Title: Happy Birthday Daxter!
Author: Quick-demon
Disclaimers: Leaves tooth under pillow. Next morning finds... money. Nope still no Jak and friends... ah well. Maybe the next tooth...
Rating: PG-13 (low-level course language. Some sexual references)
Genre: General, Humor, and Action/Adventure
Game: Jak II. After the game.
Summery: Birthdays suppose to be happy and fun with lots of partying, drinking and women but Daxter runs into a whole lot of bad luck. Will his birthday ever be a good one?
Morning
I woke up in a nice lovely large bed, which of course, was just for me! Since Jak and me kicked the Metal Head Leader's Tail and saved the world. Again. We got our very own place. I of course spruced it up and called it the Dax-pad. Catchy, erh?
Why am I so happy today? Simple... its my birthday! First birthday since reunited with Jak. I should be a fifty seven in Ottsel years and hundred and seventeen in human years, thanks to the Rift and the whole going through it thing, I'm as old as Old Greenie! But I'll count out the whole travelling through time thing, so that would make me seventeen in human and seven in Ottsel years. Cool huh?
Didn't think I was so young? Well you know I have to cut back on the coffee, alcohol. Even though drinking is great and women look real good when drunk...erham. I'm planning a big party in the Naughty Ottsel tonight and it's going to be wild and wasted!
I yawned as I opened my eyes. Excitement buzzed through my head as I rose to a sitting position. Suddenly my alarm clock rang. Strange, I never set it to ring. I reached over and picked up the vibrating clock. I switched it off and the ringing stopped. Satisfied I put it back down. I hopped out of bed and started to walk out when the alarm started again.
I turned and once again switched it off. It kept ringing. I flicked the switch a few times but it just kept on ringing.
"Where's Vin where you need him?" I muttered as I start to fiddle with the switch, "Come on! Stop you stupid piece of junk!"
The alarm just kept ringing as if was teasing me. Maybe it thought to play up on my Birthday. Giving up of flicking the switch I slammed it against the bedside table. It didn't stop. I slammed it harder with all my anger and strength, but it wouldn't give up its annoyance.
I want to smash it to bits but unfortunately there was nothing to smash it with. Note to self: buy a sledgehammer. So instead I opened the bedroom window and threw it out. It fell from two stories and splattered on the ground with all the pieces thrown everywhere. Beyond repair. I was filled with utter glee as the piercing ringing sound was silenced. Dusting my hands and turned to leave the room.
I marched into the kitchen with the largest grin on my face, not only slaying the vile alarm but it's my birthday. Jak was sitting at the table with Keira. Murmuring a quiet conversation. Keira sometimes come around in the mornings but nights she comes more often and stay all night. Need I say more?
They immediately stopped when I entered. I have that impact on people, even when I'm only 2 ft tall.
"Morning!" I said in my most cheery voice
"Morning Dax" Jak murmured his greeting
"Good morning Daxter" Keira returned the greeting but with much more effort
I marched over to the fridge and opened it. My face fell as I saw that the fridge was bare.
"Um, Jak? Ahh, where's the food?" I asked turning my head to my best friend
He shrugged, "Forgot to shop I guess. We had the last food. Sorry"
This is a great start to my Birthday. Jak and Keira ate all the food and left me starving.
"Not to worry, I can find food on my own. I'm an animal, I have instincts and I can hunt and find food when ever I please" I boasted proudly not letting this slight hiccup ruin the start of my birthday.
I saw Jak and Keira snigger. What was so funny? I am an animal. Not naturally but I still have instincts! Don't I?...
"Oh please Daxter don't start with your silly speech on being dependant on animal instincts" Keira sighed and rolled her eyes at me, "You couldn't track down and hunt a sleeping Yakow"
I folded my arms and growled. Great, I got insulted first thing in the morning. Stand strong, Daxter, in the time of your birthday.
"Well fine. I'm off to the Naughty Ottsel to find something to eat" I announced and headed for the door
"Aren't you forgetting something Dax?" Jak asked
I groaned, "What?"
"Repair people are coming in today to repair a few leaks, broken bar tap and a few booths after that party you held a few weeks ago" Jak explained
Oh I've forgotten about that! They are still fixing? How I am I going to throw a party for my birthday? Great! Just great! A wonderful start to the morning of my birthday... no food for my growling stomach.
"What am I suppose to do?" I growled, "I'm starving because you two ate all the food and my stomach is going to eat itself if I don't get anything in it soon!"
"Use your 'animal instincts' then" Keira couldn't help but poke fun at
I gave her a good death glare and stormed out of the door. That's it! My morning is ruined! I'm going try and fix it by heading to the bazaar to buy some fruits at least. After catching some rides on vehicles I made it to the Bazaar. I saw all the delicious fruits that made my mouth salivate and dribble, my gums clapping and my tongue licking. I approached the stand and burrowed into my fur pockets for some cash. My hand was met with nothing.
Oh just perfect! On top a growling stomach my brain didn't think to get some money to buy food before I left. This morning is now officially the worst! Unless... I 'borrow' a few things. I know the salesman won't miss a few items of fruit. A wide smile grew on my lips as I wiggled my fingers in preparation. I'll use my size and my skill to satisfy the growing impatience in my gut.
I sneaked up to the stand while the salesman was looking away. On all fours I approached the fruit on display. I checked if the man was still looking the other way. When I reassured myself he was I reached out to grab a fruit. Waiting for a reaction. When I got none I reached and grabbed another and another until something grabbed me and lifted me out of hiding.
It was the salesman.
Shit. I panicked and dropped the fruit I was holding and tried to struggle free from his grip.
"What do we have here? A little orange thief?" the man growled
"No uh, I was simply selecting some of your fine fruits. I was going to buy them off you but you grabbed me" I lied hoping he was buying it
"Nice try rat but I smell thieves and you are one of them" the man smirked
I sniffed at myself, "I smell like a thief? How do you know what thieves smell like? Gee, I've got to change aftershave..."
"Excuse me, Officer" the man called the a walking past Krimzon Guard.
"Uh, oh..." I gulped as the guard came over
"What do you want?" the guard said rudely
"This rat has been trying to steal my fruits. I demand you arrest him or take him to some kind of animal pound!" The man told the guard
I smiled and waved at the guard. He just stared back with the plain look of the mask that shielded his face.
"I'll call animal control..." the guard replied a little unsure
"Oh just take him away! Don't worry about people coming here, expecting a Lurker and there is this little orange rat to take" The man growled and shoved me in the guard's hands
"Ow! I'm an Ottsel, not a rat! Do I look like a rat?" I growled
"I don't care if you're a Hip Hog! Just get out of my sight!" The man retorted
The guard backed away and jogged away from the salesman with me tightly in hand. I think he was eager to get away from the bossy salesman as much as I am. I don't blame him.
This day just keeps getting better and better.
"I recognize you" the guard spoke
"Oh goody, lets be buddies shall we?" I murmured in sarcasm
"You're the outlaw's pet" the guard continued
"Oh and I recognize you!' I continued in a mocking sarcasm, "Your one of the Baron's trained muscles heads that bows and carry out every whim that came out of his ass!"
I immediately regretted it when his grip tightened around my torso. I gasped as air was pushed out of my lungs.
"The pound will be happy to take you" the Guard chuckled
"Yeah, they'll be over the moon" I gasped in flat sarcasm
"They may even sell you" the guard laughed
"You having a ball aren't you?" I drawled
"Shut up" the guard ordered
"Hey why do you let go of me instead? It's the least you could do after I save your and this city's ass from the Metal Head Leader!" I managed to growl
"You? Beat the Metal Head Leader? Now that's a joke to share" the guard chuckled relieving his tight grip
"Not me only. Jak did most of the fighting... " I murmured after refilling my lungs
"Whatever" he replied
"It's not 'whatever'! We saved your ass from the Metal Head Leader!" I said slowly and forcefully
"What do you want me to do? Give you a medal?" the guard said sarcastically
"No. Let me go!" I growled
"Do you have an 'off' button?" the guard asked
"What? No!" I exclaimed
"Well you should. You yap too much" the guard told me
"WHAT!" I yelled
"I guess you don't..." the guard sighed
"If you let me go I'll wont bother you any longer!" I tried
"I think I'll put you under arrest instead. For harassing a Krimzon Guard" The guard decided
"Harassing? I didn't even hit you or do anything!" I said defensively
"Fine Verbally Abuse" the guard sighed
I smile passed on my lips, "I guess word would get round that you were 'verbally abused' by a talking rat. That's a laugh"
"Oh would you just shut up?" the guard growled
"Why?" I asked
"Because your annoying!" the guard growled
"That's the whole idea" I chirped
"That's it!" the guard growled
Next thing I knew was sharp pain in the back of my head and stars exploding behind my eyes, then blackness. Maybe I should have annoyed him so much.
Pain, pain, pain. Lots of pain. I managed to open my eyes. Agggrah! Light! Painful bright light. This is worse than a hangover. Where I am? One minute with the guard the next...
I forced my eyes open and adjust to the light. As my eyes were adjusting, the blurriness focusing and the grogginess floating away I realized I was in a cage. As I looked through the bars I saw other cages but they were much larger and held purply-pinkish-maroonish large beasts with yellow eyes and a sad empty, expression. I guessed I was in the pound... like the guard promised.
Well Happy Birthday to me.
I groaned as more pain returned. This is by far the worst day in my life! This is suppose to be a happy day for me but my head hurts, my stomach is eating itself and I'm stuck with a bunch of smelly and depressed Lurkers, with no help from Jak or anyone else because they have no idea where I am.
I'm suppose to get showered in gifts and praises, get lots of birthday kisses and have a drink or two. Is that too much to ask? I didn't even get a lousy 'Happy Birthday' from either Jak or Keira. This day sucks. This just couldn't get worse.
Suddenly I heard a loud creek of a door opening, then closing. After a few loud 'clip clop' footsteps appeared a geeky man.
"So you're the new animal the guards dragged in" the man chuckled in a southern country accent, "Well all animals gotta get vaccinated"
He pulled out a huge honking big needle that the point alone could impale me completely.
"AHHHHHH! This is not fair! It's my Birthday! I'M NOT SUPPOSE TO HAVE BIG NEEDLES!" I shrieked pushing myself away from the entrance as far as possible.
"Awww, Happy Birthday. This wont hurt a bit, it's just a little prick" he coaxed
"'A little prick', my ass!" I snorted
"Of course" the man reached in and grabbed me
He dragged me towards him kicking and screaming. I try anything not to get jabbed with that huge thing. But it seems he jabbed too many Lurkers to find me difficult.
Then pain. Lots of pain in my tender rump! It hurts! Make him stop! He's a psychopath with that large needle!
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH" I screamed
"All done. No more diseases or sicknesses for a long while" He let go of me and pulled away
"Why don't you push harder next time, it didn't hurt enough!" I spat in total sarcasm as I tried to ease the pain
"If you be nice I can give you something sweet" the man wagged his finger
"Like what? A blood test with a needle twice the size?" I snarled
The man ignored that comment and left the cage. I was left nursing my butt. I wont be able to sit ever again! I think this day got worse and will continue to until I'm broken and bloodied. This isn't fair... I want to cry.
Forward to chapter 2Poor Dax. Not a nice morning on his big 1-7. Can he salvage the rest of the day? Read on and see.