The Farmer Meets a Swell Guy
By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife.
Based on a scan of "The Farmer and the Fly Boy" in the inducks. Story is from:
Italy: Personaggi Televisivi Duck Tales avventure di paperi - TV Comic Magazine # 5
And on "A whole herd of help" From Disney's (Gladstone) Ducktales # 4
I already know you tried to make Launchpad look like a moron WAY too often, Disney. THAT DOES NOT PROVE THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA!
Still trying to get Disney to publish the Gladstone Ducktales stories in hardback, which ought to easy since they now own Marvel.
Launchpad was flying planes for the Duckburg branch of the forest service. They needed additional pilots because it had been a dry summer, followed by a dry autumn. Winter was around the corner, but no snow was in sight. Fire was all too likely to happen and all too likely to burn out of control.
Launchpad had taken a part-time job working for them because Mr. McDuck was busy with taking over a competitor and wasn't using Launchpad's services quite as much because he, Mr. McDuck, wasn't traveling quite as much.
Launchpad wanted to work in and around Duckburg, since we have four small children. And he still wanted to have excitement and adventure. Working for the Duckburg Forest service filled both bills.
Launchpad was flying above the outskirts of Duckburg, searching for any sign of fire. He had just finished searching his search area when he saw a plume of smoke coming from a small farm just beyond his designated area. Most pilots would either pretend they had not seen it or at best, just call it in and let the pilot whose area it was take care of it. But Launchpad could not give less than 110% if he tried.
Launchpad flew his plane towards the smoke and saw a field of grain burning briskly. The field was beside a highway and some moron had tossed a lit cigarette butt out the window of his car....
Launchpad used dry ice (frozen carbon dioxide) to extinquish the blaze. He flew over the field and used the plane's tanks of dry ice, and sprayed the area. Then he landed in a empty cow pasture. Checking carefully for cow pats, Launchpad walked over to the burnt field and made sure the fire was OUT and not just smoldering.
The farmer who owned the place came out with a shotgun. She was Grandma Duck, Donald Duck's grandmother, but Launchpad didn't know that- yet.
"You there! Why did you land that fool contraption on my land?" Grandma Duck asked.
"It's not a contraction, it's my plane! And didn't you see that fire? Didn't you see me put out the fire? I just landed to make sure the fire is OUT and not just smoldering, like I'm supposed to!" Launchpad explained.
"I saw that. Thank you. I just didn't understand why you landed that plane on my land until you explained it to me. You got good manners, boy- except for one thing. Why are you staring at me for, boy? Ain't you ever seen an old woman before?" Grandma Duck asked.
"I've seen you before- someplace." replied Launchpad, trying to remember where.
"I've never seen you before. I would of remembered a good looking young duck like you! I may be old, but I ain't dead! What's your name, boy? I don't like talking to somebody without knowing who I'm talking to!" Grandma Duck asked.
"Launchpad McQuack, ma'am." Launchpad answered.
"You that crazy pilot my grandson, Donald Duck (1)told me about? The one that works for Scrooge McDuck? My son married his sister, Hortese, you know."(2) Grandma Duck said.
"He's not exactly sane himself! Wait- you're Donald Duck's grandmother? THAT'S where I saw you before! In a photograph! On Mr. McDee's- er- Scrooge McDuck's desk! You're standing next to Donald in the photo! No wonder you looked familiar to me, I've seen that photo a thousand times! I just never seen you in the feathers before!" Launchpad said.
"Seems like I was rude to you with no reason. How's about I fix you lunch to apologize?" Grandma Duck offered.
"I never say no to free food. I'm about due for my lunch break, anyway." Launchpad replied. (3)
After lunch, Launchpad left the farmhouse and saw something very unusual standing next to the barn. An elephant. Launchpad rubbed his eyes and wondered if he'd been slipped a mickey.
"No, you're not going crazy. That's a real elephant. Scrooge McDuck gave it to me after a sultan gave it to him- and after Scrooge McDuck found out how much it eats and after no zoo or circus wanted it." Grandma Duck explained. "I must admit, it's working out OK. That elephant done ten times the work of my horse." Grandma duck said.
"What horse?" Launchpad asked.
Only then did Grandma Duck notice that her horse was gone.
"The elephant's done a lot of the work my horse used to do- faster and better! It's eaten a lot of hay! I think my horse got mad and jealous and ran away from home!" Grandma Duck wailed.
"I'll be flying over the area for the rest of the day. I'll keep my eyes open for your horse as well as fires. And I'll ask the other fire pilots to do likewise. If anybody spots your horse, we'll contact the cops so they can bring him home." Launchpad promised.
So Launchpad took off in his plane and kept an eye out for the horse and for fires, and radioed other pilots and asked them to do likewise.
But soon after, a pair of local crooks I shall refer to as Frik and Frak (names changed for legal reasons)decided to steal the elephant. They figured they could use the elephant to break into sheds and wooden warehouses and rob them. They could hitch the elephant to a cart and have him haul the loot away. Then, they could load the elephant onto a truck and make a clean getaway while the cops were searching for an elephant!
They managed to steal the elephant and get him to a large wooden warehouse full of goods ready for shipping. They tried to get the elephant to smash into the warehouse. But this was a well-trained, well-behaved elephant who didn't want to break anything. He refused. So the crooks started whipping the elephant mercilessly.
Launchpad was flying over the warehouse in his plane when he saw this. Then, he saw the runaway horse not far from the warehouse. Launchpad thought about it and he flew towards the horse, then "herded" it back to the warehouse. The horse saw the crooks whipping the poor elephant. The kind-hearted horse got mad and reared itself up between the crooks and the elephant. This encouraged the elephant to fight back, too.
The elephant drew up a trunkful of water from a muddy puddle (4)and sprayed dirty water right in the crooks' faces!
Launchpad, meanwhile, had radioed the police and told them that somebody had stolen Grandma Duck's elephant (5) and were trying to use it to rob people and were abusing the poor animal, to boot!
Launchpad then flew over the crooks. The crooks headed to the cart and got a cattle prod, oblivious intending to use it on the elephant. Launchpad got mad and sprayed the road right ahead of the crooks with dry ice. The crooks, unprepared for this, slipped and slid and fell on their butts.
"Nice to know I'm not the only clumsy one on the planet!" Launchpad joked.
By the time the crooks had gotten to their feet and stayed there (AFTER they lost their balance and fell back down twice), the cops had shown up and promptly arrested them for grand theft- pacyderm. Normally, the stolen property would be held at police headquarters as evidence to be used against the criminals, but in this case, the cops made an exception and returned the elephant to Grandma Duck.
"Where are WE going to keep an elephant? How could we feed it? And it's not like we don't know where it is." the cop returning it to Grandma Duck explained.
The best thing was: the horse and the elephant had made friends.
"From now on, the elephant will not do any work YOU can do. It was stepping on the some of the plants and crushing them. It plowed so much faster, I didn't notice that at first- but plowing fast is no good if it kills some of the crops!" Grandma Duck promised the horse.
"It will chop wood and water the animals and use it's trunk to feed the chickens, spraying corn near them. You can't do that. It won't plow or weed crops anymore, it's too clumsy for that. It can pull up weeds- and eat them. It likes eating weeds, so it shouldn't eat too much of your hay any more. OK?" Grandma Duck asked.
And the horse knocked some of it hay towards the elephant, to show it was OK with sharing- now that he had helped the elephant and thus proved he was just as good as the elephant was.
The End.
(1) I think that's Grandma Duck's relation to Donald.
(2)I think so, which means she's only related to Mr. McDuck by marriage. Any genealogist who knows the McDuck family tree has my official permission to correct me if I'm wrong.
(3) The guy can eat, Lord knows.
(4) Somehow everybody in the neighborhood had heard about that elephant.
(4) Somebody had washed off the dusty road.
IF Disney treated "Everybody ELSE" the way they treat Launchpad:
(Yeah, I KNOW they don't. That's the point.)
By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife.
Mrs. Beakly is a great housekeeper. Except she makes Amelia Bedelia look bright and her cooking is liable to give you food poisioning. Mr. McDuck just hired her because she works for free.
Duckworth is a great butler. Except he's a clumsy oaf who drops and breaks everything. Mr. McDuck just hired him because he works for food and board.
Ugly Twerp is a great inventor. Except his inventions are forever going wonky and causing all sorts of choas and trouble and problems. (Actually that's TRUE. Disney just treats him like a frigging genius ANYWAY. And they wonder why I'm on strike and refusing to mention UT by his given name. Can you say "unfair"?)