So here I sit in the Great hall at breakfast again. Fighting with my boyfriend, again. I sighed and turned to look around the great hall seeing other people laughing and having fun with their friends. What that must be like to feel so blissfully happy and not stressed out. Stress that was one thing that I'm accustomed to these days. Not only was I stressed out because I failed yet another Charm test I had to deal with my arrogant pig headed boy friend.
"Hello! Lily, aren't you listening to a thing I have been saying?!" JT hissed at me in his usual harsh tone.
I blinked up at him and tried to remember what we had been fighting about this time. Perhaps the correct question would be what HAVEN'T we been fighting about this time. Very rarely do I even remember what the basis of the fight originated from. It seemed the first topic of our argument would shift into another to another and yet to another. Nothing ever changed.
"No sorry I wasn't paying attention I have a lot of other stuff on my mind right now." I whispered back at him. Hopefully none of my friends would have noticed us fighting again. If they did it would only lead to another fight with them. I chanced a glance at my two very best friends Briana O'Connor and Alice Collin, and of course they were both watching JT and I. I groaned slightly I hated fighting with them. I knew that as soon as I was away from JT they would set in on me. It would be the usual of course.
Alice would shake her head at me whilst telling me I deserved better and then list off my amazing qualities that he takes for granted. While she would shower me with compliments my other friend Briana would be more brutal. She would tell me how stupid and naïve I was to stay with him. Good cop/Bad cop routine as always.
Not that I didn't appreciate them and their concern, in fact I appreciated it so much. But it was getting old; they didn't realize the half of the situation. They had never seen me and JT alone. I shuttered to think what they would do if they knew what he was like when no one was around us.
"Of course you weren't paying attention Lily. God your attitude is getting old, it's like you don't care about us any more." He scolded
I looked up at him when he said this. Hmm maybe he was right maybe I didn't care any more. I thought hard on that comment, staring at him as if I had never seen him. There it was the answer to everything! He nailed it! I didn't care any more, and why should I after everything we had been through! After everything he put me through! The tears, the hurt, the pain! I should've ended it long ago, but I HATE hurting people's feelings. I groaned knowing what this revelation was bringing to me, and it wasn't unfamiliar, I felt trapped. Trapped as I had been for the last 2 years.
Alas, that comment "It's like you don't care about us anymore" no matter how truthful it might be, it didn't change anything.
"Hey Lils!"
I turned to look up at Briana and Alice. I smiled slightly; they must be trying to get me out of this fight.
"Hey Alice, Hey Briana!" I replied trying to act chipper. "What's up?" I look at them to JT who looks even more pissed, is that even possible?
"Lils I have a huge favor to ask you." Alice started. Oh Alice, very rarely could I say no to her. She was the purest person I have ever met. She had gorgeous blonde hair that cascaded down her back in light waves. Her blue eyes had a way of reading into any ones soul and letting them know that she cared. "So I have a huge project due for potions on Monday, and I am suppose to work in the Hospital ward tonight from 3pm to 12am. There is no way I can do it and finish my potions project. Could you please work it for me? I already talked to Poppy and she said it was ok." Alice pleaded.
"Well…" I glanced at my best friend; I knew how important this assignment was to her and how much she hates asking for help. "Of course I will"
"Wait, Lily, we were suppose to play gobstones with Brian remember?" JT barked making Alice and Briana jump a little. They both looked at me with cautious eyes.
"Well I think that Alice might need me more then you and Brian will. Have fun with your friend." I told JT smoothly talking much more quickly then I had earlier. JT's eyes slanted at me.
"Fine. I'll see you tomorrow then." He snapped as he got up from the table and walked away from us.
I stared back at him in relief that I wouldn't have to put up with him and his groupie today. I swear Brian worshiped him, he agreed to everything JT said before he said and half the time he had no idea what he was talking about at all. I sighed as I turned to my friends waiting for them to start their rants.
"Lily are you ok?" Alice asked quietly.
"Of course she isn't!" Briana exclaimed before I had a chance to process what Alice had even asked me. "Look at her pale as a sheet, well paler then normal for her!"
I laughed at the last comment "paler then normal for her" Its true I am unbelievably pale, probably the pales student in Hogwarts. I have pale skin, vibrant red hair that hangs to my waist, and bright green eyes. I wasn't the tallest girl but I wasn't the shortest. I use to love the way I looked, hardly wore any makeup at all and always just let my hair fall naturally like a natural beauty. But all that changed a year ago when JT started nagging at me to wear makeup and do my hair this way and dress that way. At first I ignored him which only made him angrier and more likely to pick on me. Eventually though, I gave in. Not because I wanted to please him, but because I didn't want to fight about it anymore.
There were a lot of things that I had change to get him to stop riding my back. I stopped hanging out with my friends, I quit the Hogwarts Choir, I didn't write to my family as much, I stopped laughing at other guys, and honestly I stopped being me.
"Look guys, its just…" I tried to search for the word. What was the correct word to name mine and JT's relationship? Strange. Hurtful. Torturous. Suicidal. Complicated. "Its just complicated you guys." I finished
"We know it is. Trust me we don't pretend to understand why you are still dating that asshole." Briana said as I stood up away from the table, what little appetite I have these days had disappeared with JT's exit. I knew I would hear about "choosing them over him" later.
"Anyways," I interjected "I had better go grab a book or something from the library to pass time tonight at work." Work. Oh how I loved to work in the Hospital Ward, I wanted nothing more then to be a Healer. Poppy was an amazing advisor and always let me and Alice help her when we wanted some practice. This year at Hogwarts we got offered to shadow a teacher or other faculty member to learn more about the field that we wished to go into. Most students wanted to shadow Professor Rodgers, he was the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor and an ex Auror for the Ministry of Magic. Thankfully there were only 3 of us who wanted to pursue a job as a Healer. More work for me!
"Thank you so much Lily. I'm so sorry it caused a fight between you and JT." Alice said softly as we began to walk out of the great hall.
"It's fine, it's not like we weren't fighting before you two came over here anyways." I said glumly as I looked around the great hall. I stared at one particular group of students. The Marauders, I envied them sometimes, they were so care free and happy. I was in the same year as them but didn't know them personally. They were the four most popular boys in the school, Remus Lupin, Peter Petigrew, Sirius Black, and James Potter.
I knew Remus Lupin because we are Prefects together since 5th year, and probably next year we would be Head Boy and Head Girl together as well. But as for the other three I knew their names, faces, and only because we lived in the same house, Gryffindor.
"Well still, thank you." Alice said and gave me a quick hug before she ran to the dungeons to continue her potions project. I turned to look at Briana who was staring at me expectedly.
"Well?" She asked
"Well what?"
"What the hell was he going on about this time?"
"Ugh." I groaned exasperatedly "Like I know, one second I was sitting there contemplating eating my eggs and the next thing I know he is ranting at me for not wearing lipstick says "I have an image to uphold Lily! Why don't you care that you look like an ugly pig in public?" Like I care honestly." I scoffed.
"He called you an ugly pig!" Briana exclaimed.
"Ya and that's the nice name." We were outside the library and I leaned against the wall. "I don't know what to do Bri."
"I told you what you have to do." She whispered. It was rare that she lowered her voice. I knew now that she was completely serious. Briana was never serious either, it was rare not to see a joking smile on her round face. She had curly black hair that seemed to match her personality to a T! She was one of the most gorgeous girls at Hogwarts.
"I know. I know what you told me, and I wish it was that simple." I whispered more to me then to Briana.
"I don't see the complication." Briana said as she gave me a small sad smile and walked away.
I watched her walk away mulling yet another conversation that implied something I knew but couldn't do a damn thing about. Complication, yes it was complicated, and it was about to get even more complicated.