The Unknown Gospel: When Jesus met Godzilla
This story is about our hero Jesus. Just an ordinary guy living in an ordinary world (well apart from the whole son of god stuff, but that's besides the point)…(Oh yeah and it was set like 2010 years ago, true story)..(well, I don't think it's a true story)
Happy days.
Chapter 1
It was a dark, cold night. So cold that the very air itself was as blistering as those monkey bars that everyone had in their primary school playground, and if you didn't, you missed out. But that is another story for another time; Jesus was out wandering the streets one night, the night was unusually warm for that time of year, well it was summer so it wasn't, I lied, it was a fairly average night to be honest, and he was out strolling the streets with his friend Mary (not his mother, that would be weird) they paced the streets for hours, just talking, talking about everything from how obvious it is that he cant perform miracles to how obvious it is that Mary was a total whore, oh how they laughed. Then suddenly Jesus turned to Mary and said in a soft tone, almost as soft as Andrex "Mary, I have a confession to make"
Now, before I carry on with this pathetic excuse for a narrarated story, I must point out that Jesus, at this time was only telling people that he is the son of god because of a ten pound bet down the pub that very morning (Yes, he goes to the pub in the morning, he was hardcore) being this completely irrelevant to the storyline in any way, we shall continue!
Mary said in a soft tone "what's that, my dear?" in which Jesus said, in a very unnecessarily high pitched tone "Im wearing a dressing gown". Mary having heard this sprung back in horror, with a look on her face not dissimilar to a dog that is staring into headlights, screamed "Oh my god! Does..does..that mean?" At this time Jesus had a look on his face like he had just shook hands with Taylor Swift "Yes, yes, you are right" At this point, Mary took off into the night flailing her arms way above her head screaming like a cat in an oven. Jesus didn't look to surprised at her reaction, he didn't think she was ready for the truth, but as much as he liked walking around the streets on his own, he thought he would call it for the night as the air was thinning and he has asthma. He wandered home and climbed straight into bed, as he didn't want to be late seeing the professor tomorrow.
Jesus woke up late the next day, as his unusually circular alarm clock failed to wake him up, "Awh Damn" he thought to himself as he pulled himself from his warm bed and into a novelty power ranger outfit. Jesus ran fast today, down to the professor's lab, but it appears his cousin Moses had beaten him there, there were masses of people all cheering his name. it was at this very awkward moment that Jesus noticed that his Power ranger outfit was actually his Pyjamas, oh how people laughed at him, they mocked him, they even threw their crap at him, well only one did.
The professor brought them both into his lab, where there was magazines all over the floor, and a strange smell coming from a cupboard that seemed to be fenced off by two old planks of wood, but we wont go there. He said in a calm and very quiet way "Hold on, wait a minute, put a little love in it." The two cousins were confused scared, and trembling with fear, for the unknowingness of how this minute they have been forced to wait will turn out, it could go for the better, and nothing will happen apart from this awkward silence, or much worse could come up, it was as they were thinking of the much worse, that they heard.." there we go, all zipped up". They were relived, but not as relived as the professor by the looks of it.
Now you'd think that your natural reaction to seeing someone do that would be one of shock horror and disgust, but the two cousins here didn't seem to be phased, just as if it were normal life, or that they were just so used to seeing messed up things, being the result of people that live in my head.
Now the professor looked at the two cousins we have here, and walked out the room, the sort of walk that you would do when you expect the person who is walking to be back in as soon as they can. But this walk was evidentially misleading as the professor never returned, now your probably thinking I should make a whole big thing about why he went away, truth is... your not, you don't give a crap, I don't even care and Im writing this shit, so yeah just forget this character ever existed and stuff, if you even begin to question why he never came back Im going to come out of this screen and lick your face and you will be like all "Ewwww" and then I will laugh, that's right I will laugh, deal with it.
So yeah, that ordeal just left the two cousins sitting there in an awkward silence moment, both of them wondering If they have long enough to start a conversation before he comes back
WHOA WHOA WHOA STOP STOP STOP STOP
il wirte more if i cba.