt you?" he asked.
She shook her head but continued to cry, and he ran through every possible reason for her tears. Maybe he had hurt her and she just didn't want to say. Maybe he had taken advantage of her and she regretted it.
Or maybe she had gotten exactly what she wanted. Maybe she was just feeling.
Damon gathered her in his arms and carried her up to her room. She didn't stop crying, even after he tucked her into bed. He thought about leaving, but something told him to stay. He settled in behind her, spooning her and hugging her closely, and he comforted her while she worked through her emotions. He told her she was beautiful, that she was strong, that she had somehow wiggled her way into his undead heart. He told her to let it out and he stroked her hair. She eventually calmed down, her chest heaving every now and then with leftover upset, and he interlaced his fingers with hers as their hands rested on her stomach.
"You okay now?" he asked after she was quiet.
"Yes," she whispered. She squeezed his hand. "Thank you."
"I hate to see a lady cry."
She turned around and faced him, snuggling close so that their bodies were touching.
"Thank you for everything," she said. "For saving me. For not giving up on me. For making me feel like I matter. I...I needed this."
He stroked her cheek with his thumb. "You're welcome, even though you don't have to thank me. I care about you, Bon-Bon. I'll always be there for you. I won't let you down again."
Her lips trembled a little and for a second, he thought she was going to cry again. But instead she just nodded and tucked her head underneath his chin. He rubbed her back and they snuggled in the comfortable silence of her room.
"Stay with me?" she asked quietly.
He kissed her forehead and said, "of course."
He continued to rub her back until he knew she was asleep sometime later. He looked down at her and craned his head to see her face. She looked so peaceful in her sleep and she even had a tiny smile on her face. He rubbed the apple of her cheek and was overcome by a sort of heaviness in his chest that he'd only felt twice before. He let that feeling guide him as he leaned down and pressed a feather soft kiss to her lips.
"I love you, Bonnie," he said.
She didn't answer or stir, and although a part of him wanted to wake her up and profess his feelings for her, he knew it was best to keep it to himself for now. She had a lot to work through and she needed to be comfortable with herself before she jumped into anything with him or anyone else.
But once she was ready, he would be there.
And he was never going to leave her again.