A/N: I finally decided to write out the little ficlet behind my friend's and mine brainbaby of a crack situation of what would have happened, had Kairi gone with Axel when he came to "pick her up" from Destiny Islands in KHII. Please, don't mind the insanity of this; it's just for amusement purposes. X3

Link to Deviation (please remove spaces): poetic-kitsune. deviantart. com/art/If-Kairi-Had-Gone-With-Axel-180769606

She gazes out at the sparkling sea, out at the island. She gazes, but doesn't move. She could very easily take a step forward, and then another, until she's in the water; she could just as easily swim and swim, until she reaches the shore of that little island off the coast. But she knows not to. She's waiting. Waiting for…

"Hello, Kairi," a rich, alluring voice purrs as a man appears out of a portal of black and purple smoke.

"Who are you?" she asks, guarded. She takes a step back in precaution.

The man flashes a smile. He's wearing a strange leather, zippered cloak and tall boots. He's dressed in black from head to toe, making his sharp green eyes and vibrant red hair (brighter than Kairi's own ruby locks, she notices) stand out amongst the sandy and sky behind him.

He offers a hand. "The name's Axel. I'm here to help you out. You see, we have something in common, Kairi: we both miss somebody we care about. But I know where the person you miss is. I know where Sora is." He smirks broader. "Why don't we go see him?"

Kairi hesitates. This guy knows Sora. He might look bad, and her stomach is twisting uncomfortably, but this man, Axel, knows where Sora is. That must be a good thing. With a wavering voice, she murmurs, "How… can I trust you?"

Axel makes a glum face. "Sadly, you can't. You can never trust anyone you first meet. But I'm willing to make a deal with you: not an inch on your body will be harmed until you see Sora again. And by then, he'll be there to protect you from harm. That sounds reasonable, right?" he says, smiling. "So… do we have a deal?" And he takes a step closer to her, offering his hand.

This isn't who Kairi had been waiting for, but this might be the opportunity she had been looking for. She swallows hard and nods her head once. "A-alright. Deal." And she takes the stranger's hand.

"I knew you'd see it my way," the man grins wolfishly. "Now then, shall we?" And he yanks her into a new portal, and while they stumble through darkness, Kairi screams.

xXx

Fainted. She had fainted! How ridiculous. She's not some damsel in distress.

…Or perhaps she is.

As Kairi comes into full consciousness, she finds herself tied from chest to waist with rope. She's sitting in a chair, and there's a small, round table set before her. She blinks in confusion. "What on Earth…"

"Oh good, you're awake~!" Axel says cheerfully.

He takes a sip from a cup. A… tea cup? With his pinky extended? What the Hell?

Kairi does not look amused.

"I was afraid that I would have to have this little tea party without you," Axel pouts. He smiles again suddenly, innocently, with the triangle tattoos on his cheeks crinkling with giddiness.

"What is all this for? And why am I all tied up?" Kairi nearly shouts.

Axel looks hurt. "Touchy, touchy! Calm down, won't you, Kai-chan? I only tied you up to make sure you wouldn't get away before Sora showed up to rescue you. And I only want Sora here so that I can get Roxas back. His Nobody, you understand."

"Nobody?" she questions, even more confused.

Axel nods. "Yup. A Nobody. When someone loses their heart, and they are of strong will, they create a Nobody. Lea, a devilishly handsome redhead like myself, made me. And Roxas, an adorable little blond I befriended, was made by Sora. But Roxy-kun had to leave, and I miss him terribly, so I'm going to get him back." He grins over the rim of his teacup before taking another slurping sip. "That's where you come in. I need your help to lure Sora here so that I can extract Roxas from his body. It shouldn't hurt him none, since he survived without Roxas for a while before, and when I have my aibou back you and Sora-kun can be on your merry way." He gives a jolly little chuckle before lifting a plate off its doily on the table and extending his arm toward Kairi. "Cookie? –I can feed you, since your arms are tied~."

Kairi blinks in shock, which ebbs away into anger and what-the-fudgenuts mode. "…You're insane, do you know that?"

Axel laughs. "Quite well, actually. Now then, how about some tea? Would you like sugar or honey? Cream, or lemon?"

Kairi shakes her head and sighs. She might as well consent before the man goes truly insane and hurts her in some way. "Sugar and cream, please. And yes, I would like a cookie."

And so Kairi ends up being fed and taken care of by Axel until Sora comes and saves the day once again.

The end~!

Omake:

Sora: Kairi, I'm here to save you! Get your grubby hands off of her, Axel!

Axel: Aw, that's no way to enter a tea party, Sora! You have to curtsey and do a twirl before sitting down. Like so~! #demonstrates#

Donald: What the heck? They're having a tea party?

Goofy: Hmm… in this sit-u-ma-tation, does Kairi even need savin'?

Sora: #dumbstruck#

Kairi: Hi, Sora! You know, Axel isn't half bad once you get to know him. He even untied me after a while. We're just chillin' right now. Yup, like old friends. Speaking of friends, how do you expect to get Roxas back, Axy-kun?

Axel: …oh, you know, just turn Sora into a Heartless and then let you do your thing to change him back again, and Roxas should be poof! Right here. #pats empty chair at table#

Sora: …

Kairi: …

Donald: …

Goofy: …

Donald: (whispering) Think we should grab Kairi and get the heck outta here?

Sora and Goofy: Most definitely.